24 December 08

I'd feel guilty about writing over an entry someone else just written, but seeing as TOFU's is really quite short (about the All-American Rejects' new album, hmph, you don't see me blowing a blogpost on an entire album do you? Oh wait, I kinda did) well, fuck him and his mainstream music! I have unparalleled nonconventional taste in the arts! Which is not the point of this entry!

But the cruellest thing you can do to an artist is tell them their work is flawless when it isn't.
- Ben Croshaw

'Yahtzee' Croshaw is the man behind the hit online game reviews Zero Punctuation. He's also Australian, like the Hilltop Hoods! And that guy I was arguing with on Youtube yesterday about Australian gun laws!... Also not what today's theme is (I almost said "letter of the day", there) but I'll throw in some Yahtzee humour at the end because I like his hat.
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Long post ahead.

I can't quite remember the last time I was pumped about Christmas. Huh. If I had to guess who was behind this inane tradition's continuation I'd say it was my mother. (Don't worry, I'll keep the hate-my-family-for-attention short this time.) She's quite Singaporean.

Anyway I forgot where I was going with this... oh yeah, I was going to be all nostalgic about (drum roll) my past, but then I guess all my Christmases have been rather uneventful... So as a better primer for getting off my ass and begin fine-tuning Bridge again, I'm gonna tag the shitload of secondary school photos I uploaded on Facebook a while ago and see what comes up.

Unfortunately, due to the Pebble Fort's constitution (TOFU is noob!) I cannot post them here. I will describe them instead. A lot of these photographs are my own. I can't say I have too strong of an interest in the art of photography, but there is definitely some. Interesting but unsurprising fact: Mikana probably sparked it off. Holding the post of photographer certainly gave me plenty of opportunity to snap away (Wank away would have been more appropriate, but less accurate).

In between getting stone-hard boners for the pretty maiden, I did manage to catch a few things out the corner of my eyes that I snapped anyway... all in all, I did make an honest attempt to do my 'job' and learned a few things. Just me and my father's camera. Impromptu amateur photography.

When I lost my handphone (again) and inherited a newer one with a camera, I obviously went crazy with it. Because of the poor photo quality and shit resolution, and the fact that I was already out of Drama by then, meant that I would no longer have opportunities to shoot Mikana up close, and of course faraway shots with a phone is invariably crap. So I shot other things.

Taking advantage of the quick setup time and relative inconspicuous qualities of the phonecam, I could whip it out anytime I saw something particularly photogenic. I think my favourite one (ego incoming) came from the night study sessions in school. A student, sitting alone at a table. His bag and study things are strewn around him. This is all taken from behind him, but from the back of his head we can see that he's looking at a clique, engrossed in themselves, just a table away. He's just sitting there and watching them, arms and hands down. I dunno what the rest of you will take away from it, now that it's on Facebook, but predominantly it got me thinking about social barriers, because there's a tangible, powerful barrier in that photo.

Was it because the student was obese? Maybe he was just not very likable? Gender? Racial barriers?

I'm sure the Singaporean Tourist Board would jump to overuse the phrase "Racial Harmony", but the fact is that Racial Tolerance would have been more accurate. All the government conspiracies and prejudices discussed in math tuition aside, a great number of cliques I see are still defined by skin colour and sex. You have the Malay girls over there, the Chinese guys over here, Chinese girls, Indian girls, Malay guys, more Chinese guys.... Yeah, there are exceptions (thanks to Lime, we are one of them =).

There was this girl from Thailand who was my classmate this year. There wasn't a clique she could just fall into... so had a Malay guy as a best friend. Of course, she did tell me that back in Thailand, being from an extremely rich family, most people saw her in terms of money... so what, only necessity can overcome petty things like racial and gender barriers? Eh, lets go back to nostalgia.

Got a photo of Giant, Panzerz and the rest of 4/8 chilling outside the classroom by the railing. I wonder why nobody bothers to record these things? Or maybe I just think it is extra special because my own class, 4/4, has really no unity. No pictures of them.

Here's one of TOFU. It's during one of those dreadful barbaric Scout rituals. (Take that!) In this picture TOFU is sitting right in front of the camera, resting his head on his hand and staring off into the distance while a bunch of other Scouts do push-ups behind him. It's like he's wondering "Is there a life for me beyond making little boys cater to my every whim?" while he's looking towards the sky with hope in his eyes. So yeh, quite funneh. I didn't take this one, stole it off TOFU's blog.

There're a few pictures of female friends as well. If the gender equality in Singapore is anything to go by, unless I'm fucking them in the years to come (I'm not THAT rich, so...) I'll probably never see them again after another year or so. I'll also probably never see much of my other secondary school schoolmates again, so I'm really very pleased that I managed to teach one of my classmates Bridge during the chalet, so it didn't feel like I was wasting people's oxygen. Managed to tie this part of my life off pretty nicely actually in comparison to primary school and (gasp!) India.

