Returning to writing

I know I have never properly completed a single script, a full-length play. This time I'll do it. Why? Because this holiday was the not the gaming-day-after-day holiday of old; I did things this time. I did some things I'm not so happy with, but I did a few things that I am proud of, and even though everyone is moving faster and has their head starts, I feel like I'm in the race again.

I have to write and stage a play by July. I have already promised a few people, and some of these people I care about what they think of me. So yes, I'm losing my carefree childhood expanse. But I'd much less like losing some of the people I've gotten to know. There are stakes now and I can't drop out this time.

And besides, I'm starting to think having a crush might be healthy for me.

Security guard laments to me about life

The security guard was at the table just outside the lifts. I walked up and sat on the opposite end. She was Malay and obese.

"How do you buy that?" she asked suddenly, pointing a finger at the ice blended coffee I had set down. Apparently she wasn't so sure what the black pearls in it were called. The conversation turned into a rant about her job pretty quickly though, so I'm fairly sure she had wanted to talk about that all along.

She works pretty much fulltime. In a single day she has to stand around at different places, usually traffic control. She opened her notebook and indicated a bunch of organized scribbling. It all adds up a nine hours a day of standing. Not all at once, but I think it was mentioned that the breaks were short. It's hard on the legs. Right now she was taking an unsanctioned rest; the pain became a bit too much for her this time. She has to ration a medicine to keep on her feet.

I wasn't participating much in the conversation at this point. The woman obviously had a lot she wanted to get out. She was an immigrant, and she couldn't use her Johor work experience here (I think it had something to do with production lines). The paycheck is eaten up quickly - with products like clothes and shampoo priced for the middle-class, saving money is a challenge.

I honestly can't remember very much. I'm a pretty bad listener, but I didn't want to break her flow. It's a bit like a dream - I had long grown used to the convention that adults would only ever bother to talk to teenagers for work, or for dispensing advice. As a listening ear, even, but never the other way around. Most of what I know about my own parents' lifestyle at work is stuff I overhear.

As I said goodbye to the security guard, feeling some pity for her pretty shitty existence, I wondered why she had bothered to talk to me. I definitely don't have that kind, approachable face. Would she have said anything if it was in my twenties, thirties, or preteen years? Teenagerhood is a magic period of time where most people hover between childishness and adulthood. Perhaps it's a mix of the youth responsibility to listen to elders and the ability to understand things on an adult level. This could be a quality that teenagers could utilize for the betterment of society and all that, but sadly, due to widespread apathy and image of teenagers as immature suicidal nymphomaniacs, the generation gap stays, and woe betide anyone who tries to take that away form Singapore.

Eng-gripe

You know, I realized at the end of O Levels last year that all my English I picked up over the last 10+ years are going to have to take a step back. Well, i take that back. Its not that I'm too used to having a lingual supremacy or advantage over my peers. The current issue is that I completely cannot seem to grasp what my classmates are speaking or typing sometimes. ABSOLUTELY UNABLE TO CATCH THEIR MEANING! And before the arrows are returned to me, I can assure you, its not my language skills, sure they are rusty but they are still good, no its the simple fact that they are unable to read and repeat or speak complex words, and when they type, its chock-full of errors and warrants immediate editing from yours truly.
Well, I guess that is what to be expected from being in such a "De-Anglicized" majority demographic.

Interview #2

I've been shortlisted for a scholarship interview on Friday. This time I've got some O Level results to back it up (hopefully they won't read too much into that B3 for Lit). The bad news is that I've been looking in my house for my portfolio since last month.

I'll probably have to print out all my work again tomorrow night. Terminal Velocity, Toilet Horror, Freefall, a bunch of GunZ compilations, Quid Novi, a couple short stories and unfinished concept scripts, not to mention the completed ones I entered into the playwriting competitions. I have the soft copies of two testimonials as well, but I need signatures.

Haven't spoken to JJ in a (long) while. Truth is, I forgot about her after graduation and I think some of that filtered through. I'll have to ask Ms Z if I can meet her for lunch on Friday. Now I really can't avoid it anymore.

Socially I'm surviving in poly. I'll have to wait for projects and stuff to get difficult, before suddenly everyone will want to be my friend.

But hey. Screw surviving, I wanna soar.

Opportunity

Only when the school year starts do I see all the opportunities that are out there. So many competitions and seminars and crap I can go for. I guess it's kind of gay then, that I only have one CCA: the Current Affairs Club. They also had a Drama Club, but both the CAC and the Drama Club meetings clash. Moreover, their representative at the CCA fair told me that they were going to make their members take plenty of compulsory multidisciplinary modules. I'm done with not having a choice in how I spend my time. I choose CAC. It's high time I come out of my shell.

My course is only just starting on the basics. My schedule pretty good at first glance - besides my class, I heard only business school students have Fridays empty.

But look at this email I just got:

Dear Members

Mr Gan Kim Yong, Acting Minister, Ministry of Manpower, will be at school to hold a dialogue session with our students as part of a module.

We wish to invite 10 members from the Current Affairs Club for this session. This is a rare opportunity, it's not everyday that you get a chance to engage a
Minister in an exchange.

The topic is Global Economic Crisis & Economic Issues. When I saw this in my mail, the first thing I did was to check my timetable - I had class on the big day. I considered emailing my lecturer if I could miss his class that day. Or if I shouldn't email him, and miss his class anyway.

In the end I did neither. The truth is I wouldn't know what to ask the Minister of Manpower, and more embarassingly, am a little uncertain about how I might behave in his presence. During the first CAC introduction meeting one of the seniors said he read opposition publications and went to opposition rallies - so there is at least one person with something to say.

