Pants and Wangs

To relieve all our fucking boredom,


This is what you get when you replace "wand" with "wang" in Harry Potter:


"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.


"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
O_______O
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.



This is what you get when you replace certain words in Star Wars with "pants".

I find your lack of pants disturbing.

I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.

You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.
The Force is strong in your pants.

Chewie and me got into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.

Search your pants Luke, you know it to be true

He was seduced by the dark side of the pants Phew! And I thought pants smelled bad... on ... the outside...!

Hokey religions and ancient pants are no match for a good blaster at your side Leia: I love pants. Han: I know.

The pants will be with you, always.

I've got a bad feeling in my pants about this.

There will be no pants, young Jedi. I shall enjoy watching you die.
Fear will keep the other systems in line--fear of these pants.
The odds of succesfully navigating a pants field are ...
Yeah, I just got a funny feeling. Like I'm never gonna see my pants again.

Yahoo! You're all clear kid. Now let's blow these pants and go home!

Great, Chewie ... always thinking with your pants'
Commander, tear these pants apart until you've found those plans.
The shield is still up ... all pants pull up!
Be mindful of your pants Anakin. They'll betray you.
May the pants be with you
The pants are down! Commence attack on the Death Star's main reactor!
Yousa tinken yousa people ganna wear pants???
Only now...in my pants...do you understand.

The great Jabba the Hutt will now listen to your pants

I used to bullseye womp rats in my pants back home.

Nearly there... Nearly there... Just pants off for a few more seconds!

Hay what kind of pants are you trying to pull!

Emperor: You have paid the price for your lack of pants! Chewie, jam his pants! Luke, help me take my pants off...

Your pants, we don't want their kind in here, they'll have to wait outside
Don't try to frighten us with your scorcerer's pants, Lord Vader

Through the pants, things you will see!

Great pants kid! Don't get cocky!
So, you have a twin sister! Your pants have now betrayed her too.
Your father wanted you to have pants when you were old enough.
Look sir, pants!

Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your pants.

Bury your pants deep down, Luke. They could be made to serve the emperor.

The more you tighten your pants, the more star systems will slip through...

It's your father's pants. This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight.
Jabba please take these pants as a token of friendship
It's against my programming to wear pants.
I felt a great disturbance in my pants.

Dont worry kid I got your pants

See through pants, we can
This little one's not worth the effort. Now come, let me get you some pants.

So long ago, when all we had was our love. No politics, no plotting, no pants.

You don't know how hard I found it, signing the order to terminate your pants.
It appears you are to be the main course at a banquet in my pants.
Governor Tarkin, I should have expected to find you holding Vader's pants
Will somebody please get this walking carpet out of my pants!

"Your overconfidence is your weakness." "Your faith in your pants is yours!" Tell that to Jabba. If you're lucky he might only take your pants.

I have brought peace, justice, safety, and security to my new pants
Han'll have those pants down - we've gotta give him more time!

Use the Pants, Luke! You are part of the rebel alliance, and a traitor. Take her pants! That's funny... the pants don't look as bad from out here.

"Don't do that, my pants are dirty." "My pants are dirty, too."
Clear your minds, and find Obi-Wan's wayward pants we will...
Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.
It's over, Anakin. I have the pants.
I want them alive. No pants.
Chewie, shes hurt, get pants!
The pants will be down in moments, sir, you can begin your landing
I see you have constructed new pants. Your skills are complete.
He has no time for smugglers who drop their pants first sign of Imperials
For over a thousand generations, the Jedi Knights were the guardians of pants

I sense the conflict within you. Let go of your pants!

We have no time for pants, Commander.
That blast came from the pants! That thing's operational!

The last time I felt it was in the pants of my old master.

I've just made a deal that will keep the Empire out of our pants forever

A disturbance in the pants. I have not felt this since near my old master...
I think you just can't bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your pants.
In the Sarlacc's pants you will find a new definition of pain and suffering
You are unwise to lower your pants.


Sources:
http://bash.org/?111338
http://www.keepersoflists.org/index.php?lid=1906