Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Roots are but cells, language are but words, but an F..ROFOL

Im very content with my pass in Chinese, not exactly over the moon, but pleased to know that for the second time in my life, my culture and 5000 odd years of history has not let me down. Its not that I hate Chinese and reject my culture because i'm somewhat a twinkie (or twiggie in Singapore). Actually, that a half-truth, but rather it has failed me more that I can remember. It all started in primary three, where for the first time in my life, I failed Chinese. Now this was a surprise at the time as being brought up in a kind of "prestigious" kindergarden, my chinese was never bad. In fact, I refer back to my K2 work on poems and shit, It's hard to imagine I could actually read that well. Hell! I don't even recognise some of the words now. Then fail,fail, fail and meeting noseh where I realised that there were others too.

I still remember receiving my PSLE results, it was because of god-fucking chinese that I got fucked to this fuck-hole, now, I was pleased that I got a B, but it wasn't good enough. 230. Neither here nor there. Fuck this. Since then, I prided myself on failing chinese. Not that I no longer had a desire to succeed. But I realised a greater goal. Instead of tring to swim up the river, I decided to release my seed at the bottom and prove they'll grow to become much better. ( Salmon terminology) Thats when I proved that Chinese was bollocks compared to what I capable of. I almost proved and I quote noseh " that F9 would become a joke". It did, and I liked it. Being top in humanities only made that partial sucess more "in your face" to all that ever tired to tell me otherwise.

Living with my maid for most of my infanthood and living in the states for half a year and more taught me that my culture was but what made me special. I like my culture, for all the firecrackes and stuff but it also came with a hefty price, Chinese. It was cool to be able to speak Chinese and English fluently in America, i really loved it there.

I want to retake, but yet I think about the countless times it has failed me and I decided, I had accomplished what I set out to do and I sincerely think that I really DO NOT want it to fail me again. To go on the same emotional roller coaster of anticipating a pass only to get a nice F. Well its a C now, and good riddens.

-PanZerZ 1 down..6 to go

1 comment:

LimeX20A said...

that's good to here, Panzer.