I want your (love).

Yesterday, I went out to celebrate a friend's birthday at Sentosa with a bunch of other friends, all from Secondary school. Pretty normal, until one of them asked me and another guy, "Hey, when will you have a girlfriend?". Of course, I should have known. The other guys there are all attached, and I suddenly have this fear that I will end up having to import a wife. Its scary, really. I found it so hard to answer, but damn, I secretly so jealous of them.

This morning Citizen, the owner of GunZFactor finally came in. He called the possibly-suicidal's internet service provider, who in turn contacted the mother. Despite what some people say about the right to die, I'm not buying into that, especially not for someone who's only lived 17 years. Expecting my ego to fluctuate any time now.

Meanwhile I just finished my first short film and submitted it. Pulled off a decent job despite my team members consisting of an overly quiet guy and a bitch. Back to secondary school days again. Zephyre suggested I go nazi, and I'm glad I did. Nothing against the overweight, but she really did piss me off for all her dated competence and snide remarks. She edited a 30 second video when the target was 90, and took advice from a person who was sleeping throughout class. Just tried to leave her out of the loop and bulldoze through.

Apparently, the director is one of the last few truly dictatorial roles left in modern society. Great.

During all my time idly surfing across the internet, I've come across many stories: real world marriages sparking over craigslist, a guy on 4chan abusing a cat and posting pictures before having the cops called on him; the thief of an Xbox 360 being tracked down and forced to return the console, a virtual mob acquiring 16500 USD through an elaborate scam within the boundaries of an MMO... you see, the thing about many internet events is that it's often not that difficult to participate in the action, to actually be there and have some sort of small influence on the outcome.

Someone on my home forums (Gunzfactor) posted a thread a few days ago announcing his intention to commit suicide. He gave a date, and a short letter he was going to leave. The details in the note checked out when I did some research; I also found that he had weight difficulties and recently got busted for doing drugs. He's 17, and lives in Texas.

I think the reason why so many people in Singapore (from looking at my generation) rarely connect with outsiders is that the outside world has never been properly defined to them. It's always a vague fairytale; when people refer to them it's always in the context of tourism or basic history. Not to mention that too many of us have never had a proper conversation with a "real" foreigner that isn't trying to assimilate into our society. People don't feel real on the net.

According to the rough date and time he's given, the letter will be in his pocket for the last time on Monday morning/early afternoon SGT. It looks likely that he's not joking about being really depressed - what's uncertain is whether he has the will to carry out the final act. He COULD just be high, but yesterday he posted a second time, with the same intentions saying he "just wants out".

Sure, a couple of people on my forums have talked about really depressing things before. Falling in love with cousins, drunk father leaving the family stranded on a highway and driving off, etc. They've considered suicide out loud. But this guy says he's decided. He's given a date.

I noticed the thread on Friday afternoon, and alerted my fellow staff members at Gunzfactor. A debate on the appropriate way to help, and whether to help at all sprung up. It's at times like these when your mind gets forcibly expanded; suicide is nowhere near as black-and-white in the west as it is in Singapore.

We can't violate our privacy policy by giving his IP address away for the cops to trace. We're not even sure who to report this to. There aren't a whole lot of guidelines out there, despite that millions use the internet to vent their frustrations. Worst of all, the site owner hasn't checked in, so we're limited in what we can do.

The thread where the guy announced his suicide are 4 pages full of replies. Half of them ridicule him and egg him on; one of them sent him a nasty private message, then became afraid and asked the moderators to delete it somehow. We couldn't.

Remember what I said in the beginning about easy participation? I'm not just a guy halfway around the world any more. The internet places me seconds between me and him, me and the Texas police. If he dies, and I could have influenced the outcome somehow, I am partially responsible, no matter what our ignorant, backwards Singaporean morality says.

And even then I don't really feel urgency in me. Is it alright if I ignore a dangerously depressed person as long as I don't look him in the eye and don't know him? What do I do, dammit?

District 9 (2009) Review

Standards are getting lower, I guess.

District 9 is another one of those films with a premise so irresistibly provocative that you can't help but instantly generate lofty expectations in your head after you come away from the trailer. Scifi fare that combines fantasy with just enough gritty realism to make it real is my favourite kind of Scifi. Some works deliver with aplomb; Children of Men, Firefly/Serenity, and Karen Traviss's SF novels. Neill Blomkamp comes close.

District 9's plot stays pretty fresh for most of the movie - alien refugees appear in South Africa, the government takes control, and the aliens become the center of discrimination, xenophobia, exploitation, experiments, and lots of death. The themes recall apartheid and stories I heard of Aryan attitudes towards the Jewish. All very morally-provoking stuff - unfortunately it's serious themes fall apart after the second third of the movie, pulling District 9 into a decline that it never bounces back from.

It looks like the filmmakers just went through the motions of creating a group for humanity to bully just so we can feel shameful and then after that say it's a profound experience. Much of the originality I hoped for never showed up; cookie cutter lines and characters galore. Once you ignore the gore (gore is cheap these days) it goes into it's "serious issues" about as far as a half-hour cartoon would go - which makes sense, because the director chose to spend a third of the film on explosions and action scenes.

What Blomkamp has done, boys and girls, is to poke your sympathy with a stick by abusing a bunch of "those poor guys", and before you realize that the themes are about as shallow as a tin of cat food, dazzles you with a massive, gratuitous action sequence and hope that you don't notice. District 9 is half promising/disturbing movie, half pointless explosive wankfest. The only truly good thing about this movie is that it raises awareness about xenophobia and forced resettlement (albeit dumbing them down significantly).

These threads of glass

I feel really angsty.

I thought the past year or so have been a fairly bad year. I felt I de-matured, I felt I’ve grown weaker; in every sense of the word. I can’t run as fast now, I’m not as fit as I was before during my heydays and I’m not as emotionally stable as I was. Right now, more than ever I feel so mediocre.

I can’t take mediocrity. I desire excellence. But I really can’t seem to find the energy to squeeze that out of me. I’m not as driven as I used to be. In fact I feel old, tired, weary and supremely weak. I’m more accepting of defeat now, and more accepting of imperfections in my life. Some say I have mellowed. I just feel like I messed up some big part along the way that messed up the other parts of me.

our december sun is coming

I played truant again today.

Not that I don't enjoy school. School is really fun and stuff. But after a while it just gets really tiring and on somedays I feel the need to run away from 12 hour schedules.

Now that exams are over, it's back to the board. For most of us, it's back to covering the syllabus and we got about 1 to 2 topics left to cover for all subjects before term's out on the last week of November. For others, there's the mugging to do for the level up papers. And for the even smaller minority, there's no need for them in school until next year to start with the retainee's J1 year.

Ahaha. Felt really recharged and refreshed today as I slept in for most of the day with my ipod snuggled in my ears. Listening to all the old songs.

O levels start next week. I miss O levels haha.

Movie reviews

So after TOFU told me about how some people in JC join CCAs aiming directly for a leadership position, then quit and find another CCA if they don't get high up enough into the hierarchy, I began to think about my CCA. It's interesting.

I'm in something of a film club that publishes reviews and organizes movie screenings now and then. It's like my old drama club in that most of the members who have had significant passion for the CCA have all passed out long ago. For starters, I'm going to get publishing a shitload of movie reviews and get a shitload of credit to compete with those weeaboos who organize camps for points.

The school organizes advance screenings of upcoming movies. What I'm going to do is to attend these screenings, which will allow me to put out a review before anyone else. I've already done this with my previous review (first page on Google search!). Next I should be covering Royston Tan's Little Note. Oh yeah.

Besides that I'm going to tackle a list of movies I want to get attention for:
Speak (one of my favourite movies ever, though for personal reasons)
Sita Sings The Blues
Singapore Rebel (if they'll let me, which I doubt they will)
Local productions (will probably avoid mainstream offerings though)
Anime movies (so I can burn them and get over 9000 angry pageviews)
Films about the internet and internet culture
Machinima films


With every review I"ll include linkbacks to the fort - so we might we getting some extra visitors in the future. Don't write illegal stuff or anything, lol.

Well remember all those reports on increasing teenage pregnancies and all those rocketing trends... I wondered before, if I'm not having sex, and so are most of my peers, then who the hell is creating all these babies?

Ah well. Couldn't understand before how big sex was in a life of an eighteen year old. Now probably I do understand it a bit more. So I decided to do a little fishing around the net,

and I found that it was the yalams who were having most of these teenage pregnancy problems. Not really sure how reliable these information are. And given my inactivity with the yalam community its really hard to verify.

Irony of ironies. ahahaha.

sounds kinda like a big joke, but really kids; next time, use the condom because I don't want an overcrowded nation.

Ah this is a big joke. Singapore's social systems is getting really "too-big-at-the-bottom-of-the-pyramid" kinda thing for me.

Glad I'm at the point and I want to stay at the tip thank you very much.

I don't know what to do with my life

I've thought up a lot of big projects before. Intended to do them, too. Thing is, I never do.

