THE PEBBLEFORT

Relax guys, you're still civilians

2012-02-03T22:23:00.002+08:00

Went for my naval diver assessment today. The entire morning during the briefing, medical, physical and swimming "test" I strangely couldn't find a reason why not to put yourself through needless hardship. Emphasis on needless. I blame the relative monotony of poly life I guess. "Sure, why not?"

I'm probably asking to be proven wrong, but hey, its not like its a given I'll enter anyway. Besides, how bad could it be right?

damn, doing tests on those army seats that force your posture hurts.

Kids these days...

2011-12-15T22:38:00.004+08:00

Trending news currently is about some kid named Aaron Tan who posted a video on YouTube, publicly mocking and demanding a public apology, on Facebook no less, from his 14 year old "love rival" Ryan, who has allegedly the balls to steal Aaron's girlfriend Nina.

(watch video here. viewer discretion is advised; moron ahead)

Despite sounding like a cheap drama plot, I could not help but draw certain parallels between this clown, and Nosey's old adversary, Little Roy. Indeed, at certain points in the video I thought I was watching Little Roy instead of this clown.

Which has got me thinking, what if, 3 years ago, the whole episode with Little Roy had happened on YouTube and Facebook? But seriously, kids these days.

Closure

2011-07-25T23:49:00.002+08:00

I write this now, as a form of tribute, as a form of closure, as an archive of my memories, and as an expression of my thoughts.

This Sunday my maternal grandfather passed away, after the tuberculosis virus ravaged his health, and robbed him away from us.

I was present at the hospital ward, and witnessed the deteriorating condition firsthand, so I can say I was prepared to expect the worst.

My relationship with my maternal grandfather was never as close as would be ideal. In fact, it could be said that my relationship with my maternal relations were never as close as my relationship with my paternal ones. Perhaps it was the language barrier, perhaps it was the "culture", perhaps it was the people.

What I really regretted, was what happened earlier this year. We celebrated his 76th birthday in May, and I could tell my uncles and aunts put in a lot of effort into it. Yet, at the apex of any birthday celebration, when the cake was presented and we were all called to gather to sing the happy birthday song and take a photo, nobody made a move. My grandfather was sitting behind the cake, with my youngest cousin on his lap and my grandmother not far from him. The adults were calling and cajoling us 'kids' to go and "get in position". Nobody moved. We were just waiting for each other to make the first move.

At that point, I could sense the entire mood of the evening plummet, and my grandfather was sitting there insisting that its alright. That there is no need to go through all this trouble. Little were we to expect, a mere 2 months later, that would be the last time we would ever get to celebrate it with him.

I am filled with regret, that we, I, didn't cherish it. That we took it for granted. That that was the last time I saw him before this Sunday.

In closing, I want to pay tribute to him.

My maternal grandfather, now late, was a simple man. He ate simply, and dressed simply.

He never sought to create trouble for anybody, and avoided anything he felt would trouble anyone.

He was born in Malaysia, but settled down here, and married my grandmother.

He worked, to support my mother, and her siblings, working menial jobs all his life, until retirement in his 70s.

On normal Sunday evenings, when my family would occasionally go out to have dinner, he would always reject coming along when asked. Even to dinner functions, near or far, he chose to stay home. Always.

The extent he went to reassure everyone, to not let anyone worry about him, was noble.

It is unfortunate, from what I overheard from my relatives, that this quality in him may have indirectly lead to this state of affairs. That he refused to seek further treatment, and kept reassuring everyone he was getting better, that he was recovering.

His sacrifice for his family, his concern, his independence, and his humility and his simplicity.

These qualities I will forever remember him by.

Mister Right

2011-06-18T14:03:00.002+08:00

Digging through a treasure trove of items, photos, playlists and memories of my secondary school days (especially the lower sec ones). Oh how things were so chaotic and yet so under control back then..

I guess things have changed over the years, I've changed. I've become much less idealistic and much more pragmatic. But I realised my ideas and philosophy have not really been shaped much by the times that heat people like clay. Instead, I've been much more dogmatic about certain things..

Now life feels different. I feel I'm less subjected to the forces around me that swirl ever so violently. Yet paradoxically, I feel more impotent now more then ever to influence my surroundings. I guess it's one of the things I appreciate on hindsight about secondary school. When things were oh so chaotic (especially in my lower sec days) but yet at the same time oh so controllable at my finger tips. But I guess I am merely just growing into my place as a member of this society I live in and a citizen in this global village.

Still pursuing my endeavours fervently, and I wonder what my book will say (on hindsight) about my days in NS.

Best of Web Fiction: INSTRUCTION FOR A HELP

2011-06-06T01:32:00.005+08:00

Cropped for spoilers. Check out the date, though.

Instruction for a Help is a series of howto guides that are written in spectacularly mangled English that suggests some sort of a translator. Take this advice in Instruction for a Fruit: "Take a bad water and make a good water. A fruit loves a water twice a day." The language, and the articles' apparently insane notions ("The eyes of a fruit close and a tear comes") are written by Zack Parsons, for comedy website Something Awful. But soon the bizarrely humourous become bizarrely disturbing, and it becomes obvious that comedy is not the main thrust of the series.

The readers of the "instructions" mostly call for people to love and respect nature, and to report to "THE CENTER" to be "diagoloised" and assessed for what we can safely assume to be reproductive activity, or as they call it, "formulating a babie"(lol). Having trouble with your "babie"? No problem, just ring for your neighbourhood friendly red worm. He is your friend, and will protect you from the mans from below, which incidentally, if you see him, you should open up his skin and "take out ALL his fluids".

