Tonight tonight

The rain and the dark. Indeed a brilliant combination. The park outside my house has its lamps off. So its exceptionally dark. And the sound of the rain on the floor; nostalgia. The only downside is the influx of flies that run around my room because its the only light around here for miles. Jeez. otherwise it would have been perfect.

Reminds me of you.

30 September 2008

My avatar on the Official International GunZ Forums* used to be this. I picked it from a generic list.

*Do not confuse with GunZFaptor

It's been raining a lot these days. I don't know why, but I find a thunderstorm in the dark lovely. There's something energetic about them. It's the parched, consistent sunny days that I find depressing. Or maybe I like them just for the sake of being different.

It's something I wonder about a lot. After watching all those cartoons with superheroes and cool children who saved the world and all that jazz, for SO MANY FUCKIN' years (not to mention the literature I've ingested about teenaged detectives and Clark Kent in high school) we all want to be special. I've heard (on the internet, of course) that some girls in the US identify as lesbian to set themselves apart from the rest. On the internet there are always dumbshits who try to discover something new about a game, or make up some original new joke or meme.

Do we believe in a god so we can feel special? Do we identify as homosexual to feel special? Do we get horrendously good at a game so we can feel special? Do we defy authority to feel special? Do we hug our mothers to feel special? Do we blog to feel special (hah, that one's easy)? Because, you know, if we were trying to be smart just to feel special, that'd... well so what? *introspective philosophical look*

*peels off snot from nose*

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mmm. I have a BIG bunch of bananas from the banana tree in my garden. Anyone willing to come over to study and eat my bananas before they ripe? They're not as good as the ones in India, but its still... UNLIMITED POTASSIUM

GunZ Machinima. Now that I'm not going anywhere this December (boop), I can concentrate on writing a script, though I think filming, to be realistic, will have to be staggered over 2009 in small bits. I really hope I can squeeze it in; I don't know how time-consuming normal polytechnic life will be.

Voice actors will be needed. Currently I have a few people from GZF on my mind, maybe Perception from Drama alumni, and the Pebble Fappers if you nabs are interested. I promise its not going to be a bunch of jargon and "I will defeet you" "You can't win" "I am power ranger" "MEGAZORD CUM TO ME" Yeah, real drama. Or at the very least it will be a good try.

So! Back to the script. Right now I'm looking at thematic elements and what I can do with an autistic sniper and a surrogate parent. Right now the only thread in this fabric (ooh, a metaphor!) is that I want the sniper to eventually make a conscious decision to stop killing needlessly, despite that he has been doing this for a long time (autists resist change).

Also, I want him to go up against a guy who uses air magic. Kekeke.

Anyway, research materials:

A list of Autistic/Asperger's Syndrome Internet Communities

Best way to write autistic character - go find what what they're like. Medical practitioners and Wikipedia can only tell you so much.


Since the machinima will be set in a postwar world (according to official lore, this is when plenty of young dumbfucks go out into the world looking for adventure, yay) it seems right that I at least have one major character who's military disciplined. So to find out what soldiers are like, I shall read:

Judge by Karen Traviss
Republic Commando: Order 66 by Karen Traviss (she writes solid military characters; I think she served in the British Army herself if I'm not wrong)
Marine Sniper: 93 Confirmed Kills by Charles Henderson
(Apparently a real account of Carlos Hathcock's work, a Vietnam War sniper who shot an Vietcong sniper through the enemy's scope and set a record by sniping someone with a machine gun.)
The Ultimate Sniper: An Advanced Training Manual for Military & Police Snipers by Plaster, Maj. John
Sniper: Training, Techniques and Weapons. by Brooksmith, Peter
Moar books that have been cited in Wikipedia
I'll probably have to order some of these books online. Prolly going to see whats best and just buy one or two.

Plus moar internet resources (Currently most of these are Western sources, I wonder if Asian snipers had a different approach to sniping):

Are You a Veteran?
Are You Looking for a Veteran?
German Sniper Training Film
An article about sniping in World War I (by a French sniper)
Another article (about sniping)
Vietnam War Veterans Forum
Another Veterans Forum

Asian Sources (Maybe the Ceylon/LTTE conflict? Korean War? Japanese vets? Even Chinese? No, I don't want to hear about Lim Bo Seng again)
Indian Military Forum

Things I remember about Vietnam
Seeing red dirt rising about 5 miles away and feeling the ground shake
(B-52 carpet bombing)
Carrying and shooting a 90MM recoilless and then putting the fire out behind you.
Burning feces with diesel fuel was my first job over there(from the latrine)
Seeing gun ships using GE mini-guns and then going to count the bodies and watch the bodies bloat lying in the hot rice patties.
Taking a bath in a creek and then the guys coming off patrol says there is a dead gook in the water upstream.
I will never forget the real hero that carried the chain saw and cut a landing zone in the dense jungle to"Dust off"the wounded.
Then carrying the dead ( guys that I had talked to an hour ago) to the new perimeter.
Hearing and seeing phantom F4s coming in to drop napalm 50 yards away.
Having artillary "bracket" your position so you could call for help if you are overrun. This was almost as scary as being overrun.
And nothing is as fun as riding in a chopper 2000 feet up with no doors and lots of turbulance.


Feel its time I stopped lounging around in GZF listening to better people. But yeah, a lot of this will have to wait until after O Levels.

Osht its raining right nao. :D

The sky's the limit

China's Shenzhou 7 just brought 3 chinese 'taikonauts' into space and allowed China's first space walk in its thousands of years of history. This piece of news didn't exactly shock the world the way China's kinetic weapon did 2 years back. However, this incident made me speculate a couple of things in the space eploration arena. One thing that made me quite impressed with was how China could conduct this operation with the lack of media clout in the world. While the world greived at the wallstreet crashes and Singapore roared to the sounds of Fernando Alonso kicking everyone's ass in the Singapore Grand Prix, China has opted to play the, as of now, quiet game of space exploration.

One small step in space exploration, one giant leap for chinese projection of influence. China has thus far never failed to impress me with its suddeness and stubborness of its operation. The testing of their anti satellite kinetic weapon for one was a bold show of defiance to American imperialism in space. So the Chinese showed the Americans that they couldn't guide GPS bombs over China, what next? To the moon and back I'll say. It would be a matter of time before China went to the moon and build sancastles there while NASA plays with its space shuttle replacements.

The American space projects suffers from extreme democratic bureacracy while the Chinese have the advantage of swift, efficient governorship. This launch has no doubt been a project that has swept the world off its feet. Watch out : the Chinese can throw bombs into space now.

Now how many space shuttles have crashed and burned and got delayed before every flight now?

China : 1
NASA : 0

Random Shit Vol. 1 + TF2 pics

No questions? Okie dokie.

This is the download link for Random Shit Volume 1. Keep in mind that there are a few animated GIFs to discover, and these pics are from my early days, back when the folder was really filled with Random Shit, not funny crap. I think at least one (very tame, granted) depiction of two girls kissing went in there. Also a few chicks, though I assure you I have a completely different folder for porn (softcore and hardcore).



Random TF2 Shit download link

21 September 2008

Bad results: Science and Maths. Bad. And tomorrow I have Chinese B O Levels. Veri bad.

