the hurry men

Quick update: less then two weeks to my enlistment.

So factually speaking, I have less then two weeks til A level results are out because once you enter NS, you don't have time to think until results day.

Right now I'm compiling my profile and portfolio for submission to the various schools after my results are out. Am seriously praying for un-catastrophic results. Aiming to land myself a local scholarship so I won't have to worry about taking study loans or eating up my parents' CPF.

It's all in the day's work of being an 18 year old in Singapore.

"Hard Truths to keep Singapore going"

Just bought the much anticipated book by Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew and since last night, I've finished the first 2 chapters. It's a very different book compared to his previous memoirs. Here, a group of journalist pose questions to Lee and he answers them. The book is in a question and anser format of the various questions and it is virtually unpara-phrase.

The stark message the reader first notices when one reads the book is the apparent obvious that this book was written primarily to engage the younger generation of Singaporeans. I wouldn't go as far as to call it a political tool, but certainly the style of writing and the questions engage does point to the direction of educating the ignorant young people of us, Singapore.

The first 2 chapters were engaging and certainly an interesting read for a political follower like myself. Revelations would also be an appropriate word. Anyhow, I shall aim to finish it in the next week or so.

So far, I'd say this is a must read for the younger generation of Singaporeans. Whether or not you agree with Uncle Harry, it is still nevertheless a good book to pick up. The language that Mr Lee uses to answer the questions, defend his points and shape his rebuttals are also of interest for an ex-GP student like myself.

Shall rate it when I'm done. But for now, hard truths will be my book for the next 7 days.

Tofu here

Garden Song

Inch by inch, row by row
Gonna make this garden grow
All it takes is a rake and a hoe
And a piece of fertile ground

Inch by inch, row by row
Someone bless these seeds I sow
Someone warm them from below
Till the rain comes tumblin down

Pulling weeds and pickin stones
Man is made of dreams and bones
Feel the need to grow my own
Cause the time is close at hand

Rainful rain, sun and rain
Find my way in natures chain
Tune my body and my brain
To the music from the land

Plant your rows straight and long
Temper them with prayer and song
Mother Earth will make you strong
If you give her love and care

Old crow watchin hungrily
From his perch in yonder tree
In my garden Im as free
As that feathered thief up there

Kinda sums up what life about. Philosophical, but ultimately apt.

What's being a man going to be like?

I'm getting old enough to wonder, but happy that I'm still too young to care.

Rollercoaster ride

Very tumultuous time in my life. Coming to terms with the fact that I'm not much more than the childish, unlikeable slowpoke I was 2 years ago and that people around me are moving on. I've been trying to ignore this for what seems like forever, but I'm simply not stupid enough to keep it up any longer.

I've lost some friends lately, and the most damning thing I've learned is that I'm worthless to the people around me, in every way. The people that still talk to me do so out of kindness and pity. I've actually been desperate enough to ask them about it. And they deny it all, but there's this very very powerful dread and intuition that yes, this is the dead end. I've lost everyone. I've had so many chances and I blew every one.

My daily life is a rollercoaster. My mood goes up and down sharply. Bursting with hope one moment, then the next minute its all crushed and I can't see the meaning in life. My stomach constantly feels knotted together. I'm having anxiety attacks on the hour. I'm fucking whining about something on the hour every hour. Yeah, I'm desperate now. I can't think straight anymore and I'm afraid my logical reasoning is going. Every single bad thing about me is getting worse and exaggerating itself. Nosedive. Freefall. Inevitable. I want to hit the ground. I want it to end so badly I've begun distancing myself from what few friends I've left. It's like drinking salty seawater to alleviate looming dehydration. Dread is my entire life now; I can't think about anything else.

Independence

Well, things aren't really going well.

My parents decided the time has come for me to be financially independent. Surviving on what little I have left of my savings from the months before. January thus far has been an expensive month. With renovations on going at home, I am expected to buy my new furniture for my room (necessities). That will cost a bit. And I've been going out very often with my girlfriend. I don't really want to tell her I'm really strapped for cash now because I promised her that January will be my month with her. And I seriously feel bad that she sometimes insists on footing the bills. I'm just kinda disappointed with myself somewhat. For not having the tight financial control I used to have. On top of that I promised my waterpolo team I will join them for a cruise. Aiyeesh.

Social calls are still kinda necessary in a way before my enlistment. But really I guess this is a taste of what really growing up is about. Looking at a loan from my dad to try to keep my house affairs in order at least for the next month or so.

This really is a whole different ball game...