Kids these days...

Trending news currently is about some kid named Aaron Tan who posted a video on YouTube, publicly mocking and demanding a public apology, on Facebook no less, from his 14 year old "love rival" Ryan, who has allegedly the balls to steal Aaron's girlfriend Nina.

(watch video here. viewer discretion is advised; moron ahead)

Despite sounding like a cheap drama plot, I could not help but draw certain parallels between this clown, and Nosey's old adversary, Little Roy. Indeed, at certain points in the video I thought I was watching Little Roy instead of this clown.

Which has got me thinking, what if, 3 years ago, the whole episode with Little Roy had happened on YouTube and Facebook? But seriously, kids these days.

Closure

I write this now, as a form of tribute, as a form of closure, as an archive of my memories, and as an expression of my thoughts.

This Sunday my maternal grandfather passed away, after the tuberculosis virus ravaged his health, and robbed him away from us.

I was present at the hospital ward, and witnessed the deteriorating condition firsthand, so I can say I was prepared to expect the worst.

My relationship with my maternal grandfather was never as close as would be ideal. In fact, it could be said that my relationship with my maternal relations were never as close as my relationship with my paternal ones. Perhaps it was the language barrier, perhaps it was the "culture", perhaps it was the people.

What I really regretted, was what happened earlier this year. We celebrated his 76th birthday in May, and I could tell my uncles and aunts put in a lot of effort into it. Yet, at the apex of any birthday celebration, when the cake was presented and we were all called to gather to sing the happy birthday song and take a photo, nobody made a move. My grandfather was sitting behind the cake, with my youngest cousin on his lap and my grandmother not far from him. The adults were calling and cajoling us 'kids' to go and "get in position". Nobody moved. We were just waiting for each other to make the first move.

At that point, I could sense the entire mood of the evening plummet, and my grandfather was sitting there insisting that its alright. That there is no need to go through all this trouble. Little were we to expect, a mere 2 months later, that would be the last time we would ever get to celebrate it with him.

I am filled with regret, that we, I, didn't cherish it. That we took it for granted. That that was the last time I saw him before this Sunday.

In closing, I want to pay tribute to him.

My maternal grandfather, now late, was a simple man. He ate simply, and dressed simply.

He never sought to create trouble for anybody, and avoided anything he felt would trouble anyone.

He was born in Malaysia, but settled down here, and married my grandmother.

He worked, to support my mother, and her siblings, working menial jobs all his life, until retirement in his 70s.

On normal Sunday evenings, when my family would occasionally go out to have dinner, he would always reject coming along when asked. Even to dinner functions, near or far, he chose to stay home. Always.

The extent he went to reassure everyone, to not let anyone worry about him, was noble.

It is unfortunate, from what I overheard from my relatives, that this quality in him may have indirectly lead to this state of affairs. That he refused to seek further treatment, and kept reassuring everyone he was getting better, that he was recovering.

His sacrifice for his family, his concern, his independence, and his humility and his simplicity.

These qualities I will forever remember him by.

Mister Right

Digging through a treasure trove of items, photos, playlists and memories of my secondary school days (especially the lower sec ones). Oh how things were so chaotic and yet so under control back then..

I guess things have changed over the years, I've changed. I've become much less idealistic and much more pragmatic. But I realised my ideas and philosophy have not really been shaped much by the times that heat people like clay. Instead, I've been much more dogmatic about certain things..

Now life feels different. I feel I'm less subjected to the forces around me that swirl ever so violently. Yet paradoxically, I feel more impotent now more then ever to influence my surroundings. I guess it's one of the things I appreciate on hindsight about secondary school. When things were oh so chaotic (especially in my lower sec days) but yet at the same time oh so controllable at my finger tips. But I guess I am merely just growing into my place as a member of this society I live in and a citizen in this global village.

Still pursuing my endeavours fervently, and I wonder what my book will say (on hindsight) about my days in NS.

Best of Web Fiction: INSTRUCTION FOR A HELP

Cropped for spoilers. Check out the date, though.