TF2 upload delayed further to TOMORROW


This post used to be a Shakugan no Shana review. But I think it's bad food for thought after all, so:

Here's the scoop on Nose:

Biting off too much on GZF - Returning to moderator duties was a BAD idea. There's some dumbass over there who's having an epically long quote war with the mod team. He thinks that posting a game featuring the intense torture and rape of a nude girl is worse than making a gay joke. I really don't know what to do, so I banned him for a day. It's only a temp solution.


Friday I stayed back at school till 9 to chiong maths. Productive.

Not so diligent today and yesterday, where I majorly put off studying for Chinese B O level. Addiction to comp again... Damn.

So I couldn't get myself off GZF just now, and you know what? The reason I went back is because I'm just that fucking insecure. More insecure than lonely. I need not only need to go back and reassert my banstick power, I also want to go back and interact with people that recognize me.

God fucking damn it.

Also, I have no idea what to do with someone I've been talking to. It's a friend, but I never know what to do really when people share their problems with me. It's just so insurmountable. I want to reassure them I'll be there for them, but when you're talking to a member of the opposite sex it's just awkward to say things like that. I hate that. I really hate how gender interferes in my friendships. I'd hate for shit to turn out like the crap with Geia.

At night I tell myself Geia was a mistake all along, but the truth is that she wasn't the real mistake. Because I was lonely, I began to use her gender to fill up that hole, and look where we are now - miles apart! Miles apart. I tell myself that she was stupid, and yes she was, but I was stupider.

All because of this fucking hole in me. Sometimes I wish I was aesexual and could be content with just having fulfilling friendships. The issue is sometimes so haunting, I can't work. I ask, What's the point? I'm so scared of spending my entire life working, writing, trying, spinning and reading stories about people who are happier than me while I rot away and disappear. It's a chilling thought.


I want children. I definitely want children (cue paedophile accusations). But will I be any different from parents who have children just to fit into society? Just to have someone to take care of them when they die? Parents who conceive for a practical reason?

...

How will I support a child with a writer's salary in the middle of Peak Oil?


Man, nightmares tonight.




Oh, and I almost asked someone to the prom.

Subprime what?

Lehman Brothers files for bankrupcy to protect themselves from being sucked deeper into this economic shithole. AIG needs desperate money from the US government to save its ass from going down and possibly saving Manchester United from playing their next games with patched up jerseys.

This subprime mortgage crisis is threatening to push the United States into unparallel economic recession or perhaps, even a depression. The crisis, coupled with the ever increasing fuel prices have literally put a stranglehold on not just the American economy, but their livelihood as well.

Statistics show that America, is the most 'debt-ful' country in the world. Indeed, I believe the subprime mortgage crisis is nothing more but another credit crunch issue hitting back at the Americans after years, decades even, of negligance and ignorance.

This credit problem is going to hit the rest of the world as well if we continue living the way we are in Singapore. It was commonly believed that Americans become in debt the moment they step into college and their debts run on even in their graves. Its almost unimaginable. The sad truth of my perspective is, I believe Singapore is walking towards that direction. With increase in taxes, a never before seen inflation in the SGD and the increase in 'necessary' commodoties. I see us walking towards a more liberal social system of money, where, if we are not careful, might bring us unparallel destruction to our economy.

There is a bit of good news though. Oil dropped below $100 this week. Its still high as hell comparing with the last century, but its a cause of celebration. No doubt, it would be no time before things get out of hand again.

Sadly for the Americans, their lives revolve around oil. American urban communities are built around the idea that every adult drives. From the suburbs to the interstates, its impossible to get around without a car; unless of course, you fly. America has never been very public transport friendly. So kudos to those suburbanites who struggle to drive 10km to work everyday due to the cost of feeding their thirsty car engines.

Lets not even put peak oil into the picture, we still are, no doubt, in an impeccable shit position.

What we need is a new leader. Like him ^

Debunking the unnecessary

The word examination seem to mean so much to us. Since the age of 6 when we first went to primary school, examination has been the key buzzword.
Examinations is, as defined by wikipedia : an assesment often administered on paper or on the computer intended to measure the test-taker's knowledge, skills, aptitudes or classification in many other topics.
The measurement which is the goal of testing is called the test score. Basically, its a statistic which summarises what you have learnt in the examinable period of time. If you score in the upper percentile, you are what we call a distinction test score. Sad truth of the matter is, this grade sticks with you and skills and the ability to think is thought to be represented on this statistic data.
Its all mathematics. Examinations test a persons skill or caliber, and is irregardless, the measurement of which society takes. So lets all study hard because I don't want society giving me a kick in the ass.

All the best to those taking their major examination.

Hold the Fort while I'm away guys. Word out ner'vod.

Random pics - Demotivationals and...

Team Fortress 2. C'mon, you knew it was coming.

i am IMBA

lol no ur nawt

O SHI -

Download from FileFront (FileFront is being gey, will give you the download link in my next post)


Demotivationalz:


Download from Filefront


Added to list of things I want to write about:

A dysfunctional family is thrown into a crisis, where someone dies. Afterwards it is revealed that a member of the family orchestrated the crisis (and possibly the death) as an event to unite the family.


I've also started watching the second season of Shakugan No Shana:

Good to keep your tastes diverse.

F for Forgetfulness

I will be uploading all my demotivational posters tomorrow. And maybe something extra. :P


For this year's prelims, I did quite badly for some of my subjects, despite my earlier claims to "pwn Mikana". Now, procrastination definitely has a major part in it. Very major. I have to address it. But I have already talked about this before, so as not to bore you with the same emo shit every day, I'll talk about the other problem that hinders my academic progress (and most other projects I lay my cock on).

I remember forgetting about a whole lot of things in the hours leading up to the science practical exam last Friday, forgetting to study, forgetting my notes, and the rest - well I forgot. I also forgot to bring in my calculator and so could not calculate my gradient (my readings were way off anyway). So, literally, I got an F for forgetting. Frak.


The other day I was compelled to look up autism on Wikipedia. It's a condition commonly mixed up with Asperger's Syndrome (AS) as their symptoms and effects can be very similar. Autism used to be thought of as a kind of mental retardation. Some even thought the uncommunicative and unusual characteristics of autists were a sign that the devil was at work. Today, people are actually arguing for "autist pride", trying to get people to accept autists as just "another kind of person", much like the gay pride movement.

My parents at one point worried that I was autistic. Something interesting I managed to remember from my kindergarten years. They sent me to a psychiatrist. Indeed, I displayed (and still display) some characteristics of autism:
Reportedly unsociable/unfriendly - TOFU can remember a handful of names, but I can only remember one.
Unresponsive/reticent - My old carers at the kindergarten vouched for this.
Short temper/tendency to become violent more easily than others - Got into frequent fights from kindergarten through secondary one.
Poor speaking skills - Stuttering, definitely didn't have natural flair for talking.
Desire for "sameness" - Very difficult to separate me from my parents back then, or to try new food, or go new places. I spent my trip to Beijing wincing at the sun and preferred the familiar comfort of the hotel's air-conditioner.
Inability to move past/fixation with regular things - I used to watch the absolutely boring commercials. All of them. Every day. And every other cartoon in English. Every day.

Arranging/preferring things in regular patterns can be a sign of autistic thinking.