I have a large, personal film project. I'm beginning to do some research for it. Set up a development blog that's being updated. Can't shake the feeling that in a month I'm going to drop it entirely and just play RPGs during all my free time.

If I succeed, this movie will completely change my life. Maybe then I'll know what to do with it.

You are always on my mind

Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could have,
Maybe I didn't treat you quite as good as I should have,
If I made you feel second best,
I'm so sorry I was blind...

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times,
And I guess I never told you I'm so happy that you're mine,
Little things I should have said and done,
I just never took the time...

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died,
Baby, give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied,
Because you're always on my mind...

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

So far, things have been a little bit shaky.

And the way things are looking out to be, its looking increasingly bad in my favour.

Most of the time, the same thing happens: life kicks in.

half life

Life would have been very different if I haven't step foot into SAJC.

But the question is would I have been happier or would I have to rely on induced happiness to get me through my day. I definitely will find it a struggle to smile in the next year or so with exams looming and coming quickly.

So many options that I've picked in life have so far brought about much to self debate on.

Considering most people say they go through their mid life crisis at late thirties and in their forties, I'm currently probably going through a quarter life crisis.

So many things I've been doing has all been much about trying to induce myself with happiness after tough times I've been (still going) through... After a while, it gets hard and it gets tiring.

Last night I counted sheep trying to get to bed with some big number to remember and smile myself to sleep. But obviously that didn't quite worked out right.

My december sun is setting

Women are from Venus. Men are from Mars

A lot of things are going to change.

I mean it.

Review - Darah (2009)

Type: Feature film
Genre: Horror, slasher
Release date: Oct 8

Perhaps I shouldn't be in an utterly apathetic mood when writing a review, but after over nine thousand years of dawdling on what to say about Darah, I decided that there's not a whole lot, really.

I attended a special advance director's cut screening at Ngee Ann's movie theatre about two weeks before it was due to open in Singaporean cinemas. Darah is an Indonesian and Singaporean co-production, as well as the first film produced by Gorylah Pictures, a new production company.

The producer Gary Goh was there to talk about the making of the film. A lot of it was about budget and marketing and the nitty-gritty behind-the-scenes stuff that only manly filmmakers like myself would be interested in, but he did mention that Darah is essentially a feature-length remake of a short film that the producers spotted. The movie was completed in a fairly short time, and meant to put the production company on the map and grab some numbers. Therefore, don't expect anything revolutionary about this film.

I overheard the overall plot summary before the show even began: A bunch of friends finds a young girl stranded on the road. They send her home, but she persuades them to stay for dinner. Not long after, the house's inhabitants break out the chainsaw, led by a creepy woman(Darah). Bloodfest ensues.

The original short film that this movie was adapted from had an evil woman juggling several visitors around her house while she tried to kill them all without the rest noticing. Apparently this made for some interesting pacing and comedy. In Darah, they threw out the comedy, but kept the tension of simultaneous situations occuring all over the house. We even venture outside of the house a few times, and the plot pulls off just enough little twists to keep you attentive even after the blood starts splashing.

hai i likes red meet

The titular Darah is quite striking and eerie at the same time, despite the actress having her background in comedy(yep). She, along with the rest of her creepy chainsaw children are tanks. I can't quite say they're very badass, but they're definitely tanks. Every time the poor group of friends enter a fight with one of the bad guys, it's like watching a bunch of little people scurrying around throwing rocks at a tank while it leisurely drives around and shoots pain at them. Other than for Darah though, the acting doesn't stand out, and neither does the characterization or the script.

Like I said, nothing very new. I was told the movie has strong female characters, but I'm not the sort to be particularly impressed by feminism in art. The action-y bits are okay, plenty to go around and many different weapons of pain, including a crossbow and a sword (not together in the same scene though). Also, the little leaps of logic may or may not bother you; there is a scene where a policeman fires multiple shots at a target that's moving directly towards him and somehow manages to miss all of them.

I guess it's an alright film, but there are better things to watch. Only see if you're interested in what Indonesia/Singapore has to offer, or if you just need something to pass the time with some friends.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my promotional exams. I've been MIA from this place or the net for that matter.

Not feeling particularly good about it. Just want to finish this damn pain in the ass. And after all my papers next tuesday, first thing I'd do is head to a cinema to watch a romance drama/comedy alone.

lights out kid.

Letter from the Past

Last emo post on Pfort. After this everything I post on the fort will be something I will try to be proud of.

For storytelling class once I had to write a "Letter to the Past". Something that we had wanted to tell someone really badly at some point of our lives. Probably supposed to smooth the connection between a writer's emotions and his words.

I wrote a letter to Geia, as completely honest as I could possibly make it. I left it on my module's wordpress account, not caring how many marks I got for that assignment. I actually felt better after getting it out. Then today, I found out that Geia discovered the letter and that she has written a letter back.

I didn't read the rest of her letter. Not that I couldn't. I could have.

You know what I do most weekend sun-ups? I sleep in as much as I can. It's not just because of the lost sleep during morning school. Know why I'm so blur even when I'm awake? I'm taking every single opportunity I have to zone out from reality.

But when I was trying to play TF2 today, I couldn't get away from that sick, SICK feeling in my stomach. I even had some really nice kills but I was all burned up inside, full of dead worms. I really wish I was religious right now. I would repent and believe that I've been forgiven and maybe half of this will go away but I know now that I'm going to have to live with this all my life and that one day I will have to look at what Geia wrote me.

Events in the Endoscope

My semester just ended. I don't want to spend seven weeks doing nothing but playing TF2 and Civilization IV, so today I went to school alone and picked up some leaflets. One thing I like about my school's media division is that they spam all these festivals and events at you through email and on the bulletin boards.

22 and 23 August - Screening of Singaporean short films
Bunch of filmmakers and films I've never heard of before, but admission is free. I'm going to the National Museum for tickets tomorrow and see how our arts scene is doing.

25 and 29 August - Japanese film festival. Brochure capitalizes a lot of names, but no Kurosawa. Some of the films shown will be free, and others are worth 10 bucks, but the paid-admission ones are all R21 so we can forget those. Only two films I can legally see, both horror. Yay?

28 and 29 August there are free film screenings too, but they are both old Hollywood musicals and those are like ham sandwiches so I'm gonna skip those. The big gimmick is the open air cinema.

4 September - Talk on casting the right actors in school

25 and 26 September - free screenings of Little Shop of Horrors and Beetlejuice.


There is a class chalet organized, but I've been conspicuously left out of the loop.

I'm also thinking about seeing District 9 and going back to swimming. Anyone interested in any of the above, give me a shout.

09/08/09

Yea. It is that time of the Year again. Or was, since it is now the 10th of August. National Day, a time of near communist/socialist festivities, where the nation gets together to celebrate our 44th year of Independence this year, or Inter-dependence if you really think about it.
To me, this year's National Day Parade (NDP) is exceptionally special. Besides the stronger emphasis on the National Pledge this year, written by the late S. Rajaratnam (25 February 1915 – 22 February 2006), I also like how the planned the Parade, such as having the Ministers walking in past the audience, instead of having them always entering on a red carpet from their little enclosure, as well as having the MM, SM and PM come in. They deserve some spotlight, yea? Of course, this year's NDP also saw quite a departure from previous years', making it probably the best so far, and possibly the most "modern" too.
Truth be told, I can tell you so much about the Parade because I'm catching the encore telecast now. I spent yesterday with my family and grandmother at East Coast Park, cycling all the way to the Park Connector connecting ECP to Changi Beach and back, and then having my grandmother recount how my late grandfather and her used to come to ECP and how then the horizon was clear of all those ships and stuff, and how my grandfather would walk all the way to Bedok Jetty, and my grandmother became very worried because she couldn't see him. Of course, I admit I missed the Pledge moment, but I was eating, and it would be so darned awkward to be the only one doing it in a restaurant, right?
Well, to make up for my missing the Pledge moment yesterday, here goes:

We, the citizens of Singapore
pledge ourselves as one united people,
regardless of race, language or religion,
to build a democratic society,
based on justice and equality,
so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and
progress for our nation.

Yes, it really is that time of the year, whereby I truly feel most proud to be a Singaporean

Back

Hello guys, I'm back.

Life's been one heck of a roller coaster ride lately.
School's really fun but really mentally draining.
Home's been quite a bad place too these past few months.
And a lot of other things have also been taking it's toll on me.
说出来谁明白？

Now the only thing I really enjoy is training. Where I can just leave behind all my shit problems on land and just jump in and let the water, cool and clensing wash away all those dirty tainted spots in my life.

Life's an ass.

And I'm also at a crossroad of making perhaps one of the bigger decisions in my life. And it concerns someone special.

So basically, life's a bitch with lots of problems.

Busy but not dead

Not in denial either! Heh heh.

By all accounts, me and Giant and TOFU are struggling with schoolwork, and settling down with varying degrees of success. Though I haven't heard so much from Panzer and Lime I assume they're more or less the same. Though there's been plenty of time to do so, I haven't been finishing any posts for the fort lately - though I frequently have urges. One reason is that I know every post will take ages (perfectionism can suck as a character trait). The other is the oft-used excuse - too busy.