This world where man and nature live harmoniously by all accounts, is flavoured with strange distorted images, becoming fragmented and broken as the series hits its climax, when the mythical "mans from below" threaten the status quo.

It ends rather ambiguously, but is tied strongly to a companion narrative, also written by the same author, called "The View From Below", which despite spoiling the mystery surrounding Instruction for a Help, The View from Below is what I would argue is the "meat" of the the actual story. The View from Below is an arguably even better story, this time with proper English and a much more straightforward narrative with the same setting. The setting of it, political aspects and all, are well-realized and believable; the plot twists and turns past an easy ending into an epilogue that is one of the more intriguing endings I've seen in Fantasy/SciFi.

It is quite long, but segmented into convenient chunks and is unusually well-written and original for internet fiction.

>>>READ IT HERE <<<<

Understanding thyself (and new age learning pedagogies)

2011-05-19T08:29:00.003+08:00

I am an: ENTJ (extraversion, intuition, thinking, judgment)

ENTJs have a natural tendency to marshal and direct. This may be expressed with the charm and finesse of a world leader or with the insensitivity of a cult leader. The ENTJ requires little encouragement to make a plan. One ENTJ put it this way... "I make these little plans that really don't have any importance to anyone else, and then feel compelled to carry them out." While "compelled" may not describe ENTJs as a group, nevertheless the bent to plan creatively and to make those plans reality is a common theme for NJ types.

ENTJs focus on the most efficient and organized means of performing a task. This quality, along with their goal orientation, often makes ENTJs superior leaders, both realistic and visionary in implementing a long-term plan. ENTJs tend to be fiercely independent in their decision making, having a strong will that insulates them against external influence. Generally highly competent, ENTJs analyze and structure the world around them in a logical and rational way. Due to this straightforward way of thinking, ENTJs tend to have the greatest difficulty of all the types in applying subjective considerations and emotional values into the decision-making process.

ENTJs often excel in business and other areas that require systems analysis, original thinking, and an economically savvy mind. They are dynamic and pragmatic problem solvers. They tend to have a high degree of confidence in their own abilities, making them assertive and outspoken. In their dealings with others, they are generally outgoing, charismatic, fair-minded, and unaffected by conflict or criticism. However, these qualities can make ENTJs appear arrogant, insensitive, and confrontational. They can overwhelm others with their energy, intelligence, and desire to order the world according to their own vision. As a result, they may seem intimidating, hasty, and controlling.

ENTJs tend to cultivate their personal power. They often end up taking charge of a situation that seems (to their mind, at least) to be out of control, or that can otherwise be improved upon and strengthened. They strive to learn new things, which helps them become resourceful problem-solvers. However, since ENTJs rely on provable facts, they may find subjective issues pointless. ENTJs appear to take a tough approach to emotional or personal issues, and so can be viewed as aloof and cold-hearted. In situations requiring feeling and value judgments, ENTJs are well served to seek the advice of a trusted Feeling type.

Good to know. :)
and I'm back to my obsession with personal mastery

TOFU out

cry-sis

2011-05-14T11:14:00.002+08:00

Been having a bit of trouble with my girlfriend lately...

alla damned. Sometimes I wish I was still swinging single.

This is a week late.

2011-05-12T23:24:00.000+08:00

I flirted with the idea of posting right after the conclusion of the general elections but I figured it was 3am and the smart thing to do was sleep and not babble aimlessly or going down to the car to honk 4 times in a beeep-beeep bipbip fashion. Smart move there. Then of course the onslaught of school work, procrastination and laziness arrived right on cue and now I'm here.

The aftermath of the elections have been bitter-sweet. We lost a honest gentleman who worked from a small office in a void-deck in Potong Pasir, but more importantly, gained a retard and 5 new opposition members in parliament(YES!).

Even more important than having more blue shirted MPs in parliament was the apparent change in the political landscape. Operations Spectrum and Coldstore are now a thing of the past and the people are more comfortable with expressing their views. The way it appears now, there are way too many voices to silence, and too many slanders to bankrupt and the ruling party have to, and for some part, trying to, live with this.

However unlike their poorer and "less capable" counterparts the ruling party still regards the "new media" as some murky unknown terrain filled with flamers and hate
:-) This is for the most part true, to some degree. Little debate occurs, and this is not only a problem on the web level as it is on a governmental level. However their frankly weird attempts to continue to police their outlets of "feedback" is frankly well...weird. But as the state media agrees, the resentment must have came from somewhere. Social and economical issues which have been glaringly obvious over the past few years are hot topics, which is new. The surprising gradual liberalization of state media could be a factor to this. Trying to climb the press-freedom list?

The main reason why I dislike the ruling party is because of their overzealous defence of their policies. Everything has a reason, and that reason must be good. "Do what is right, not what is popular" says the Social studies textbook. Your interests are well thought out in our very capable minds. Its not to the extent to being disgusting but their rhetoric is getting old and out of touch. Furthermore, many MPs even fail to explain their policies with the needed "political correctness" it sometimes almost appears as an argument against rather than for. The internet says, "fail"

What is worse are their young and exceedingly elitist supporters. The epitome of the problem of the ruling party. "We are all unappreciative spoilt kids who know nothing about the sacrifices of past". (1 of them eternal) We fail to see what the government have done for us. "We are only carrying hammers because its 'cool'". "We all probably have tattos or hangout at HDBs, opposing because we lack money for cigarettes". "All of you know nothing about economics and public policy."
These people communicate in a manner that is extremely alien in Singapore and I'm extremely interested to meet one in real life. Nerdy yet weirdly charismatic, extremely out of touch with the real-world. *shrugs*

The same could be said for opposition supporters who DO oppose for cool factor and lack knowledge about politics, but that's a different issue.