Another bad tie-off was 6J. I've received invites asking me to attend a gathering. Though it would certainly refresh me with what kinds of stupid things you say when you're in a social group you don't fit into, and help me write Bridge. I guess I'm really behind in terms of social skills. Too much time on the internet anarchy.

Just uploaded the few photos I managed to take of school surroundings before the next set of Sec 4s invaded and rearranged everything. When I finally got round to it with a proper camera, the desks had been moved and everything we had pasted and left behind, except for some wall and desk murals, were gone. What I managed to salvage anyway is up on Facebook.



I suppose its worth mentioning that on in 4/5, one of TOFU's post-it notes on the door was untouched. It read: "Even though we got burned, look at all the things we learned." It's a geeky Portal quote. But then again, I have come some way despite being "burned" many times. I have to admit my position in life isn't too bad and can get a lot better. Tomorrow, Christmas Day, I'm going back to writing.

And here's some of Yahtzee's British humour, straight from fullyramblomatic.com.

When The World Comes Down

All American Rejects like we've never heard them before. Their new album, When The World Comes Down is really, in the words of frontman Tyson Ritter, 'It's nothing like you've ever heard'. All American Reject's last two studio albums, a self titled one and the Move Along album had rock written all over it. They are a little softer in this new album with more acoustic songs on the roster.

If you ask me, I prefer this side of them. There is a whole lot more meaning into their lyrics now and the melody has also got up a notch with the omission of loud sounds... Something PanzerZ would probably find detestable...

I really think this is quite a good album. One of the few albums of the year that has managed to keep me on.

I'm pretty sure hardcore rock guys will not like this new album though.

4 Pebbles out of 5.

-Tofu

Photos that changed the world

(EDIT: the hotlinks have been blocked - you'll have to copy the image address and paste it into your browser to see the pics. Sorry!)

http://digitaljournalist.org/issue0309/lm_intro.html

Here are some of them:


Tiananmen Square, 1989. The Communist Party dispatched the military to deal with the thousands of protestors in China calling for liberal and democratic reforms. This man stepped in front of a column of tanks, and continued to block the tanks when they tried to drive around him, despite that a day ago the military had been seen to use deadly force against unarmed protestors. He then climbed on top of the lead tank and held a conversation with the commander. Eventually onlookers pulled him aside. The photo became the icon for the unrest in China for people worldwide. The "Tank Man" was never seen again.

This is what is known as lynching. The black men had been accused of raping a white girl. There was a third accused negro, but the girl's uncle stood up for that one.


The US had just begun outlawing racial segregation. Naturally it didn't go down well.


A South Vietnamese police chief executes a suspected Vietcong guerilla captain. Although the photographer saw the executor as a hero, the US public thought differently.

This... is Nagasaki on August 6, 1945.

McCullin, sent to cover a war in Biafra, "lost interest" in photographing soldiers and instead took pictures of what I learned in class as kwashiorkor, a protein deficiency. Bloated bellies is one symptom.

8 months after Pearl Harbor, Roosevelt decided that the US was growing complacent, and lifted the ban on photos of US war casualties.

These are the streets of Athens, Greece. The smoke is coming from smoke grenades. This isn't one of the 27 photos provided in the link above; it was taken eleven days ago.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2008_Greek_riots

Musical Education.

Who fucking needs lyrics you got got these bad boys in your ipods. But before I go any further, I think I need to tell you to listen to the entire thing. You may find it a little slow..but hey, everyone said The Godfather was a slow and boring movie didn't they. Patience is a virtue.

These aren't songs. They're marvelous compositions of music

Godspeed you! Black Emperor


Storm

Moya

Blaise Bailey Finnigan III A.K.A behemoth of musical genius.(the original is 17:45) The creator of this vid wanted to make a DBZ amv without putting the usual bland metal or mainstream rock plaguing many such videos. And I say he did a pretty good job. It builds up to a large cresendo with the Super Saiyans and all.


Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I wouldn't even dare say its indie rock. There are too many "wannabe British" American "indie" bands nowadays. Its Post-rock or maybe even Prog-rock.

but I'm not discounting mainstream music here, by using a Jeremy clarksonesque analogy( if you ever watched top gear you'd understand), mainstream music, is like fried chicken wings. Tasty, yes but unhealthy and the you'd eventually get sick of the oil and fat. On the other end of the spectrum is the sophistication of...caviar. Exquisite, an acquired taste of sorts. Now I'd daresay prog-rock is caviar, with peanut butter. A taste even harder to acquire but a lasting aftertaste that sticks to you...a genre Which coincidentally also includes Muse.