I'm trying to commit myself to four separate sites on a regular basis:
Pebble Fort
Npone
GZF
SGNewWave. My second CCA is devoted to movies and films. They have forums and a main site, which publishes reviews and articles, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to get some recognition through some miracle.


If I could use one word to describe where I am right now, it would be "peaking" (or maybe "melancholic laziness" but that'd be cheating). I missed NS reg, missed this year's 24h playwriting comp, struggling to keep by grades at a B, and generally have a shitload of things to do but can't.

Enough excuses. Over the next few weeks I'll be polishing movie reviews, both new and old, to post on both SGNewWave and PFort. If I can make my load of undone crap smaller you'll see some original articles from me.

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (2006 - current) Review

Everyone's been busy lately. Here's some filler. I debated between putting this on PFort or Npone, but PFort should attract hipper visitors. So.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I think I try to break out of my comfort zones of viewing material... so in another bid to convince myself, I decided last night to not watch Carrier (which I'm halfway through) and seize some hopefully worthwhile anime.

I gotta admit my list of anime isn't much. The recent ones were Shakugan no Shana and Elfen Lied, which was terribly disappointing and terribly shit respectively. I do my best not to be biased against genres, but the truth is that anime does have specific characteristics that define and guide it, and those characteristics make anime like the Danger Zone to me. You have the fan following, showering abject praise upon their chosen worship, baiting you into the series only to ambush you from behind with a bucket of FAIL and retarded excuses for why the show is so RETARDED and formulaic 90% of the time.

The other thing is just what I've said: formulaic. Since anime and its associated conventions still sell, a lot of animes just copy off their predecessors and use the same techniques, the same cock teases, same boob fanservice, same stock characters, same general plot lines, and sometimes like in Shakugan no Shana, when the creators actually hit something interesting/original/awesomely profound, they go NOWHERE with it and fill it up with all that stock nonsense to reel in the safe, usual, ferociously dedicated enthusiasts.

Pictured: God.

And this is where the anime-bashing ends (for today) because I liked The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Being popular, they raised alarm bells in my head. Also the fact that they broadcast episodes out of chronological order, even separating two-part stories, sounded like a gimmick that would crash and burn. In the end I liked it for being able to keep me off-balance, staying in with the show's tune of "weird stuff happens, lol". And they still manage to give the show some sort of conclusion.

The story's there. It's about a bunch of exceedingly out-of-this-world high school students who are all supernaturally special in their own way, except for the narrator. Many character archetypes are used here though surprisingly things are continually kept interesting by little twists and turns here and there, and praise also goes to the pacing of the unhurried exposition of the SciFi/Fantasy lore(which you don't have to be a fan to jump in and "get"). They weave all these bits of interesting stuff in alongside all these mundane real world events. A commonly quoted example is the fate of the world teetering over the outcome of a baseball match - and yes, they pull it off.

Romance is handled pretty well, which surprised me (fanservice isn't dovetailed into romance, thank god). The action/fight scenes are good too; but most episodes focus on the school-based crazy capers of the group of friends and how they try to get Haruhi to be entertained so she won't destroy the world. It's executed better than it sounds, honest.

Speaking of fanservice, Melancholy definitely has it's bits, but a fair amount of these sequences are either just humourous or interesting enough so for the most part it isn't an issue. I get the feeling they are partially parodying anime and general storytelling conventions, and the nice thing is that they go just far enough with it to amuse, but don't abuse it too much.

Characterization is balanced. The lead is Haruhi, hyperactive, slightly sociopathic, ambitious, and loud. She also shows an underlying despair with being normal, though this and other character traits of not just her but other characters are hinted at subtly enough to keep things interesting. I do however have frustrations for Koizumi and Kyon's mostly one-sided personalities - they stay too passive sometimes and rub off on the viewer with lackluster results. Otherwise, Kyon, as the normal, uninterested guy, is a fitting and entertaining counterpoint to Haruhi's explosive madness.

Animation is beautiful. The art division for Haruhi's world definitely had a vision when they went and drew life into the script. Certain sequences, like Haruhi's monologue about her past, echo with feeling. Plenty of scenery porn too; plenty of very pretty shots of the landscape. The only real downer in this department was the gay CG at times - low-quality and at odds with the anime background.

Overall, this feels more like a genuine work of art and less a cash cow or entertainment cow. A nice arty example is the episode "Someday in the Rain", melancholic slice-of-life. Regardless of wacky subject matter, there are cerebral things to reflect on, and keeps you fairly well entertained to boot (an average of a couple of laughs per episode). It does fall a bit short at some bits, when you wish a line of thought had gone just a bit further, but in the end, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is well balanced, well played, well done. Not particularly deep but worthwhile. yeahhh!!

I come from an older breed of anime. I remember when anime series did not have to be marketable. I remember when anime series could develop characters I could relate to even though I could not change into some black pig when splashed with cold water. I remember when anime could bring up philosophical topics like reality and identity amid the worldwide plague known as the Internet. I remember when anime did not have to be cute and could feature a guy who turned into a gelatinous blob that inadvertently crushed his girlfriend into red goo...

- KValentine

cross the Cross; or x the +

On the morning bus to school, roughly halfway through my journey this lady boarded the bus, dressed in very chic clothing, nice round face, all in all rather attractive. Attractive, that is, till she pulled out a book titled "Leading Kids to Jesus". That's right. Leading Kids to Jesus. Whatever happened to teaching kids about Jesus? Lead them to him, like how you lead a dog for a walk to the park, or how you lead cows and pigs to the slaughterhouse. Pisses me off.
I shall make this very clear, I do not hate Christianity, I have countless friends who are Christians or Catholics, and I did in fact believe in Christ when I was young. What I dislike, almost to the point of hate, is how other Christians go about spreading their faith. Especially them Evangelists, who are totally doing it wrong.
Yesterday, as I was flipping through The New Paper, 2 particular pieces of news came to my attention.
The first, is regarding the practice of members of a church that hang around outside school gates and harass random students for their handphone numbers and repeatedly pester them to attend cell group meetings in their church, as well as handing out bibles for days!
This is not the first time it has happened, but this, I believe, is the first time such a story ever got published. Why do these adults continue to pester students obviously uninterested in their religion. What do they gain? Well, from their religious point of view, they believe they are doing a service by introducing them to Christ, as well as effecting eternal salvation. Bravo. How selfish.
The second, is concerning this this 17 year-old who managed to escape from a shelter home. Whats so strange about that? Well, the conditions he was made to live in was no better than prison, trust me. Read the article and you will sympathize with him too.
But what really got me motivated to write about this is not just because the pastor got angry at the boy's mother for lodging a report to the police, no! Its because, they REQUIRE the people who take stay in the shelter to stay for two bloody years! And in addition to that, they are required to attend Bible studies and pray when they are "interned" in the shelter. Please note that they are actually paying to stay in the shelter. Its like paying to stay in prison, with daily brainwashing sessions made compulsory!
Now, you might say this might simply be isolated incidents. But no, I can assure you, such abuse of the Christian faith has been going on for ages. And just to drive home a point, when I was young, I was put into daycare centres run by Christians, and guess what, we were made to say grace, sing Christian songs, and were even given a damned bible!
So excuse me for having a natural bias against Christianity, but for all the damage it has done, I think some major restructuring has to be done, or at least learn from a nicer and much gentler faith, like Buddhism. Of course, I'm not saying Buddhism is the best, or that it is good, but thats for another post for another time.

I'm an arrogant elitist

Even my lecturer agreed. Out loud. I actually wrote a little reflection (compulsory) and I made it all about how pissed I was with how we were still walking through the basics that every writer should know (like where to get inspiration from and all that). I think I was subconsciously trying to bait her into saying it. I'm not just elitist, I'm also a troll looking for trouble.

Current homework assignments include:
A review on Vertigo
14 high-quality pictures of "Nature & Man-made" for film photography
Having to get a professional or famous interwiewee, a tolerable host, and direct an episode of a talkshow with them in it. In a million-dollar studio.
I also have to write a letter to someone I've severed ties with and say all the things I want to say. I was going to write at first to Mikana, apologize for the voyeurism, explain the desperation. But two weeks ago Geia tried to talk to me again (Mikana hasn't). Doesn't seem to have changed, and I'm afraid I might be partially guilty for that.

One of the lines I rehearsed in my head for the scholarship interview involved a promise to become one of the top students, if not THE student for my course by graduation time.

Eng-gripe

You know, I realized at the end of O Levels last year that all my English I picked up over the last 10+ years are going to have to take a step back. Well, i take that back. Its not that I'm too used to having a lingual supremacy or advantage over my peers. The current issue is that I completely cannot seem to grasp what my classmates are speaking or typing sometimes. ABSOLUTELY UNABLE TO CATCH THEIR MEANING! And before the arrows are returned to me, I can assure you, its not my language skills, sure they are rusty but they are still good, no its the simple fact that they are unable to read and repeat or speak complex words, and when they type, its chock-full of errors and warrants immediate editing from yours truly.
Well, I guess that is what to be expected from being in such a "De-Anglicized" majority demographic.

turning the page

hi guys. pebblefort won't include TOFU for the next few months or so. I gotta move. maybe someday i'll come back.

events that have unfolded around me are causing me to rethink a lot about what is going to happen.

one day i'll return again. cya guys.