Overall, the important thing is we're a little freer, and that's excellent.

GOOD WORK SINGAPORE, IM SO PROUD AND REALLY, REALLY PROUD TO BE SINGAPOREAN.

p.s. I really like this new colour scheme.

The Moral Dilemma

2011-05-08T10:21:00.004+08:00

So the stronghold of the GRC system was finally broken yesterday by the "star team" of the workers' party. I'm genuinely glad we now have a handful of opposition members in parliment. Honestly the number now is just nice for our government to be effective and yet maintain duality on the ground.

I have many thoughts on this election but I'll use Aljunied here.

I find it a pity that George Yeo, a mild and an extremely nice guy (mum had exchanges with him when George was a BG in the SAF), had to be the fall guy for the PAPs short comings. I very much rather a joker like Wong Kan Seng, Mah Bow Tan or Khaw Boon Wah go. But then again, no minister is indispensable. It just so happen George Yeo was in the firing sights of change.

The issue is apparent. Poor Singaporeans are suffering too much. In economics we learn that the purpose of the government is to intervene to ensure the "welfare" and the economic objectives of the people are met. This government has made policies which have allowed far too many poor people to fall through the nets of safety that current schemes provide for for the poor. The ruling government has shown in the past 5 years that they have been clearly out of touch with the working class. Living high and mighty up there like a club that is the PAP.

A friend recounted an incident that happened to him a few months back that made him question the moral authority of the current government to govern. His grandmother was hospitalised for 2 weeks. The bill came out to be over $10000 despite no special treatment being administered or whatsoever. When the grandmother was discharged, she had to take a lot of medicines to help recover fully. However, the family could not afford the many different disgustingly expensive medicines that the doctor prescribed. The doctor then presented to the family members the list of medicines that were deemed "not as important" and asked them which one they didn't want. My friend and his family were shocked. Under the current scheme, a person has to sell all his assests and be completely 100% unable to help himself (i.e. with his house sold etc) before the government will step in to save your life.

I'm not asking for a welfare state, we all know that will lead to disaster and rob the pockets of our children and grandchildren. But for a healthcare system to degenerate to such a level is just vehemently disgusting. It reminds me of Michael Moore's Sicko show that I watched a few years back. I thought then that this will never happen to Singapore. but in the past 5 years, things have proven otherwise. Singapore only spent 1.6% of her GDP on healthcare last year. Something is clearly clearly wrong.

There are many more heart burning issues I have. But I'll keep it for next time.

I think more can be done to help the poor who fall through the safety nets. The cry has one forth and I can only pray the government open it's ears.

Don't get me wrong. I still think a PAP government is best for Singapore, but I feel that the government has been so out of touch with the working class and the poor folks that they need to lose a few constituencies to wake up and realise something is very wrong.

Idleness

2011-04-24T13:38:00.003+08:00

My Passing Out Parade looms near, and with 4 weeks to go till then, I'll have to find ways to keep myself occupied. But what the hell am I supposed to do? 4 whole weeks of doing absolutely nothing is a huge waste of my time. The only thing I can do is read and exercise, but till what end? I grow bored of this routine life. Can't wait to POP and start doing something worthwhile. Will update you guys if I get into the vocation that I'm aiming for.

Yeah, getting that vocation is something like getting the Golden Ticket. Without all the chocolate of course.

On a brighter note, met up with Giant for a gym session at the local stadium and lunch at Macs. Been a while since we spoke to each other, so we had a nice time catching up. It's always fun to see how your friends are doing and all that shit. We should do it more often yeah.

Anyways, wrote this post just for the heck of it, since the Pebblefort's been more active of late. And to all the Romanian and Malaysian fellas visiting the site, I feel that a big thank you is in order. Don't know what you see in us though heh. Will try to write more interesting posts if I have the time and motivation, as per the norm I guess.

Till next time fellas.

Removing the cobwebs

2011-04-14T02:37:00.002+08:00

14 April 0245 hours

I just realised today my old blog has vanished completely from the web that is called the internet. I used to blog on a platform known as the 'Windows Live Spaces' and after they made a conversion to WordPress, my blog got erased as well(?) Not sure if it's really gone for good but at least I can't recover it.

For one, I'm pretty sad. I have almost 2 years of archives inside my personal blog (which was locked for the past 2 years btw) dating from 06. The best and worst times of my secondary school life was chronicled as transparently as I could in there. And to have it gone now, never going to be able to re-read and 're-live' those times kinda makes me sad.

I believe there were many things inside which I chronicled that could be useful to me now. In fact, that was one of the main reasons I started the personal blog in the first place. I wanted an avenue for me to reflect and learn from my past. Kind of like writing my own history book. And to have it yanked from me like that is kinda hard to swallow to be honest.

Recently I've been struggling with certain cobwebs in my life. It involves a former lover, and I know I really shouldn't be entertaining such thoughts now that I'm attached, but I just can't let the case close without officially bringing it to an end (sounds real puzzling, believe me I'm quite confused right as I got to writing this part). The premature and abrupt full stop happened almost a year ago now. Still feel a proper conclusion is lacking and I really want to bury the port holes so I can carry on and live my life.

I sound real angst right now and that probably is because I am; here and now at this very moment - it's 0245 and I'm still friggin tossing and turning trying to sort out these old cobwebs in my head.

Forgive me if the beginning and ending of this post sounds incoherent. It actually links. But then again, such is the frame of my mind right now.

Carry On Many Missons And No Day Off (COMMANDO)

2011-04-10T18:45:00.001+08:00

A Little Lacking

2011-04-08T19:27:00.005+08:00

People often refer to us Youths as apathetic, and we like to just throw that comment back to Singaporean society as largely apathetic too.

