Full of it

My sexuality is my own sexuality. It doesn't belong to anybody. Not to my government, not to my brother, my sister, my family. No.
Ashraf Zanati, in the documentary Dangerous Living: Coming Out in the Developing World; Zanati was one of The Cairo 52, a group of men imprisoned for homosexuality in Egypt


Personally I think there's more than a fair probability that most of the people we get to talk to, actually qualify for douchebaggery. Including me. Let's see what's on Wikipedia's disaster list today.

Let's not bother too much with the details (since we'll prolly forget that anyway) but:

Zimbabwean cholera outbreak - Five days ago, the inhabitants of Zimbabwe's capital city lost the privilege of piped water. The rainy season had washed feces into their water supply. Over ten thousand natives have got cholera, and only three out of four major hospitals are still operating.

Nov 08 Mumbai Attacks - Terrorists launched a series of coordinated bombings across the Indian city Mumbai, taking the lives of 188 and injuring 300.

2008 Jos Riots - Somewhere in Nigeria, riots have erupted, injuring 400 and killing almost as many. Religious/political conflict. Burn.

2008 Santa Catarina Floods - State Governor predicted deaths around the 50 mark. Instead, 162 confirmed deaths and 78000 people have needed to evacuate their homes.


So yeah, when a tsunami strikes Phuket and our neighbours we cry, send a couple chinooks to help, send them our used clothes and sit down to tea and listen to heroic stories about Indonesian troops saving a mother and her children. Then we go back to playing Call of Duty 4 and back to work, back to fraternizing with our buddies over MSN, doing our maths assignment, giving out maths assignments, writing, going to the movies to watch a movie about vampires and cuddly love, and maybe yeah, I'm saying these things in part to lash out at those of you who haven't talked to me, who were good butt buddies and now you're all silent, yeah, maybe that's what I'm doing. But you know what? While we're worrying about that Zimbabwe is still taking cholera up the ass, shit is still happening in Iraq and the Middle East, and we STILL don't know what the fuck's going on in the DPRK!

At least I was honest, right, about how I have a selfish ulterior motive. And yeah. I've been sitting at home. Watching JLU episodes. ENJOYING them. While people are dying out there I'm sitting here enjoying my fucking self (JLU is still a pretty nice cartoon). But you know how I'm going to be able to sleep after this? Because even if my mind is relentlessly scared that I have a flaw somewhere in my reasoning, I know that at the end of it all if I'm screwed up, someone can point it out and I'll try again. Because I try, at the end of the day, to be honest to myself. Yeah, I wouldn't give it a third thought to get up on stage and say yes, I'm a douchebag. I was shooting computer-generated terrorists while real ones were blowing the shit out of niggers in India.

It's not the deaths, not our selfishness that bothers me the most. It's the LIES. Not that there's anything wrong with telling people that you're a Christian when say, you prayed for Heath Ledger's soul and didn't give a shit about the North Koreans, you can keep up your pretty image. Make yourself look nice and normal. I'm FINE with that. I'm FINE with you not caring. I'm FINE when you shed obligatory tears. When you're full of it. Full of double-standardized bullshit about loving the world. I'm totally fine. It's when you say those things and you MEAN IT, that's when I get sick. When you cry for your dog and MEAN IT, I get sick. When you cry for the suicide of a pop star, your boyfriend, some unlucky murder victim, the victims of Phuket, and then NOT acknowledge to YOURSELF that you don't give a flying shit about niggers/chinks/foreigners ten thousand miles away and continue to spew stuff about how your deity loves everyone and how you're doing good, and when I look in your eyes and I see you actually believe it, well that's when I want to pull out a 12-gauge shotgun. FUUUUUUUUUUCK you.

So! To give this post more substance than me letting off steam to my treasured buds TOFU, Giant, Zephy-kun, Panzer and Lime, let's talk about the progress of my other projects. I've completed the 2nd draft of Bridge, got some feedba- oh fuck that, some time ago I read about an American teenager. Apparently he thought about what was going on in Iraq, and without his parents knowing, he took a plane to Baghdad. He was what...? Seventeen? I'll be seventeen in February. Yeah.


In our Sec 2 geography textbook, they said that in modern times the world was becoming smaller. They were right on more than one level.

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Torrenting Dark Knight. Gonna watch and have fun tomorrow.