-Panzerz

Culture (and the lack of it)

School's been out for a pretty long time. It is starting to get a little odd. A moment we're all studying like crazy and mugging 24/7 for months. Then suddenly everything stops and a sudden void comes in. I quiver knowing that come Feburary, I'm going to get started with school again. Think of how difficult it is going to be to adapt. And imagine my time in Junior College starts, its going to be a hectic rush to finish the whole 2 years alive and make it into a university. That two years is going to be shot. A lot have been said about JC being the most fun time of your life, and the A levels, ironically often touted as the worst exams of your live.

I've been often trying to seek out what made my 4 years in secondary school so sour. For some reason or another, I don't like my secondary school. When I hear people talk about their secondary school with such pride, I get a bit jealous and wonder why I can't have that. Ego issues perhaps. I finally narrowed down the reason. I think its because of my school's lack of culture. There is no strong belonging and identity. In the name, the students, the school itself. I'd admit, I'm not one to embrace these things readily and I'm one of the anti peeps in school. But whathehell. Lets just say I want to move on... I honestly think this matter with school pride is a matter of honour and ego for me as well. EGO EGO

I've been doing more thinking about my JC routes for the past week or so. I realised I really don't want to enter PJC because I fear its going to be deja vu all over again. The same kind of culture (or lack of it) but in a different building. I don't want to hang out with the same bunch of folks again. Which would likely be the case... Welcome to sterotypical night.

Socks for all.

I really hope my results will justify my efforts I put into the examinations. And most of all, I hope my new school won't be a pain in my ass. I'm arrogant, but you'd prefer me to ignorance.

I hate ignorant people



- Tofu, peace out

My Classmate Dad

I have three things I'd like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don't give a shit. What's worse is that you're more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.
Tony Campolo

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My Classmate Dad is the show that my sister was watching on TV while I was eating. Premise is: Boy magically switches bodies with his father. Being a local production, I don't even need to look at it to guess how depthless it is. Incidentally, Warcraft machinima Tales of the Past III disappointed me for the same reason.

So I began wondering how much potential there was actually in that premise, what kind of things the noobs at Okto would never even consider.

A lot, actually.

What might really happen? On the son's side: For one thing, his relationship with his mother is now... well seriously strained. Son gets scared to even hug his mother anymore; what happens if the hug leads into a kiss? Or worse? His mother is going to feel like all the love has gone out of her marriage, like her husband isn't the same person anymore - and he isn't.

What else? Okay, work. Suddenly the son has to work and provide for the family, maintain his job with only secondary school qualifications. His whole life changes - doesn't even sleep in the same bed, when he goes out, he goes out with people he doesn't know. His social circle is comprised of people who are miles ahead of him in everything! Let's not even get started on the responsibilities - someone is taking advantage of your children. Your father can't help (because he's a kid and gets no respect), so you're going to have to stand your ground against someone who is much older than you are. Someone gets sick? YOU bring her to the hospital. And all your old friends - they're your father's friends now. You try to talk to them and they'll just draw away. You can't make friends with them, because obviously a grown man who makes friends with children is a dangerous pedo. That girl you were eyeing from before? Who you thought might have liked you too? Forget it. Romance from now on is limited to your mother.


Dad, on the other hand, finds his new life full of temptations. Should he upstage everyone in class with his university-level knowledge? Suddenly, Dad is the popular nerd. He's mature. It's almost like he's an uni-grad! It's a bit rough fitting in - but as long as you LOOK like a highly intelligent and knowledgeable teenager, people will think you are. This kid can hold his own in a conversation with adults. This is like a whole second chance, an entirely new life! Young again! All that free time! All these young girls around - that's a big temptation right there. Let's say he gives in.

Which leads us to the fascinating destruction of the family.

At first father and son grow closer, due to them having to help each other by fitting into their new lives (You learn work politics, your father relearns Chem and learns leetspeak). They sure as hell understand each other a lot better now. They have to interact a lot more. Maybe the son even does well at the job he is more than ten years too young for. Your father tells you what to do - that's all fine, right? He knows best.

Then one day you leave work early to fetch Dad from school. It's graduation day. You walk into the school gates. The guard reminds you that you're a "visitor", so you have to go get a visitor's pass. The school staff don't recognize you. Tom, Dick, and Harry walk by, telling a joke. You laugh at it. Tom and Dick notice and bid good afternoon to you.

Then they walk quickly away, continuing to chatter.

You see that girl you were really good friends with last time. You want to talk to her, but you can't. That's not the kicker. The kicker is when you see your father, in you, walk up to her and take her in his arms. They are close. Then they disappear behind a pillar and you can't see them any longer.


Yep, your ol' Dad is screwing that girl you had a close relationship with just months ago. While you're stuck with mummy. Oh, and speaking of that relationship? It's going bad. VERY bad.