And I say this, because today as I was heading home after an event in school, there was a blind man who was walking on the road, having difficulty maneuvering between plastic cones on the road and the high curb on his right. While he was doing this, a motorcyclist had just finished parking his bike and was just casually looking at the man.

What would you have done?

Would you have watched from afar, hoping for the best? Or would you run over and help him?

I actually did went over to help him, guide him back on the curb and let him know of incoming traffic, and chat a little with him. This is actually my first time chatting with a visually-impaired person, and one of the few times I readily went to help a stranger.

On a personal level, this is quite an achievement, because I went from passive onlooker, to an active participant to help a stranger. And I feel this conundrum is something everyone experiences everyday. From young, we are told that as long as its not your business, stay out of it. And then along comes Civics and Moral Education and tells us to help people in need etc. And from personal experience, this dilemma stays and affects you everyday. See the old lady boarding the bus? You feel like giving your seat, but decide not to do it because you feel weird doing so? That is the "little lacking" I'm referring to.

The mind is willing, but the body isn't.

a possible scenario when faced with such dilemmas

2011-03-26T15:19:00.002+08:00

Demon's Souls. That's all I have to say. Shall try to update more if I have the time and motivation.

trapped rut stuck

2011-03-18T23:43:00.003+08:00

it is now the march holidays, 6 weeks away from polytechnic school life. yet, almost everyday i return and stress myself over a competition i signed up for. the dwindling prizes and awards of the competition no longer attract me, and the potential intangible benefits seem to have disappeared.

my team of 4 comprises of the top student in the other cohort, and the first and second scorer in my class and cohort for last semester in terms of results, with me as the third scorer. an elite team? maybe. an elite performance? not really.

top student is going on an overseas community service trip as leader, so is busy with all the preparations and stuff. leader of the team is second scorer, and he appears to be busy with his own life. leaving me and first to shoulder most of the thinking and research.

i'm running out of time, competition presentation is at the end of the month and this coming week, i'll be too packed with prior engagements i can't walk away from. this Sunday, top student is flying off for the service trip, and won't be back till last week of holidays. tried to call for group meetings whenever possible, but more or less turns out to be a duo meeting between first and me. between the two of us, we are fatigued and devoid of ideas and directions. team leader is repeatedly apologetic about being unable to show up or do much.

i really feel trapped, stuck in a metaphorical rut and unable to move. and i don't want to lose this, and especially lose against the other team from my school. especially not when we are the 'elite' team.

the hurry men

2011-01-26T12:39:00.002+08:00

Quick update: less then two weeks to my enlistment.

So factually speaking, I have less then two weeks til A level results are out because once you enter NS, you don't have time to think until results day.

Right now I'm compiling my profile and portfolio for submission to the various schools after my results are out. Am seriously praying for un-catastrophic results. Aiming to land myself a local scholarship so I won't have to worry about taking study loans or eating up my parents' CPF.

It's all in the day's work of being an 18 year old in Singapore.

"Hard Truths to keep Singapore going"

2011-01-24T10:44:00.003+08:00

Just bought the much anticipated book by Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew and since last night, I've finished the first 2 chapters. It's a very different book compared to his previous memoirs. Here, a group of journalist pose questions to Lee and he answers them. The book is in a question and anser format of the various questions and it is virtually unpara-phrase.

The stark message the reader first notices when one reads the book is the apparent obvious that this book was written primarily to engage the younger generation of Singaporeans. I wouldn't go as far as to call it a political tool, but certainly the style of writing and the questions engage does point to the direction of educating the ignorant young people of us, Singapore.

The first 2 chapters were engaging and certainly an interesting read for a political follower like myself. Revelations would also be an appropriate word. Anyhow, I shall aim to finish it in the next week or so.

So far, I'd say this is a must read for the younger generation of Singaporeans. Whether or not you agree with Uncle Harry, it is still nevertheless a good book to pick up. The language that Mr Lee uses to answer the questions, defend his points and shape his rebuttals are also of interest for an ex-GP student like myself.

Shall rate it when I'm done. But for now, hard truths will be my book for the next 7 days.

Tofu here

Garden Song

2011-01-18T01:56:00.004+08:00

Inch by inch, row by row
Gonna make this garden grow
All it takes is a rake and a hoe
And a piece of fertile ground

Inch by inch, row by row
Someone bless these seeds I sow
Someone warm them from below
Till the rain comes tumblin down

Pulling weeds and pickin stones
Man is made of dreams and bones
Feel the need to grow my own
Cause the time is close at hand

Rainful rain, sun and rain
Find my way in natures chain
Tune my body and my brain
To the music from the land

Plant your rows straight and long
Temper them with prayer and song
Mother Earth will make you strong
If you give her love and care

Old crow watchin hungrily
From his perch in yonder tree
In my garden Im as free
As that feathered thief up there

Kinda sums up what life about. Philosophical, but ultimately apt.

What's being a man going to be like?

I'm getting old enough to wonder, but happy that I'm still too young to care.

Rollercoaster ride

2011-01-11T02:37:00.000+08:00

Very tumultuous time in my life. Coming to terms with the fact that I'm not much more than the childish, unlikeable slowpoke I was 2 years ago and that people around me are moving on. I've been trying to ignore this for what seems like forever, but I'm simply not stupid enough to keep it up any longer.

I've lost some friends lately, and the most damning thing I've learned is that I'm worthless to the people around me, in every way. The people that still talk to me do so out of kindness and pity. I've actually been desperate enough to ask them about it. And they deny it all, but there's this very very powerful dread and intuition that yes, this is the dead end. I've lost everyone. I've had so many chances and I blew every one.