Instruction for a Help is a series of howto guides that are written in spectacularly mangled English that suggests some sort of a translator. Take this advice in Instruction for a Fruit: "Take a bad water and make a good water. A fruit loves a water twice a day." The language, and the articles' apparently insane notions ("The eyes of a fruit close and a tear comes") are written by Zack Parsons, for comedy website Something Awful. But soon the bizarrely humourous become bizarrely disturbing, and it becomes obvious that comedy is not the main thrust of the series.

 The readers of the "instructions" mostly call for people to love and respect nature, and to report to "THE CENTER" to be "diagoloised" and assessed for what we can safely assume to be reproductive activity, or as they call it, "formulating a babie"(lol). Having trouble with your "babie"? No problem, just ring for your neighbourhood friendly red worm. He is your friend, and will protect you from the mans from below, which incidentally, if you see him, you should open up his skin and "take out ALL his fluids".

This world where man and nature live harmoniously by all accounts, is flavoured with strange distorted images, becoming fragmented and broken as the series hits its climax, when the mythical "mans from below" threaten the status quo.

It ends rather ambiguously, but is tied strongly to a companion narrative, also written by the same author, called "The View From Below", which despite spoiling the mystery surrounding Instruction for a Help, The View from Below is what I would argue is the "meat" of the the actual story. The View from Below is an arguably even better story, this time with proper English and a much more straightforward narrative with the same setting. The setting of it, political aspects and all, are well-realized and believable; the plot twists and turns past an easy ending into an epilogue that is one of the more intriguing endings I've seen in Fantasy/SciFi.

It is quite long, but segmented into convenient chunks and is unusually well-written and original for internet fiction.

>>>READ IT HERE <<<<

Understanding thyself (and new age learning pedagogies)

I am an: ENTJ (extraversion, intuition, thinking, judgment)

ENTJs have a natural tendency to marshal and direct. This may be expressed with the charm and finesse of a world leader or with the insensitivity of a cult leader. The ENTJ requires little encouragement to make a plan. One ENTJ put it this way... "I make these little plans that really don't have any importance to anyone else, and then feel compelled to carry them out." While "compelled" may not describe ENTJs as a group, nevertheless the bent to plan creatively and to make those plans reality is a common theme for NJ types.

ENTJs focus on the most efficient and organized means of performing a task. This quality, along with their goal orientation, often makes ENTJs superior leaders, both realistic and visionary in implementing a long-term plan. ENTJs tend to be fiercely independent in their decision making, having a strong will that insulates them against external influence. Generally highly competent, ENTJs analyze and structure the world around them in a logical and rational way. Due to this straightforward way of thinking, ENTJs tend to have the greatest difficulty of all the types in applying subjective considerations and emotional values into the decision-making process.

ENTJs often excel in business and other areas that require systems analysis, original thinking, and an economically savvy mind. They are dynamic and pragmatic problem solvers. They tend to have a high degree of confidence in their own abilities, making them assertive and outspoken. In their dealings with others, they are generally outgoing, charismatic, fair-minded, and unaffected by conflict or criticism. However, these qualities can make ENTJs appear arrogant, insensitive, and confrontational. They can overwhelm others with their energy, intelligence, and desire to order the world according to their own vision. As a result, they may seem intimidating, hasty, and controlling.

ENTJs tend to cultivate their personal power. They often end up taking charge of a situation that seems (to their mind, at least) to be out of control, or that can otherwise be improved upon and strengthened. They strive to learn new things, which helps them become resourceful problem-solvers. However, since ENTJs rely on provable facts, they may find subjective issues pointless. ENTJs appear to take a tough approach to emotional or personal issues, and so can be viewed as aloof and cold-hearted. In situations requiring feeling and value judgments, ENTJs are well served to seek the advice of a trusted Feeling type.

Good to know. :)
and I'm back to my obsession with personal mastery

TOFU out

cry-sis

Been having a bit of trouble with my girlfriend lately...

alla damned. Sometimes I wish I was still swinging single.

