"The most difficult thing of JC2 is turning 18"

As my examinations reaches its climax and begin to wrap up, let me just say I messed it up horribly.

The JC2 syndrome has already hit me. Well I'm going out less, people say I look depressed on certain days, and I just can't help but think of academics every single (insert expletive) minute of the day. There are the other many tell-tale signs too yes, but shit, I'm going down such a lonesome and antagonizing path.

What I've always found really really difficult is trying to live up to the expectations people have for me. I want my straight As for the A level examinations, but what really scares the crap out of me is how people take it for granted that I'll exit the examination hall with something decent despite me telling them I'm going to screw it up. Just scanning through my brain now, I can think of more than 5 people who would be really really sad if I messed up because they think "he'll surely make it".

I can't deny then, that to a certain extend, I feed on this pressure. Knowing people believe and have such faith in me stirs me a little to working harder and to fighting stronger. But there's a limit to everything, and now I feel like I've run into a brick wall, unable to handle all these undeniable influence all these people have of me.

I admit, that I've not been the best student of late, and my MSAs will probably see my grades free fall. I'm going to come back stronger for BT1 in March I promise.

The perfectionist in me still scorns and mocks the ignorant who crumble to pressure and a little stress from the endeavour, but I do see now that people have limits.

Tomorrow is my math paper. And I know all these have nothing to do with the calculus of integration and the applications of advance differentiation, but 10 minutes ago, I remembered again that I am 1 of 6 billion.