My daily life is a rollercoaster. My mood goes up and down sharply. Bursting with hope one moment, then the next minute its all crushed and I can't see the meaning in life. My stomach constantly feels knotted together. I'm having anxiety attacks on the hour. I'm fucking whining about something on the hour every hour. Yeah, I'm desperate now. I can't think straight anymore and I'm afraid my logical reasoning is going. Every single bad thing about me is getting worse and exaggerating itself. Nosedive. Freefall. Inevitable. I want to hit the ground. I want it to end so badly I've begun distancing myself from what few friends I've left. It's like drinking salty seawater to alleviate looming dehydration. Dread is my entire life now; I can't think about anything else.

Independence

2011-01-09T20:20:00.002+08:00

Well, things aren't really going well.

My parents decided the time has come for me to be financially independent. Surviving on what little I have left of my savings from the months before. January thus far has been an expensive month. With renovations on going at home, I am expected to buy my new furniture for my room (necessities). That will cost a bit. And I've been going out very often with my girlfriend. I don't really want to tell her I'm really strapped for cash now because I promised her that January will be my month with her. And I seriously feel bad that she sometimes insists on footing the bills. I'm just kinda disappointed with myself somewhat. For not having the tight financial control I used to have. On top of that I promised my waterpolo team I will join them for a cruise. Aiyeesh.

Social calls are still kinda necessary in a way before my enlistment. But really I guess this is a taste of what really growing up is about. Looking at a loan from my dad to try to keep my house affairs in order at least for the next month or so.

This really is a whole different ball game...

Ascension

2010-12-02T21:54:00.004+08:00

Pilot interview wasn't as scary as I thought it would be...

Yes, I cleared it. Left with a medical check up to do before I'll be posted to Australia to train to become a fighter pilot. In other words, 1 check up closer to reach the training phase of the best job in the world. Well nobody said it was easy being a military aviator... The rocky 2 years of training I have ahead looks terrifying... The attrition rates are phenomenal and I only hope I can make it out alive.

On a side note, I'll be leaving for my Vietnam backpacking trip on the 4th of dec. I'll be attempting to conquer the Vietnamese landscape! This is going to be one hell of a journey.. By far the most adventurous I've ever attempted, and probably going to be one of the most epic thus far too.

Bon Voyage!

Tofu out

Where did all the balls come from.

2010-11-30T23:53:00.003+08:00

Today I've learnt that confessions are messy affairs. But having done it is a milestone by itself, handling this period is another. But damn.

Where did all the balls come from.

-Panz

Steady the sights

2010-11-19T11:16:00.003+08:00

The end of my A levels is now clearly plain in sight. With most of my papers done, the results is surely and definitely in the hands of the Almighty.

Setting off to Vietnam for my epic backpacking adventure on the 4th of Dec.

I'll be attempting to do in two weeks what the Americans tried but failed to do in over 10 years -Get from South Vietnam to North Vietnam.

The trip will be about 1700km and I intend to do quite a bit of culture tourism exchanges.

Will be back on the 19th.

And my Traffic Police Test will be on the 20th. Hopefully I'll pass the first time. :)

So those are my plans for the coming month ahead. Sure is going to be jam packed and busy.

And yes I'm enlisting on the 7th of Feb into the Commandos..

TOFU out. Hopefully will see you guys soon

they are not what you think they are

2010-11-15T23:56:00.002+08:00

Something boldly different from my usual humdrums. I signed up, and joined NP's LEO Club for an activity, teaching children at a Methodist Home how to sew teddy bears for Christmas.

Truthfully, the steps were simple to the point of a practical joke, but teaching them to "needy, disadvantaged" children seemed like a Herculean task. After all, who knows how adept they are, physically and mentally?

Initial thoughts sitting in the Home's canteen: oh god, rowdy kids. mega trouble ahead.

So I got assigned a chubby kid, very insistent on doing things his way, and generally hyper-active. Kid lied about his name (all the boys did, strange huh), took the colored pens and started coloring the bear cut-out they were supposed to use as stencils to trace onto the cloth.

Patience and understanding prevailed, kid agrees to trace, and work begins, cutting, then sewing.

I speak from experience, that handling a needle is not easy, and I'm sure a random poll of say, 50 guys, would reveal that at best 10 of them know how to sew. This kid, probably a disadvantaged family, gamely took the needle, insisted he knows how to do it because his mom does it at home, and started sewing. Thats right, he sewed, very simple and messy lines, but still, he managed to stitch those 2 bear-shaped pieces of cloth together.

Now this kid, hyper-active and slightly socially-inadequate, took up a marker, and started decorating the bear, ending with "I ♥ MOM".

At the end of the 2-3hour event, I was done. I finished helping my charge make a teddy bear to give to his mom on Christmas. But no, that was not all. I helped him, and his other friends I happened to be seating next to, achieve something, express something.

Of course, it was certainly strange to hear them address us guys as "kor kor", but then, I realized that hey, could it be that these kids, like the ones I met in China, have no siblings? Its true, I don't know why, and I'm not allowed to ask, they are in the home. But it was satisfying, knowing that at the very least, I now know, that they are not weird. They are not "special". They are just children, like we all once were. And I think the biggest lesson I bring home today, is that it sure is nice to volunteer. Yes, I am going to do this again.

Returning to writing

2010-10-20T21:45:00.000+08:00

I know I have never properly completed a single script, a full-length play. This time I'll do it. Why? Because this holiday was the not the gaming-day-after-day holiday of old; I did things this time. I did some things I'm not so happy with, but I did a few things that I am proud of, and even though everyone is moving faster and has their head starts, I feel like I'm in the race again.