The difficulty of integrating into society seems to be the clincher in diagnoses, if the number of times that symptom is referenced in the Wikipedia article is anything to go by. The psychiatrist was very friendly, and got me to open up to her. So after a few sessions I was pronounced non-autistic.

Though I still agree with that diagnosis (many other things happened that ran contrary to autistic behaviour), it's interesting to note how many other similarities I have with autists that have cropped up since kindergarten:
Avoidance of eye contact
Took anticipatory "stances"
Autism is commonly confused with retardation. I have to admit that I frequently do display signs of acute retardation.
Stereotypy, or making useless movements. When I alight from a bus I put my wallet on my head. I like walking in circles. I play air guitar and put noiseless earphones in my ears even when my mind is on anything but music. Some of you may be familar with my habit of holding out limp arms in front of myself when walking around.
For [autists], the quality of friendships, not the number of friends, predicts how lonely they are. True for me to some extent.
... autistic groups performed worse than controls at complex language tasks such as figurative language, comprehension and inference. I was pro back when English was all about punctuation errors and cloze passages. Now I'm shit at Comprehension. On the other hand, I'm good in Lit (though my teacher hinted I didn't do too well in the last exam).


One more symptom, which I'm sure does not apply to me, is that an alarming percentage of autists, about 50%, turn out to be autistic savants. That is, possessing shitty communication skills but extremely epic in memory work, and mathematics. It's also interesting to note that some autistics have gone against the norm and become artists, critics, politicians even, I think.

Autistics, although being weak in imagination and social intuition (they can't associate happiness with smiles, and they don't pick up easily on other people's feelings), and other flaws such as becoming easily obssessive and lonely. Autistics are less likely to have a circle of friends, and more likely to have a few persons they have an intense attachment to.


I've been really fascinated with autism. I went to a forum for autistics for a while, even. I'm seriously thinking about giving the autistic sniper a large role in my planned GunZ machinima. Though autists are generally bad at teamwork (communication hurdles) and on-the-spot problem solving (attachment to ritual and sameness), it's really interesting to think about an sniper who instead of letting his spotter partner do wind calculations and such for him, the sniper does all the calculation and shooting by himself, because he is so good at maths and so in tune with the environment he can do without a scope.

A US Army sniper+spotter dyad

He just memorizes exactly how this much wind, this much angle of elevation, this much torque will affect his trajectory and he can calculate all that in the blink of an eye. His spotter will be there to do battle evaluation and direct him around, picking targets and such. The autistic sniper will depend heavily on his spotter, since he's crap at thinking out of the box. Would be interesting to explore such a relationship, the sniper's attachment and overdependence on his spotter, whether his spotter sees his sniper buddy as stupid or a real equal, etc. Combine that with how in the GunZ universe half the combatants can fly all over the walls. Aerial sniping + autistic savant = Potential epic.

Mikanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Ladies and gentlemen, we have just went from demotivational posters to my exams to forgetfulness to autism to combat sniping to GunZ to Mikana.

The essential guide to staying fat and healthy

Now lets see...

how do you then saty fat and healthy at the same time?

I don't know about you, but I think kids these days are getting bigger, and fatter if I might add. Is Macdonalds (America's imperialist arm) to be blamed for this influx of heavily oversized kids? There seems to be no limit for horizontal growth I see.

This must be all America's fault! Exterminate the Imperialist I say. Its a consipracy to take over our genes and import Macdonalds to every corner of the Earth. I hate macdonalds.

Beaneth the cover.

Btw, I couldn't resist. Big Macs were just to awesomexzxz!1one

GunZ, GunZ, GunZ - A (Relatively) Quick History (Part 2)

One of me and Zephy's more acrobatic sex romps

Continued from here



With the influx of new players, North American company ijji decided now would be a good time to rake in the cash. They weren't wrong. Prenium medkits and armour in exchange for "Gcoins" quickly became a must-have for all top clans and players who wished to circumvent the massive disadvantage they had against prenium-wielding players. The learning curve, which had been deep before, took a turn for the worse with the popularity of Reload Shot, which turned shotguns from semi-automatics to more or less fully automatic. The philosophy of guerilla tactics and tactical moves went out the window in favour of a more aggressive, and unfortunately, more effective playstyle that demanded keen aim and how fast one could press your keys without messing up.

GunZ had hitherto been unbalanced: Nobody official made much of an attempt to make all kinds of play equal. Shotguns and revolvers were the weapon to have; rifles were niche, MGs weren't serious, SMGs were crap, and pistols were worse than useless. Kodachis just took up unnecessary space. Beginners new to GunZ would find more experienced players dominating them on the scoreboard all the time: the players who had no preniums were turning to innocent newcomers to satisfy their lust to at least win someone. The trend that was Attack and Defend turned most maps played to a single map, Mansion, where the nooks and hiding places of the map were ignored in favour of teams taking turns to come into a small room and spam shotguns in a lethal but repetitive bloodbath. The people who held the top spots now weren't particularly smart or unique: just Maplestory veterans who had transferred their finger durability to another game.

Thanks to clans, feuds were no longer one-on-one affairs and developed into massive e-drama and crying all over GunZ forums. People who had heard of the checkered GunZ history aspired to be great; unfortunately, most of them were extremely stupid people who tried to "make" their own styles, despite that very few could comprehend a basic 3D engine; they squabbled on irrelevant things and became desperate for attention. In simple, painless terms, the community went back to a group of toddlers crying over chocolate. In any case, the amount of new things to do with the never-updated GunZ engine seemed to saturate and flicker out with any spark of creativity. Still, the developers made no move to introduce anything new and spent their time on other games and skinning new preniums.

GunZFactor Forums is a shadow of it's old self: once the leading ship in all things GunZ, a powerful community, now disjointed, forgotten, plagued with spamming, trolling, and people who post porn because they hate the moderators more than anything else in the world. The GZF staff is leaving left and right, and thanks to the new official ijji forums, all new, young, unscarred life falls into the cesspit of "I MAED A NEW STYLE" "GM we need prenium meds to be free" "FREE HACKS HERE" "selling lvl 60 acc with prems" "D-Style sux!" "Australians need to gtfo" "look at this funny picture" "ban Signapore/Malaysa/EU players/Aussies becos they lag" "funnyboy93 is a f0ckin n00b!".

Recently, Korean and Indian GunZ versions closed down. A promised Filipino version has not appeared. The International edition has not received a patch for months and months and by all accounts there are hackers in every game room. GunZ has reached as high as it can go. It's gone now.

Stay tuned for my evil genius plans for GunZ.

Octocat Adventure

Octocat Adventure is one of those millions of little miniseries out on Youtube. The good thing about it is, it's one of those shows where things evolve from retarded lulz to extra epic. It's supposedly created by a 9 year old prodigy named Randy Peters and features a (at first glance) simple plot involving an octopus-cat hybrid looking for his parents in the most retarded juvenile way possible. However, eventually I got the feeling that something more was afoot, like Mr. Peters was trying to communicate something subtle.

Here you are, five very short episodes that can be finished in one sitting.
Randy Peters' Youtube page

And after you've finished the absolutely epic last episode (which I assure you is not completely retarded juvie humour) and are looking for answers to your WTF, go here.