Testing

Neat feature..

Sent from my Nokia phone

An interesting dialogue

Well, I just had a very very interesting and enriching dialogue session with Senior Parliamentary Secretary of the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports & Ministry of Transport (MCYS), Mr Teo Ser Luck. About thirty Student Councillors were called up and tasked with engaging Mr Teo in a dialogue in which we were expected to raise questions, issues and our concerns on the topics under his jurisdiction, mainly sports, family and transport.

However, the dialogue session turned into discussion where Mr Teo provided his personal experiences on sports, his life before being in the parliament, his take on family issues and other anecdotes. A dialogue that started off with sportsmanship within Junior Colleges ended off with Mr Teo having a genuine experience-sharing about how he met his wife and their courtship of ten years. Truly, he is a renaissance man, having completed four Ironman triathlons, having been a very very successful business man and now being an office holder.

But perhaps my greatest take-away from the session was how we have a very capable, honest and very down-to-earth man in a governmental position. Kinda makes me secure, knowing that he's there guiding the youth in Singapore. But what made him open up so much to us? Aren't we just mere students from a neighborhood JC? Doesn't he come from Victoria School and Nanyang Junior College, way better schools than mine? What was it? I wonder.

-

I hate hypocrites and the superficial people who sometimes swarm themselves around me.

its starting to get really obvious and its eating the shit out of me.

yes, i slapped the hell out of you. but i thought to myself first if i was being hypocritical or not. and i realised i was not.

thus, your PMS ended this entire long journey.

unAWARE

wtf. can you believe it...

the aware saga got an article in the economist. The world's leading international newspaper has an article about the aware saga.

why was aware established in the first place. we don't need pushing for women rights in singapore.

aware is just furthur prove women cannot play politics.

disgusting

When will I finally have a free Friday?

The club has been invited to a talk hosted by the School of IS to participate as attendees. It is part of year 3 students' World Issues from a Singapore Perspective (WISP) module, The topic is regarding "heroes" of the SAF, and will be an excellent way to learn about Singapore's military forces. Feel free to ask your insightful questions at the Q&A session!

Scholarship interview went okay. If I don't get this then I'll get it next year. Meanwhile, does anyone have any questions for the SAF they want me to pass on?

Interview #2

I've been shortlisted for a scholarship interview on Friday. This time I've got some O Level results to back it up (hopefully they won't read too much into that B3 for Lit). The bad news is that I've been looking in my house for my portfolio since last month.

I'll probably have to print out all my work again tomorrow night. Terminal Velocity, Toilet Horror, Freefall, a bunch of GunZ compilations, Quid Novi, a couple short stories and unfinished concept scripts, not to mention the completed ones I entered into the playwriting competitions. I have the soft copies of two testimonials as well, but I need signatures.

Haven't spoken to JJ in a (long) while. Truth is, I forgot about her after graduation and I think some of that filtered through. I'll have to ask Ms Z if I can meet her for lunch on Friday. Now I really can't avoid it anymore.

Socially I'm surviving in poly. I'll have to wait for projects and stuff to get difficult, before suddenly everyone will want to be my friend.

But hey. Screw surviving, I wanna soar.

So I took a quiz on facebook that says I'm a perfectionist kind of person. Quite true... And with taking all those moral ed lessons in school telling me I'm a very dominant and arrogant character, the same message is beginning to hit home.

Sure, I'm an arrogant guy and I'm a perfectionist when it comes to doing what I think I should be doing. Normally I would brush this off and in fact smile quietly under the facade that somehow, some people in this world understands. Yes, being a perfectionist also makes me rather elite in a sense.

Most of my life's ethos quotes are all to deal with Perfection.

I've been really inspired by Modern School's motto "Perfection cannot be acheived by the weak." and John Wooden's strive for perfection quotes. In fact, I live fueled by the drive to be perfect. None of us are perfect, but its the desire to outdo and the endeavour for perfection that creates new beings and pushes new boundries in us.

It all made perfect sense...

Until I got into a brush with a friend over being too perfectionist. This has nothing to do with the previous pfort discussion on elitism (not the dangerously elitism discussion). It was a quite scuffle with one of my close personal friends who disagreed about what I was striving for in life. Pushing myself to excel in everything wordly. Giant once said, I'm a go-getter. I totally agree. But to what extent am I going to push so hard for excellence and forget about what I stepped on for my great endeavour. 

Even in school, I'm beginning to make a name among the people around me for being arrogant, elite, a perfectionist and someone who wouldn't tolerate nonesense from others. I was never this serious about this in secondary school and I guess being in junior college has changed this in me. 

Its time to stop moving so fast and slow down to rethink. Nothing is wrong with being a perfectionist, but if it strains so much then it obviously means something is wrong.

Rethinking and retracing. But this obviously does not mean I'm not a perfectionist now. And I still despise stupid people and nonesense...

Opportunity

Only when the school year starts do I see all the opportunities that are out there. So many competitions and seminars and crap I can go for. I guess it's kind of gay then, that I only have one CCA: the Current Affairs Club. They also had a Drama Club, but both the CAC and the Drama Club meetings clash. Moreover, their representative at the CCA fair told me that they were going to make their members take plenty of compulsory multidisciplinary modules. I'm done with not having a choice in how I spend my time. I choose CAC. It's high time I come out of my shell.

My course is only just starting on the basics. My schedule pretty good at first glance - besides my class, I heard only business school students have Fridays empty.

But look at this email I just got:

Dear Members

Mr Gan Kim Yong, Acting Minister, Ministry of Manpower, will be at school to hold a dialogue session with our students as part of a module.

We wish to invite 10 members from the Current Affairs Club for this session. This is a rare opportunity, it's not everyday that you get a chance to engage a
Minister in an exchange.

The topic is Global Economic Crisis & Economic Issues. When I saw this in my mail, the first thing I did was to check my timetable - I had class on the big day. I considered emailing my lecturer if I could miss his class that day. Or if I shouldn't email him, and miss his class anyway.

In the end I did neither. The truth is I wouldn't know what to ask the Minister of Manpower, and more embarassingly, am a little uncertain about how I might behave in his presence. During the first CAC introduction meeting one of the seniors said he read opposition publications and went to opposition rallies - so there is at least one person with something to say.

You read the email - only ten members. If I muscle in it's not fair to the people who have something to ask.

the Daily Buss

Its Wednesday of week 2, and what the long weekend is almost here, especially since my thursday is undeniably the slackest day of the week. Life is good in NP, if it wasn't for the daily bus rides. Packed like sardines be it early in the morning, at 11, or in the afternoon and evenings.
I have already taken most of the bus services I have access to in one way or another to and from NP. 52, 61, 67, 75, 184, 985. Yep, this morning I took 67 and had a nice walk up the hill to NP's back gate. By my watch, this way is the fastest and also the healthiest way to get to NP. Because even if I were to change from 67 to 184 mid-way, it would still be another 15more minutes as compared to the pure 67 line. Besides, I hate having to squeeze. Its unbearable, and another obstacle when you wish to alight.
Anyway, since I commute so damned early in the morning, I still feel sleepy all the time on the bus. So i used a few days to conduct a few tests on myself.
1. Bathe with shockingly cold water. I'm told this will keep you awake. Very wrong. Once on the bus, it gets so cold you feel like hibernating. Also, it make you feel very comfortable.
Conculsion: FAIL.
2. Buy a cup of coffee (hot!) and bring it with you on the bus to drink when you feel the urge to doze off. First of all, I finished my cup 15 minutes into the bus ride. Secondly, between the bumpy journey and the swaying of your body, beware of coffee spillage.
Conclusion: Near fail. I felt energized for the 15 minutes. But the hot beverage just made it easier to sleep after that.
3. STAND! Taking bus service 52 from Jurong Int at 7.15am ensures little to no other passengers boarding with you. As a result, I get to choose my seat. And I figure thats where it goes wrong. If I were to take any other bus, I would be forced to stand. And surprise, surprise. No fatigue to be experienced.
Conclusion: PASS! Also makes it more convenient when you wanna alight.

Now thats just for the morning. Going home is the worst. Imagine havign walked at least a thousand steps, carrying a heavy bag and laptop, and having to squeeze with students from ACS, Hwachong, SAJC, and other NP students. Terrible. And then, as the bus makes its way towards CCK, students from Primary and Secondary Schools (yea TOFU, i know... NSKs...) board it too. So the squeeze is always there.
Which brigns me to this. Yesterday, being fed up with waiting for 67, i took 985. And then a SAJB superior (not a student, some relative bigshot I think), boarded, and he being fat, still chose to stand at the exit, and play PSP. I don't know how many people had to shout excuse me into his left ear (his right ear was plugged with an earpiece) and then wait for him to slay his enemies before he moved.
I get it now. The more I experience society, the more I witness such stuff. Now I fully empathize with you TOFU. Retards...