I have to write and stage a play by July. I have already promised a few people, and some of these people I care about what they think of me. So yes, I'm losing my carefree childhood expanse. But I'd much less like losing some of the people I've gotten to know. There are stakes now and I can't drop out this time.

And besides, I'm starting to think having a crush might be healthy for me.

I'm thankful

2010-09-10T18:37:00.003+08:00

I just chatted with some China secondary school students I meet while on my trip in March this year, and one of them was in their last year and had just graduated in June. To move on from secondary school (初中) to the next level of education (高中) in China, you need to do well in the final exam of secondary school.

The student I talked to didn't manage to progress. So I asked very simply, what are you going to do now? She just said, I don't know, I no longer feel like studying, are you disappointed/angry that I didn't make it? Of course I said no, but it got me thinking really really hard.

We keep complaining about our education system, about how competitive it is, and how hard it is to secure spots just to further our education.

Putting it in perspective now, I realized how lucky we are. Apart from a much smaller population, our abundance of schools and institutions allow us to keep studying even if it isn't what we want. After secondary school, if you can't go to Junior College, there are Polytechnics, and if not, there are still the ITEs.

In China, sure their population is exponentially larger than ours and they are still a developing country, but if you fail to further your education, it means you enter the workforce, and in the case of the student, at 16 years old.

I remember in 2008 when I was sitting for my O Levels to decide where I fill continue my education, there was a small debate on forums about how the government wasn't doing enough to give students equal opportunities to study in the JC/Poly course of their choice. Right now, all I can say is be glad that we are still studying, because no matter how tough it gets, working life is way harder than a student's life.

Even if you can't climb the ladder as high as you would like, be thankful a net is there to catch you in the end, and you can continue climbing again.

WORST.PAPER.EVER

2010-09-03T18:26:00.004+08:00

all because I chose not to listen to people with lower GPAs. i'm such a prick. an elitist prick.

Have you settled your life plan?

2010-08-31T09:09:00.004+08:00

So last night, taking a break from revision, this guy talks to me after like, 3821931493481 years. I must say I don't particularly like him, which could be an understatement. In every circle of friends and network of acquaintances, you always see people like him. Overly self-confident, minimal actual ability, talks too much, does too little, a general irritating prick.
To give you a rough summary, we were in the same secondary school, same CCA, and thankfully we're now in different polytechnics. This guy, Fas, a malay, apparently has "started" his own business, Just Diamonds by Defred, which uses Multi-Level Marketing (MLM) to expand its business. And his real motive in talking to me (second time so far), I believe, is to recruit me. And I know this because TOFU has likewise been approached, and tricked into visiting the Recruiting Headquarters.

Fas Sup

Fas How are your exams

Giant not started yet

Fas When is it?

Giant friday and next monday

Fas Nic

Fas Nice

Fas Mass Com?

Giant no

Giant shipping and business stuff

Giant so hows your business

Giant recruited anyone recently

Fas Doing great

Fas Recruited?

Fas What are yo u talking about?

Giant defred?

Giant multi-level marketing

Fas How sure ar eyou?

Giant pretty sure, from what i've heard, being used as an example in class, and news articles

Fas De Fred is in your school work?

Fas Nice

Giant no its not

Giant marketing and purchasing is

Fas Well, that's why we're going global bro

Fas 26 different countries

Fas in two to three months time

Giant and would it be presumptuous to say this is part of your pitch?

Giant to try and recruit people? i.e. me right now?

Fas Try?

Fas I never try

Fas I just do it

Fas Recruit doesn't sounds right

Fas Well, you got your own style of living

Fas to get rich

Fas Pretty much, your life plan is settled?

Giant well as they say, beg borrow or steal

Fas Cool story, bro

Giant you keep trying, but if you have the time, do read up on ponzi schemes

Giant ok?

Fas Dude

Fas Don't act smart

Fas I know what I'm doing

Giant its never wrong to err on the side of caution

Fas I'm just checking on how my captan is doing that's all

Fas Caution? That's why Singaporean enver succeed

Giant im not your captain

Fas Used to be

Giant i'm just that fat guy who sits there pretending to be useful during cca

Fas Still

Fas Captain

Giant anyway however you see it

Giant we are a free democracy

Giant come find me when i'm truly broke and bankrupt and desperate

Fas Haha

Fas Dude

Fas I'm nto interested

Fas Seriously

Fas Just catching up

Fas Don't think too far

Giant sure

Giant i'm just being singaporean

Giant and by that i mean being cautious

Fas I'm off

Fas See you

These head-in-the-clouds, get-rick-quick schemes never work, and are never sustainable. Just mention "Ponzi Scheme" and see how his tone changed for a bit. Seriously, wake up and don't get uppity with me, fool.

Female directors

2010-08-26T22:16:00.002+08:00

I caught the sexism bug recently on a shoot last month. Long story short, female director alternated between bitching at me for not being quick enough; and in her spare time, while me and the cinematographer were setting lights, the director and the producer traded jokes, sang songs. You know, instead of actually directing, or discussing the shot, or doing something useful. We were quite understaffed that day and shooting went on for over 20 hours, most of which I spent standing around, managing lights, moving props, calculating depth of field, cleaning up, light metering, maintaining the shooting equipment, advising the cinematographer on various matters. While taking bitchy barbs from the goddamn director who has a total of maybe two responsibilities. It's the closest I've come to blowing up in a while.

And today after I get my raw footage, I inform the rest over FB about several problems, and request that they advise me on resolution and aspect ratio (I traditionally take the post-production roles). You know what my super-proactive director tells me?
"I don't know man, i mean, since you're editing it, if you think it's a huge problem, then rectify it. there's nothing else we can do."
I know I'm getting old when I start using the phrase "attitude problem".