WATCH IT FAGGOTS. lifesucks takedrugs

Return Service Ace (;

Guys guys, take it easy. So what if the world's changing? It changes ALL THE TIME dammit. Yeah, like how often a baby changes its diapers?

(not at all, because it's the job of the maid/parent/guardian to do that actually. hehe)

Let's take a look at all these so-called "Big Issues" eh?

"The American Continents (North and South) are currently experience the Atlantic Hurricane season, with about 12 more expected to hit countries facing the Atlantic Ocean." - Giant

Well frankly speaking, we all knew this was going to come sooner or later. Oh come on, does the term Global Warming ring any bells?

*rings bells*

Right. I do hope you peeps get my point. It ain't big if it ain't new dang it. We all knew what Global Warming does; that was what Al Gore lives for. If more people continue to stay ignorant or claim that "ain't no disaster happening in my lifetime!", then we're pretty much screwed. No, we're already VERY much screwed. Thank you Mr Obvious. Yeah, I say come on Global Warming; it's about time you came-a-calling.

Not being sadistic or anything, because dammit I live on Earth too, so I might as well do my bit yeah? LOL my mind is soooo screwed after spamming my Environment ideas on the English Paper 1 prelims speech part. LOL i tells ya.

So moving on. Now we look at Thailand *shifts binoculars*. Let me tell you one thing aiight?

Samak... He's just this guy, see? As politicians go, he's corrupted. Yeah, surprise surprise. Nowadays, most politicians are either corrupted or exist in a very incompetent and inefficient government. Like Thailand's one. Why is Samak there in the first place? All the wealthy business men and women put him there so that their interests are looked after. Also, he's pro-Thaksin, and that point is pretty much self-explanatory la dey dey dey dey dey.

Too bad he had to host that dumb cooking show; seeing how the political stalemate ends between his government and the opposition would have been interesting. I was following it all week dammit.

Malaysia...? Hell, the government over there is becoming even more desperate in their attempts to stop Anwar from getting his wannabe-cabinet ready by September 16. AND HOW DID THEY TRY THIS TIME? As if the sodomy accusation wasn't enough lols.

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia — Dozens of Malaysian ruling coalition lawmakers traveled abroad together Monday amid jitters about opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim's threat to recruit enough defectors from the government to seize power by next week.

The opposition has accused the National Front coalition of sending its members of Parliament overseas to keep them away from Anwar and to prevent him from enlisting government legislators to join the opposition by Sept. 16 - the date Anwar has vowed to take power.

Anwar has indicated the retreat could set back his Sept. 16 target by several days. Opposition leaders noted the National Front legislators were only told about the trip last week, and that the lawmakers' club had never organized such an event before.

Enough said. I just wanna continue laughing =D

The Winds of Change..

Well, the world is pretty much screwed up now.

The American Continents (North and South) are currently experience the Atlantic Hurricane season, with about 12 more expected to hit countries facing the Atlantic Ocean.

The 2008 Presidential Elections in USA is ongoing, and the result is going to affect every single one of us in one way or other.

Malaysia could be facing a political crisis later this month, or next month. It all depends on the number of defectors in the current Malaysian Cabinet.

Thailand could also be facing some serious shit. Current PM, Mr. Samak Sundaravej, is facing a major politically-charged protest against his Cabinet, and Thailand is currently under a State of Emergency. In the news yesterday, Mr. Samak could be forced to resign due to his flouting of the Constitution, which would lead to his entire Cabinet and Government being dissolved. Also currently ongoing.

India. Major flooding in several states.

Need I say more? Be it environmental, political or even social, everything is changing. Faster than anyone could have predicted. Peak oil perhaps. NWO perhaps.

Waiting it out and providing opinions, Giant, Pebblefort. Signing out.

A Quantum Leap in Particle Physics

This week, a group of scientists come together under a mountain at the French-Swiss border. The ground holds the Large Hadron Collider or LHC. It is a massive particle accelerator that aims to collide opposing beams of a special proton. This machine accelerates the protons in a long tube driven by magnets. It is believed that when activated and put into operation, the collider will create or produce the elusive Higgs Boson particle or god particle. This is the only standard model particle not observed before. The observation of this Higgs Boson would allow scientist to fill in the gaps in the existing standard model of physics. The project cost is around S$13 Billion. This LHC is also said to be able to dive into the secrets of dark matter.

Dark matter is believed to be the holding webs of the universe and galaxies. It exist only in space. The theory is that the dark matter has mass the gravitate the entire universe in a specific position and not just drift off.

Again, scientist play with the E=mc^2 theory.

Physics is fun.

This is the standard model of particle physics. Complex.

Eurotrip itself now under serious question

My parents decided to drop another bombshell and tell me that I wasn't old enough for the Eurotrip. They said this while they were watching that King Kong movie (wow, nice way to show me that you're taking things seriously, guys). They made it very short. I can't go because I'm too young. I need to wait a few more years.

Then they went back to King Kong.

I sat around, hoping to begin my counterattack after the movie ended at 12. Turns out that when the time finally came I didn't speak at all. I just let them get up and go to sleep.

I can't sleep.

I have the lessening EU crime rate, maybe someone from GZF could be around in Europe to help us out a bit, I'm going with a person who has experience in travelling alone.

And they said, I can't go because I'm just too young and I'm too young to go anywhere without teacher or parent supervision. That's an opinion. Based on feeling. I can't see them changing it. Maybe I'm a coward but I just can't see anything. My opinion is simply not trusted (remember how I'm a stranger?) and as we all know, everyone ignores facts and evidence when they feel like it. They feel like it. They feel like they feel like it.


I really think we should start hunting for a replacement person now; failing that you guys go with Giant to visit our close neighbours. Even if it's Malaysia, my father used the word "anywhere", so yeah.

If one of you is willing to help talk to my parents (remember that I'm a stranger, and you're a stranger, and the media makes all teenagers look like fucking dumbasses) it'd be cool, but I doubt they'd take you seriously. If Dash really lives in Germany and can personally assist or something, I'll bring it up to my parents but I'm not hopeful.


Anyway, screwed for tomorrow's exams. Didn't study much. Slacked. Found this convo on GZF between two fellow mods:

Gotta love those nights when someone decides to continuously make alts and post porn everywhere.

Yeah, 3:30 in the morning and taking out nudes. Unfortunately, not in a relieving way. Terrible.

The Will of E.

E A O I D H N R S T U Y C F G L M W B K P Q X Z
This is supposedly the order of the alphabet, arranged according to usage from left to right
"E" is said to be found in almost every single piece of text. Upon reading this bit of information, my mind has been distracted from its heavy burden of memorizing countless formulas into trying to form a simple piece of text, avoiding the use of "E" as best as I can. In fact, I had wanted this post to be absent of the alphabet "E". Alas, it is a near impossible task. Oh well, if anyone of you, the rest of the Pebblefort-ers and our dear readers, are able to create a text without even the single usage of "E", please, do share.

Eurotrip + Overseas buddehs

Watching a chick fuck a chair, I suspect, would be less fun than watching Mikana sit on a chair.