Wind in my face, Sun on my back

Wind in my face, Sun on my back. Never have I truly appreciated the beauty of this phrase. After spending almost an hour on a bus, I stepped out onto a broad walkway in Singapore's typical weather, hot and humid. But this time round, it felt wonderful.
Its been such a long time since I totally threw myself to a place where I had never been to before, or done research to memorize the locality. Stepping of the bus, I glanced up to look for any directions. But heck, I decided to simply walk. And walk I did. Under the hot afternoon sun, the wind was a nice comfort, cooling my face, while my back still felt the sun's strong presence.
Now I truly understand what Tofu advocates, Freestyle Living. Perhaps it is also time for me to try it. For too long, I have been overly cautious, planing my every move, my every outing with care and detail. What a fool I was.

Npone

Last Sunday morning Miss Z messaged me and I think she apologized. She invited me back. I was really tempted to go back for Speech Day today, but it felt wrong. I'm afraid that the past will slow me down. Ms Z also mentioned that the Drama Club got a Gold for SYF, which pretty much demolishes my statement that the Club's "glory days are over".

Or does it? Does it make any difference? What about how the Club is carried 90% by hired instructors and staff? It's a totalitarian administration. They make you try out all sorts of things, force you to participate in all their activities. But surely I'm past that. I hate that method of doing things now. I feel like I'm being ushered around like a kid when I want my choices and my opinions to be treated with respect given to that of any other person of any age.

There's also a drama club in my school. They spoke of the varied, compulsory workshops they offered as if they were selling points. No thanks. 

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The truth is, I like attention. I like having strangers know about my life and comment. It's a product of my social failures, but it's the truth nonetheless. I began thinking seriously about setting up a second blog. I like the internet as an outlet, because you can get insights that aren't limited by your social circle - that's one cool thing about the internet, you can have really intimate conversations with strangers about the largest and littlelest things.

Also, you can pass judgement on people you know with less backlash from the subjects toward yourself personally; if I offend someone my online pseudonym takes the responsibility, to put it crudely. I have a bit more freedom of speech; though there is still that danger, and that is why I can't do this on Pebblefort; I want to make known my place of study and what I think of what goes on in my polytechnic. I won't do that here.

So far the plan is to write sincerely and to a luxurious length. No more worrying about overshadowing the rest of you. I dunno what I should do for advertising so far. Perhaps it's time to involve myself in the local internet communities (Polytalks and STOMP come to mind) to get readers. I dunno. I haven't really started it yet.

But yeah. New blog. Basing it around honesty and my life's events.

If I go back to my secondary school now, it'll feel wrong. Nobody will be there.

School, or at least what I think it was.

I prolly had this post done days back, but never had the motivation to post. (Read: lazy) But since Giant did so, I guess I would follow suit. (Thanks Giant)

My time so far has been pretty good, though it sometimes feels claustrophobic in campus. My modules this semester seems pretty easy, Biostatistics(math), Non-organic Chemistry (standard chem), Biomolecules (Organic chem and genetics), Anatomy (I'll ace it) Biophysics (Physics in the context of the human body. eg.ear, eye. OHLAWD) Basically,what Garri told me, is that its triple science in sec 4. True. Another interesting module was Critical thinking, which is really like GP. Our lecturer was apparently theater trained (stereotypical). In our last lecture, we had to formulate arguments in pairs, in which one had to win and explain why. It was fun. Practicals are awesome too, because in this, you actually have to make sure you don't kill yourself.(theres a poster on AIDS and Hepatitis precautions OMGWTFBBQ and Biohazard stickers pasted on virtually everything.(Read:Zombie Infection))

My class is really a large mix of different characters, sec 5 grads, JC dropouts, SAP school grads, nsk single pointers..good people, though the last thing I would have anticipated, well actually anticipated but never really thought it would be true was the amount of nerdy people in my class, most of them girls so..ouch. though this is compensated by the number of idiots in the buddy class.. again,most of them girls.(double ouch).

Though poly life has been treating me well, great lecturers, great OG (lol those guys are awesome), nice class, the only thing is really getting used to the environment and find ways to be active because frankly...its hard. I finally can see why so many people just don't give a fuck. I mean, my school e-mail is flooded daily with notices about Humanitarian trips, Student exchanges, volunteering( for YOG and other such events), talks, fairs, union and as a Freshman, without the connections, I don't think I'll bother. Just today a classmate retaking a module (module mate?) was asking me if I had a band for a charity gig. Well, I don't have a band so the obvious answer was nah.

But I guess one avenue for cca points is already covered..a cca. Golf LOLOLOL unless I ever want multiple ccas, which I will probably regret doing next year.

Anyway its the first week and I have 2 tutorials pending(not compulsory but hey! I'm hardworking) a 150 word thingy on freedom:right or privilege? Which I asume is a diagnostic thingy which I'll probably enjoy doing but will find difficulty actually penning down and a project. (ooh nanobiotech)

-Panzerz

A Boring Look At My First Week Of Poly Featuring This Really Very Long Title

Time flies. My first week of Poly is nearly over. Timetable is manageable, especially on Thursdays and Fridays where its very light. Modules and all appear to be rather straightforward, par the new chunk of terms I will now need to commit to memory. Another comfort is that for my Applied Statistics, which is mostly math, more formulas and more terminology, I seem to be able to do all them tutorials and assignments without any problems. Which also makes me the first person people turn to for help. Rather frustrating. Areef, how I miss your presence in math-related classes.
On seperate notes, I'm still considering my options for CCA. Nothing really struck me when I went to the CCA Fiesta. What a waste. But I want to get as many CCA points as I can after my 3 years, and also because I so desperately want to qualify for a scholarship. So, the search goes on. Currently, I'm considering Current Affairs Club and a couple more. I've seen their notices, which are simple pieces of A4 size paper with a question related to some recent piece of news and then the Club's details.
What appeals to me most, is the opportunity to challenge my brain beyond my modules. What makes this crucially important is because I have chosen to distance myself from the majority of my class who like to do everything together, which sadly involves lunch, making the benefit of being a large group nonexistent. So anyway, I've gathered quite a little following of people who also dislike such a big and rowdy group (I think they view me as Chief Loner). And then, among them all, is this girl who is like 4 years older than me, and went through the ITE route to get here. Her learning pace is really slow. Really, just through ASTATS, she kept on wondering what the teacher meant, and I have to explain again and again. I hope she got it, because I'm stuck with her in all my group projects for all modules, and because she is so clingy, she followed me into Yoga for S&W. Jeez... She keeps reading the location for the next class wrongly. WTP!
But before my esteemed comrades return me the arrow I fired onto one of them regarding Elitism, let me make my balanced viewpoint now. There are certain good things about having her. Firstly, her handwriting is good, and she practically copies everything from the whiteboard, and also, she keeps track of what assignments or tasks are due and by when, so I feel slightly more relieved having her to remind me. But then, I will not be complacent and end up relying on her. they will only have to end up relying more of ME than I to THEM.

Anyway, I closed my personal blog, so such lengthy posts with me exposing my raw emotions/thoughts are going to be common, provided I do post.

Bowling For Columbine (2002)

This review assumes you have watched the movie already.

Bowling for Columbine is my first review on a nonfiction film. During my very first class in the semester (but not in the polytechnic) we watched one of Michael Moore's biggest hits, Bowling for Columbine. Out of curiosity I had read the disturbingly violent plays that the Virginia Tech gunman had written, and participated in a few online discussions regarding whether video games were to blame for youth violence, but other than that? I was clean.

Sometimes a clean, ignorant perspective is good. Like how naive young children and teenagers can occasionally point out and take notice of things that adults miss over and over again. Whenever I'm diving into a new film, sometimes I like to read ahead and check out the scores on Rotten Tomatoes to know whether or not a good time is coming up, or a scoop of ice cream and some porn is in order. Sometimes I don't; sometimes I'm afraid preconceptions will mar how I enjoy the film.

With Columbine my brand new laptop was right beside me and I couldn't resist. 96% on the Tomatometer if I remember right. I was careful not to assume 96% meant a good film - it meant a film rated well by most critics and filmgoers. Which said nothing really, of how right (if there is a right) Moore's message would be.

The message in Columbine doesn't come through clearly at first; Moore meanders aside and interviews vaguely connected people. The common theme running through all of these ultimately boil down to how the US has scared itself into relaxing gun laws so it can buy more guns to assuage their fears of something that has been blown up by the media. The scared public demand guns, the guns are given freely, and when the wrong people get them, people throw the blame around and find a new host of things to be afraid of. Bottom line: things need to change.

Keep in mind: just because the film soars, doesn't mean it is right. Moore is indeed very skilful at evoking emotional response from the audience. He uses satire to get your attention then moves it down the lane of uncomfortable truths. At one point Moore is rebutting the assertions that the US keeps its weapons for self-defense only by playing a montage of American aggressiveness throughout history. It was a little humourous at first, I must admit. The final scene displays Osama bin Laden using his CIA training to bring down the World Trade Centre towers amid horrified yells from the public. At that moment someone in class stifled what sounded like a laugh. I looked at her in horror and wondered what the hell she was laughing at. I remained on edge until class ended.