And the worst thing is that I can't tell her that. She's the sort of person for whom arguing is a slippery slope to taking shit personally. Ever wonder why there are so few female directors? Girls tend to be so emotionally spoiled. Luckily my cinematographer was a freaking scout.

Growing Up 1

2010-08-22T10:06:00.002+08:00

Indeed, nothing really compares... And there's so much more to think about now. No longer the raging hair on fire kind of take on the world persona. Guess I have to be a little bit more reserved and low profile now.

Guess that's part of growing up, and part of having a girlfriend.

Sometimes I do guess I enjoy singlehood and the attention I can give to all the different girls at once. But guess now it's time to grow up and put that behind me.

Well nothing lost though.

MIGRATION: being an owner

2010-08-18T01:31:00.002+08:00

I'm currently writing this post using my phone so I'd guess by the end if this post I would probably have made up my mind about swype.
Basically, I'm just going to put some short notes about my first couple of weeks of usage.

1)if you thought from my previous post that my phone is now blazing fast, I'm sorry to (may) have mislead you, but then again I am holding the fastest android phone around. No complaints there.

2)battery life while improved, is still rather woeful. (I just remembered that the 3g I used to hold is 2 years old.) With all the hype of the super amoled being extremely energy saving, it isn't much better. But it lasts more than a day, 2 if I am careful. But from my past experiences, I got kind of sick of being careful with the iphone.

3) with regards to internet, the galaxy s is faster. HOWEVER, the two browsers work differently. The iphone likes to show you the page as if loads while the android likes to wait for the page to be almost done before showing you the whole page. Because of this, it sometimes may seem as if safari loads quicker. Is this intentional?...No contest in youtube though, the galaxy s wins.

4)With the iPhone being so damn ubiquitous in Singapore, if you want something good without making you look like an ignorant ass, this is the phone to get. To protect myself from this, lets make it clear I bought the iPhone 3g on the first month. Thats WAYY before people started hyping (and buying) the 3gs. Plus, with the crazy money Samsung puts in advertising nowadays, its not like no one will know what your phone is. However if you're the brand conscious type, Samsung is a bit..yeah..but still, getting an iPhone now will make you look idiotic. Getting the iPhone 4 NOW won't, but its only a matter of time...unfortunately. Maybe try HTC?

p.s. If you're thinking of blackberry cause all the cool kids have it, DON'T. The Blackberry is not for kids, it makes you look pretentious.

5) iPhone accessories are everywhere, which is good for the iPhone owner. Just trying to be "fair and balanced" here.

6)Do I like swype? for the most part a huge yes. But occasionally it does slew you down when you notice a wrong spelling after racing through a sentence. Did I just type 'slew'?
Damn.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.3.1

MIGRATION: journey from apple to android (an update on apps)

2010-08-12T14:18:00.005+08:00

I decided to only make this post after I've decided how i felt about the phone after using it normally for a few days.

I installed kies, basically the Samsung program to sync you phone to your computer, again usless for me unless I had the music files on my pc in the first place. But its kind of a must to get updates. (its itunes all over again) Anyway, the new update, (note: its not android 2.2 Froyo, thats in september for the Galaxy S) basically tries to solve all problems relating to general efficiency, theres a samsung widget that helps you uninstall apks (android apps) and an easy to use task manager. I suspect it also helps you automatically kill apps when you back(as in the button) your way to the home screen. So that really helps solve all the gripes I had about lag and battery life. Great.

You must be thinking, I cant delete apps just by holding on the icon and pressing an "x" button? Nope sorry, theres no itunes so theres no app library you can sync to. I think deleting an app means you've got to re-install it from the market. But don't worry, downloading into your phone only takes seconds ;)

Another thing about apps, a paid app store isn't available in Singapore yet, just as how an itunes music store isn't. To get paid apps, you've got to torrent them and install using an "apk installer" app on the market place. Whats good is that unlike the iPhone, you don't have to do any jailbreaking shenanigans. Bad new is, some of them just don't work. I've got a gmaeboy and SNES emulator here and I'm still trying to find the right roms to get it working. But before you make any rash decision, as you'd expect,app content isn't as rich as itunes.(But the Android market isn't bad AT ALL)

MIGRATION: journey from apple to android (day 2)

2010-08-09T23:43:00.002+08:00

I just realised how incoherent my first post looked, at least i'm not intending to be a journalist.

Anyway, before I start proper, I'd just want to say that the phone is still slow at times, I find myself having to kill apps frequently. I'm not so sure if this multitask issue applies to the iPhone, but from what I saw from the keynote, I think apple is handling it better. Still, android has 2.2 coming out, we'll see.

At the start of today, I set an agenda for myself.
This included:

1)syncing the address book properly
2)Get my music in the phone organized
3) solve that dumb facebook contacts thing.

The solutions: (note, I synced my iPhone with a macbook, the way Steve Jobs would have liked, if you're using a windows, i'd reckon it'll be easier than this :( )

1) It took awhile to find out how to get my contacts from address book, but its just a simple export in a vcard format to any folder, and importing to gmail from within gmail. I'd link you right here, but I kind of forgot the link.
Anyways, from gmail, it automatically syncs all contacts to your phone, thats great. What isn't great is that I imported contacts from both hotmail(same method but..in from hotmail) and I get a mass of email addresses and phone numbers in my contacts folder in gmail. God knows how much time i spent merging contacts.

I ended up deleting many contacts of people I'm kinda no longer in contact with, this included classmates or acquaintances I couldn't match faces to, ( I had 2 "chris" in there, I don't even remember knowing any chris.