' When Papa became Mama. . . What a life . . . : sent 2008/09/07 14:01:
dude, are u really tat much into Mikana?
' When Papa became Mama. . . What a life . . . : sent 2008/09/07 14:02:
as in, even her sitting down
' When Papa became Mama. . . What a life . . . : sent 2008/09/07 14:02:
makes u happy
Nosedigger (On sporadic internet) - Porn folder 44MB. Mikana folder 959MB. says (14:02):
waffles
Nosedigger (On sporadic internet) - Porn folder 44MB. Mikana folder 959MB. says (14:02):
she also needs to be eating waffles



So this is a somewhat less-than-comprehensive list of contacts we have overseas. (Will be periodically updated)

United States
Various people from GZF, including
Yoshiblood (Texas)
Noric (Texas)
Citizen (Florida)
That 1 Guy (Florida)
Paul (Pennsylvania)
Yvgeniy(Pennsylvania)
JinDaYi (Oklahoma)
Somebody (Michigan)
Skyzinha (Alaska, wtf)
Ginsberg
Divine Rose

Mexico
Dakantos (Mexico City)

Malaysia
_Zephyre_ (Kuala Lumpur)
Firedauz (Kuala Lumpur)
A few relatives

China
TOFU's friend's family (Shanghai)
Becci (Hong Kong)

Australia
TOFU's cousin (Adelaide)
TOFU's friend (Perth)
Ailysa

Thailand
Siri (Bangkok)

India
Sunky
Modernites (New Delhi)

Canada
Pieguy314 (Vancouver)
Scuba (Vancouver)
controls (Alberta)
Senvae (Alberta)
Slap

The Philippines
Stacheldraht & Anga, people I know faintly from GZF

Britain
Fluked

Europe/EU
Rikazo (Sweden)
Dash (Germany)

New Zealand
Cambodia
Vietnam


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.crimereduction.homeoffice.gov.uk/statistics/statistics060.htm

According to the above link, EU crime has been going down for ten years. Gonna use this as my trump card.

Talked to my father in the car. He said he would feel a lot better if we had a local buddy to serve as a guide or something. He was okay with Thailand as long as Siri could guide us around. WTF.

And yeah, they still feel that closer is better.

"insert country" trip

If Noseh's parents would actually allow him to go anywhere in Asia, theses are some of the places we'd be looking at...although Eurotrip is still t3h 1337 if he can convince his parents we're all independent and sensible people.

New Zealand
Vietnam
Cambodia
China
India
Australia

Glad to have any of your comments as well as suggestions. Have a friend or relative living overseas? Do tell.

-PanZerz

NEW WORLD ORDER, YOU SHALL NOT PASS

Now at the top of most peoples' heads is hair, but non-literally, most people would think that having a unified world government would be good for the world and all humans who inhabit it. It may be more efficient, maybe prevent wars and manage resources and poverty better. WOW SO POWA. *plays imperial march*

.....how naive. Remember if in event a New World Government were to rise, I highly doubt it would be because we voted him in. Right so maybe we might vote him in but definitely not because we voted him. Confusing? Reichstag Fire anyone? And in the near future, the scenario for an totalitarian leader to rise is very possible. Oil crisis, war, poverty. So someones' going to sweep this up right? WRONG. We fail to forget that the mot powerful people are businessman and with all the money and resources, say bye bye to "good" politicians. With businessmen at the helm, we're all screwed. Corruption will occur internally, although highly impossible because an elitist cult would be in charge.(Illuminati, Freemasons, bilderberg group) They have all the money in the world, what they want..is power.

Yes, they want complete and utter control of the entire world. Now this is highly controversial, but apparently most of these people in the bilderberg had descendants from way back (such groups are considered secret societies) that orchestrated this great show called modern history. They bankrolled both sides during world war 1, earning a fuckload of money but their main aim was world government but of course as we all know, the league of nations was a failure. So the solution? Appease Germany, causing..you guessed it,World War 2. Now they would be successful, creating the great and powerful United Nations we know today. World leaders, part of this secret societies are everywhere. And being a cult, they do have a "religion" which I am still finding out but it involves killing lots of people.

You would think that something this big would be on all major media now. Seriously, these people are the exact same people controlling the media, not telling you what you are supposed to know. A far cry from Hitler's propaganda machine in the 30s.

Right. These people control everything, EU, IMF, UN and now pushing for NAFTA. They are not going to solve all your problems, they don't even give a damn. They are just going to make the world a better place for themselves and I mean, I'd want to rule the world too..wouldn't anyone? Countries are selling out their own sovereignty FOR THEM? Now we all know a world ruled by big corporations is bad..very bad. Your healthcare is going to suck because doctors no longer treat you..the healthcare industry does and if you watched Sicko you would know how our capitalist system is going down the drain. YOU no longer can make a drink company, COCA-COLA's gonna bankrupt you. Got a nice software company? Microsoft's going to buy you. We'd all end up working for them. And with the general public and governments under their control, BOOM! new world order. They're going to..or already have controlled every single aspect of our lives. What happens then, they launch a monopoly and screw us all so that we all beg for mercy from their ultimate divine power and then we'd all become their slaves that would so their every bidding for their new fascist system. Interstate highways are making small towns in the United State barren and dead. The world will become a system of major cities which is very easy to control "DUH" through their use of fear and the use of force (Big brother is watching...). Our freedoms and sovereignty will no longer exist, use of eugenics will create class systems meaning no-one will ever be able to challenge their rule and we all live Happily Ever After.

In the process of creating a better place, we fall victims to their great masterplan. The new world order is essentially every single conspiracy theory in one. Be it eugenics, Illuminati, IMF being total SOBs, peak oil and big brother. FIGHT THE POWER. Free ourselves from their control and learn the truth. This is not about freedom, this is about preventing some motherfucker who thinks just because his great-great-great grandfather was some bigshot British imperial elitist to come in and rule our world.




who elected him?

-PanZer

anyway...I wish Ron Paul was nominated, he wanted major reforms for healthcare and phase out the IRS and rid the inflation tax by reducing spending on US's ridiculous foreign interventionist policy. Including openly wanting to pull America out of trying to "Police the world with our so-called world governemnt" He also hinted that 9/11 was a blowback (CIA term) because of US intervention in Mid-east and how homeland sceurity kind of knew and not because "they're deamons who hate America" *wink*. Completely and intentionally overlooked by the media and the uninformed public. GREAT now we have a dumbass greenhorn going around shouting "change! change!" like a complete retard who's policies are so impractical and a muppet looking old man who would probably lead America into Iran, fight with Russia over georgia and suck Alaska dry.


He does look like Gandalf right? Watch the end where he argues with the interviewer.

He was supposed to be the next Reagan. When the marines pulled out of Lebannon, Reagan already warned us about Middle-Eastern politics did we heed his warning? No.

"If we think we can carry on policing the world and not incite hated, then we're wrong. They don't attack us because we're rich and we're free"- Ron Paul

"We gave them the gas" - Ron Paul

Stop this orchestrated theatre now and learn the truth of what the NWO is doing.

GunZ, GunZ, GunZ - A (Relatively) Quick History (part 1)

A still from one of the clanwars recorded for Terminal Velocity.

I found GunZ on the advice of someone from primary school. It hooked me. The nonlinear gameplay, the SMG spamming... then I found the Forums, and I really got into things.