The Moral Dilemma

So the stronghold of the GRC system was finally broken yesterday by the "star team" of the workers' party. I'm genuinely glad we now have a handful of opposition members in parliment. Honestly the number now is just nice for our government to be effective and yet maintain duality on the ground.

I have many thoughts on this election but I'll use Aljunied here.

I find it a pity that George Yeo, a mild and an extremely nice guy (mum had exchanges with him when George was a BG in the SAF), had to be the fall guy for the PAPs short comings. I very much rather a joker like Wong Kan Seng, Mah Bow Tan or Khaw Boon Wah go. But then again, no minister is indispensable. It just so happen George Yeo was in the firing sights of change.

The issue is apparent. Poor Singaporeans are suffering too much. In economics we learn that the purpose of the government is to intervene to ensure the "welfare" and the economic objectives of the people are met. This government has made policies which have allowed far too many poor people to fall through the nets of safety that current schemes provide for for the poor. The ruling government has shown in the past 5 years that they have been clearly out of touch with the working class. Living high and mighty up there like a club that is the PAP.

A friend recounted an incident that happened to him a few months back that made him question the moral authority of the current government to govern. His grandmother was hospitalised for 2 weeks. The bill came out to be over $10000 despite no special treatment being administered or whatsoever. When the grandmother was discharged, she had to take a lot of medicines to help recover fully. However, the family could not afford the many different disgustingly expensive medicines that the doctor prescribed. The doctor then presented to the family members the list of medicines that were deemed "not as important" and asked them which one they didn't want. My friend and his family were shocked. Under the current scheme, a person has to sell all his assests and be completely 100% unable to help himself (i.e. with his house sold etc) before the government will step in to save your life.

I'm not asking for a welfare state, we all know that will lead to disaster and rob the pockets of our children and grandchildren. But for a healthcare system to degenerate to such a level is just vehemently disgusting. It reminds me of Michael Moore's Sicko show that I watched a few years back. I thought then that this will never happen to Singapore. but in the past 5 years, things have proven otherwise. Singapore only spent 1.6% of her GDP on healthcare last year. Something is clearly clearly wrong.

There are many more heart burning issues I have. But I'll keep it for next time.

I think more can be done to help the poor who fall through the safety nets. The cry has one forth and I can only pray the government open it's ears.

Don't get me wrong. I still think a PAP government is best for Singapore, but I feel that the government has been so out of touch with the working class and the poor folks that they need to lose a few constituencies to wake up and realise something is very wrong.

Idleness

My Passing Out Parade looms near, and with 4 weeks to go till then, I'll have to find ways to keep myself occupied. But what the hell am I supposed to do? 4 whole weeks of doing absolutely nothing is a huge waste of my time. The only thing I can do is read and exercise, but till what end? I grow bored of this routine life. Can't wait to POP and start doing something worthwhile. Will update you guys if I get into the vocation that I'm aiming for.

Yeah, getting that vocation is something like getting the Golden Ticket. Without all the chocolate of course.

On a brighter note, met up with Giant for a gym session at the local stadium and lunch at Macs. Been a while since we spoke to each other, so we had a nice time catching up. It's always fun to see how your friends are doing and all that shit. We should do it more often yeah.

Anyways, wrote this post just for the heck of it, since the Pebblefort's been more active of late. And to all the Romanian and Malaysian fellas visiting the site, I feel that a big thank you is in order. Don't know what you see in us though heh. Will try to write more interesting posts if I have the time and motivation, as per the norm I guess.

Till next time fellas.

Removing the cobwebs

14 April 0245 hours

I just realised today my old blog has vanished completely from the web that is called the internet. I used to blog on a platform known as the 'Windows Live Spaces' and after they made a conversion to WordPress, my blog got erased as well(?) Not sure if it's really gone for good but at least I can't recover it.

For one, I'm pretty sad. I have almost 2 years of archives inside my personal blog (which was locked for the past 2 years btw) dating from 06. The best and worst times of my secondary school life was chronicled as transparently as I could in there. And to have it gone now, never going to be able to re-read and 're-live' those times kinda makes me sad.