You read the email - only ten members. If I muscle in it's not fair to the people who have something to ask.

the Daily Buss

Its Wednesday of week 2, and what the long weekend is almost here, especially since my thursday is undeniably the slackest day of the week. Life is good in NP, if it wasn't for the daily bus rides. Packed like sardines be it early in the morning, at 11, or in the afternoon and evenings.
I have already taken most of the bus services I have access to in one way or another to and from NP. 52, 61, 67, 75, 184, 985. Yep, this morning I took 67 and had a nice walk up the hill to NP's back gate. By my watch, this way is the fastest and also the healthiest way to get to NP. Because even if I were to change from 67 to 184 mid-way, it would still be another 15more minutes as compared to the pure 67 line. Besides, I hate having to squeeze. Its unbearable, and another obstacle when you wish to alight.
Anyway, since I commute so damned early in the morning, I still feel sleepy all the time on the bus. So i used a few days to conduct a few tests on myself.
1. Bathe with shockingly cold water. I'm told this will keep you awake. Very wrong. Once on the bus, it gets so cold you feel like hibernating. Also, it make you feel very comfortable.
Conculsion: FAIL.
2. Buy a cup of coffee (hot!) and bring it with you on the bus to drink when you feel the urge to doze off. First of all, I finished my cup 15 minutes into the bus ride. Secondly, between the bumpy journey and the swaying of your body, beware of coffee spillage.
Conclusion: Near fail. I felt energized for the 15 minutes. But the hot beverage just made it easier to sleep after that.
3. STAND! Taking bus service 52 from Jurong Int at 7.15am ensures little to no other passengers boarding with you. As a result, I get to choose my seat. And I figure thats where it goes wrong. If I were to take any other bus, I would be forced to stand. And surprise, surprise. No fatigue to be experienced.
Conclusion: PASS! Also makes it more convenient when you wanna alight.

Now thats just for the morning. Going home is the worst. Imagine havign walked at least a thousand steps, carrying a heavy bag and laptop, and having to squeeze with students from ACS, Hwachong, SAJC, and other NP students. Terrible. And then, as the bus makes its way towards CCK, students from Primary and Secondary Schools (yea TOFU, i know... NSKs...) board it too. So the squeeze is always there.
Which brigns me to this. Yesterday, being fed up with waiting for 67, i took 985. And then a SAJB superior (not a student, some relative bigshot I think), boarded, and he being fat, still chose to stand at the exit, and play PSP. I don't know how many people had to shout excuse me into his left ear (his right ear was plugged with an earpiece) and then wait for him to slay his enemies before he moved.
I get it now. The more I experience society, the more I witness such stuff. Now I fully empathize with you TOFU. Retards...

Npone

Last Sunday morning Miss Z messaged me and I think she apologized. She invited me back. I was really tempted to go back for Speech Day today, but it felt wrong. I'm afraid that the past will slow me down. Ms Z also mentioned that the Drama Club got a Gold for SYF, which pretty much demolishes my statement that the Club's "glory days are over".

Or does it? Does it make any difference? What about how the Club is carried 90% by hired instructors and staff? It's a totalitarian administration. They make you try out all sorts of things, force you to participate in all their activities. But surely I'm past that. I hate that method of doing things now. I feel like I'm being ushered around like a kid when I want my choices and my opinions to be treated with respect given to that of any other person of any age.

There's also a drama club in my school. They spoke of the varied, compulsory workshops they offered as if they were selling points. No thanks. 

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The truth is, I like attention. I like having strangers know about my life and comment. It's a product of my social failures, but it's the truth nonetheless. I began thinking seriously about setting up a second blog. I like the internet as an outlet, because you can get insights that aren't limited by your social circle - that's one cool thing about the internet, you can have really intimate conversations with strangers about the largest and littlelest things.

Also, you can pass judgement on people you know with less backlash from the subjects toward yourself personally; if I offend someone my online pseudonym takes the responsibility, to put it crudely. I have a bit more freedom of speech; though there is still that danger, and that is why I can't do this on Pebblefort; I want to make known my place of study and what I think of what goes on in my polytechnic. I won't do that here.

So far the plan is to write sincerely and to a luxurious length. No more worrying about overshadowing the rest of you. I dunno what I should do for advertising so far. Perhaps it's time to involve myself in the local internet communities (Polytalks and STOMP come to mind) to get readers. I dunno. I haven't really started it yet.

But yeah. New blog. Basing it around honesty and my life's events.

If I go back to my secondary school now, it'll feel wrong. Nobody will be there.

School, or at least what I think it was.

I prolly had this post done days back, but never had the motivation to post. (Read: lazy) But since Giant did so, I guess I would follow suit. (Thanks Giant)

My time so far has been pretty good, though it sometimes feels claustrophobic in campus. My modules this semester seems pretty easy, Biostatistics(math), Non-organic Chemistry (standard chem), Biomolecules (Organic chem and genetics), Anatomy (I'll ace it) Biophysics (Physics in the context of the human body. eg.ear, eye. OHLAWD) Basically,what Garri told me, is that its triple science in sec 4. True. Another interesting module was Critical thinking, which is really like GP. Our lecturer was apparently theater trained (stereotypical). In our last lecture, we had to formulate arguments in pairs, in which one had to win and explain why. It was fun. Practicals are awesome too, because in this, you actually have to make sure you don't kill yourself.(theres a poster on AIDS and Hepatitis precautions OMGWTFBBQ and Biohazard stickers pasted on virtually everything.(Read:Zombie Infection))

My class is really a large mix of different characters, sec 5 grads, JC dropouts, SAP school grads, nsk single pointers..good people, though the last thing I would have anticipated, well actually anticipated but never really thought it would be true was the amount of nerdy people in my class, most of them girls so..ouch. though this is compensated by the number of idiots in the buddy class.. again,most of them girls.(double ouch).

Though poly life has been treating me well, great lecturers, great OG (lol those guys are awesome), nice class, the only thing is really getting used to the environment and find ways to be active because frankly...its hard. I finally can see why so many people just don't give a fuck. I mean, my school e-mail is flooded daily with notices about Humanitarian trips, Student exchanges, volunteering( for YOG and other such events), talks, fairs, union and as a Freshman, without the connections, I don't think I'll bother. Just today a classmate retaking a module (module mate?) was asking me if I had a band for a charity gig. Well, I don't have a band so the obvious answer was nah.

But I guess one avenue for cca points is already covered..a cca. Golf LOLOLOL unless I ever want multiple ccas, which I will probably regret doing next year.