Your mother has an extra-marital affair and you don't know what to do. How do you preserve the marriage like that? You can't kiss and make up with your mother. Your own MOTHER. You can't. Can you? Can you?

In desperation, you tell her what's been going on. Oh, so you and our son switched bodies? YEAH RIGHT. It's probably work stress (which incidentally you aren't doing too well at), you should rest more. Go on, go take a nap on the sofa while I go to Richard's house behind your back and get fucked by him in the ass.

Oh wait, you still have your trump card! Your own father.

Dad, help me. Help me prove to Mummy that I'm you and you're me. I hate my life. Make it end, let's go back!

Well son... I like being you. Go fuck yourself.

You're the one with the muscles. You pick your father up, in his - your body, and try to shake your stolen childhood out of it. You shake him so hard. So awfully hard, and painful.

Mummy comes in. She sees everything. She takes the kids, piles into a taxi and calls her lawyer.

Divorce time. You don't even know the first thing about legal proceedings. Your mother is now your ex-wife, and you have to fight her for custody of your sister and your treacherous father. Surreal, isn't it?

The case against you: You're acting like an irresponsible teenager at work. You fail at work. You're shit with friends. You're addicted to your own son's computer games. You keep calling your wife "Mummy". Fuck, you got rough with your own son. You're like an immature teenager in a man's body! And you are, they roar at you. YOU ARE!

Your father goes up to testify: Oh god, you've been stalking your son's girlfriend too? We can't have pedophiles in polite society, and definitely not beating up your bright son, who is showing such great potential at school! That's the last straw! Burn in hell with the faggots! Or more precisely, in a counselling room while Mummy and Richard take their smart kids to their new life.

You're living off government obligations in a 2-room flat. Give him a bit of time, your counsellor says. It'll all come back to him and he can return to work. But it doesn't. Nothing ever comes back to you.


Meanwhile your father is a prodigy. Knowing full well the importance of youth, he studies hard - it's a cakewalk compared to his old job. High qualifications on the way. Smart and mature friends and girlfriends. Bright, no, shining future.

And one night, your father brings his new girlfriend to his new home. Richard and Mary aren't around... or so he thinks. She appears suddenly, but instead of rebuking him for bringing girls home, she just smiles and gives him a knowing wink. Does your father ever feel guilty?

Mary whispers, "She seems nice. Just make sure that it's the right person before you commit to anything."

Yes. Yes indeed.

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Orcish hordes and magic wizard schools aren't fantasy writing, THAT^ is your FUCKING fantasy writing. LRN2WRITEFANTASY


Yeaaaaah. Bridge beta reading has been delayed for more polishing. Insomnia and sleep problems again.

The Hard Road

why can't Nick or Disney make more shows... that ACTUALLY deal w/ teenage life instead of making them secret pop stars or living in some stupid hotel?
Random insight found on the internet

These long nights are the death of me,
But its alright, Its my legacy.
What a Great Night by Hilltop Hoods

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Didn't do much for Bridge today. Was sorting out nominations for this:

Like last year, I (or possibly one of my friends) will be making a compilation video showing off the creative products of GZF's community. It's basically an extended trailer of the stuff we have done in here. If you're lost, here are links to part 1 and part 2 of last year's GunZ Frag Movie Compilation.
This year, however, I'm expanding my scope... I will also include compilations of OTHER GunZ movies we have made, including tutorials and storylined features.

It's a bit like making extended commercials, only the aim here is to entertain and pay tribute rather than make money. It's nice; a little record of the little legacy left behind by the players of a game that was never intended to be as imaginative as it turned out to be.

Legacy. Because the great and famous are never remembered for the kinds of people they are.

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Speaking of legacies, Australian Hip Hop group Hilltop Hoods have managed to successfully combine hip hop music with orchestra. Check out The Hard Road Restrung and What a Great Night Restrung. Second one is pretty catchy, both are a bit hard to follow at first (lyrics provided in youtube descriptions), but the thing I really like about The Hard Road is that it doesn't skimp on lyrics like a lot of other pop songs I've heard. And the lyrics are good.

We used to thrash boosted cars till the engine would fail,
If I never had bailed maybe I'd be dead or in jail,
And man I got no one else to blame,
I thank my family and music for keeping me sane,
But that's the breaks right, Started working late nights,
Never seein daylight, gettin paid like a slave might,
And I've done too many years to miss this for my missus,
To have to tell my son he nearly never existed.
The Hard Road Restrung

School of Interdisciplinary Studies

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Alan Kay

I've been prodding myself into working on Bridge for a while (by now I'm going to have to tell the truth about my laziness to Ms Z so that she doesn't expect a novel or a masterpiece). I've noticed that I've had more problems stopping than starting. When I really get into a story, or even into my homework, I can really latch on. Sometimes I can even focus properly. But I never do the things that I need to do because I'm always dipping into something else; I tell myself it's just for a little while, but of course it isn't. I was gonna build up to something that disproved my procrastination, but huh. I guess I am a procrastinating faggot after all.

