"Astartes, to arms!" (Part I)

It really has been a while since I last posted anything of much interest on this blog. Heck, I have my own blog and even that I don't update as much as I would like to. So I've decided to drag myself to the dashboard and start typing woohooo =P

I've been reading lots of Warhammer 40K books of late, and the storyline of this particular series, The Horus Heresy, basically appeals to me:

1. Tells us that the path of man's good intentions always lead to doom or something like that as the saying goes(I forgot the exact saying).

2. Betrayal (I mean COME ONE, the word Heresy is a dead giveaway riight?)

3. Immaculate descriptions of everything; from war to the five senses of the human body, from planets to landscapes. Use the phrases if you wanna blow your English teacher away to Mars or something.

4. How eugenics is being used and its effects on the human race.

5. MORE BLOOD AND GORE!

6. You're Mom. Whoops, just kidding (;

So here's the story in a nutshell.

It's the year We have the Imperium of Man, which is of course the humans la dey. Their leader is the Emperor of Mankind (fancy title) and after winning control of Terra (that's Earth for us), he's on a Grand Crusade to conquer the outer reaches o the universe to bring glory to Mankind because hey, they just needed a reason to go about killing stuff ^^

Even the Emperor could not be everywhere at the same time, and accordingly he created twenty Primarchs using his own DNA. Primarchs, genetically modified superhuman beings who are second only to him in skill, ability and sheer power and most importantly, completely loyal and devoted to him.

Let's pick up the pace. However while the foetal Primarchs where still maturating inside of womb-vats, the Chaos Gods (bear with me here) somehow managed to spirit them away. Unable to destroy them, they still were able to scatter the Primarchs throughout the galaxy. However not everything was lost, and using samples collected previously from the Primarchs the Emperor was able to create Space Marines. In the creation of a particular legion he only used the material of a single Primarch. This created twenty distinct Space Marines Legions which he led into the Great Crusade. Note, a Space Marine, or commonly known as Astartes, were to a Primarch as the Primarchs were to the Emperor.

So the Emperor of course continued with his Crusade nonetheless, perhaps after watching Meet The Robinsons (the joke is in the context and the moral of the story in the movie =D). But one by one, he stumbled upon his Primarch sons in the worlds that he conquered. The first one to be found, was Horus Lupercal. Yeah, Horus Heresy is about Horus' betrayal of the Emperor. So how did he do it?

I'm too lazy to continue now, and also because it might get a bit too long for just one post, so stay tuned for part 2 (;

On the Verge

Yeah, an online forum can be much better than a professional counselor or psychologist. Why? Because you don't pay for it. You don't have the impression that people are going out of their way to talk to you because it's their job or because they want your money, but rather because they understand what you're talking about, they've lived it, or they want to help.

Being a professional doesn't mean they can fully understand your situation, or that they ever lived it. It just means they got a diploma and the "knowledge" of psychology.

- Vonterul, GunZFactor Forums

One of the few places where we can come close to equality is the internet.

Picture largely unrelated

On the verge...

And on the internet. This is what I found on GunZFactor Forums:

I'm so tempted to commit suicide, I can taste it. I think about it a few times a week. I think I'm gonna do it. There's nothing to stop me, nothing to change my mind. I have no reason to live, I have no support group I'm willing to talk to. You're my god damn support group. This is nearly anonymous. If we're being realistic, I don't even know why I'm making this topic. It's not like you can just say "Don't do it." over and over and it'll calm me down or change my mind. It will postpone it at best. I'm not in a state of depression, I'm in a state of disappointment. Why the **** am I not doing it? Is it some sort of survival instinct kicking in, making me hold back? No amount of music can calm me down. I can't wait to cool down so I forget about my troubles and become numb. I've been numb my whole life. I haven't trusted a single human being. I haven't felt fear in years. I've never been in a good relationship with a girl. I haven't felt alive in... probably a year ago.
-Jackolope


This is one response:

I find it futile to fuel this mans need for attention. I don't have time to sympathize with a guy who is thinking about suicide nor the energy. If he really is thinking about suicide then lets cut the horse**** and call his parents or whoever cares about him and get this **** done. I'm not in the mood to discuss how bad he has it in life.
- Waterbuster

This is another:
I know what you're going through man, and it sucks but you have to change your frame of mind. Change your outlook. It's easier said than done, I know, but that's your major issue. Like someone above me said, your entire life can change at any given point in time. Mine changed about ten months ago when my girlfriend and I split. At the time, she was the only stable thing in my life. She seemed like the only person who gave a damn, and then she really ****ed me over. It wasn't just a split, it was a life altering event. I had to ditch friends I had who were connected to her.. Most of my friends, in fact. Couldn't stand talking to them because everything about them brought up a memory of her. I mean, we were just about inseperable for three years.