Anyway its the first week and I have 2 tutorials pending(not compulsory but hey! I'm hardworking) a 150 word thingy on freedom:right or privilege? Which I asume is a diagnostic thingy which I'll probably enjoy doing but will find difficulty actually penning down and a project. (ooh nanobiotech)

-Panzerz

A Boring Look At My First Week Of Poly Featuring This Really Very Long Title

Time flies. My first week of Poly is nearly over. Timetable is manageable, especially on Thursdays and Fridays where its very light. Modules and all appear to be rather straightforward, par the new chunk of terms I will now need to commit to memory. Another comfort is that for my Applied Statistics, which is mostly math, more formulas and more terminology, I seem to be able to do all them tutorials and assignments without any problems. Which also makes me the first person people turn to for help. Rather frustrating. Areef, how I miss your presence in math-related classes.
On seperate notes, I'm still considering my options for CCA. Nothing really struck me when I went to the CCA Fiesta. What a waste. But I want to get as many CCA points as I can after my 3 years, and also because I so desperately want to qualify for a scholarship. So, the search goes on. Currently, I'm considering Current Affairs Club and a couple more. I've seen their notices, which are simple pieces of A4 size paper with a question related to some recent piece of news and then the Club's details.
What appeals to me most, is the opportunity to challenge my brain beyond my modules. What makes this crucially important is because I have chosen to distance myself from the majority of my class who like to do everything together, which sadly involves lunch, making the benefit of being a large group nonexistent. So anyway, I've gathered quite a little following of people who also dislike such a big and rowdy group (I think they view me as Chief Loner). And then, among them all, is this girl who is like 4 years older than me, and went through the ITE route to get here. Her learning pace is really slow. Really, just through ASTATS, she kept on wondering what the teacher meant, and I have to explain again and again. I hope she got it, because I'm stuck with her in all my group projects for all modules, and because she is so clingy, she followed me into Yoga for S&W. Jeez... She keeps reading the location for the next class wrongly. WTP!
But before my esteemed comrades return me the arrow I fired onto one of them regarding Elitism, let me make my balanced viewpoint now. There are certain good things about having her. Firstly, her handwriting is good, and she practically copies everything from the whiteboard, and also, she keeps track of what assignments or tasks are due and by when, so I feel slightly more relieved having her to remind me. But then, I will not be complacent and end up relying on her. they will only have to end up relying more of ME than I to THEM.

Anyway, I closed my personal blog, so such lengthy posts with me exposing my raw emotions/thoughts are going to be common, provided I do post.

Position

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.

- William Shakespeare

One of the girls in DPA, I noticed today, has eleven fingers. It's a little blob with a little fingernail, attached to the side of her thumb by a bit of flesh so small that when she moves her hands around, the little bugger wiggles. Must have been staring at it for a full minute and then some.

I've been holding off on posting - little things that I notice everyday aren't going to be interesting to readers individually. Better to compile 'em into something larger.

My social scene is still sparse; I wasn't invited to a birthday party that I offered to contribute extra money towards and when I walk past it in the canteen all I felt was the usual hunger. And fatigue.

You can't procrastinate and stay ahead of the class at the same time. Tuesday night I stayed up till 3am, and Wednesday till 4am. I can't even think straight some days. Honey stars + coffee for breakfast. om nom nom.

Another interesting lesson in Psychology today, because Thursdays are for tutorials, and tutorials teach by demonstration instead of by powerpoint slide. 11 students were chosen to sit in a circle and roleplay as survivors of a plane crash. We were stranded in a desolate ice forest, 20 miles from the nearest settlement. At 20 degrees Farenheit and without a pilot or co-pilot, we had to decide as a group which supplies had higher priority.

While we played out a disaster, the rest of the students were given the job of observing us and trying to fit us into social, functional, and dysfunctional roles (tension-reliever, information-giver, aggressor, etc.). These were the supplies given, organized in the order of priority that we eventually conformed to.

Extra shirts+pants x11
Newspapers x11
Compass
20x20 inch canvas
Can of shortening
Some steel wool
Cigarette lighter (no fluid)
A quart of whiskey
Chocolate bars x11
Loaded .45 pistol
Hand axe
A plastic section of an air map

In the end, the lecturer told us that we probably would have died. Most of us were thinking of walking 20 miles, but the truth was that the terrain would probably have been hazardous, and even under normal conditions trekking to the settlement was a formidable challenge. The much better bet was to dig in and wait for rescue. So yeah. Completely screwed.


The 'model' priority list:

Cigarette lighter (no fluid) - Although there is no more lighter fluid, the lighter can still generate a spark which can then be caught on the steel wool in the interests of making a fire. At 20 degrees, a fire is absolutely essential, not jsut for warmth but also to melt ice for water. Without water or warmth, you will die very fast.

Some steel wool - Previous psychology students were actually dumb enough to propose using the steel wool to wash dishes. What the fuck?

Extra shirts+pants x11 - Cloth is very versatile; you can use it for personal insulation, bandages, bedding, extra tent insulation, fuel for burning, as colourful flags to alert rescuers...

Can of shortening - The shortening (veggie fat) is not really for consumption. Eating pure fat would cause us to fall sick or vomit. The fat should instead be used as extra insulation (rub it over the body), but the can is the real jewel here. The metal can may be used to reflect light as a beacon, as well as store drinking water.

20x20 inch canvas - you can use this to shield eleven people from blizzard winds. Moreover, its a hugeass marker for rescuers searching for survivors.

Hand axe - Chop firewood. Fire is very important to stay alive.

Chocolate bars x11 - Food. This is a source of energy that our bodies can digest on its own (unlike shortening).

Newspapers x11 - Insulation, burning, and it gives survivors something to read, as opposed to going insane over the possibility of death. Psychological purpose.

Loaded .45 pistol - Hunting wild animals is out of the question. Chasing wild animals creates exertion, and then you have to drag the carcass all the way back to camp - more exertion. Moreover, it is difficult to aim well with a pistol, and the presence of a lethal weapon is very dangerous in the hands of people that may go crazy and resort to cannibalism. On the other hand, the butt can be used as a hammer, and the powder can be used as fuel. Not least of all, firing a loud firearm into the air is bound to attract attention from nearby rescuers.

A quart of whiskey - DO NOT DRINK. Whiskey will dilate the blood vessels, expelling valuable body heat and making your heart work harder. The alcohol in the whiskey can be burned as fuel, and the whiskey bottle can be used to store drinking water.

Compass - Since it's suicide to try trekking away from the crash site (the crash site is a nice big landmark for rescuers to find), the compass is useless except for light reflection. It's dangerous because it encourages desperate people to take the compass and try to head out.

A plastic section of an air map - Wave it as a flag or something, you can't even use it as toilet paper.

Correct answers in red

Wasn't interested in other aspects of the psychological evaluation - I'm prepared to bet my left nut that we'd be reacting more than a little differently if we were in a real life-or-chilly-death situation.

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Today I was singled out by a lecturer again for what he called a near-perfect essay. Strangers left and right were asking to read it. The essay dealt with the conflicts that arose during the twinning programme back in 2007 (a somewhat modified version, heh).

Ms Z, my NLP lecturer, my Psychology lecturer, my yoga instructor... the consensus between them seems to be that I'm intellectually ahead, but socially impaired - and that impairment is a tremendous pity. Today one of the DPA girls from team five - my orientation group - had her birthday, but I couldn't even find it in me to tell her happy birthday though someone kept urging me to. Do you gatecrash strangers' birthday parties and tell them happy birthday? Ironic that she's very the first person I began talking to in polytechnic.