But I didn't get angry at Moore. Moore comes across as sincere, because he gets out on screen to fight for his beliefs numerous times. One of my coursemates noticed that Moore tended to cut a lot and take things out of context. I can assure you that he does tailor and cut and move around scenes to make them powerful; one such example is interspersing the speech of a father who had lost his son to the Columbine killers with a speech defending the right to use guns. So he can look sincere, and look right, but does what he say really have it?

I can't answer that question, and after the film I knew that to find a truly satisfactory answer for myself would take me a very long time. So I'll just review some criticisms and parts of the movie instead of a whole.

Moore interviewed people from both sides of the argument; for some people such as Heston he pretends to be on their side in order to open a dialogue. Moore's critics have slammed these tactics. I think that it's alright for Moore to be dishonest about his intentions so that the subject content can be purer - if he were to approach them as the left-winger he was, his interviewees would certainly be a lot more careful with what they said. But we don't want some intricately carved excuse. We want raw naked opinion.

Moore's victory against K-mart might not have been as big as i seemed. The internet yielded many news articles concerning people who got angry at how K-mart stopped handgun ammo sales for a bunch of anti-gun lobbyists, but nothing from after Moore released Bowling for Columbine. Weird. Also, some talk about K-mart not keeping it's promise, and the fact that K-mart was losing greatly to Wal-mart anyway, who were by the way, released press statements assuring everyone that they would always be selling handgun ammo.

One thing my lecturer mentioned was the final interview with Charles Heston, where Moore corners the NRA president, and after the latter dodges a barrage of difficult questions, stalks off and cannot turn around when Moore confronts him with a picture of a girl that died in a shooting. I find it sad that Moore never mentioned that Heston was suffering was Alzhiemer's and prostate cancer. It's a major dent in an otherwise perfect ending.

There was a scene where a reporter was talking to a camera. His crew had just set up near the scene close to where the girl had been shot. The reporter held up a picture of the girl and said the usual concillary, television lines. Then the camera went off. The reporter huffed a sigh of relief, then began to talk about other things, like his hair. At first I thought it was just a sign of how callous people were, how people trivialised tragedy into news. But then I put myself in the reporter's position. I would probably have been saying the same things. I probably wouldn't want to talk about how a young girl, not even a teenager, was shot with a gun by a boy her own age.

Who would want to talk about that? We would rather make excuses to do something else. It's so damn simple to make excuses - whenever something terrible happens we either ignore it or want all the answers right away. We want to be able to blame someone right away, to have something solid, and when we can't we make excuses so we can. The NRA is strong in America - so what to do? Blame school, blame computer games, blame Marilyn Manson. Better play it safe and lock it all down, buy a gun too. The specific criticisms on Wikipedia accuse Moore of obscuring facts - not of screwing up his logic. Because he makes sense.

Bowling for Columbine is certainly excellent in terms of editing and presentation. It's a movie that'll probably make you laugh hard and perhaps even cry a bit. As to the subject matter, I cannot comment much. Michael Moore is so good at winning us over to his side that I don't trust the movie to put me in an impartial mindset. To Moore's credit, he advocates that you read up on it yourself. Make your own decision.

I am a Lian'beng

This is like the third time I'm telling you. The macbook isn't yours. It used to be. That's what I wanted to know, what you didn't feel like telling me, and what I know anyway. Would you like me to put that in simple English for you?
Tell you my real name? Sorry. I have standards.

don't try to intimidate me with your english and act like a european or american cuz that just makes you seem boastful,proud,arrogent, full of yourself and yea oh, a person in total self denial. since you were asking whether the macbook was mine in the first place, why didnt you just ask that clearly in the first msg? GOD i seriously wasted my energy. how can someone like you possible exist on earth. IT'S A TOTAL MISTAKE

All further contact from you will be deleted upon receipt.

OMG. I'M NOT GONNA WASTE MY TIME STOOPING TO SOME LIAN'BENG'S LEVEL AND YOUR FAILED ATTEMPT TO SOUND PROFOUND AND DEEP. NIGHT BASTARD.


Ugh. Scum.


Gotten into net-fights like these loads of times (comes with forum moderating), and most times my heart rate goes up. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's an exhilarating exercise, trying to balance emotion with intention. Sometimes the two are one and the same.

It's something I noticed. I need to lash out. Even if there's nothing really major (stay-up-at-night major) bothering me right now, fighting in some way or form for me is like an alcohol problem. I let myself go a bit crazy, and the next day I have a hangover - I feel sick to the stomach at everything I did the day before. I lose my appetite. But weeks, months, days later I'll be burning to do it all again.

Kind of like Vonterul, full of that bottled up bitterness at the earth and the sky. I should stop staying up nights to argue and do something else.



This just in:

yea sure whatever. better not let me see ya around in school. cuz im gonna find out who you are. wanna play games?im so there. better watch out man

She actually issued a threat to "Nose Dig Digger" with her real name. Smart, but I'm not interested anymore.

INDIE WILL NEVER BE LOW BROW

To think and to just fathom sometimes it just drives me nuts.

Coping with all the shitloads of chinese lessons and chinese homework is taking its toll on me. Its really fun looking at the time-tables of some of my friends who do not take chinese A's and thier time-table looks either really cool or effed up. Cos they end as early as 11 on one day a week.

I do once in a while remind myself of my short term goals... I think its about time I attempt to draw up some to do list in life like Panzerz's the other time.

What the hell does all these qualify for anyway.

On another note, I'm desperately trying to refind my form and fitness on the track and on the fitness corner recently. NAPFA has already begun and I'm not prepared for quite a few things. Basking in the glory of my past timings and past records isn't exactly going to help me get my gold this time round. Gold for 7 years in a row, and I'm desperate about not making it a silver this time.

HAPPY ATHEIST DAY!

"The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good." -Psalm 14:1

"Happy" Birthday?

Yesterday was my 17th birthday, so all day long, people were wishing me "Happy Birthday". After the first half dozen of such wishes, it really got me thinking. Do these people have any idea as to what they are saying? In this post, I'm not even going to touch about how sincere they are in their words, also because i think Nosey has already posted about that.
How happy was I on my birthday, I wonder to myself. Frankly speaking, not a lot. To me it was just another day. I woke up with some difficulty and rather late due to leftover camp-fatigue, touched the com for an hour, and went to work. So yea, unless I have been through substantial hell in the days before 30 March, I don't see how happy I can be.
Perhaps its due to the fact that I didn't call for any celebration, or simply because I chose to uphold tradition and abstain from celebrations for a year, or I simply kept refusing my parent's queries as to what I want for my birthday (its a bad economy nowadays, business isn't exactly booming).
So in short, despite all of your wishes, I'm afraid I simply didn't have a "Happy" Birthday. Also, I have yet to touch any of my presents. No offense to my present-givers.
So now, I'll end off with this quote:
"I find it pointless to celebrate my Birthday. I'd really rather celebrate my Fertilization Day, after all, that is the day I won the first race of my life."

Speak (2004) review

I've going from hardcore social dump-postings to more traditional ones (for Pfort, anyway). What changed my mind? I remember during one of our meetings we began to categorize, like section off what each of us was doing with the fort. i can't remember for Giant or Lime, but TOFU was "current events", Panzer was "politics and ideology", and I was "social". When I heard that I knew immediately that wasn't quite... it.

I don't want to lock myself down to commentary on how bad my social life is. So I'm not going to talk about the past month and a half in a new social environment (it's definitely not all bad). Here's a movie review.

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Drama is a risk. You're always treading multiple lines, threatening to screw up something or the other. Some media resolve this with gimmicks. Some people throw in action. Scifi/Fantasy . Purposely addressing sensitive/popular subjects because they are sensitive and popular. These gimmicks aren't always abused, but when they are... (Elfen Lied) oh shit.

Speak centers around a girl who got raped. They could have gone overboard and milked the feminism cow for sympathy and rave reviews - they could have snapped their fingers and did it; and just like that every female watching the film will be in support. I'm an egalitarian, and I absolutely hate the feminism concept.

What turned me around? 4chan. Yep. 4chan isn't just /b/. I went to /tv/, and one guy recommended the film, saying, "I normally hate 'I was raped' movies, but Speak was good." So I took a chance; sometimes you find cool stuff that way.

Speak starts off at the beginning of high school (ironic, given what I just vowed not to post about). Our protagonist, Melinda, has been a social reject since 8th grade. Back then, at a massive party with her best friends and schoolmates, she called the cops, who busted all the underage drinkers, essentially destroying the gathering. She doesn't tell anyone why she dialed 911, is more or less exiled from her social circle, and becomes very, very quiet.