Anyway I'm not here to tell you about my problems, but I'm just saying that I know what it feels like to have virtually nothing to look forward to in life. And I can tell you now that it's your mind, not your situation. Your mind might be affected by your situation, sure, but that doesn't mean it's permanent. Make lemons into lemonade, as they say. You have nothing? Make something. Do something. Do you have a job? If not, go get one. If so, ask for more hours. Save up a lot of money and start doing something you really like. Hang out with friends more and go out and socialize. Go paintballing or something like that. Hell, I dunno, whatever you're into. Point being, the fact that you can leave everything behind and just start over fresh means that you're capable of turning any situation into a win situation, as long as you have the mentality to back it up. And that means you can't just read what I'm saying, but you need to absorb it and really THINK about it and REALIZE what I'm telling you, don't just skim over it because you know the basic routine I'm typing out here.

I hope you feel better man. If you ever find yourself close to it or thinking about it, just remember that the only people who suicide are the people who didn't give themselves a chance to get over it.
-Paul


So, is Jackolope serious? Regardless of whether or not in this instance, a real person, sitting behind a real computer, is entertaining real dreams of suicide, the world (or at least the part that cares) is going to have to accept that the internet is no longer some sort of advanced telephone that lets you play games as a sidebar. Pitifully few people recognize what the internet is: it's a connection to the rest of the frickin' world. It's a world of it's own. It has its own culture, its own factions, its own laws. Too often we underestimate this fact, or choose to see only the aspects that are immediately useful to us.

Even if Jackolope is a troll and is faking it for attention, logical deduction based on the popularity and growing influence of the internet shows that people do treat other netizens, as real people. (Maybe that's because they are.)

We've already seen the evidence in many internet romances (failures and the underreported successes) and friendships (I have seen proof of this myself). The internet is no longer simply a place where people share funny jpegs. It is also a place for them to laugh about them together.

And yes, it has also become a place where people come to make very real real-world decisions. Look back at what Jackolope said above:
I have no reason to live, I have no support group I'm willing to talk to. You're my god damn support group.

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Okay, time to go do my maths after I type this.

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Mikana MIKANA mikana Mikana MIKANA mikana Mikana MIKANA mikana Mikana MIKANA mikana Mikana MIKANA mikana Mikana MIKANA mikana Mikana MIKANA mikana Mikana MIKANA mikana Mikana MIKANA mikana Mikana MIKANA mikana Mikana MIKANA mikana Mikana MIKANA mikana

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Added to list of things I want to write about/feature:
A group of voluntary counselors going around the internet saving lives. The counselors are very young.

That's the kind of stuff we should be seeing on TV, not that sci-fi superhuman crap (I'm looking at YOU, Heroes). That, or something on places like Darfur and Ossetia. Try watching an episode of Pokemon, or listening to your sister rant about sexual fantasies over the phone, or reading some article about a kid who won big bucks in a gaming competition, then turn to the page where they talk about what's going on in Iraq, in North Korea, in Darfur, in Ossetia. If that doesn't put things in perspective for you and make you absolutely loathe the reasons behind modern oversensitivity and censorship, then you need to tell me how you sleep at night, because this is partially why I can't.

People preferring to watch their Sunday cartoons so they can ignore the difficulties of others around the world. Then they go to their church or mosque or whatever, and then they pray for the welfare of themselves and their families. Makes my stomach turn.

Debunking Ego accusations: Because it's size was too epic for comment box.

Giant said...

is it just me or is that ego speaking?

August 30, 2008 11:49 AM

Nosedigger said...

Explain plz

August 30, 2008 5:59 PM

Giant said...

no actually, i'd rather not.

August 30, 2008 7:14 PM

Nosedigger said...

What is it with this mentality that I can't handle anything but jokes? Is it because of India? What, my 'faggot' comments got to you? Who's the sensitive one then?

August 30, 2008 7:16 PM

Giant said...

on the contrary, i firmly believe that you can handle jokes, and anything else you wish to do. i am merely displeased by your strangely oversized ego that seems to be pushing people around. certain comments of yours could be some personal joke of yours, but i'm afraid i do not possess psychic powers, hence pardon me if i do not share your joke. pwn my ass? bring it.

