Position

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.

- William Shakespeare

One of the girls in DPA, I noticed today, has eleven fingers. It's a little blob with a little fingernail, attached to the side of her thumb by a bit of flesh so small that when she moves her hands around, the little bugger wiggles. Must have been staring at it for a full minute and then some.

I've been holding off on posting - little things that I notice everyday aren't going to be interesting to readers individually. Better to compile 'em into something larger.

My social scene is still sparse; I wasn't invited to a birthday party that I offered to contribute extra money towards and when I walk past it in the canteen all I felt was the usual hunger. And fatigue.

You can't procrastinate and stay ahead of the class at the same time. Tuesday night I stayed up till 3am, and Wednesday till 4am. I can't even think straight some days. Honey stars + coffee for breakfast. om nom nom.

Another interesting lesson in Psychology today, because Thursdays are for tutorials, and tutorials teach by demonstration instead of by powerpoint slide. 11 students were chosen to sit in a circle and roleplay as survivors of a plane crash. We were stranded in a desolate ice forest, 20 miles from the nearest settlement. At 20 degrees Farenheit and without a pilot or co-pilot, we had to decide as a group which supplies had higher priority.

While we played out a disaster, the rest of the students were given the job of observing us and trying to fit us into social, functional, and dysfunctional roles (tension-reliever, information-giver, aggressor, etc.). These were the supplies given, organized in the order of priority that we eventually conformed to.

Extra shirts+pants x11
Newspapers x11
Compass
20x20 inch canvas
Can of shortening
Some steel wool
Cigarette lighter (no fluid)
A quart of whiskey
Chocolate bars x11
Loaded .45 pistol
Hand axe
A plastic section of an air map

In the end, the lecturer told us that we probably would have died. Most of us were thinking of walking 20 miles, but the truth was that the terrain would probably have been hazardous, and even under normal conditions trekking to the settlement was a formidable challenge. The much better bet was to dig in and wait for rescue. So yeah. Completely screwed.


The 'model' priority list:

Cigarette lighter (no fluid) - Although there is no more lighter fluid, the lighter can still generate a spark which can then be caught on the steel wool in the interests of making a fire. At 20 degrees, a fire is absolutely essential, not jsut for warmth but also to melt ice for water. Without water or warmth, you will die very fast.

Some steel wool - Previous psychology students were actually dumb enough to propose using the steel wool to wash dishes. What the fuck?

Extra shirts+pants x11 - Cloth is very versatile; you can use it for personal insulation, bandages, bedding, extra tent insulation, fuel for burning, as colourful flags to alert rescuers...

Can of shortening - The shortening (veggie fat) is not really for consumption. Eating pure fat would cause us to fall sick or vomit. The fat should instead be used as extra insulation (rub it over the body), but the can is the real jewel here. The metal can may be used to reflect light as a beacon, as well as store drinking water.

20x20 inch canvas - you can use this to shield eleven people from blizzard winds. Moreover, its a hugeass marker for rescuers searching for survivors.

Hand axe - Chop firewood. Fire is very important to stay alive.

Chocolate bars x11 - Food. This is a source of energy that our bodies can digest on its own (unlike shortening).

Newspapers x11 - Insulation, burning, and it gives survivors something to read, as opposed to going insane over the possibility of death. Psychological purpose.

Loaded .45 pistol - Hunting wild animals is out of the question. Chasing wild animals creates exertion, and then you have to drag the carcass all the way back to camp - more exertion. Moreover, it is difficult to aim well with a pistol, and the presence of a lethal weapon is very dangerous in the hands of people that may go crazy and resort to cannibalism. On the other hand, the butt can be used as a hammer, and the powder can be used as fuel. Not least of all, firing a loud firearm into the air is bound to attract attention from nearby rescuers.

A quart of whiskey - DO NOT DRINK. Whiskey will dilate the blood vessels, expelling valuable body heat and making your heart work harder. The alcohol in the whiskey can be burned as fuel, and the whiskey bottle can be used to store drinking water.

Compass - Since it's suicide to try trekking away from the crash site (the crash site is a nice big landmark for rescuers to find), the compass is useless except for light reflection. It's dangerous because it encourages desperate people to take the compass and try to head out.

A plastic section of an air map - Wave it as a flag or something, you can't even use it as toilet paper.

Correct answers in red

Wasn't interested in other aspects of the psychological evaluation - I'm prepared to bet my left nut that we'd be reacting more than a little differently if we were in a real life-or-chilly-death situation.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today I was singled out by a lecturer again for what he called a near-perfect essay. Strangers left and right were asking to read it. The essay dealt with the conflicts that arose during the twinning programme back in 2007 (a somewhat modified version, heh).