The last two days I've managed to force myself into the basement in the latter part of the afternoons. Half a cup of coffee in the late morning, half a cup mid-afternoon. The first cup always goes to waste. To help myself wake up (the past few weeks I've been waking up at 10), I play some GunZ/TF2 right after the coffee. But of course I find problems stopping. Then there's GZF, ubercharged, Facebook, TVtropes... ARGH TVtropes.

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Today I got in some good shit. You'll see it this weekend. Anyway, although I want to start sleeping earlier again, I'm online now, because I'm giving the Fedac time to work. (Fedac's a suppressant for my nose that also makes me drowsy). I'm looking at Ngee Ann's Interdisciplinary Studies. I figure that after a while pwning noobs at filmmaking might get boring (look at me, I'm making empty promises again).

Sports & Wellness This module helps you to learn a sport as a recreational activity to keep you fit and healthy. Team building and collaboration skills are developed as you network with other students. There are a total of 19 sports electives to choose from: Aerobics, Badminton, Basketball, Cheerleading, Dance Movement, Dancesport, Flag Football, Hip Hop, Life Saving / Swimming, Netball, Orienteering, Street soccer, Soccer, Softball, Tennis, Touch Rugby, Volleyball, Wellness Programme and Yoga.

I want Parkour, why no parkour?. Parkour is practical. Wondering if I should try Lifesaving/Swimming, I haven't swam for a long time, and lifesaving is practical. Otherwise... Wellness Programme? They're probably going to teach me F&N and primary school exercises again.

Creativity & Applied Thinking Skills
This module sharpens your analytical, critical and creative thinking skills to help you develop a more open and inquiring mind. You will be asked to challenge assumptions and apply these skills to find solutions to real-world problems. In CATS, your senses will be awakened and you will acquire a mindset to constantly seek innovative means to improve our living environment.

Let me see: I grief, I troll, I moderate forums, I support LGBT rights, I support religious rights, I'm not religious, I'm a writer, I actually know how to USE the internet, I plan to dive into an autistic forum and then create a feature-length machinima with an autistic character. On a game designed for nothing but killing people with shotguns.

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Though it might be vaguely interesting to see who actually benefits from these courses.

Individual & the Community
What social values do you hold as an individual? What role do you play in your family and community? Embark on a journey of discovery and become a social investigator. You will choose from the social service sectors, arts, sports, or the environment to conduct fieldwork, collaborating with a relevant non-profit organisation.

This is moral education. Nuff' said.

Communication Toolkit
This module provides an integrated platform for you to sharpen your written and oral communication skills. You will also learn library research skills to research your chosen topics of interest for your writing and speaking assignments.

This might be interesting, but it sounds kinda... small. Library research skills? How much can you learn about the bloody library? Unless it's the internet, in which case I doubt they have a lot to teach me.

General English
This module is for you if you are an international student and need help with your oral and written English. For example, you will learn to handle everyday situations that you may encounter both on and off campus. To accommodate that, classes are interactive and very much 'hands-on'.

No.

Life Management Skills (For BA students) This module explores the behavioural processes that help you cultivate healthy relationships with family, friends, colleagues and the business community. You will apply relevant life management techniques to simulated real-life situations to handle anger, fear and conflicts.

I need this sort of stuff, but I doubt a polytechnic course will be the best teacher for that.

Exploring Contemporary Issues (For FMS and PCS students)
Do we wander through our lives without taking a second look at what is worthwhile? Exploring Contemporary Issues will engage you in critical thinking—analysis, attention, awareness and independent judgment—with the aim of developing quality thinking and the ability to articulate your thoughts. You will do so by gaining insights into the current issues that are prevalent in our social, political and creative landscapes today. Welcome to the thinking world!

They promise me independent judgement, I'd better not get some moral ed crock. This looks like where I'm going.

The above are just "Level One" IS modules, so it's not much of a surprise that the Level Twos are more interesting, especially:

Enhanced Spoken English
This module is for international students who want greater opportunities to improve their English language skills. In this module, you will build on your oral skills through a number of individual and group presentations.

Understanding Relationships: Love and Sexuality
This module enables students to gain an in-depth understanding of the fundamentals of human relationships and to acquire relational skills for effective living. The aim is to provide students with an overview of theories and concepts of human relations and enable them to understand key areas of human relationships, romantic attachments and family life. Students learn the dynamics and intricacies of diverse relations and the practical skills to manage these effectively.