August 30, 2008 7:46 PM

Nosedigger said...

Whoa, don't leave it at "certain comments of yours" like some sort of wuss. Specify all the shit you have with me. YOU bring it.

August 30, 2008 7:48 PM

Giant said...

your post "Benedict as PREDATOR". you wrote "And the rest of you - The Pebble Fuckers, Thaksin's daughter and Anwar's coffee boy! ALL YOU FUCKS! All your base will belong to ME!

PREPARE TO GET PWNED MOTHERFRAKKERS!!!!!!!!!111oneoneeleventyNINETHOUSAAAAAAAAND"

care to explain please?

Dear Giant,

Being a writer yourself, you should have some literary experience and thus know that most prominent writers never use CAPITAL LETTERS for serious emphasis; it's almost always italics. The only time you see capital letters being used for this purpose is from the scripts of amateurs or the internet. Or when italics are unavailable.

Except in the comment box, italics are available for blogspot.

And before you jump to an assumption, non-capitalised does not necessarily confirm a non-joke, nor vice-versa.



And now to do this wall of text case-by-case:

1.
Benedict as PREDATOR
Benedict looking for girls on the internet. I don't know how you missed this, but the voice of the cameraman - was clearly tongue-in-cheek. The manner in which I showed people was the same. It's not meant to make people disgusted at Benedict or defame him. For proof:
Whereas TOFU, and I suspect, quite a number of people were deriding Benedict's slow mental capacity, I eventually turned around and decided to put a stop to it on (mainly) a personal level.
How many times have I mentioned that I watch porn and alluded to taking pictures of Mikana? If that isn't a glaring double standard, and in turn an obvious indication of the joking tone of the video...

And I haven't even begun on how 'predator' is another obvious exaggeration, which does not even depend on whether the video is legit.


2.
Pebble Fuckers
Obviously you don't consider me as part of the Pebble Fort authors, since I myself am a "Pebble Fucker".
It's a obvious joke, dammit.

3.
Thaksin's daughter
Referring to someone from our school, random reference (Ask TOFU).


4.
Anwar's coffee boy
So you guys can use it as a joke to harass our buddy but I can't use it to say I'm going to beat him?


5.
ALL YOU FUCKS
THIS IS NOT IN CAPITAL LETTERS LOLOL


6.
All your base will belong to ME!
Besides from making no sense whatsoever besides to internet pedestrians (and I don't mean the noobs that frequent Singapore sites and blogspot only), it's another in-joke (Ask Panzer). Even if you took it seriously, I have no idea what sort of offensive material you read into it.

7.
PREPARE TO GET PWNED MOTHERFRAKKERS!!!!!!!!!111oneoneeleventyNINETHOUSAAAAAAAAND

There are more than enough indications of being less-than-serious in this "statement". But yes, I do want to pwn as much as I can. Link me to your explanation how this is more offensive than "One down"? Is it because of the lang- O DEAR THE LANGUAGE

8.
As a whole
Simple logic: If I had a large ego, I would believe that there would be no need for me to work harder. What, you think theat post was sarcastic in proclaiming that I would work harder and try to get marks to rival the best (real-life identities of the nicknames Anwar's coffee boy, Thaksin's daughter, Mikana, not to mention ourselves as the Pebble Fuckers, aren't exactly getting seven F9s)? The post, if you read into it at a deeper level is (ironically) a simple "I gotta work harder". Even at face value it says more or less the same thing, and as proven above, the face has been made over-satirical so that you either take it as a joke or you go read the subtext, which in light of the fact that the subtext says "I suck, I need to work harder" makes your accusation of ego absolutely ludicrous.

9.
And to drive home the nail in the coffin, I posted that conversation I had with TOFU, which gave you another easy interpretative route to follow: I was "drunk" and it was all satire.

10.
Coincidentally I just realized I can use HTML to insert italics in the comment box. Damn.

11.
And (yes, I am aiming for overkill) just in case this is on your mind (or you're withholding it for backup argumentative ammo), I do think Predator and Prey Part 2 stinks. It lacked imagination, lacked believability, lacked deft and depth, and was worse than free porn. It was shit. But most importantly, this is a professional opinion and has nothing to do with you personally.

12. In conclusion,
EGO EGO EGO EGO YOU ALL SUCK AT A MATHS BLA BLA BLA

14. There is no thirteen.

15. ?????