Ms Z, my NLP lecturer, my Psychology lecturer, my yoga instructor... the consensus between them seems to be that I'm intellectually ahead, but socially impaired - and that impairment is a tremendous pity. Today one of the DPA girls from team five - my orientation group - had her birthday, but I couldn't even find it in me to tell her happy birthday though someone kept urging me to. Do you gatecrash strangers' birthday parties and tell them happy birthday? Ironic that she's very the first person I began talking to in polytechnic.

It's weird to have better relationships with older people than with people of your own age.

That girl I was friends with from Psychology? She's also moved on.

Slumdog Millionaire

Slumdog Millionaire is essentially a love story, and despite the great lengths protagonist Jamal Malik goes to just to reunite with his lover, it still makes it look like a Disney Cinderalla-esque teen flick at heart.
However, to director Danny Boyle's and co-director Loveleen Tandan's credit, the movie becomes more alive and real with clips of his childhood experiences and interrogation scenes. Credit also has to be given to the casting of actors, especially of the child actors whom were reportedly found simply off the streets of Mumbai.
To be frank, the real gem of the movie lies in the adventures of their childhood, which the director managed to capture the innocent yet massive energy of these street children. Scenes like the one where Jamal had to dive into a pile of shit just to escape the outhouse and try to get Amitabh Bachan's autograph and succeeded were certainly a great laugh, yet it also displays the determination of the protagonist to reach his goal. Of course this might also be because of the great acting put in by the child actors, who managed to act out their parts yet still bring in certain dimensions to the characters unbelievably well. It really is hard to fathom that these children aren't even actors, just children the production team found in the streets.
I particularly liked the dialogue, where the first few minutes into the movie you get to hear Jamal's jailer calling him a dog and a "madaar-chode".
All in all, Slumdog Millionaire is a great film to catch, a film that manages to blend Bollywood and Hollywood elements rather well, is definitely a film worth paying $8 for.

Iliterati el china

So today, Ms Gillian actually showed us a documentary called "Mad About English", during GP mass lecture, which talks about the chinese obsession to pick up the English language. From the common old man who wants to show off chinese culture to the rest of the world as volunteer guides, to the cabbies who want to give a good impression of the chinese people to the world, to the policeman who wants to be able to communicate and do his part for his nation.

As the video rolled and showed how these people practice and try to pick up English in the most hilarious ways, laughter drew from among the 800 or so gathered in the CC. It then suddenly dawned on me how even the old man made an effort to pick up chinese since 2001 when China won the bid, to when the movie was filmed in 2007. There are just so many more things we can learn from here other than granddy's determination here. Two things, how on my part as a chinese failed miserable to even speak my langauge, and the other, is how chinese nationalism can drawn patriotism on the part of the individual to strive for the greater good of his country without any string attached.

How many of us Singaporeans actually understand and fully appreciate our culture (if at all any) and also embrace our traditions and stand by our nation? The fact tht our culture and 'selling point' is diversity between races, and harmony between races and religons shows thaat we were prepared and still are to sacrifice culture and traditions for the sake of keeping the peace. No complains to that, but in exchange, we gave up our rights to a club, an exclusive club which counts and manages our culture points. I remember feeling extremely ashamed when my secondary school failed at showcasing a uniquely singapore arts presentation/performance. While our indian counterparts strutted their stuff and showed us what real culture really is about.

I still don't know where to draw the balance between this. Between culture, belonging and traditions and with harmony between different ethnic groups. We gave up a lot of civil peace, it all better be worth it. Because it sucks being part of nothing.

On a side note, school's been really awesome over the past week. The girls are simply phenomenal here. Everyday, its a new pretty girl I see in school. Though they haven't really aroused my intrest far enough for me to want to strike up a conversation. I'm still madly infatuated by so many of them... mmmhmmm 

Looks Ain't The Point Here, Mate

To all dear and cherished readers of the Pebblefort (believe me, we really do cherish you, yes, even the anon legion), this post a addresses an issue that frequently pops up every time we forters meet up and happen to discuss fortly-matters (which really is mostly what we talk about).
As you might or might not have noticed, the current colour scheme of the blog has been changing slightly more regularly than before. The reason, is simply because yours truly here has decided to take it upon himself to try and make up for the lack of any apparent cool skin found here.
You might now be wondering that if so, why not just go somewhere and pick one up and then paste it so we no longer have to watch these epilepsy-inducing colours.
Simple. The consensus among all 5 members of the fort believe that the content of the fort far outweigh superficial graphics often depicting emo bitches.


Hence, until one of us decides to pick up some swanky programming knowledge, or really struck a great deal with Miss Inspiration, the fort shall remain so, with a very simple and plain and basic blogger layout, with various colours for fonts and lines etc.