It's weird to have better relationships with older people than with people of your own age.

That girl I was friends with from Psychology? She's also moved on.

2 days before Valentine's

TF2 Machinima in the making. Sadly, nothing really original. By anybody.

The modules I'm doing in school currently:

Psychology
Normal undergrads have much more time to finish this but the DPA studs are coping fine.

A creativity module
This one is a big joke. It's pop psychology and secondary/primary school level motivational stuff. Even the lecturer seems less mature than us.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)
NLP is pop psychology, pseudoscience that holds no water outside of the common rabble that also suscribe to the likes of Adam Khoo and thousands of other motivational schools of thought. it's all about how certain people are programmed to be more responsive to sound and move their eyes upwards when they're visualising, and other crap like that.

Yoga
Guess what? More pop psychology. To the Indian instructor's credit, he's witty and soothing enough to sell it.


My social investments aren't doing so well. I've been cutting back on the initiative to speak up, since I really don't usually have much I can discuss with other people. Or I'm too slow. Or I can't find anything to say and say dumb things instead (I've realised that I'm confined to sex jokes). Better to have a reputation for being quiet than for being stupid.

On the academic front, things are fine. My 899-word psychology essay came back today. The class did very badly; my lecturer assured them that the first few assignments always screw up. I got a 93% score.

Confirmed with my NLP lecturer that pretty much every module counts toward this year's GPA score, which will in turn make up my final result at the end of polytechnic. I don't remember bothering to think, much less plan for O Levels when I began Secondary School. I should be able to stay top of my course, provided I can find a strategy for group projects.

Presentations occur almost daily. It's a struggle.
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So I was talking to Vonterul yesterday. The conversation meandered from subject to subject - it happens when conversing with anyone I have a steady friendship with. The dialogue simply shifts without anyone noticing too much. (Now I'm thinking that this shouldn't be limited to just close friends; but my social skillz...)

How many times have I, through a project or event or a group, met someone and established rapport with, only for us to forget each other when the project or event or group is over and done with? Some stick around. Some people are more than just fellow students you can joke with.

For a day or so, I was seriously considering asking JJ out. Overload of initiative, again. I've been talking too much, wanting too much.

But JJ and Vont are keepers.

23 January (fuckfuckfuck)

An activity in psychology class called for us to write down three defining characteristics about ourselves on a slip of paper - two of them real, and one of them fake. These unsigned pieces of paper would then be passed around the psychology students, and guesses would be made.

This was my slip of paper:

1. I have been a perpetrator of sexual abuse on more than one occasion.
2. I have seriously considered a romantic relationship with a person of the same sex.
3. I have no real female friends.

Then when it was time to clarify identities, I was told that I had to read it aloud. To everyone present. And confirm that the third characteristic was the false one.

The girl I lunched with on Wednesday (thus far, best friend in poly) says she doesn't give a damn, but damn... was that a cockup.

Once again, I was too honest without thinking. Like in India, where I refused to apologize because of my staunch belief that apologies are hollow. Back there, I could explain away my iron grip on my idealistic drive as a response to having all things familiar and comfortable being thrown out of the window, but here... it was just careless. Real fucking careless. Now to the rest of the group, I'm either a former sex offender or an attention-seeking liar. Good job Nose, all the DPA Film students were in there.

During the module after lunch, I fell prey to my Neville Chamberlain side again, as in stubbornly idealistic. For group work in secondary school, when I want to do well, I usually attempt to solo the entire thing and leave most group members out of the loop (usually, most of them are content to let you handle it all for them). Although it means more work for me, it raises the quality of end result, as most former schoolmates were dumbasses.

Polytechnic DPA students are NOT secondary school turds. When we went up for presentation, I had already prepared a separate speech for myself to run outside of the others'; I certainly thought it would help overshadow the flaws I saw in their interpretation of the discussion topic. I cut into my own group's presentation and set off into a long winded, unfinished stutter that cost us dearly. The stuff I said WAS relevant (though since it was unfinished, it made me look fucking stupid and egotistic), but unneccessary and self-serving.

Two problems: Too focused on personal agenda (that is, to pour my heart and views out to people at every opportunity), and didn't trust my group enough to work with them. My group scored lowest for that presentation, and you can bet I didn't dare to look one of my group members in the eye when he reminded me to work more cohesively in future. The DPA film students now ALL have a distressingly accurate impression of me. Also, I STILL can't find much to say to team five except terribad sex-related jokes and repeated phrases. Bad day all around.

Today there was no school, so I invited Lime and Zeda over. Lime couldn't make it, turning the afternoon into a boring one. To make matters worse, team five went off on an excursion on their own with Glenn and I wasn't contacted. No matter if it's because I didn't give out my handphone number to more than two people, or because I've already been established as a sexually dangerous fucking weirdo who fucks up his own group mates so he can get more attention (LOOK AT ME I'M GAY AND I MOLESTED SOMEONE SEVERAL TIMES, SO SPECIAL RIGHT), I still had to lie to Glenn that my parents forced me to stay at home.

I have a feeling he would otherwise have taken steps to include me out of obligation and pity, or worse - he won't. I wasn't there to support him for his big performance while everyone else was, after all. I think this may be the point where I've forfeited more or less all possibility of getting any more friends in DPA.


fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccck

The Real Preliminaries

Think about it! She had all those cool steel pins put in. Now she can set off metal detectors totally naked!

- Carl Foutley
As Told by Ginger (yes, this was a show aimed at young teens)

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TOFU said that he waves at random people when loaded up with luggage for a departure. It makes them jealous. What a faggot.

Met up with all the Pebble Faggots over the weekend. We did lots of faggot things together. TOFU came back gushing about an American woman he got chummy with around Bangcawk. She's been backpacking all over the world for one and a half years all by herself, and still going. Naturally he was inspired enough to coerce Panzer into a Kuala Lumpur trip not long after his return to local soil. The dinner was good, guys. Lets do this again sometime. And goddamn, why do you nabs keep the interesting stuff on your own blogs?

Real studying began at the polytechnic this week. On the first day, I overslept, rushed to the bus stop without breakfast and overshot the poly by two bus stops. Thankfully, the elderly lecturer was later than I was. Less thankfully, he lectured us like a bunch of lower secondaries and below. That said, he wasn't particularly annoying, he was just subpar. Maybe it had something to do with the module, which was about creativity and used optical illusions and primary school maths toys to 'broaden our horizons'. Most of us used it to chat, but most people I knew were girls (gender barrier for the lose), and it is difficult to interrupt a clique's flow without looking like an ass (give me your gift of the gab, TOFU).