16. Profit!!!

Yours sincerely,
A big faggot

Unbranded - 28/8

So my father just handed me an unbranded box, and guess what was inside? An... an iPod?

How much did it cost?

$48.

Nope, it's as unbranded on the inside as on the outside. Features seem pretty lame. The only thing that interests me remotely is the 4GB space, which I can use as a large thumbdrive. Perhaps to keep my playlist and Mikana in cold storage, should my SATA hard disk ever die on me.

So why did my father buy such a piece of trash?

1. He thought it was a good deal. (Maybe, lol)
2. Out of parental obligation
3. He wanted to buy my love

I would be asking these questions even if I had received a real iPod (not that I want one), or something I really wanted (a laptop). I want to be impartial on these things.

Today I had my Lit exam. All was well. There was this question that asked me to identify a character who had been caught up in material pursuits. (Unrelated: While everyone probably took the easy path and picked Paper for their story, I grabbed Elaine from Evening Under Frangipani. More "special kid" marks for me.)

Then it was off to the hall, to watch a concert that had been organized for Teacher's Day. It was compulsory. Probably to make sure that the work that went on behind the scenes was duly appreciated. But why a concert in the first place?

1. Need to appreciate teachers
2. Tradition (touchy touchy)
3. Part of MOE's effort to keep teachers happy and contributing by making them feel appreciated.



Yeah, we do need No.3. I'm an amoral guy. I have no moral problems with this. But although I don't believe in conventional good and evil, I have, like I said before in India, certain preferences.

I just feel disgusted at how appreciation for the men of women of the education system is reduced to a bunch of girls dancing in shorts to pop music. I can't see the link. You're wasting my time with bull shit. Now this is very important: I don't give a shit if the teachers enjoyed it or not. I just think that if I was a teacher, I wouldn't need (or want) to be patronized like this. You appreciate me? Fine. Sure. Appreciate me. Whenever you want.

But don't come to me on Teacher's Day and give me a fucking card because you're obligated to. That' empty. That's bullshit. That's lying.


But what do I know? In practical terms, we probably need a gazillion white lies to keep our infrastructure running. Keep the weak-willed and poorly-motivated knowing that they are doing good. Stuff like that. That's how Stalin did it, that's how big brother does it, and... it's worked out pretty well so far.

And while I'm on a roll, I would like to dedicate this rant to Miss Aza. Yes, I know it is ironic considering what I'm ranting about. But the dedication isn't because of the occasion. It's because its long overdue.

Thanks Miss Aza, for your sincere efforts. I don't think I should be your best student.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TOFU came up with what he thought was a great idea for the beginning of a play.

A bum is sitting on a bench, idling. A man enters and sits beside the bum.

Then he leans over and asks the bum,

"Hey - do you know the meaning of love?"


At first, yes, cool. But on hindsight, not really.
This does not have the makings of a good play; the makings of a good beginning, maybe, but good play?

I could cite a hundred and one reasons (no I can't) why not, but the one that strikes me now is how, through a play, a facade, a great pretend-show, writers and directors try to convey very real and relevant meanings to their audiences.

We don't die the same person that we were when we were born.


That said, what is the meaning of love? Maybe if I steal enough pics of Mikana at cross-country tomorrow I'll find out.

Logo/front blog picture

Not that I despise our new 'logo', but I think it'd be more refreshing for everyone if we took turns to put up a new pic every month just like we're doing with the blog title/tagline. Maybe expand this to letting one author control all aesthetic functions on the blog (including title, template, background, frontpic, etc.). Allows each of us more creative space to snazz it up(or to not snazz it up, depending on what we feel like).

I would also like to take this opportunity to open the floor to discussion on whether one month for every change of title is too long. A more regular aesthetic makeover Pebble Fort sounds attractive to me; should we switch turns per week or fortnight instead of a month?


Unrelated:
Panzer and TOFU, we need to get back to juggle Eurotrip planning and exam study. ASAP.


If I get elected, I promise that Pebble Fort will not become a Mikana shrine.

The ultimate answer to procrastination is motivation. There was this one Singaporean guy, some ordinary looking university grad, who wrote a book called "I Can Do It, So Can You!" that shot to bestselling status in Singapore (didn't check this statistic, but I can bet my ass that it was at least highly popular, it was well composed after all). It was highly sought after by worried parents of Singapore's overcomplacent.