GunZ has a pretty gay history. Developed for Japanese and Korean gamers at first before an international version was made available. It's main allure lies in the open-ended gameplay: how, armed with nothing but a blade, you can fling people into the air, run and jump off walls Matrix-style (firing your guns all the while), scale the most tall walls in mere seconds; you can virtually fly anywhere that isn't blocked by a wall or the height limit. You can have epic air battles off a wall, over a bottomless pit, on a traditional arena; spinning crazily over heads, reloading without touching the ground, circlestrafing+defending+slashing virtually at the same time if you want.

The real uniqueness comes from the fact that most of this good stuff comes from glitches and exploits in the game engine. Other games have had similar kinds of emergent gameplay: one example off the top of my head is the Rocket/Grenade Jump from Quake, which has found its way into Team Fortress Classic and the acclaimed Team Fortress 2. But unlike TF2's polished and promoted rocket jump, GunZ's impressive line of wall scaling techniques develop among with every other unofficial move and exploit. Many games today evolve off patches. GunZ evolves off the community.

But like any other game aimed at children, the community is bad. Veri bad. When I joined the official forums under "Nosedigger" with a cute lightning avatar, people were already bickering over some move or another they supposedly found, or what "style" of playing is best, and you even have people who maintain that the new "K-Style"(Korean Style, named after the people who discovered the useful glitches) is cheating. It was messy back then, and the lack of consistent moderation didn't help. Eventually some disgruntled amateur hacker took over the admin accounts, prompting a shutdown of the official forums and a move of all GunZ fans who cared to GunZFactor.com.

With a better mod team, GunZ players had a bit more space to make headway with the untapped potential of the game engine's loopholes. No longer was there much discussion on whether K-Style was legit: in 2005 an officially-produced trailer displayed players swarming like flies around the battlefield and turning shotguns into semi-automatic weapons(a discovery that made close range combat a peril for anyone who didn't have dual shotguns). Thus far, most of the new glitches gave sword users more capabilities to fart around with. But in GZF, the neglected possibilities of the dagger were also unlocked; whereas swords offered extreme close-range strength, D-Style relied on its ability to cut corners faster and change directions whenever they wanted.

Young artists also saw a little golden age: Both fan art and fan fiction picked up, with a role-playing thread that continues to this day. In the machinima section pioneers _Zephyre_ and DarkRadiance released acclaimed shorts that took advantage of GunZ's freecam in replay mode. The last few years saw an explosion in frag movies - pressure was put upon giving each frag movie an artistic streak, with moviemakers like MiyaDV, Cysote, and Divine Rose treading the line between narcissism and art. A compilation can be found here.

As the North American version of GunZ attracted more westerners to the malleability of the game, GunZ grew still further. Last year Clan Wars were introduced; tight-knit clans came into prominence and a new list of celebrities came into the GunZ society. We had Cerb3rus, the elite gladiator who found how to juggle and kill someone in the air without letting them touch the ground once, AryaVarwin, an alpha female who became known as one of the top players, we had toktok, we had screwy, GilGilGil, ShadowSkullz. The dagger community in particular, expanded: one of the very first successful dagger-only clans headed by D-Style celebrity Slap made waves in the community when clan Pokable held its own against more prestigious clans. Cysote shot to fame with his Do Dagger movies and attracted attention for his all- styles clan, -Do-. Guides on each play style became more detailed as new moves were added to the list: Extended Lunge shot a dagger user forward at high speed, skyblocking to defend against reverse massives became popular, etc.

And then GunZ began to dwindle.


To be continued.

Eurotrip participation under very serious question

No, actually, that's an understatement. My parents have basically forbidden me to go.



I dunno if they're real fags or what, but they dropped the bombshell on me this morning when I was groggy and wincing at the oil in my roti prata. They say I can't go.

It was one of the few conversations we still have that isn't about the water pump, or tuition fees, or "your allowance is on the table". This is, in brief terms, what they said (father did most of the talking):
My lack of experience
I could get robbed, or worse (they purposefully did not elaborate)
The EU is very far away
Going with something like a tour group is much safer
Us being in a small group makes us vulnerable (I asked: What's a big group? His answer: 20 people)
They don't feel comfortable
My mother cried (her only contribution to the conversation), "It's winter!" (My father said, it's not about winter)
He doesn't care if TOFU has gone to China alone; he doesn't care about experience
But after probing further, he said it is about experience: Except by his standards we're too young to have any (he didn't actually say that, but he did say stuff about our age, and I know him just well enough - this fits in with the kind of person he is)
He doesn't want to meet with TOFU/Panzerz and discuss.


Okay, while I'm still suitably groggy and detached, here's a few extra things I think were relevant:
They don't trust me (my father said it to my face before)
And by association, they don't trust you, you, or you
They are people who adhere strongly to social law (which means you can't go overseas by yourself without your parents at age 16, because that's unheard of)
My mother is the worry-spammer, my father is the one who thinks about more practical stuff (but he's still a prude)
Again, they don't trust me. I've been growing distant from them very quickly, and since my mother's free ice-cream and twisties aren't working, I imagine that my disappearance to EU would only rub in their loss more (My mother is particularly upset about this). They understand me about as much as they understand a dog. We're strangers, and my parents definitely do not trust strangers (which is all of us here at PFort).
They have the impression I'm doing badly in my studies? Not so sure about this. My F9 in Chinese doesn't faze them any longer, and they have no idea about my DPA or anything else going on in my life. Their only clues are the report card (which isn't that bad IMO) and my addiction to TF2.


Once again, I reiterate:
They have no desire to talk to Panzer and TOFU
Me and my parents have a very bad relationship; I can't talk to my mother at all and can barely talk to my father.
They were adverse to the idea of letting me meet Ryan last year. Ryan was the webmaster of GunZFactor, lives in the US, and is about 20 plus. They were afraid he was going to pedo me (since it's a known cliche that every friend you have on the internet is a 45-year old in disguise, THANK YOU MOTHERFUCKING DUMBASS MEDIA). Despite that he was inviting me to the grand opening of Hellgate: London (which had a fuckload of people there).
Simply, they're kiasu/kiasee, and they're paranoid. They're very very wary of being deceived.
They're also scared of being robbed

What's my next move?
Get your parents to vouch for your street-smarts?
Come up with a bunch of statistics that say EU (or just the places we're going to) is damn safe?
Postpone trip to somewhere far away in the future?
Go somewhere closer to home?
Tell them that I'm an adventurous faggot, I'm planning on going to even more dangerous places like the Middle East and they're not going to cage me forever so they might as well let me out now?
Go on without me?


Also for the record, I am trying to be able to provide financial support whether or not I'm going.

Mediocre Acclaim

As I continue on my book, Star Wars : Republic Commando True Colors, certain things unrelated struck me strongly.

Visions of epiphany and yet disenchantment suddenly rush through my veins gush in and out my brain. I have no answers yet. I'm young and moving into a very vunerable stage of my development as a human. Teenage problems hit hard without me really knowing how to sort through them. Problems in school, relationships, social problems of a kid, parent problems. I don't know how to sort it out. Its just wierd that I can't find answers to important questions; because I always sort life stuff out much better than my peers.

I hate it when it comes down to this. This is not me. Emotions now take control of me more than I would like it to. Emotions are good, but it blinds. Like how its doing to me now. Pensive more than adequately describes it. Jeez. I wish I had answers.