Introduction to Social Psychology
Why do people conform? How does prejudice arise? Why don't people help one another in an accident? How powerful are self-fulfilling prophecies? How do we perceive people? Social psychological concepts help us explain human behaviour even where that behaviour is seemingly irrational. By understanding social psychology, you will be empowered to make sense of the social situations that you encounter daily and be more equipped to manage social relations in your private and work life.

Exploring Photography
This is a hands-on module that covers basic photography skills. You will be taught technical and aesthetic basics, including camera functions, compositions, optical properties, lighting and the decisive moments. You will plan and shoot photographs and critique your own and other students’ work. Students must come to class with a digital camera of their own.

Starting a Business
This module explores essential strategies to identify business opportunities. You will examine the ways in which a business is established, consider factors that affect the market and produce a business plan based on a market research. The module is not open to students who have taken it in their first year of study.

(And everything about business actually, I have a feeling it could get fascinating)

Practical Research Methods
This module will expose you to the basic processes and principles applied in social research. You will learn how to design a research project, collect information, analyse the data collected and apply research skills to uncover norms, values, attitudes and customs. As consumers are part of the fabric of social life, you can also employ your understanding of research techniques to develop a basic market survey.

And I'm not going to talk about the Level 3 ones, because they're becoming really specialized and I'm becoming really sleepy. Suffice to say there's an entire module dedicated to how to apply Sun Tzu's Art of War to real life.

And Sun Tzu knows a little bit more about fightin' than you do, pal, BECAUSE HE INVENTED IT.

Now that the dust has settled, I'd like to ramble here for a bit. Been a while since I've actually posted anything here, and I have a feeling that I might find myself saying that again the next time I make another post. Jeez I have all the time in the world to type, but never really got to doing it. Procrastination I suppose.

So let's start off. What has Lime been doing while on his hiatus away from making posts?

1. Games

Been playing a butt-load of games that's for sure. Literally downloaded tons of online games and got pissed because most of them either sucked bad or made my laptop totally crash when i started up the game. Shite. Shaiya was fun, for a while. Till I realised I actually hated games in which all I need to do to attack was click a single button. Pfft. Wolf Team was fun for a while too. Wouldn't mind playing it casually, but seriously why have all the online FPS games turned to the renting system for their in-game items? Seriously. Shite. Shite shite shite! Takes the fun away from the casual gamer man... *Shite what happened to meh Golden AK47!?"

Then there's the real PC games. Got a crack of Call Of Duty 4: Modern Warfare and completed it in a day. NOT FUN. Yeah I know there's the online multiplayer part which has been praised by Gamespot and all, but my version's a crack. No hope of trying that out. But luckily the single-player campaign is a tad replayable, only if you like shooting people over and over again while looking for cover of course.

Played Hitman: Blood Money too. Haven't finished it yet, because I'm not really playing the game intensively and for these kind of games usually I always search for a little help *hint guide hint* so yeah.

Of course I also do play PSP games (I never seem to run out of anything to play eh?) and have been downloading a lot of them when I belatedly discovered the wonders of Bit Torrent. Played Mobile Suit Gundam: Gundam VS Gundam, DJ Max: Clazziquai Edition, Patapon 2, Tekken: Dark ressurection (ok technically a re-playing) and more. Really handy when you're on the road during a holiday trip.

2. Music

Been downloading songs too, by the album-load. The Killer's new album? Phail. Only two good songs. Sad sad sad. Hunted for album artowrk to fill in the gaps of my iTunes' cover flow, though I'm not even near Tofu's level.

3. Books

Yep, reading. I really recommend the Temeraire series if you're looking for a fantasy series. Great plot and characters, and did I mention there are dragons in the book? Talking ones. Yup. Fantasy after all *shrugs shoulders*.

So there ya go. This should be enough reading to last you till my next post, by my standards of course. Till next time fellas.

Lime.

Douchefaggery

If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual [Gay] sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything!
Rick Santorum (Sen. R-PA)

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I've a feeling I'm going to take a long time to type this blog post again. Last nights' was two hours, pacing around, putting my back into it. Didn't sleep till 3. I'm still staying up late. Nighttime used to be really scary for me. It still is, but only when I go to sleep. Why is that? Most of my waking hours are spent on the computer, which is perpetually connected to the internet. See where I'm going? That may be one of the reasons I can't sleep in my bed. When I'm that physically comfortable, I wander casually into fantasizing about the good stuff. Then, automatically, I kind of start examining on a realer level. That's pretty scary, actually, when you don't have an omnipresent, omniloving diety to give you hugs. I wonder if it'd be worth it to go into a religious place of worship again, not to gather info, but to experience the belief, if only for a fleeting moment, that someone always has your back, no matter what.