At lunch, team five stuck together (mostly) and dined at the new canteen. The place is air-conditioned and offers a lot in terms of food choice. I tried to sit down with different people this time. Made some dumb conversation. Only bit I could remember here was the part when the I told the team hottie I didn't bathe at all as a joke. Forgot that my sick ones are not for people I don't know well.

The Indian Yoga instructor after that was pretty soothing, and basically what we do is stretch our tendons and muscles, breathe the yogi way, and lie on the ground, close our eyes, and practice abdominal breathing for a couple of minutes with the lights off. Yoga is like a slackfest.

After that I went to a nearby shopping centre (the one where team five went to buy BBQ ingredients) with two other former schoolmates (that I hadn't talked to till now), but mostly it's just a shitload of maid agencies.

The next day I had Psychology, specially for media students. We had a four hours long lecture. Despite everyone's efforts (including the valiant lecturer's), it turned out to be face-rubbing boring. I have to read 25 pages of their textbook - the powerpoint slides were already full of jargon and terminology. Gheyballs.

Lunch again. This time team five ate at a canteen that was closing down in February. The DPA people will be the only freshmen this year to eat there. Glenn joined us with a bunch of papers he was studying. Had some test at 5pm but chatted with us anyway. And by us, this time I mean just the guys. The guys and the girls sat at different tables. Maybe Glenn chose the men's table because of the gender barrier as well, or because it was just another one of his attempts to get people to talk. Most of the guys didn't talk much, and I tried to make up for it.

Glenn took us to a place where we could play board games on campus. We played Taboo there; Glenn walked in behind a staff member who was shooing us out of a restricted room and asked who had played the game before (you had to be there).

Another pop psychology course was next, except this one was slightly less retarded than the one on Monday. We watched a few pointless scenes of the Matrix and played a name game, which while lame, ensured that I knew almost everyone's names there, everyone knew me as "cockster", and someone threw a football at my cawk. Ow.

We played the prisoner's dilemma. The outcome was pretty unfavourable, because nobody had a real desire to work with the other teams and the ones who did, didn't make enough of a difference (I tried, too). Despite the numerous social messups so far, when the time came to choose team members for a real, graded group project, I opted to join one where everyone in it was a stranger. In retrospect, maybe I should have attempted to expand my comfort zone without putting my grades on the line. Internet sources say my course is pretty damn competitive, with backstabbings and social politics galore. I'll need all the marks I can get.

Back to worrying about grades again. And becoming a more socially comfortable person. Right now all the guys are doing is following the girls around because they're too socially weak to go with anyone else. When the JAE students come in, team five's guys will scatter like pinballs to their old classmates. The relationship I have with the female clique here is a far cry from the sec 4 girls clique.

I had a massive group convo yesterday. JJ was feeling nostalgic (I can never work up the balls to make my friendship with her any more real and steady) and we played truth or dare, one-on-one at first, then we got Giant and Lime and a bunch of former schoolmates in and went crazy. Fun bun until 2AM, where everyone finally got tired of me bragging about DPA and repeating the ghost stories Glenn told team five.

Jiasai and Giant and my former classmates are going to be like my social safety net in poly - even when everyone I know from DPA have gone to hell, I can still hang out with them (you will let me, right? RIGHT?). I could hang out with them all the time. But I don't want to need to do that. By the time the JAE mainstream comes, I want to have other crowds or people I can run around campus with.

Today morning, the first such person coincidentally crossed my path. Spent most of the day with her, talking about our adventures in our secondary schools. Didn't see much of team five. Apparently, without Glenn to bring them anywhere, they just stayed at the canteen for the entirety of the two hours that is lunch. Too bad she's not in my course. Here's hoping that she's not going to become just a safety net.

Tomorrow I'd better start acquianting myself with the group members I gambled on. Am I serious about this? The girl I hung out with today (and she is certainly pleasant enough to stick around and work with) is in the group that I left to join this bunch of complete strangers... so yeah. After doing some blog research, it seems that Glenn was right about this year's DPA being less enthu than DPA '08. At the very very least, I'll try hard.

I have the time and resources to accomplish here what I couldn't in Delhi.



Cookies to the first person who can count the number of times I've said "team" or "group". A pancake to the one who can identify all the places where I accidentally implied romantic tension.

PPP 3D2N (BAAAAAAAAAW)

If there was no God, he would have to be invented.
- Voltaire

At the end of the camp they played a little slideshow with parts of "When Six Songs Collide". Now I really like Superman by Five for Fighting.
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Skip this post unless you're really interested in what happened, no new exciting philosophical insights here.


Day one

The rooms are badass. The guy in charge of my room from team six asked me if I wanted to sleep on the comfy sofa with extra pillows and a fan, but there's also a bunk bed here, and I don't think I've ever tried the top bunk.

2 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, a spacious living room and a kitchen. It's supposed to be structured very much like a HDB, but the wooden doors are so sexy with their fresh white paint and balconies and numpad locks. The numpads are the reason why I'm writing this on the bed instead of downstairs. I came up to get my stuff, and to my surprise, the door wouldn't accept my code. I tried about five times and rang the doorbell twice before I noticed I had been harassing strangers for the past five minutes. Gosh fuck, I sure hope that nobody I knew was in there.

Bad stuff first. One, aforementioned blurfuck incident. Two, travelling all over campus with team five made my feet all owchy inside. Now I can't jump from the top bunk.

Lost my wallet with IC inside. Games played can be pretty retarded, and they keep trying to advance their pop psychology into things. There was one guy from Mikana's former class and a girl from Giant & Panzer's former class. There were both generally quiet like me.

On the other hand, my wallet was found and tomorrow I can collect it. The campus is huge. The food has vegetables. Thanks to my absence of mind, I wandered into team five by accident when I should have been in team six, and so I've had the privilege of making the acquiantance of a girl who looks quite a lot like Quirr (that's quite hot). =3 We got to give each other back massages too, woohoo. Now so long aas she wasn't in that room I tried to barge into - NO! Bad Nosey! bad Nosey! Thank happy stuff.

Nobody gave two hoots about the fact that I'm with team five. It's polytechnic freedom. No wonder they feel the need to preach so much about personal responsibility. Altogether there are about 80 plus people in DPA for my polytechnic. Team five has 17 people, and one second-year facilitator - that's right, Glenn is only one year older than us. Makes for easy communication.