Life sucks, take drugs.

Tragic Comedy

Everyone who knows me in real life would have realized by now that I have a penchant for stuff from the olden days, be it stories, songs, artistes, movies, shows, and recently, comedy.
Talk early comedy, and people think about Charlie Chaplin immediately. And then, there is Monty Python. Of course there are many more, but I give them special attention and credit, for they can be compared to the Beatles, for the Beatles revolutionized music, while Monty Python did the same to comedy. This fantastic group was united by chance for a television, and they subsequently went on to found Monty Python's Flying Circus.
But why exactly am I talking about them? Simple.
I have a dream. That one day, myself and a few other people, might found a group and hopefully, we will be able to make a mark in comedy, hopefully as how the Python's did. It might not come true, and most likely won't anyway, but I really do hope it could come true.
Lets take Pebblefort, for example. You see, we have already banded together, and we all have that creative spark in all of us. I suggest, as I had been suggesting many times prior to this post, that we get together in the holidays or whenever we are not harassed by work, and we write scripts, and hopefully, film them. Who knows, maybe some higher-up in the entertainment industry might take note of us, and we could go down in history books, as more than average joes.

Ouch

it kinda hurts.
but its been a long time since i felt so pain.
and pain never felt so good.

Drama Club (Plus concluding statements to Ego debate)

fine. you win this argument. congratulations on evading everything i threw at you. pop the champagne. pop the cherries. whatever. it still does not change the fact that my opinion of you has not changed. in fact, i really failed to get your inside joke with tofu, which you have posted in the form of the conversation excerpt. in fact, that was where i really thought you had the ego problems. so forgive me if i couldn't get your humor because i am so superficial and maybe because i do not take literature, history and may not be as good is SS as you. so go ahead. snub me now. show the whole world how you have successfully managed to pwn my ass in this argument. go on. i know you are tempted to. fuel your ego. maybe it will allow you to win Mikana. but really, she deserves better.

-Giant


Let me drop in a last few counters to Giant's end-off before I get to what I really want to type about in this post.


30.
Me evading everything you've thrown at me? That's pretty ironic, considering I've met everything you've put on the table head-on, complete with examples to push my point. You?

as for points 1,3,6-9,14, i really don't give a rat's ass about them. you want me to address them, then please, undress them first.
- These are your own words. And FYI, I'm on the offensive, you're routing out of the discussion. And I'm the evading one, eh?

We're all guilty of hypocrisy at some point or another, but the least we can do is to admit where we became assholes.


31.
So if my conversation with TOFU could support your accusation, why not explain how it displays my ego problems?

Two possibilities:
A. You're making up a faux point to save "your own half-boiled balls."
B. You have a valid point (but you don't bother to elaborate? Don't bother to bring it up earlier? Does that make sense to any of you?)


32.
I have no idea what's your SS mark.

33.
I hold to the opinion that History and Lit gives me better analytical skills, but does not necessarily put them above someone else who did not take History and Lit. Just wanted to make that clear.

34.
I'm bothering to snub you, and tell you to grow some balls, because I think you need them, and I think you deserve my honest opinion instead of a sugarcoated thumbs-up. The spite, I suspect, is coming mostly from your side. (Yes, mostly.)

35.
Mikana, what Mikana deserves, and my feelings toward Mikana are irrelevant to the argument. (But not to the second half of my post, heh)


36.
In a MSN conversation with Panzer yesterday:
Nosedigger (On sporadic wireless) says
The argument was never about winning
Nosedigger (On sporadic wireless) says
Not for me anyway

I also hold to this.


37.
And for the record, I "win" when you stop fuming like a child and take what I say seriously. That's my victory condition.

So I think you win, Giant, and I lose.


Now on to the Drama Club, and Mikana.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

This morning I woke up and went to school early. Saw Mikana hanging around. She was wearing that familiar black Drama shirt. That was funny. We'd already stepped down, what, in March? Yeah, March. So I wondered if there was Drama today. I wondered what Drama was doing right now.

Then I wondered about going back.


The Drama Club... was not fulfilling for me. It flopped. Nah, both of us flopped. We were both floppy. The whole club, was floppy. People didn't gel as a whole (or even resembling a whole). Most people who joined were either looking for me-time or slack-time. Even people who had a passion for Drama; they were self-centred and... fuck it, let me come right out and say it: they were stupid. We were spending more time playing idiotic games than doing anything related to drama. Without the teachers to go to bat for us we would have collapsed entirely.

But I think it held some importance in my life for a while. Dwindled, yes, generally bad times, yes, but... it was a part of me, or maybe I hoped it was, and now it's gone and I'm sorry things didn't turn out better. Here's to the memories of the Drama Club members. *sniff sniff*


Real names withheld.

Ms Z:
I expect one day I've write something longer in remembrance. What can I say? She tried to be there. Didn't say all the right things all the time, but shared our joys (or tried to) and caught us out on our shit. Maybe she deserved better.

Mrs J (formerly Ms Ib):
Surprisingly, can't think of so much. Maybe TOFU's opinion of her really struck a chord with me. But yeah, he jokes were kool, and she was there now and then.

YW (instructor): You're a noob. GTFO

HP (instructor): He was a nice guy. Got us through the Drama Production. How did we repay him? We replaced him so we could get our Silver for SYF. Ms Z implied he wasn't happy about it and felt betrayed. I feel sad, and I feel guilty.

Shar (instructor): She was hard. She was scary. She did business. She was effective, and she clicked. Sometimes I got mad at her for a snub, or a scolding, but I deserved them, and we owe SYF 2007's Silver Award to her. She didn't just build us back from the ground up (I remember she got SX to tape a bamboo pole to my back because I couldn't stand ramrod straight enough, and then she made me hold up a chair and say my lines) she wrote the fucking script. She was good.

Now on to the kids.

JJ: First began talking to her in Sec 2. She just out of the blue deduced who Mikana was and we began to joke. We would talk about the most insane crap. Whenever we were stuck together for some reason or another, we would bullshit, with her buddy giggling alongside. Sometimes we get serious. Mostly bullshit though. So much bullshit that after a while of flexing my imagination with her I'd get tired.
This year for Drama Camp I hung around with her. It was a refreshing change from sticking with the other guys. I actually enjoyed this year's camp thanks to her. Good times.

SZX: I remember when I first met this guy, we had enmity. Yeah, we were being branches of a tree, right, and I was busy watching Mikana got pissed when he kept bossing my branches around. I remember one exchange where we clashed over the number of push ups we could do. LOL. But he turned out to be friendly. We still see each other in a corridor and bump each other.