Not satisfied? Look below

2 days before Valentine's

TF2 Machinima in the making. Sadly, nothing really original. By anybody.

The modules I'm doing in school currently:

Psychology
Normal undergrads have much more time to finish this but the DPA studs are coping fine.

A creativity module
This one is a big joke. It's pop psychology and secondary/primary school level motivational stuff. Even the lecturer seems less mature than us.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)
NLP is pop psychology, pseudoscience that holds no water outside of the common rabble that also suscribe to the likes of Adam Khoo and thousands of other motivational schools of thought. it's all about how certain people are programmed to be more responsive to sound and move their eyes upwards when they're visualising, and other crap like that.

Yoga
Guess what? More pop psychology. To the Indian instructor's credit, he's witty and soothing enough to sell it.


My social investments aren't doing so well. I've been cutting back on the initiative to speak up, since I really don't usually have much I can discuss with other people. Or I'm too slow. Or I can't find anything to say and say dumb things instead (I've realised that I'm confined to sex jokes). Better to have a reputation for being quiet than for being stupid.

On the academic front, things are fine. My 899-word psychology essay came back today. The class did very badly; my lecturer assured them that the first few assignments always screw up. I got a 93% score.

Confirmed with my NLP lecturer that pretty much every module counts toward this year's GPA score, which will in turn make up my final result at the end of polytechnic. I don't remember bothering to think, much less plan for O Levels when I began Secondary School. I should be able to stay top of my course, provided I can find a strategy for group projects.

Presentations occur almost daily. It's a struggle.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


So I was talking to Vonterul yesterday. The conversation meandered from subject to subject - it happens when conversing with anyone I have a steady friendship with. The dialogue simply shifts without anyone noticing too much. (Now I'm thinking that this shouldn't be limited to just close friends; but my social skillz...)

How many times have I, through a project or event or a group, met someone and established rapport with, only for us to forget each other when the project or event or group is over and done with? Some stick around. Some people are more than just fellow students you can joke with.

For a day or so, I was seriously considering asking JJ out. Overload of initiative, again. I've been talking too much, wanting too much.

But JJ and Vont are keepers.

Size Matters

Alright, this post is really to fulfill my self-imposed, imaginary post quota.
Today, I look into my MSN chatlogs, and look at the size of each log of each of my MSN contacts.
And here goes...
1. Limey with 1873kb
2. Tofu with 1729kb
3. Sanky with 1102kb
4. Mein Kapitan with 941kb
5. Tulip with 729kb
6. Nosey with 378kb
7. J'onn with 375kb
8. Panzerz with 365kb
.
.
.
and the rest are of no more interest.
Of course these are not really accurate, cos some of the really HUGE mass convos somehow did not manage to get saved in, and also there was this period of time where i didn't opt to save my convos... also, if u really want me to factor in my smses... well, Tulip will be ahead of sanky, Mein Kapitan would have dropped substantially and so on...

Cake

From formerly well-known blogger Calm One, one of his posts:

I'm reading a book after dinner at canteen 1 when I notice a flickering light from the next table, like someone lighting a cigarette.

It turns out that a girl is lighting the 2 candles on a cake, while her boyfriend looks on.

I suspect that that cake is too big for the couple.

When the candles are lit, the girl sings "happy birthday", while her boyfriend looks on.

He blows out the flames.

The girl removes the candles, cuts a piece from the cake, and serves the boyfriend. Then she walks away.

She comes back with a styrofoam food box, and packs the remainder of the cake into the box, while her boyfriend eats the cake.

From where I'm sitting, I can only observe the boyfriend's face. He doesn't look happy at all.

They leave the canteen after they are both done.

Happy birthday.

The words we often say without meaning.

Happy birthday.

The words we often write without thinking.

Happy birthday.

The words we often sing without feeling.

Happy birthday.

Empty words.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My father asked me what birthday cake I wanted, to which I once again gave a noncommital "Anything", the same "Anything" I throw out whenever my parents ask me what fruit I want, what do I want for lunch, for dinner, what do I want for the computer, for snacks, for my birthday. Anything. Hoping it wouldn't be another bunch of SW novels I liked 2 years ago or terrible pirated games (I was pleasantly surprised when I got new speakers, new keyboard, and new DVD drive).

Should I be happy about turning seventeen? If you've been sensitive to the egregious amounts of nostalgia I've pumped out in my last few posts, then you'd know I think it a lot more appropriate to do away with those candles and erect little plastic tombstones on top of my cake instead.

Fuck that. Projects in the pipeline:
Finishing Lunge Clan Movie
A fresh pick of model essays for my English teacher back in secondary school
More short stories and plays on my own initiative
Last GunZ movie compilation I'll ever make (Really)
Lay down more framework for Autistic Sniper and epic game crossover ideas
One more GunZ frag movie (This one will be good! Honest)
Entering contests regarding film, machinima, writing....