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I was also scared into delaying the development of Bridge. I'm only up to second draft now - snail speed, considering my resources (two weeeks, now extended to January). I'd always thought it'd be nice to write full-time. Think about it: holing yourself up in your house for weeks on end. That has to have some cost.

Anyway, I garnered three valuable responses from people who could give me detailed feedback on second draft. I figure they can best describe the major flaws of Bridge, and the sooner I find those flaws the sooner I burn them. It's just that it's difficult to hole myself up and still be happy enough to even attempt writing. So sometime next week I'll release drafts to randoms on my MSN contact list (who have shitty literary experience, pfeh).

Speaking of that, don't bother with Star Wars: The Clone Wars, the movie, OR the tv series. I watched the premiere of one episode today and I couldn't finish. No skill, no charm, no humour, no polish, no ingenuity, no intelligence, let's not even start on awesome and heartwarming; it's at the other end of the spectrum. In fact I actually got offended by its piss poor portrayal of war, politics and especially soldiers. Karen Traviss either sold her soul to the devil or managed a Jesus-level miracle when she offered to write books based on the series. And it claims to be PG13. Whoever said that should be shot. In the head. With a rifle.

"Nice cock, sir."

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After this point I risk losing my readers if I go on (nothing really that engaging to talk about), but at night I think about my past and sometimes I remember them, and every second I don't record an event, or idea, or decision, I risk losing it forever (I'm THAT forgetful).

Polytechnic. Ngee Ann Polytechnic finally sent a letter that confirmed my successful DPA application a second time, and an indemnity form for a preparatory programme. I'll be able to do some modules ahead of schedule, some interdisciplinary ones. It's from 14 Jan to 13 March (though it doubt it's very intensive). Field trips, industry visits (if I get to the guy who manages Okto/Kids Central I will bring extra ammo), orientation programma, CCA visits (None of them look very inviting tbh), and an overseas leadership camp. Very cute.

I've been wondering about poly life and what to expect. Don't really know actually. I don't want to dig through retarded, jaundiced, superficial blogposts to find out, so I set goals instead. I want friends. This time, I want the type that sticks. Because if I don't get friends and set up a network of local contacts now... I suspect I never will.

You know, before I even clarified my stand on sexual rights to myself, I've been... joking about sexual deviancy since primary school. Not serious. Just a game. No consequences. Still, sometimes, when someone I've implied something particularly deviant to grimaces in response, I mull over how serious they are.

If anyone asks at the polytechnic, I'm bi-romantic. People will read it as homo, gay, bisexual, anal sex - exactly. It's a filter. A people filter. I thought about coming out as bisexual instead, but that'd be a lie. This isn't. And I'll make sure that no one is going to mistake it for a joke.


Oh, and I'm interested in taking up parkour as a hobby someday.

Full of it

My sexuality is my own sexuality. It doesn't belong to anybody. Not to my government, not to my brother, my sister, my family. No.
Ashraf Zanati, in the documentary Dangerous Living: Coming Out in the Developing World; Zanati was one of The Cairo 52, a group of men imprisoned for homosexuality in Egypt


Personally I think there's more than a fair probability that most of the people we get to talk to, actually qualify for douchebaggery. Including me. Let's see what's on Wikipedia's disaster list today.

Let's not bother too much with the details (since we'll prolly forget that anyway) but:

Zimbabwean cholera outbreak - Five days ago, the inhabitants of Zimbabwe's capital city lost the privilege of piped water. The rainy season had washed feces into their water supply. Over ten thousand natives have got cholera, and only three out of four major hospitals are still operating.

Nov 08 Mumbai Attacks - Terrorists launched a series of coordinated bombings across the Indian city Mumbai, taking the lives of 188 and injuring 300.

2008 Jos Riots - Somewhere in Nigeria, riots have erupted, injuring 400 and killing almost as many. Religious/political conflict. Burn.

2008 Santa Catarina Floods - State Governor predicted deaths around the 50 mark. Instead, 162 confirmed deaths and 78000 people have needed to evacuate their homes.


So yeah, when a tsunami strikes Phuket and our neighbours we cry, send a couple chinooks to help, send them our used clothes and sit down to tea and listen to heroic stories about Indonesian troops saving a mother and her children. Then we go back to playing Call of Duty 4 and back to work, back to fraternizing with our buddies over MSN, doing our maths assignment, giving out maths assignments, writing, going to the movies to watch a movie about vampires and cuddly love, and maybe yeah, I'm saying these things in part to lash out at those of you who haven't talked to me, who were good butt buddies and now you're all silent, yeah, maybe that's what I'm doing. But you know what? While we're worrying about that Zimbabwe is still taking cholera up the ass, shit is still happening in Iraq and the Middle East, and we STILL don't know what the fuck's going on in the DPRK!