Day two

Got out from the top bunk at seven. It was a cold night, but I managed to sleep reasonably okay without sedatives.

In my first primary school, I played "Freeze and Melt" with my friends, a slightly modified form of catching which encourages "saving" others from the catcher. All the freshies plus the student facililators played it today.

It was epic for a while, but the aches from the day before, not to mention my poor stamina, caught up with me soon enough and I could soon no longer handle short sprints. Still, nothing like rushing into a bunch of randoms and saving them all. Good feeling.

Then it was replaced by nausea. I remember early last year, I vomited during morning PE. So I downed three cups of soya bean for breakfast and skipped the bee hoon.

Because I was too much of a chicken to even venture near my team's table, I had to be invited over. Godammit. Then this big Malay guy joins the team - he wasn't here yesterday. He really didn't fit the usual stereotype of "nigr who keeps to his own racial group".

First activity: Form two rows of people; a person in one row holds the end of a thick wooden stick while his buddy in the row across from him holds the other, forming what I'd describe as a human ladder with wooden rungs stretching from one end of the room to another. Volunteers were to climb across, climb across with a blindfold, or not cross at all - the rest of the groups were to support the person's decision no matter what it was, via cheering, clapping, etc. The guy who just joined our group took initiative to help out other rungs. I tried to do the same and I think I forgot about my own rung and dropped it, which may or may not have caused the climber to fall. I must have looked pretty stressed after that, because someone asked me if I was okay. D:

Returning to the same room after a tea break, Glenn, our team facilitator, told me he could take me to find my wallet. It was only a little way away. Got my wallet back after a little bit of embarassing fussing about. Nothing was lost. There wasn't much chat - I had no idea what to say, as per normal with me. He did mention out of the blue that the DPA students this year weren't as enthu as the 2008 batch. I didn't have much of a response to that, and I agonized later over whether he had been trying to tell me to open up, or if he was really disappointed. Probably both.

The next activity took place in a grid made out of rafia string strung between desks. The 4x6 grid consisted of squares that could admit one person and the while thing came up to waist height. The objective was to get everyone on the team to the other side. After failing badly for a while, our team watched another more successful team and we basically emulated their strategy of working with the team from across the web. There was some discussion, and eventually things began to work right. On one of my expeditions into the grid I came down too fast and face-smacked one of my roommates in the back, not to mention sending the whole of team five back to the starting line. As usual, I obssessed about that mess-up even after the day ended. By this time, the new Malay guy was more "in the team" than me and half of the rest of team five were.

Lunch passed and we went out to buy ingredients for the BBQ. When we entered the supermarket, we watched speechless as a fellow team outside rushed by the window, pushing a van up a slope. It was truly a WTF moment.

Team five was pretty cool. A lot of us just blindly followed the leader, but plenty also took the initiative to peel off and return with useful things and suggestions. I couldn't navigate the place well enough to be anything more than a hindrance, so I stayed with the cart and didn't help out much. I was really lost.

Coming back to campus, we passed time with riddles and puzzles that ran the gamut from lame to fucking lame, but hey, puzzling people out with Fuzzy Wuzzy is always amusing, if only vaguely. Then the room was quickly turned into a danceroom. The second-years led first, and more and more began to join in gamely. This was in the middle of the day. They switched off the lights, the photographer went around spamming flashes with his camera and three-quarters of everyone were going at it like madmen in no time. It was epic. Again, I couldn't add to the experience, so I sat aside with the rest of the quiet social (or dancing) failures and waited for it to be BBQ time.

Got a plate from my bag and contributed it. Glad I could do that at least. Helped do garlic bread and Glenn's super special awesome cheese taupok. Around us, the sun set and other groups did their own thing. A bunch of second-year DPA students came in and said hello, and we ended it off with some bottle-spinning (I used the virgin joke question like thrice at least). Once again, someone took the initiative to get everyone else to clean up, then organize a meeting at night.

I showered, played a bit of cards with my team and we all trooped out to a little hut at the edge of a field. Full turnout. We sat there, filling the night air with some jokes and chat. Regrettably, I was still tongue-tied to join in much beyond smiling and nodding. I am such a loser. Glenn arrived, and we ordered Macdonalds. Like me, he was really surprised that some of us were already progressing to organizing a chalet or outing for team five.

While we waited for delivery, Glenn told some ghost stories about certain parts of campus, which pretty much ensured that I was never going to go near the Engineering block at night. It was pretty creepy. The conversation meandered off into aspects of poly life and laptops. All of us, including Glenn, stuck around until it was two in the morning, despite that he hadn't had proper sleep for two nights already and still had stuff to do.


Day 3

I woke up a bit late, and allowed my team six roomies to leave first. After I got my stuff together, I went downstairs, where the realization slowly dawned on me that it was a bit late for me to redeem myself much. I did manage to try my virgin joke again, shake his hand and pat him on the back, but I had the feeling I had let him down. God damn, this was India all over again. I didn't manage to overcome the shortcomings I had discovered back then. Meanwhile, team five was broken up and and we were sorted according to our schools of study.

Everyone studying film and media went to a conference room. Task: complete a lipsync music video. In ninety minutes. My new group here consisted of two girls from team five, and three strangers, including one American. They were fast. Don't ask me how they did it, but they quickly formed into another cohesive think tank, spamming ideas like crazy. Again, I didn't participate much. They knew the song and they knew what they were doing. We hit ground floor, I did what I was asked of me, filmed the damn thing at the last minute and came back up for pizza. Then everyone watched the gay music videos they had created; strangely, all were entertaining. My group was crowned the best. On the way back, someone took the initiative to start a conversation with me (did I mention that I'm a fucking loser).

Back at the activity room, there was a briefing, and we were asked to pick Sports & Wellness modules for the next few months. I had Lifesaving/Swimming, Orienteering and Yoga all down as possibilities, ignoring rock-climbing and dancesports. The yogi teacher said he could help with the Sit and Reach for my NAPFA, he could help with breathing, and basically it was a good deal. Orienteering was useful too, but only a few places were open. As for Lifesaving, the hot girl from team five was joining that, but lifesaving is really too situational and I'm not sure of my swimming abilities after a year of stagnation.

Believe it or not, we had to race to the other end of the room to chope the limited places for the Sports & Wellness module we wanted. It starts next week. Things are moving fast. I need to keep up.

I skedaddled out pretty quick after we were dismissed - wanted to avoid more fail on my part. You may have noticed at some point I'm pessimistic. Back at home, I had an anxiety attack and checked all my current contacts to see if anyone else was going to be at my school. I ate chocolate and had emo time hoping that Glenn and everyone else didn't think too badly of me.