From her first unsteady, tentative days in high school Melinda is already outcast as a "squealer". The discipline master has her targeted for trouble, and even the enthusiastic visionary of an art teacher can't really get through. Nobody can - Melinda doesn't even bother to try, doesn't even bother to talk - she vocalizes mostly in monosyllables and the only interesting stuff we get from her is through her monologues with herself.

The thing about being friendless and outside of society is that it gets you to expand on other things. There's so much empty space that soon you find something to occupy yourself with, something to fill up that black hole. Melinda fills it with art, and she doesn't do it incredibly well, like a prodigy (another gimmick that could have been abused), her art is fascinating because she has something to say and this is the only way she can express it. One thing the movie explores is what we do when we have no one to talk to. We look to strangers for help, we make art, we invest our emotions heavily in a select few things, we even start excluding ourselves by our own will, long after the initial issue and problem is over. The movie looks at all this.

There's some symbolism in this movie, art being one of the central focuses. I didn't really get all of it, but I didn't need to, because the immersion of the film worked to great effect. The setting of an American high school is designed to be ageless, so it could be anywhere from the 90's to the present. The story is compatible with our culture as well.

The film sweeps from one end of the school year to another, and doesn't manage to feel rushed and remind you that this is a 2 hour flick, thanks to its excellent characterization. Not just for Melinda, but for her parents, her teachers, her schoolmates - though few actually stand out as special, all of them are incredibly real and alive. No depthless stock characters, no obligatory negative portrayal of "the popular kids". Speak's characters aren't tailored or forced by the writers to be special, to stand out with some ability, they're just very real and very, very good. (It was also funnier than Pink Panther 2 and a lot of teen movies I've seen.)

And that's what this movie is about. Reality, coming to terms with it, Melinda inching her way to a place where there is no wall and no pretense. This could have been about a girl who was raped and made to stay silent, but it's about much more, because Melinda chose to stay mute. Many films get emotional responses by focusing on a character's weakness that was forced onto them, so much that the weaknesses are more central to the film than the character itself. Not here.

Here it's more about strength, strength to open your mouth and also do something about your shit. Speak isn't perfect, but it is extremely well done and well worth ninety minutes of my time.

It's also an inspiration that you don't need big bucks to make good films. Heh.

You and I

I've hit another crossroad of my life. Where I ask myself what have I been doing and what am I doing with my life. Where will each different path take me.

I'm struggling, with almost everything. Grades, my religious walk, friends, my social scene, sleep, girl.

You name it, I have it.

Indeed, times like this makes me suicidal. For the first time in decades, I consider alternatives that I would normally never consider once I put my foot down.

It all seems like a really sad maximum point on a parabola. 

The places where I used to draw refuge and encouragement from, now just serve like an empty abandoned house. 

You know what, I've decided. For one night, let me try to drink myself to sleep.

IPhone OS 3.0 (FUCK YEAH)

Initially, I would post a youtube video about the key new features of the IPhone OS 3.0 software update but then all the videos are all pretty lengthy, well there ARE many new features which mostly shuts all the IPhone's original critics with large doses of jealousy.

Remember when the IPhone 3G was announced? Most of the criticism was directed at the IPhone lacking many basic features and with this new 3.0 software update announced, its pretty much a TAKE THAT BITCHES. Its really amazing, because every other ordinary phone would never improve their applications, meaning, "you bought a phone, it comes with what it does, now deal with it."

New features would include,

SMS forwarding. ( I know its stupid, but think about it..it didn't have it, and now it does. Just nice to know Apple listened.)

MMS (same thing.)

VCard support (finally. And it automatically updates with your contacts in your mac and IPhone.)

Copy and paste. ( basically you can copy from virtually anywhere, e-mail, Safari, notes and paste Virtually anywhere as well, even pictures. Great feature to save time.)

Landscape keypad in more apps. (originally landscape keypad was only for Safari, but now extends to notes, sms, e-mail and also 3rd party apps.)

Voice recorder. ( YES NOESH, MAH IPHONE IS A VOICE RECORDER.)

Additions to stock. (landscape view, prices of stocks by pressing anywhere on the charts.)

Spotlight ( Mac users will understand this. Search function which VERY quickly does a search of the entire IPhone+dictionary+web based on your keywords.)

Password Auto-fill (self-explanatory)

Turn-by-turn GPS directions (AWESOME) "Turn left to Rodeo Drive."

Push notifications ( great new feature. Lets say you have Live messenger running. Now on all phones, OS 2.0, Windows mobile, symbian, it runs on the background and having to keep you connected to the server. NOW, on OS 3.0, whenever you send an IM, it goes to Apple's cloud then to the server. SO, IM client doesn't have to keep running. when you receive a reply(or a new convo) server sends message to Apple's cloud then to you. MEANING, it saves a hell lot of battery life and increases performance.)

Improved Bluetooth support.

So yeah, its a huge update which really puts back the Iphone 3G back in the game by fixing many of the disappoints which initially held it back.
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"If you do not turn on to politics, politics will turn on to you." -Ralph Nader

Its a powerful quote on how if you ignore what your politicians are doing, they will eventually do something that fucks you, citing the importance of transparency, awareness and civil disobedience.

"Happiness is a prison Evey, happiness is the most insidious prison of all." - V commenting after how Evey said she was "happy" until V imprisoned her and showed her the truth and was finally truly free.

-Panzerz

Flyer Beware

In this time of economic uncertainty and enormous deficeits in the airline industry... I present to you, the award winning idea from RyanAir : Paying for the use of the aircraft's lavatories!

Is this just plain stupidity or what. RyanAir has already contracted Boeing to retrofit its lavatories to a 'pay-to-use' style. The original idea was to have a coin operated toilet door where the user would have to pay £1 to use the toilet. RyanAir's cheif executive conceded that this original idea was not feasible as most of RyanAir's flyers use the euro as well. On top of that, Boeing couldn't come up with a coin operated toilet door. So they are settling for credit cards. Swipe to poo, is the idea. Amazing stuff man.

RyanAir is a low-cost airline and the world's largest carrier in terms of international passengers. It is also Europe's fastest expanding and most aggressive airline. Its other money-spinning ideas on the drawing board include charging for reading of the safety card, charging for the use of oxygen masks in case of depressurization (mad; swipe and die due to lack of time), and paying for bikini clad crew. 

Mad cow or what. This is why, I fly Singapore Airlines.

My own

Some old woman actually walked up to me today when I was walking from school to the bus stop to ask me for money to take a taxi to new bridge road. She was really old and looked as if she carried her home in a trolley she rolled around. At first I thought she really needed a little amount to take to the city. But as she tried to convince me that she was really frail and injured and couldn't take a bus to the city, the more I began to think it was just a hoax. A shameful, unpleasant hoax to get money out of JC kids. To top it off, it was raining a typhoon and she claimed her rheumatism was acting up and etc. I told her she could take a bus to tanglin CC and transfer bus to new bridge road without getting drenched in the rain. But she kept pushing on about how she can't take the bus because she got injured twice in the past by taking the bus.

What a shameful and sad sight. She kept saying, as well, about how she always had to eat bread for dinner cause she's injured and can't work and didn't have money. The more she tried, the more I was sure this was just some stupid ploy to get $2 notes from every single person she approached.

This is disgusting. I am lost for words over how some of the older generation people behave like that. TO LIE to try to get money from kids. LYING about all the injuries, LYING about going to new bridge road to see the doctor and LYING to gain our sympathies (money).

Maybe if you approaced me for money to eat it wouldn't be so bad. Because I'm a compassionate guy. But telling me a cock and bull story about the past just makes me feel even more disgusted.

Society needs help.

Percolation, isolation

Just wanted to share this extract from a blog I read...

"They say there is good out there in the world-but why dont i ever see it. The world is hard and cruel and we should accept it. Just ytdy i went to the post office to pay my cousin's phone bill and there was this elderly man about 5 people in front of me in the queue and he was paying his electricity bill- his electricity had apparently been cut and he didnt have enough money to pay his bill. He was 9 dollars short and he started to cry- i mean wtf the 5 ppl in front of me just ignored him and this man with his family told his kids to look away. I was just so pissed and saddened. I walked over to the man payed his bill for him and i'll never forget the hug or the look of gratitude he gave me.

Most of all i'm disappointed. Disappointed at my countrymen. what kind of society has my country become. Heartless,cruel, impatient bastards is what i believe my countrymen are. Even at the bank when i'm taking out my wallet before walking over to the teller the guy behind me pushes and exclaims loudly for me to move( never mind the matter that i can break his face).

Forget Singaporeans- my country has a hell lot of expatriates and foreigners and i believe that they are the worst. Forget the fact that the majority of them are from India and china. What i really hate about them is how they always criticise Singapore and how much better their homeland is and the way look so degrading at anyone else.

Firstly, if your homeland is so much better what the fuck are you doing in my country and secondly they should remember that perhaps they form the elite in their country but in this country they arent the elite and they should learn their place and they should really keep their sniveling sucking up to themselves cause it aint going to work on me nor my mum and especially not my dad. The government should really consider having some kind of Compatibility test to determine if these foreigners will be able to fit into society before allowing them to work or live here.( something like what perhaps Australia has)

i may sound like some elitist arrogant toerag- well if u want to believe so its your problem. I just believe i'm privileged to go to a top school and have my parents trust me to have my own condo but what i cant stand are rude impatient dis-compassionate assholes. Singapore is a society, lets act like members of a society and help one another or perhaps even smile once in a while. I've never felt so ashamed to be Singaporean before."