I believe there were many things inside which I chronicled that could be useful to me now. In fact, that was one of the main reasons I started the personal blog in the first place. I wanted an avenue for me to reflect and learn from my past. Kind of like writing my own history book. And to have it yanked from me like that is kinda hard to swallow to be honest.

Recently I've been struggling with certain cobwebs in my life. It involves a former lover, and I know I really shouldn't be entertaining such thoughts now that I'm attached, but I just can't let the case close without officially bringing it to an end (sounds real puzzling, believe me I'm quite confused right as I got to writing this part). The premature and abrupt full stop happened almost a year ago now. Still feel a proper conclusion is lacking and I really want to bury the port holes so I can carry on and live my life.

I sound real angst right now and that probably is because I am; here and now at this very moment - it's 0245 and I'm still friggin tossing and turning trying to sort out these old cobwebs in my head.

Forgive me if the beginning and ending of this post sounds incoherent. It actually links. But then again, such is the frame of my mind right now.

Carry On Many Missons And No Day Off (COMMANDO)

A Little Lacking

People often refer to us Youths as apathetic, and we like to just throw that comment back to Singaporean society as largely apathetic too.

And I say this, because today as I was heading home after an event in school, there was a blind man who was walking on the road, having difficulty maneuvering between plastic cones on the road and the high curb on his right. While he was doing this, a motorcyclist had just finished parking his bike and was just casually looking at the man.

What would you have done?

Would you have watched from afar, hoping for the best? Or would you run over and help him?

I actually did went over to help him, guide him back on the curb and let him know of incoming traffic, and chat a little with him. This is actually my first time chatting with a visually-impaired person, and one of the few times I readily went to help a stranger.

On a personal level, this is quite an achievement, because I went from passive onlooker, to an active participant to help a stranger. And I feel this conundrum is something everyone experiences everyday. From young, we are told that as long as its not your business, stay out of it. And then along comes Civics and Moral Education and tells us to help people in need etc. And from personal experience, this dilemma stays and affects you everyday. See the old lady boarding the bus? You feel like giving your seat, but decide not to do it because you feel weird doing so? That is the "little lacking" I'm referring to.

The mind is willing, but the body isn't.

a possible scenario when faced with such dilemmas

Demon's Souls. That's all I have to say. Shall try to update more if I have the time and motivation.

trapped rut stuck

it is now the march holidays, 6 weeks away from polytechnic school life. yet, almost everyday i return and stress myself over a competition i signed up for. the dwindling prizes and awards of the competition no longer attract me, and the potential intangible benefits seem to have disappeared.

my team of 4 comprises of the top student in the other cohort, and the first and second scorer in my class and cohort for last semester in terms of results, with me as the third scorer. an elite team? maybe. an elite performance? not really.

top student is going on an overseas community service trip as leader, so is busy with all the preparations and stuff. leader of the team is second scorer, and he appears to be busy with his own life. leaving me and first to shoulder most of the thinking and research.

i'm running out of time, competition presentation is at the end of the month and this coming week, i'll be too packed with prior engagements i can't walk away from. this Sunday, top student is flying off for the service trip, and won't be back till last week of holidays. tried to call for group meetings whenever possible, but more or less turns out to be a duo meeting between first and me. between the two of us, we are fatigued and devoid of ideas and directions. team leader is repeatedly apologetic about being unable to show up or do much.

i really feel trapped, stuck in a metaphorical rut and unable to move. and i don't want to lose this, and especially lose against the other team from my school. especially not when we are the 'elite' team.

the hurry men

Quick update: less then two weeks to my enlistment.

So factually speaking, I have less then two weeks til A level results are out because once you enter NS, you don't have time to think until results day.

Right now I'm compiling my profile and portfolio for submission to the various schools after my results are out. Am seriously praying for un-catastrophic results. Aiming to land myself a local scholarship so I won't have to worry about taking study loans or eating up my parents' CPF.

It's all in the day's work of being an 18 year old in Singapore.