/wrist

OH NO THEY ADDED ME ON MSN

This entry was completed January 18, 4AM (explains the terribad writing). Had a cappuchino while I was out with the rest of the Pforters. It came in handy.

PPP begins (overview of 3D2N camp)

Just returned from the 3 days 2 nights camp by my polytechnic. Spamming chocolate into myself. Most delicious way to be emo.

My next few years in poly are either going to be epic win or epic lose.

I've been to many group outings - not so many, because I don't like them, but enough. When the facilitators of whichever activity try to herd the group of more than 8 randoms together, major divides always pop up to make it at best only partially successful, and at the end all you learn is that you should avoid working with assholes and avoid assholes in general.

In 2007, there was a gender divide in the Singaporean delegates that went to India. By 2008, after four years in the same school, two of which we spent in the same class, 2/7 still missed a pissload of people. Even OBS took some crap, if I heard right.

I don't know if it's because people are maturing, or because the number 17 is just right, or because DPA filtered out the noobs and small-voiced faggots, but there was no douchebag drama this time round. Hell, I'm not sure there were many douchebags there, my presence notwithstanding. By the first few activities, which were fairly simple things like running around the whole school, a few people from my group of 17 came out of nowhere and promptly began filling up unofficial leadership roles. No, they weren't asked, not even encouraged. And there was no jostling for attention - remember that there was no previously aforementioned pecking order or state of affairs that predetermined things. Mostly strangers to each other. So these people didn't have the benefit of having the intellectual high ground (come on, how many people in our old school actually want to engage TOFU in an argument?), or were the head of a clique (important for female politics), or anything. They just popped and took charge.

If I'm not wrong, even OBS leads people by the hand and gives them a poopload of restrictions, hammering cheers into the group and all that to ensure idiots are kept in check. Here we were served a steaming pile of open-ended. BBQ? Go buy food yourself. Late? Too bad. Bedtime? Your choice. They specified early on that nobody is obliged to look out for emo kids sitting in the corner and offer them emotional support.

There were very simple tools only - some well-done preaching (even if it was full of bullshit pop psychology, there was good emphasis on choice), a few official group leaders who were only one year older than us, and no gimmicks. The games were simple, yet managed to promote - shall I dare to say it - team work. Spontaneous cohesion. Not much prodding from the assigned leaders or the facilitators.

How well did I do? Well there has to be a reason for eating chocolate antidepressant, right? I fit well into the role of background helper (when I'm not messing up), but at the end of it, I still felt like a big failure compared to everyone else. Quite similar to the India experience in some ways; when your team manages to organize and execute a good barbeque, and all you did in the supermarket was look for cheese slices and accidentally bump into people because you're nervous about looking stupid and all that, man, you can really smell the fail seeping out your ass.

And no, not everyone was the epic headstrong type, but seriously I'm not going to use them as an excuse.

Big failure? Overall yes, but if we're talking about things learned, then no. This was a resounding wake-up call.

School of Interdisciplinary Studies

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Alan Kay

I've been prodding myself into working on Bridge for a while (by now I'm going to have to tell the truth about my laziness to Ms Z so that she doesn't expect a novel or a masterpiece). I've noticed that I've had more problems stopping than starting. When I really get into a story, or even into my homework, I can really latch on. Sometimes I can even focus properly. But I never do the things that I need to do because I'm always dipping into something else; I tell myself it's just for a little while, but of course it isn't. I was gonna build up to something that disproved my procrastination, but huh. I guess I am a procrastinating faggot after all.

The last two days I've managed to force myself into the basement in the latter part of the afternoons. Half a cup of coffee in the late morning, half a cup mid-afternoon. The first cup always goes to waste. To help myself wake up (the past few weeks I've been waking up at 10), I play some GunZ/TF2 right after the coffee. But of course I find problems stopping. Then there's GZF, ubercharged, Facebook, TVtropes... ARGH TVtropes.

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Today I got in some good shit. You'll see it this weekend. Anyway, although I want to start sleeping earlier again, I'm online now, because I'm giving the Fedac time to work. (Fedac's a suppressant for my nose that also makes me drowsy). I'm looking at Ngee Ann's Interdisciplinary Studies. I figure that after a while pwning noobs at filmmaking might get boring (look at me, I'm making empty promises again).

Sports & Wellness This module helps you to learn a sport as a recreational activity to keep you fit and healthy. Team building and collaboration skills are developed as you network with other students. There are a total of 19 sports electives to choose from: Aerobics, Badminton, Basketball, Cheerleading, Dance Movement, Dancesport, Flag Football, Hip Hop, Life Saving / Swimming, Netball, Orienteering, Street soccer, Soccer, Softball, Tennis, Touch Rugby, Volleyball, Wellness Programme and Yoga.

I want Parkour, why no parkour?. Parkour is practical. Wondering if I should try Lifesaving/Swimming, I haven't swam for a long time, and lifesaving is practical. Otherwise... Wellness Programme? They're probably going to teach me F&N and primary school exercises again.

Creativity & Applied Thinking Skills
This module sharpens your analytical, critical and creative thinking skills to help you develop a more open and inquiring mind. You will be asked to challenge assumptions and apply these skills to find solutions to real-world problems. In CATS, your senses will be awakened and you will acquire a mindset to constantly seek innovative means to improve our living environment.

Let me see: I grief, I troll, I moderate forums, I support LGBT rights, I support religious rights, I'm not religious, I'm a writer, I actually know how to USE the internet, I plan to dive into an autistic forum and then create a feature-length machinima with an autistic character. On a game designed for nothing but killing people with shotguns.

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Though it might be vaguely interesting to see who actually benefits from these courses.

Individual & the Community
What social values do you hold as an individual? What role do you play in your family and community? Embark on a journey of discovery and become a social investigator. You will choose from the social service sectors, arts, sports, or the environment to conduct fieldwork, collaborating with a relevant non-profit organisation.

This is moral education. Nuff' said.

Communication Toolkit
This module provides an integrated platform for you to sharpen your written and oral communication skills. You will also learn library research skills to research your chosen topics of interest for your writing and speaking assignments.

This might be interesting, but it sounds kinda... small. Library research skills? How much can you learn about the bloody library? Unless it's the internet, in which case I doubt they have a lot to teach me.

General English
This module is for you if you are an international student and need help with your oral and written English. For example, you will learn to handle everyday situations that you may encounter both on and off campus. To accommodate that, classes are interactive and very much 'hands-on'.