Fucking finally

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Alan Kay

The past few weeks have been a landslide. 4 months' worth of lectures and fully-fledged projects crammed into 7 weeks is no joke. I created a small film production in a matter of days, wrote lengthy essays into the dawn, got to know a few more people, and it wasn't all fun, but it was exhilarating, and it was important. This is the result of a choice, something Secondary School couldn't provide me much of. I began to leave sec school behind the moment DPA results came in.

One thing I always hate about many schools is how they try to mix idealism and pragmatism. They tell you that everyone can go on to a bright future. So many people can't. They just can't.

I guess I feel betrayed and misled. Though I'm not much for school loyalty, it was still a kick in the shins when Ms Z told me over the phone that she wasn't going to help me get through the gate because she was in a bad mood.

Now, unless we have a signed form committing us to servicing our school further, we're not allowed in. We've been living half our lives in that place for 4 years and suddenly I'm locked out. Ms Z said it was my own fault. Maybe it is.


Well, fuck it. Most of the people I liked in there are either moving on or gone. Only people left have strings, or they're the kind of scum that TOFU encountered. The Drama Club's glory time is over. Geia's over, India's over, Mikana's over, Ms Aza is over, I moved a lot of MSN contacts into the obselete group, gonna finish a few last favours and I'm done. I'm through.

Next project.

Assholes, and you guys deserve it SOBs.

I went back to my secondary school today and truffled the feathers of some sec 3 gangster wannabe in school. When I left school, he and his small gang were outside waiting for me. Notably, little roy as his boss. Those assholes were such losers.

They were on my cca groud trying to be funny so I asked them to go away. He couldn't understand me. by this time I was damn pissed and had enough. "Sometimes I wonder why I bother talking to animals" I blurted. And I didn't bloody hell regret it. If they can't understand, obviously that makes them animals. 

So this wannabe actually confronted me outside school and asked me to climb the stairs to meet him. I couldn't be bothered and ask him to come down if he wants to talk. He didn't move, but hurled a string of uncouth vulgarities aloud at me. I shook my head and walked the other direction. Eventually he budged and tailed me and confronted me (losers). And confronted me by repeating the same irrelevant points over again on how he's just born a loser and wants people to treat him like a loser. Eventually I decided that it's enough. If I wanted to talk to animals I would have paid money to the zoo. Eventually, I just walked away with those bastards being real losers and repeatint the same string of hokkien vulgarities over and over again.

Sometimes I wonder why we keep these assholes in our schools. Grow up losers. You're not going to live by knocking people's shoulders anymore cos you're no longer in school. grow up, cos I think you need it. I used to pity you for having low IQ, low EQ and coming from a poor family background. I changed my mind. You should commit crimes as soon as you turn legal. So they can throw you into jail and hopefully they give you the rattan early so you grow up quicker. Get a life bitches.

apathy, apple tea

JC life sucks tremendously where work is concerned. Already getting used to all these lectures and tutorials, that is I'm so used to not getting stuff. 

SPA for Chem and Physics is going to be damn anal.

Chemistry is going to be damn anal

GP is going to be anal (cos getting a grade A is super hard)

PW is going to be damn anal

Chinese is going to be damn anal

You can see how my life is taking the turn for the worst with more emphasis on the backdoor. I think I won't need sex ever in my life.

I finally understand when people tell my O levels are easy. I never did get it, until the gigantic, massive, super black A came. I'm at the third topic for most of my topics now, massive pace, and look at the f____ dept... Life sucks take drugs.

Have anyone noticed my previous few posts was about life in school? What a life. Bitch.

Position

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.

- William Shakespeare

One of the girls in DPA, I noticed today, has eleven fingers. It's a little blob with a little fingernail, attached to the side of her thumb by a bit of flesh so small that when she moves her hands around, the little bugger wiggles. Must have been staring at it for a full minute and then some.

I've been holding off on posting - little things that I notice everyday aren't going to be interesting to readers individually. Better to compile 'em into something larger.

My social scene is still sparse; I wasn't invited to a birthday party that I offered to contribute extra money towards and when I walk past it in the canteen all I felt was the usual hunger. And fatigue.

You can't procrastinate and stay ahead of the class at the same time. Tuesday night I stayed up till 3am, and Wednesday till 4am. I can't even think straight some days. Honey stars + coffee for breakfast. om nom nom.

Another interesting lesson in Psychology today, because Thursdays are for tutorials, and tutorials teach by demonstration instead of by powerpoint slide. 11 students were chosen to sit in a circle and roleplay as survivors of a plane crash. We were stranded in a desolate ice forest, 20 miles from the nearest settlement. At 20 degrees Farenheit and without a pilot or co-pilot, we had to decide as a group which supplies had higher priority.

While we played out a disaster, the rest of the students were given the job of observing us and trying to fit us into social, functional, and dysfunctional roles (tension-reliever, information-giver, aggressor, etc.). These were the supplies given, organized in the order of priority that we eventually conformed to.

Extra shirts+pants x11
Newspapers x11
Compass
20x20 inch canvas
Can of shortening
Some steel wool
Cigarette lighter (no fluid)
A quart of whiskey
Chocolate bars x11
Loaded .45 pistol
Hand axe
A plastic section of an air map

In the end, the lecturer told us that we probably would have died. Most of us were thinking of walking 20 miles, but the truth was that the terrain would probably have been hazardous, and even under normal conditions trekking to the settlement was a formidable challenge. The much better bet was to dig in and wait for rescue. So yeah. Completely screwed.


The 'model' priority list:

Cigarette lighter (no fluid) - Although there is no more lighter fluid, the lighter can still generate a spark which can then be caught on the steel wool in the interests of making a fire. At 20 degrees, a fire is absolutely essential, not jsut for warmth but also to melt ice for water. Without water or warmth, you will die very fast.

Some steel wool - Previous psychology students were actually dumb enough to propose using the steel wool to wash dishes. What the fuck?

Extra shirts+pants x11 - Cloth is very versatile; you can use it for personal insulation, bandages, bedding, extra tent insulation, fuel for burning, as colourful flags to alert rescuers...

Can of shortening - The shortening (veggie fat) is not really for consumption. Eating pure fat would cause us to fall sick or vomit. The fat should instead be used as extra insulation (rub it over the body), but the can is the real jewel here. The metal can may be used to reflect light as a beacon, as well as store drinking water.

20x20 inch canvas - you can use this to shield eleven people from blizzard winds. Moreover, its a hugeass marker for rescuers searching for survivors.

Hand axe - Chop firewood. Fire is very important to stay alive.

Chocolate bars x11 - Food. This is a source of energy that our bodies can digest on its own (unlike shortening).

Newspapers x11 - Insulation, burning, and it gives survivors something to read, as opposed to going insane over the possibility of death. Psychological purpose.

Loaded .45 pistol - Hunting wild animals is out of the question. Chasing wild animals creates exertion, and then you have to drag the carcass all the way back to camp - more exertion. Moreover, it is difficult to aim well with a pistol, and the presence of a lethal weapon is very dangerous in the hands of people that may go crazy and resort to cannibalism. On the other hand, the butt can be used as a hammer, and the powder can be used as fuel. Not least of all, firing a loud firearm into the air is bound to attract attention from nearby rescuers.

A quart of whiskey - DO NOT DRINK. Whiskey will dilate the blood vessels, expelling valuable body heat and making your heart work harder. The alcohol in the whiskey can be burned as fuel, and the whiskey bottle can be used to store drinking water.

Compass - Since it's suicide to try trekking away from the crash site (the crash site is a nice big landmark for rescuers to find), the compass is useless except for light reflection. It's dangerous because it encourages desperate people to take the compass and try to head out.

A plastic section of an air map - Wave it as a flag or something, you can't even use it as toilet paper.

Correct answers in red

Wasn't interested in other aspects of the psychological evaluation - I'm prepared to bet my left nut that we'd be reacting more than a little differently if we were in a real life-or-chilly-death situation.

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Today I was singled out by a lecturer again for what he called a near-perfect essay. Strangers left and right were asking to read it. The essay dealt with the conflicts that arose during the twinning programme back in 2007 (a somewhat modified version, heh).

Ms Z, my NLP lecturer, my Psychology lecturer, my yoga instructor... the consensus between them seems to be that I'm intellectually ahead, but socially impaired - and that impairment is a tremendous pity. Today one of the DPA girls from team five - my orientation group - had her birthday, but I couldn't even find it in me to tell her happy birthday though someone kept urging me to. Do you gatecrash strangers' birthday parties and tell them happy birthday? Ironic that she's very the first person I began talking to in polytechnic.

It's weird to have better relationships with older people than with people of your own age.

That girl I was friends with from Psychology? She's also moved on.