At least I was honest, right, about how I have a selfish ulterior motive. And yeah. I've been sitting at home. Watching JLU episodes. ENJOYING them. While people are dying out there I'm sitting here enjoying my fucking self (JLU is still a pretty nice cartoon). But you know how I'm going to be able to sleep after this? Because even if my mind is relentlessly scared that I have a flaw somewhere in my reasoning, I know that at the end of it all if I'm screwed up, someone can point it out and I'll try again. Because I try, at the end of the day, to be honest to myself. Yeah, I wouldn't give it a third thought to get up on stage and say yes, I'm a douchebag. I was shooting computer-generated terrorists while real ones were blowing the shit out of niggers in India.

It's not the deaths, not our selfishness that bothers me the most. It's the LIES. Not that there's anything wrong with telling people that you're a Christian when say, you prayed for Heath Ledger's soul and didn't give a shit about the North Koreans, you can keep up your pretty image. Make yourself look nice and normal. I'm FINE with that. I'm FINE with you not caring. I'm FINE when you shed obligatory tears. When you're full of it. Full of double-standardized bullshit about loving the world. I'm totally fine. It's when you say those things and you MEAN IT, that's when I get sick. When you cry for your dog and MEAN IT, I get sick. When you cry for the suicide of a pop star, your boyfriend, some unlucky murder victim, the victims of Phuket, and then NOT acknowledge to YOURSELF that you don't give a flying shit about niggers/chinks/foreigners ten thousand miles away and continue to spew stuff about how your deity loves everyone and how you're doing good, and when I look in your eyes and I see you actually believe it, well that's when I want to pull out a 12-gauge shotgun. FUUUUUUUUUUCK you.

So! To give this post more substance than me letting off steam to my treasured buds TOFU, Giant, Zephy-kun, Panzer and Lime, let's talk about the progress of my other projects. I've completed the 2nd draft of Bridge, got some feedba- oh fuck that, some time ago I read about an American teenager. Apparently he thought about what was going on in Iraq, and without his parents knowing, he took a plane to Baghdad. He was what...? Seventeen? I'll be seventeen in February. Yeah.


In our Sec 2 geography textbook, they said that in modern times the world was becoming smaller. They were right on more than one level.

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Torrenting Dark Knight. Gonna watch and have fun tomorrow.

Two interesting dreams

One wedding cake designer I called said, 'We specialize in elaborate beautiful white flowers all over the cake.' I warned her, 'I should tell you, this is for two men.'
There was a slight pause and she said, 'I can put little baseball players all over it?'
Mark Harris

Love knows no gender.
Hugh Goldring


(Non-LGBT post ahead, for people who are squeamish or just adverse to gay jokes.)
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First one: Okay, the story is a little hazy, but basically my protagonists are two shaolin monks gone rogue for a certain quest. I'm watching the whole thing in cinematic format. The two monks approach a curtain, and as they do, a load of monks appear out of thin air around them, levitating. Our protagonists let out exclamations of "This is impossible!" And double-time it backwards to a safe spot.

So once they think they're safe, they begin discussing their next move. One of the rogue monks says, "I know what we must do. We must hunt down every individual shaolin monk before we can continue!"

In a determined voice, his partner in rogue-monk-stuff agrees. "We must find and kill EVERY SINGLE SHAOLIN MONK IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!"

Then, a whole ****load of shaolin monks step out of the shadows in front of them, exactly the amount they asked for, and one of them says, "You rang?"

One of the rogue monks then rather weirdly requests that the top monk, Shen Li or something like that, come forward to fight them. He does, brandishing a huge-ass sword. Then the rogue monks assault him both at once. They win. Then the rest of the world's monks descend upon them in a big orgasmic orgy.

Fapfapfap.

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The other dream was totally different. Me and my sister are sitting on opposite side of a large wooden box. Behind us are my parents, who are arguing, or doing something and failing at it - I can't remember much except that the end is coming very very soon.

So I have my handphone, and rather casually for someone who's about to die, play Mandy Moore's Top Of The World. My sister asks if that's the last song I'm ever playing. I answer no. We sit there together, handphone on the box, us beside it, listening quietly.

The song finishes, and I play Epik High's Umbrella. I state that this is the last song. Umbrella is a truly amazing in that though it's 90% Korean lyrics, the sad lament of the song filters through just fine. And it's amazing. And sad, not just on that level, but on a more personally relevant one.

I think the dream comes apart after that.


PS: Got the translation of Umbrella at last. It's about a buttload of loneliness, and two people who used to be like umbrellas over each other's heads, as shields from "the cold world". Depending on how you see it, the song can also be about relationships as an enjoyable distraction from reality, an "umbrella" if you will. But the umbrella becomes "big and awkward", so yeah, I guess it's very appropriate for my upcoming SYF play as well.
Music Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_E7UGPQswL8