No.

Life Management Skills (For BA students) This module explores the behavioural processes that help you cultivate healthy relationships with family, friends, colleagues and the business community. You will apply relevant life management techniques to simulated real-life situations to handle anger, fear and conflicts.

I need this sort of stuff, but I doubt a polytechnic course will be the best teacher for that.

Exploring Contemporary Issues (For FMS and PCS students)
Do we wander through our lives without taking a second look at what is worthwhile? Exploring Contemporary Issues will engage you in critical thinking—analysis, attention, awareness and independent judgment—with the aim of developing quality thinking and the ability to articulate your thoughts. You will do so by gaining insights into the current issues that are prevalent in our social, political and creative landscapes today. Welcome to the thinking world!

They promise me independent judgement, I'd better not get some moral ed crock. This looks like where I'm going.

The above are just "Level One" IS modules, so it's not much of a surprise that the Level Twos are more interesting, especially:

Enhanced Spoken English
This module is for international students who want greater opportunities to improve their English language skills. In this module, you will build on your oral skills through a number of individual and group presentations.

Understanding Relationships: Love and Sexuality
This module enables students to gain an in-depth understanding of the fundamentals of human relationships and to acquire relational skills for effective living. The aim is to provide students with an overview of theories and concepts of human relations and enable them to understand key areas of human relationships, romantic attachments and family life. Students learn the dynamics and intricacies of diverse relations and the practical skills to manage these effectively.

Introduction to Social Psychology
Why do people conform? How does prejudice arise? Why don't people help one another in an accident? How powerful are self-fulfilling prophecies? How do we perceive people? Social psychological concepts help us explain human behaviour even where that behaviour is seemingly irrational. By understanding social psychology, you will be empowered to make sense of the social situations that you encounter daily and be more equipped to manage social relations in your private and work life.

Exploring Photography
This is a hands-on module that covers basic photography skills. You will be taught technical and aesthetic basics, including camera functions, compositions, optical properties, lighting and the decisive moments. You will plan and shoot photographs and critique your own and other students’ work. Students must come to class with a digital camera of their own.

Starting a Business
This module explores essential strategies to identify business opportunities. You will examine the ways in which a business is established, consider factors that affect the market and produce a business plan based on a market research. The module is not open to students who have taken it in their first year of study.

(And everything about business actually, I have a feeling it could get fascinating)

Practical Research Methods
This module will expose you to the basic processes and principles applied in social research. You will learn how to design a research project, collect information, analyse the data collected and apply research skills to uncover norms, values, attitudes and customs. As consumers are part of the fabric of social life, you can also employ your understanding of research techniques to develop a basic market survey.

And I'm not going to talk about the Level 3 ones, because they're becoming really specialized and I'm becoming really sleepy. Suffice to say there's an entire module dedicated to how to apply Sun Tzu's Art of War to real life.

And Sun Tzu knows a little bit more about fightin' than you do, pal, BECAUSE HE INVENTED IT.

Douchefaggery

If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual [Gay] sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything!
Rick Santorum (Sen. R-PA)

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I've a feeling I'm going to take a long time to type this blog post again. Last nights' was two hours, pacing around, putting my back into it. Didn't sleep till 3. I'm still staying up late. Nighttime used to be really scary for me. It still is, but only when I go to sleep. Why is that? Most of my waking hours are spent on the computer, which is perpetually connected to the internet. See where I'm going? That may be one of the reasons I can't sleep in my bed. When I'm that physically comfortable, I wander casually into fantasizing about the good stuff. Then, automatically, I kind of start examining on a realer level. That's pretty scary, actually, when you don't have an omnipresent, omniloving diety to give you hugs. I wonder if it'd be worth it to go into a religious place of worship again, not to gather info, but to experience the belief, if only for a fleeting moment, that someone always has your back, no matter what.

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I was also scared into delaying the development of Bridge. I'm only up to second draft now - snail speed, considering my resources (two weeeks, now extended to January). I'd always thought it'd be nice to write full-time. Think about it: holing yourself up in your house for weeks on end. That has to have some cost.

Anyway, I garnered three valuable responses from people who could give me detailed feedback on second draft. I figure they can best describe the major flaws of Bridge, and the sooner I find those flaws the sooner I burn them. It's just that it's difficult to hole myself up and still be happy enough to even attempt writing. So sometime next week I'll release drafts to randoms on my MSN contact list (who have shitty literary experience, pfeh).

Speaking of that, don't bother with Star Wars: The Clone Wars, the movie, OR the tv series. I watched the premiere of one episode today and I couldn't finish. No skill, no charm, no humour, no polish, no ingenuity, no intelligence, let's not even start on awesome and heartwarming; it's at the other end of the spectrum. In fact I actually got offended by its piss poor portrayal of war, politics and especially soldiers. Karen Traviss either sold her soul to the devil or managed a Jesus-level miracle when she offered to write books based on the series. And it claims to be PG13. Whoever said that should be shot. In the head. With a rifle.

"Nice cock, sir."

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After this point I risk losing my readers if I go on (nothing really that engaging to talk about), but at night I think about my past and sometimes I remember them, and every second I don't record an event, or idea, or decision, I risk losing it forever (I'm THAT forgetful).

Polytechnic. Ngee Ann Polytechnic finally sent a letter that confirmed my successful DPA application a second time, and an indemnity form for a preparatory programme. I'll be able to do some modules ahead of schedule, some interdisciplinary ones. It's from 14 Jan to 13 March (though it doubt it's very intensive). Field trips, industry visits (if I get to the guy who manages Okto/Kids Central I will bring extra ammo), orientation programma, CCA visits (None of them look very inviting tbh), and an overseas leadership camp. Very cute.

I've been wondering about poly life and what to expect. Don't really know actually. I don't want to dig through retarded, jaundiced, superficial blogposts to find out, so I set goals instead. I want friends. This time, I want the type that sticks. Because if I don't get friends and set up a network of local contacts now... I suspect I never will.

You know, before I even clarified my stand on sexual rights to myself, I've been... joking about sexual deviancy since primary school. Not serious. Just a game. No consequences. Still, sometimes, when someone I've implied something particularly deviant to grimaces in response, I mull over how serious they are.

If anyone asks at the polytechnic, I'm bi-romantic. People will read it as homo, gay, bisexual, anal sex - exactly. It's a filter. A people filter. I thought about coming out as bisexual instead, but that'd be a lie. This isn't. And I'll make sure that no one is going to mistake it for a joke.


Oh, and I'm interested in taking up parkour as a hobby someday.