Colonel Eggs: Hah! This guy. From day one he was trying to be the Drama Club's little leader. Giving orders and the like, spewing out glib lines worthy of a Power Ranger. Ms Z exploded on him a few times. Annoying fag; ego the size of an asteroid. Heh. He was chasing Mikana for the first few years. Heard he asked to go steady with her, and got rejected. Was nice to her. One time both he and her were both doing an impromptu puppet show, and the Colonel "accidentally" let his puppet uh, "fall" on hers, to put it lightly. It was obvious what he meant, and it was gutsy. I loled. Nice one man. Was always hanging around the group of guys who were into card and handheld games, trying to fit in. Generally wasn't well liked, though he tried to be. After the Drama Production in 2006 HP organized a session where we gave each other private/anonymous apology or thank-you notes. Colonel Eggs had originally been in the Production, as the male lead of a play featuring a romance between his character and Mikana's. It got cut. He was relegated to a relatively minor backstage position. He got railed at. The only one who didn't get an apology or thank-you note. He cried, he really cried, and I felt really shitty for riding his ass so much. I even made a stupid comment because I thought he was faking at first. He wasn't. (Ms Z brought him out to talk him down).
He was rather violent, too. Kicked me a lot because I teased him about Mikana and his mental capabilities a lot.
I'll miss his dumb ass. Dumb, but a bad guy? No, Colonel Eggs is not a bad guy.


Andk:
In the Drama Production, things got heaty for me. An alumnus was supervising my ass and criticizing it like hell. It got to me. Not being able to confide in anyone about how I felt then also got to me. One time I almost walked out on show day. Another time, I shouted at Andk. I can't remember what, but it wasn't his fault, and he sent me an apology. I shouldn't have got it; I should have been note-less with Colonel Eggs. The another day he walked right past without recognizing me. He's changed. He hasn't come to Drama for more than a year.

Mikana:
God, she looked real ugly when she had her pigtails. After she ditched them she was real hot. Tried to surreptitiously take photos of her from Sec 3 to Sec 4. In fact yesterday I was scouring the blogs of old Drama members looking for her. Was on speaking terms. Not much else. But barring her physical appeal, she was a kind one. Always being damn nice to people. Connected well with the drama people. Was nice to Colonel Eggs when no one else would, waited for people she wasn't friends with. Whenever I had to sit next to her I'd get nervous. Once I tried to get out of it. Another time I bumped myself on the head in front of her. And dug my nose. She spoke Mandarin. We were on different worlds, in a different clique, same as many others.
Wasn't an attention seeker, that's for sure.
Sometimes Mikana was the reason I came to Drama. Sometimes it was just distracting.
Would I have wanted her to be my friend? Well, I don't know enough about her to decide, so I'd say no; might have messed me up the same way Geia messed me up.


HY:
Never seemed particularly smart or stupid, always chatting about Grandsazers and playing PSP, but he was a nice guy in the same way Mikana was a nice girl. Shame he ended up being G's best bud.

G:
Complete dumbass and faggot. Just like Colonel Eggs in his early days, except he didn't get better. He continued to laugh and crack idiotic shit while Colonel Eggs was tearing up. What a fag.

Rtrdarts:
Another senior. Friendly person. Remarkably liberal. Not much else.

Thimc:
Was an asshole to me and others, many times. However I suspect his life's quite shitty. Forgiven.

Prcption:
Senior. This guy was epic. Had the most talent. Drew much praise. On my old blog, I posted an entry about how Drama was separated into isolated cliques and people were getting neglected. Soon after I saw this guy making an effort to connect with the juniors and isolated people. He came back to Drama often in his O Level year even after he stepped down. He didn't do so well for his O Levels. I can't remember how well he did after that.
Funny guy. Voice did not break.

Ab: Took over Prcption as head fag. Logical choice. Was the only one headstrong enough. Showed people like me and Thimc pity and talked to us. Tried to get a real friendship with her, but found that you can't build much on a foundation of pity.

YJ: This guy was hiliarious, and so underrated. His deadpan was awesome. I heard he's doing well in studies; good for him.

XN: Gave me a swiss roll because she was concerned about me during Drama Production. Stupid, but yeah, I appreciated that.

Eliot, Jac, Sergeant(not Panzer the Sergeant), Mase, Rth and whoever else I forgot but still gave a damn about:
Sorry I'm not going to be around to give a damn about you any more. I'm serious.

A lot of the new kids I can't really connect with, particularly some new Sec 1s. But I did my best to connect, and I'm happy, at least, to say that I have people who recognize me across all levels plus the alumni. There was one guy who remembered that I had slept on his sleeping bag, which elicited a major scolding for me. I guess that isn't so bad. Some of them still recognize and wave to me.


So did I go back to Drama today? Turns out there wasn't any session today. Maybe Mikana felt nostalgic or something.

But would I have gone back?

In my final weeks and months in Drama, things got tiresome. It was stupider than ever. We weren't doing anything real. I would have ponned if not for NYAA. Oh wait, there was something else, wasn't there? Mikana. There, I said it: I grew out of Drama and began to go only for the chance to ogle Mikana. Drama lost the magic that might have only ever have existed in my head.

When I went back to Drama Camp this year, I was part of a group of seniors and people my age. We needed to put up a small skit. Call it ego, but they were just too unmotivated and dumb to do anything really artistic. I wanted to take things a step further. They just wanted to go with the usual toilet humour. They listened to my profound idea and didn't make an attempt to do much. Or they just didn't understand (think Mikana was one of 'em). It doesn't matter. They weren't wrong. It showed me Drama is my childhood, and will not evolve with me. As the years pass I'll be an alien.

It's not cool. But the year Mikana and JJ stop going back to Drama Camp is the year I stop. Got to move on when it stops being worth it. I remember them, though. See, swapping my webmaster position for a photographer role was worth it.

I owe my introduction into the playwriting world to Ms Z.

Downstream

And I'm sure you're right.

I'm also sure that by next year, Peak Oil will have been subverted by aliens giving us new tech, Korea will be re-united, Taiwan will fight a war with China and win, women will be able to fertilize themselves, I'll be the President of Senegal, and the moon will become our new source of high-grade cheese.

Tomorrow many of us will be going back to school instead of sitting at home and slacking our asses out. From where I'm sitting at the computer, I'm grateful. For the past years I've been spending my holidays in front of the computer playing some game or another. Each day varies so little from the next that your weeks become a blur and at the end of it, I feel like I've just wasted my time. The game's aren't bad, but the lifestyle is, thanks to my lack of social activities to liven it up.

It's just part of who I am, at least right now. The epic phailure at connecting with society, that is. But I didn't need to spend the days after my holidays regretting that I didn't do something constructive. Should have got into more arguments, completed more video projects, written more stories.

And now it's a bit too late. After this quick chiongthrough of O Levels, we get one last long slack period and then we'll be thrown into the slammer marked "JC/Poly/ITE". And then NS/working life. And we'll never be kids again, given an entire fucking month just to sit around in our comfy homes doing whatever we want even if we bullshat through the first half of the year. For me, no longer can I nap in lessons. In FSV, I expect a big shitload of it to be relevant to me. It's not like F&N or Computer Studies where you can reassure yourself that if you mug and memorize it doesn't matter if you take the lesson seriously, or not really learn anything. In Poly I'm going to be doing real, relevant things.

And soon I'll lose all those little things I could do as a child: commit a crime and only get a harsh warning, joke about disease and death, make friends with a member of the opposite sex and not have any sexual tension because the sexist laws of society haven't dug in yet (this is why single-sex primary and secondary schools are stupid), have parents to fall back on(already lost this one), and pretend that staying single is cool (it's not).

Right now I can say "it's scary" but soon enough everyone will tell you that you have to suck it up because you're not a kid anymore, you're an adult. And you've left years behind. It's scary.

Keep the Pebble Fort up guys.