Npone

Last Sunday morning Miss Z messaged me and I think she apologized. She invited me back. I was really tempted to go back for Speech Day today, but it felt wrong. I'm afraid that the past will slow me down. Ms Z also mentioned that the Drama Club got a Gold for SYF, which pretty much demolishes my statement that the Club's "glory days are over".

Or does it? Does it make any difference? What about how the Club is carried 90% by hired instructors and staff? It's a totalitarian administration. They make you try out all sorts of things, force you to participate in all their activities. But surely I'm past that. I hate that method of doing things now. I feel like I'm being ushered around like a kid when I want my choices and my opinions to be treated with respect given to that of any other person of any age.

There's also a drama club in my school. They spoke of the varied, compulsory workshops they offered as if they were selling points. No thanks. 

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The truth is, I like attention. I like having strangers know about my life and comment. It's a product of my social failures, but it's the truth nonetheless. I began thinking seriously about setting up a second blog. I like the internet as an outlet, because you can get insights that aren't limited by your social circle - that's one cool thing about the internet, you can have really intimate conversations with strangers about the largest and littlelest things.

Also, you can pass judgement on people you know with less backlash from the subjects toward yourself personally; if I offend someone my online pseudonym takes the responsibility, to put it crudely. I have a bit more freedom of speech; though there is still that danger, and that is why I can't do this on Pebblefort; I want to make known my place of study and what I think of what goes on in my polytechnic. I won't do that here.

So far the plan is to write sincerely and to a luxurious length. No more worrying about overshadowing the rest of you. I dunno what I should do for advertising so far. Perhaps it's time to involve myself in the local internet communities (Polytalks and STOMP come to mind) to get readers. I dunno. I haven't really started it yet.

But yeah. New blog. Basing it around honesty and my life's events.

If I go back to my secondary school now, it'll feel wrong. Nobody will be there.