"Hard Truths to keep Singapore going"

Just bought the much anticipated book by Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew and since last night, I've finished the first 2 chapters. It's a very different book compared to his previous memoirs. Here, a group of journalist pose questions to Lee and he answers them. The book is in a question and anser format of the various questions and it is virtually unpara-phrase.

The stark message the reader first notices when one reads the book is the apparent obvious that this book was written primarily to engage the younger generation of Singaporeans. I wouldn't go as far as to call it a political tool, but certainly the style of writing and the questions engage does point to the direction of educating the ignorant young people of us, Singapore.

The first 2 chapters were engaging and certainly an interesting read for a political follower like myself. Revelations would also be an appropriate word. Anyhow, I shall aim to finish it in the next week or so.

So far, I'd say this is a must read for the younger generation of Singaporeans. Whether or not you agree with Uncle Harry, it is still nevertheless a good book to pick up. The language that Mr Lee uses to answer the questions, defend his points and shape his rebuttals are also of interest for an ex-GP student like myself.

Shall rate it when I'm done. But for now, hard truths will be my book for the next 7 days.

Tofu here

Garden Song

Inch by inch, row by row
Gonna make this garden grow
All it takes is a rake and a hoe
And a piece of fertile ground

Inch by inch, row by row
Someone bless these seeds I sow
Someone warm them from below
Till the rain comes tumblin down

Pulling weeds and pickin stones
Man is made of dreams and bones
Feel the need to grow my own
Cause the time is close at hand

Rainful rain, sun and rain
Find my way in natures chain
Tune my body and my brain
To the music from the land

Plant your rows straight and long
Temper them with prayer and song
Mother Earth will make you strong
If you give her love and care

Old crow watchin hungrily
From his perch in yonder tree
In my garden Im as free
As that feathered thief up there

Kinda sums up what life about. Philosophical, but ultimately apt.

What's being a man going to be like?

I'm getting old enough to wonder, but happy that I'm still too young to care.

Rollercoaster ride

Very tumultuous time in my life. Coming to terms with the fact that I'm not much more than the childish, unlikeable slowpoke I was 2 years ago and that people around me are moving on. I've been trying to ignore this for what seems like forever, but I'm simply not stupid enough to keep it up any longer.

I've lost some friends lately, and the most damning thing I've learned is that I'm worthless to the people around me, in every way. The people that still talk to me do so out of kindness and pity. I've actually been desperate enough to ask them about it. And they deny it all, but there's this very very powerful dread and intuition that yes, this is the dead end. I've lost everyone. I've had so many chances and I blew every one.

My daily life is a rollercoaster. My mood goes up and down sharply. Bursting with hope one moment, then the next minute its all crushed and I can't see the meaning in life. My stomach constantly feels knotted together. I'm having anxiety attacks on the hour. I'm fucking whining about something on the hour every hour. Yeah, I'm desperate now. I can't think straight anymore and I'm afraid my logical reasoning is going. Every single bad thing about me is getting worse and exaggerating itself. Nosedive. Freefall. Inevitable. I want to hit the ground. I want it to end so badly I've begun distancing myself from what few friends I've left. It's like drinking salty seawater to alleviate looming dehydration. Dread is my entire life now; I can't think about anything else.

Independence

Well, things aren't really going well.

My parents decided the time has come for me to be financially independent. Surviving on what little I have left of my savings from the months before. January thus far has been an expensive month. With renovations on going at home, I am expected to buy my new furniture for my room (necessities). That will cost a bit. And I've been going out very often with my girlfriend. I don't really want to tell her I'm really strapped for cash now because I promised her that January will be my month with her. And I seriously feel bad that she sometimes insists on footing the bills. I'm just kinda disappointed with myself somewhat. For not having the tight financial control I used to have. On top of that I promised my waterpolo team I will join them for a cruise. Aiyeesh.

Social calls are still kinda necessary in a way before my enlistment. But really I guess this is a taste of what really growing up is about. Looking at a loan from my dad to try to keep my house affairs in order at least for the next month or so.

This really is a whole different ball game...