From what shit I can recall, the writer was pretty fucking shitty at primary school. In Secondary School he continued to be noob. So noob that his Sec 2 teacher called his parents to ask why the fuck he didn't remember basic shit that he should have learned back in Primary 4. It was GG for him then. But then he went to this motivational talk or something and had a miraculous revelation and dropped 7A1s for his O Level and fuxpwned his A Levels.

Anyway, that faggot wrote something I can still remember (besides a Yoda quote, lol). There was one piece of advice, quite small, occupying only a single paragraph in the book. He said, in an epic voice,

"if u wanna be pro liek mi u shld go tell all ur frens and ur parents and tell dem wht results u plan to get. SRS! it werks becos nao u have the presure of kipping ur word to dem tht u wil do well in ur examz. lolpeniscockvagi-"

tl;dr (means "too long; didn't read" in netspeak):

I want to pwn Mikana in O Levels.

And the rest of you - The Pebble Fuckers, Thaksin's daughter and Anwar's coffee boy! ALL YOU FUCKS! All your base will belong to ME!

PREPARE TO GET PWNED MOTHERFRAKKERS!!!!!!!!!111oneoneeleventyNINETHOUSAAAAAAAAND

The ultimate answer to procrastination is motivation. If I don't get my 6A1s I promise I'll ride that rollercoaster with you Panzerz. And play chess on it.

Passing the Torch

Tonight, as we witness the closure to a very fine Summer Olympics at Beijing, it also marks the handing over of the Olympic torch from Beijing to London, for the 2012 Summer Olympiad.

However, unbeknown to many, tonight's ceremony will mark another passing of torches for us students sitting for the GCE O Levels this year. It marks the handing over of torch from Slacking and Relaxation (watching the Olympic Games) to full-time study. I for one, am willing to welcome this change, even though it pains my heart to do so, for I love the telly. Nevertheless, we now have less excuse to watch tv and not revise/practice.

SO HAND OVER THE EFFING TORCH ALREADY!

Projects in the pipeline

Projects in the pipeline for Nosedigger:

Halcyon Sun retelling (cancelled)
Halcyon Sun is an old neglected spaceflying sim that suffered from poor marketing, despite solid writing and plot, which is as many of us know hard to find in video games. I was going to record and upload Halcyon Sun's cutscenes on Youtube and release them as a drama series, but it would take a lot of my time (and disk space) that could be better spent.

Halcyon Sun Trailer
Actually I've already made one, but that doesn't really count as its too short. I want to make a full length 2 minutes theatrical trailer to honour the legend of Halcyon Sun.

GunZ multimedia project
The world of GunZ has always been fascinating for some unexplainable (read: batshit crazy) reason. Former ventures into the world of GunZ include the 'Breaking Entering and Exploding' shorts, the unintentional Scroll Dynasty plagiarism, and involvement in Zephyre's Pistol Ninja Series. There's a large folder in my hard disk full of stuff on what the GunZ world is: what important themes to look at (for example Responsibility in a world where many people have magic powers, and the more difficult role of the government in dealing with freedoms in such a world) what major events there are, blah blah blah. Stuff in the pipeline include Voice-acting for the next Pistol Ninja machinima, my own GunZ machinima, and maybe a couple of short stories.

Kunai Clan Movie
I promised this long ago but failed to deliver, because of rendering problems. Going to try all over again using a different song, The Remedy by Jason Mraz.

TF2 Frag Movie
EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH maybe.

Scar
Going to set a shitload of Battlestar Galactica's space battles to something thumping, then finish off with Starbuck's epic toast in "Scar".

Underemergency Project
I'm going to want a sequel to Underemergency, set after the implied euthanasia has begun.

Resignation from Moderator position in GunZFactor
Still waiting for right time.

Kept In
A play wherein a group of kids get stuck in a computer room. Observe group dynamics and shit.

Partition
I'm quite looking forward to finishing this play. This play is science fiction and looks at the overprotective community in the future. Is murder still murder when you can preserve the victim in cryonics to be revived at a later date? What about the ethical qualms of removing the memories of convicts to 'rehabilitate' them? Dividing society into levels, where the 'better' levels get better lives?

Go to the blogs of everyone I know (and maybe some I don't know), and then post "Nice cock" or "Nice sock" on their tagboards.
What, you thought I was kidding?

religion and its detractors.

Enjoy =D This is what you get when you give an atheist too much time with cartoons... *glares at Panzer* xD

I'm here to reedeem my internet coupon please

YAY INTERNET!!!111!!

-PanZerz