More exercise plus some yoga, hopefully. Parkour can wait till next year when I'm fitter.

I was going to make progress on the compilation today, and then go out to Coffee Bean to get Jiasai to serve me a cappuchino in an apron. Instead I set up a blog containing the posting results for our graduating batch of yesteryear. Nostalgia working again. Tomorrow I have to make myself work on the tests and quizzes and school projects coming up...

LL

Damn, I realised she's pretty hot and pretty. 

This is obviously rare and unusual for me. I never thought I'd find some hot girl so fast.

Who am I kidding. What if i really have a crush on her? Lol. Screw it...

But her attitude is pretty bitchy. This sounds like some typical high school problem for the freshmans... Except I've already gone past my sophmore year and i'm in junior year now.

LOL. screw this shit.

thoughts...

It is still somehow lingering in my mind.

What if I really did better and went to ACJC instead..

SAJC is really a good place and a good school for studying, but the question is, would I really be happier?

After aiming for so long and falling short by a massive two points, I guess I can't hide my disappointment.

But this world is really full of 'what ifs' and 'if only'. I'm trying not to think about it too hard.

Don't get me wrong, I love SA, its really great. But I put AC so high and now that I failed to enter, it feels kinda sour... 

And its even worse now that orientation is in full swing. It really sucks when almost a quarter of SAJC students seem to be ACJC rejects with half my OG appearing that way. But we still enjoy our times together as an OG. But everyone seems to think they would be happier studying at another JC. It makes me feel so shallow...

Would I really be happier if I did a tat better for O's?

Stop asking, I really should stop! I'm trying, I swear...

SAJCarcanum

Orientation was pretty boring at the start of the day. As all the J1s went into the 1000 seater auditorium - The Cultural Center. Orientation was pretty boring at first with all the new faces and the ice breaker games were not powerful enough to break those iceblocks.

Now I truely understand what it means to go to an elite school and not be an NSK. The feeling is definitely different and the people there are of a different make as well. Lets take the girls for example. There are hell lot of pretty girls in the school from what I've seen so far. Its like looking in my old school for four years can't even compare to just taking a glance across the CC for a few seconds. I am truely truely impressed. 

Meanwhile, orientation is proving to be a pretty tiring event of its own. We play group games, learn college cheers and tribe cheers, get accostomed to the life of a saint and also learn a mass dance for the campfire on the finale on friday night. We even have parent's dialouge on the 4th! Ending in the late evening on most of the days, I take a pretty long time to reach home. I wonder if this is a sign of things to come in my first year. With CCA and 2 more examinable subjects in the form of PW and MT, I think J1 is going to be a pretty 'late-home' kinda year.

Oh well. This is really exahusting, all the cramming on the bus and all that. I can't wait to swop my secondary school uniform for the SAJC one.

Half my OG is appealing to ACJC! With my kinda score or more! Whatthehell. But I'm not appealing though. Since I'm already here, I'll embrace it and seize it. 

Cape Diem.

JC

I woke up today, at fucking 5 am in the morning, and prepared to go to my new JC. Sweet.

7.15am:
Got thrown into a group called orientation Group 17. 17? what an odd number. But it does have 7 in it, so it's gonna be alright. Right? Oh wait. there are two girls on the stage in the hall being fucking noisy. Damn.

7.30am:
Played some ice breaker games with the rest of my group and my group leaders. The standard routine. Oh wow she's kinda cute.

7.45-ish:
Went down for morning assembly. OUR FIRST EVER MORNING ASSEMBLY. WHOOOO. There's this balding guy ranting on the microphone up there on the stands. I hope he isn't the school Principal. Shit he's wearing sandals and socks. He can't be the Principal. NO WAI. But the school song's not bad. Got some piano in it. Hope the lyrics aren't batshit or anything.

8am:
Back to hall. We're doing cheers, now!? Fuck. This school really is enthusiastic. OH DAMN THAT GUY REALLY IS THE PRINCIPAL.

Then there's talks. Talk talk talk talk ta- Oh shit I need to go to the john. Then, more talk talk talk. Boring.

Ouch, my ass hurts.

12.30pm:
Finally, a fucking break. Half an hour only. Chatted with my new friend J.C. Had a conversation going there. He's decent.

Back to hall, and now we're just aimlessly wandering about. Then Mr D.A starts boasting that he smokes weed. He looks the type. Noisy, but it's better than nothing.

Then we have talks again! Wow.

3+ pm:
WHAT? 15 effing mass dances to memorise by the end of next week? Can I just die now?

5.15pm:
I think my brain is numb.



Verdict: Interesting and promising. But a little bit too enthusiastic. We'll just have to see eh?