My Classmate Dad

I have three things I'd like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don't give a shit. What's worse is that you're more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.
Tony Campolo

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My Classmate Dad is the show that my sister was watching on TV while I was eating. Premise is: Boy magically switches bodies with his father. Being a local production, I don't even need to look at it to guess how depthless it is. Incidentally, Warcraft machinima Tales of the Past III disappointed me for the same reason.

So I began wondering how much potential there was actually in that premise, what kind of things the noobs at Okto would never even consider.

A lot, actually.

What might really happen? On the son's side: For one thing, his relationship with his mother is now... well seriously strained. Son gets scared to even hug his mother anymore; what happens if the hug leads into a kiss? Or worse? His mother is going to feel like all the love has gone out of her marriage, like her husband isn't the same person anymore - and he isn't.

What else? Okay, work. Suddenly the son has to work and provide for the family, maintain his job with only secondary school qualifications. His whole life changes - doesn't even sleep in the same bed, when he goes out, he goes out with people he doesn't know. His social circle is comprised of people who are miles ahead of him in everything! Let's not even get started on the responsibilities - someone is taking advantage of your children. Your father can't help (because he's a kid and gets no respect), so you're going to have to stand your ground against someone who is much older than you are. Someone gets sick? YOU bring her to the hospital. And all your old friends - they're your father's friends now. You try to talk to them and they'll just draw away. You can't make friends with them, because obviously a grown man who makes friends with children is a dangerous pedo. That girl you were eyeing from before? Who you thought might have liked you too? Forget it. Romance from now on is limited to your mother.


Dad, on the other hand, finds his new life full of temptations. Should he upstage everyone in class with his university-level knowledge? Suddenly, Dad is the popular nerd. He's mature. It's almost like he's an uni-grad! It's a bit rough fitting in - but as long as you LOOK like a highly intelligent and knowledgeable teenager, people will think you are. This kid can hold his own in a conversation with adults. This is like a whole second chance, an entirely new life! Young again! All that free time! All these young girls around - that's a big temptation right there. Let's say he gives in.

Which leads us to the fascinating destruction of the family.

At first father and son grow closer, due to them having to help each other by fitting into their new lives (You learn work politics, your father relearns Chem and learns leetspeak). They sure as hell understand each other a lot better now. They have to interact a lot more. Maybe the son even does well at the job he is more than ten years too young for. Your father tells you what to do - that's all fine, right? He knows best.

Then one day you leave work early to fetch Dad from school. It's graduation day. You walk into the school gates. The guard reminds you that you're a "visitor", so you have to go get a visitor's pass. The school staff don't recognize you. Tom, Dick, and Harry walk by, telling a joke. You laugh at it. Tom and Dick notice and bid good afternoon to you.

Then they walk quickly away, continuing to chatter.

You see that girl you were really good friends with last time. You want to talk to her, but you can't. That's not the kicker. The kicker is when you see your father, in you, walk up to her and take her in his arms. They are close. Then they disappear behind a pillar and you can't see them any longer.


Yep, your ol' Dad is screwing that girl you had a close relationship with just months ago. While you're stuck with mummy. Oh, and speaking of that relationship? It's going bad. VERY bad.

Your mother has an extra-marital affair and you don't know what to do. How do you preserve the marriage like that? You can't kiss and make up with your mother. Your own MOTHER. You can't. Can you? Can you?

In desperation, you tell her what's been going on. Oh, so you and our son switched bodies? YEAH RIGHT. It's probably work stress (which incidentally you aren't doing too well at), you should rest more. Go on, go take a nap on the sofa while I go to Richard's house behind your back and get fucked by him in the ass.

Oh wait, you still have your trump card! Your own father.

Dad, help me. Help me prove to Mummy that I'm you and you're me. I hate my life. Make it end, let's go back!

Well son... I like being you. Go fuck yourself.

You're the one with the muscles. You pick your father up, in his - your body, and try to shake your stolen childhood out of it. You shake him so hard. So awfully hard, and painful.

Mummy comes in. She sees everything. She takes the kids, piles into a taxi and calls her lawyer.

Divorce time. You don't even know the first thing about legal proceedings. Your mother is now your ex-wife, and you have to fight her for custody of your sister and your treacherous father. Surreal, isn't it?

The case against you: You're acting like an irresponsible teenager at work. You fail at work. You're shit with friends. You're addicted to your own son's computer games. You keep calling your wife "Mummy". Fuck, you got rough with your own son. You're like an immature teenager in a man's body! And you are, they roar at you. YOU ARE!

Your father goes up to testify: Oh god, you've been stalking your son's girlfriend too? We can't have pedophiles in polite society, and definitely not beating up your bright son, who is showing such great potential at school! That's the last straw! Burn in hell with the faggots! Or more precisely, in a counselling room while Mummy and Richard take their smart kids to their new life.

You're living off government obligations in a 2-room flat. Give him a bit of time, your counsellor says. It'll all come back to him and he can return to work. But it doesn't. Nothing ever comes back to you.


Meanwhile your father is a prodigy. Knowing full well the importance of youth, he studies hard - it's a cakewalk compared to his old job. High qualifications on the way. Smart and mature friends and girlfriends. Bright, no, shining future.

And one night, your father brings his new girlfriend to his new home. Richard and Mary aren't around... or so he thinks. She appears suddenly, but instead of rebuking him for bringing girls home, she just smiles and gives him a knowing wink. Does your father ever feel guilty?

Mary whispers, "She seems nice. Just make sure that it's the right person before you commit to anything."

Yes. Yes indeed.

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Orcish hordes and magic wizard schools aren't fantasy writing, THAT^ is your FUCKING fantasy writing. LRN2WRITEFANTASY


Yeaaaaah. Bridge beta reading has been delayed for more polishing. Insomnia and sleep problems again.