2)I initially downloaded doubletwist on my windows, thinking I could finally not have to turn on my mac everytime I wanted to sync in this 1 song in my head. (keeps happening, damn you music bank) You could export your library from your mac itunes to your windows itunes, and have doubletwist sync from there BUT you must have the same song files in your windows computer. (tl;dr, this libray export only includes song info, artist info, album covers, playlists and the like) not horribly important but with so much downloaded music, (PIRATE)I really can't bear to see it in a mess (track 1 by !@#&* anybody?)
So I downloaded doubletwist into my mac and its working fine.

3) I can just choose to not show those contacts, though my OCD is telling me do do something about it. sigh.

In all, I've solved all my problems and tomorrow will be a brighter day. In case you think the iPhone is wayyy beter, think of ms office editing and pdfs, plus youtube looks a little nicer, I could be wrong though.

MIGRATION: journey from apple to android (day 0, 1)

2010-08-09T01:30:00.004+08:00

I was reading many tech websites the day prior to my purchase of an android phone. And I found any semblance of a fair comparison between the iPhone 4 and any other phones in general end horribly in apple fanboyism, don't get me wrong apple makes good stuff that work but they're pretty nazi about everything else.
Or it'll end in the complete opposite. This party usually wins in usual David vs. Goliath fashion (apple is Goliath) but you cant compare things on paper right?

So I thought I'd try and help people out by trying to post regularly here on my journey from the iPhone 3G to the Samsung Galaxy S. Its probably going to end in a mess of jumbled thoughts, but if you find you're in the same situation as me, you'll understand what I'm saying :)

First thoughts:

The galaxy s is the iPhone with android. Thats a good thing. Makes migration easier, but it also makes you miss your old pal a little. The phone is very messy out of the box, same reason why people tell you not to buy HPs or DELLs, same Windows, very different computers.

At this point im missing the silent mode switch on the iPhone.

Build quality is what you pay for really, its plasticky, but I feel I can really thrash this (in a GOOD way) and not have to keep pampering it.
(you know glass cracks easily right? and its on the back of the iPhone 4 right?)

The super amoled is amazing, but the retina display is not far behind tbh.

More video formats usable, thats great, darn mp4 conversion was getting to me. Oh yes, format conversion is going to be a thing of the past.

First few hours:

YOU NEED APPS FOR EVERYTHING, I just downloaded an app to help me delete contacts, err kind of says alot. Its open source for a reason, im reminded of linux here. It shows that all problems can be fixed, but it shows that android still has problems. Which to me isn't a problem. Got a problem?

Widgets are smart, and Samsung chips in too, I'll find good use of them in daily use...eventually. The apps in the "application" menu are arranged alphabetically. Live backgrounds (err things moving) and complete freedom in the pages(places to put your icons/shortcuts,widgets) is welcome, but widgets take up a lot of space. I have my essentials down here and i'm at page 4/7.

This phone lags occasionally. Probably because always has many applications running, downside of its awesome multi-tasking. Got it covered, have an app that kills running apps.(OMG THE IRONY) +1 for android freedom. Then again, the iPhone lags too. I hope it wont get worse after syncing music and videos, expandable memory ftw.

Down to business:

Gmail is wayy better than iPhone mail app, period. Mail however, is not. Chances are, you'd want to use gmail.

Swype, voice commands. I've played with swype and it couldn't detect things like "temasek". Plus, if you toggled between foreign keyboards often in the iPhone, its a little more tricky here. Voice commands are excellent, it practically uses the phone for you.

Touch and go is a great function that lets you update status or message friends with a single input, i forgot if it can be saved as memos..

Contacts is a mess. Once i synced Facebook to social hub, ALL my Facebook contacts appear in my contact book. Hey Tofu, can i add phone numbers to these contact listings? I can see what they tried to do though, i can send these contacts emails and watch their status updates, pretty cool, but I've just realized how many people on Facebook I added I don't actually know. (not alot, but its my phone contact book!!!)

Maps is practically the same thing as the iPhone, but a little faster and has turn by turn voice navigation.

FM radio, nuff said.

Camera, settings and quality machaim digital camera siol. boleh.

Internet is faster, period.

Any regrets?:

A month before this I thought anything below the iPhone 4 would be a downgrade, not true. Android seems a little rough along the edges, because its new and open and all but I'm confident the experience will only get better, it has huge opportunity to grow, but the community has too.
Oh and I've found a well received program that is going to help me manage videos, music and even apps.

http://www.doubletwist.com/dt/Home/Index.dt

Its called double twist, and it resembles iTunes a little.

irony.

The 10 Common Fallacies In Reasoning

2010-08-04T21:43:00.003+08:00

Avoiding Informal Fallacies

Informal fallacies are instances of murky reasoning that can cloud an argument and lead to unsound conclusions. Because they can crop up unintentionally in anyone's writing, and because advertisers and hucksters often use them intentionally to deceive, it is a good idea to learn to recognize the more common fallacies.

1. Post Hoc, Propter Hoc (After This, Therefore Because of This)

This fallacy involves mistaking sequence for cause. Just Because one event happens before another event doesn't mean the first even caused the second. The connection may be coincidental, or some unknown third even may have caused both of these events.

Example : For years I suffered from agonizing abdominal itching. Then I tried Smith's pills. Almost overnight my abdominal itching ceased. Smith's pills work wonders.

2. Hasty Generalization

Closely related to the post hoc fallacy is the hasty generalization, which refers to claims based on insufficient or unrepresentative data.

Example: The food stamp program supports mostly freeloaders. Let me tell you about my worthless neighbour.

3. False Analogy

Analogical arguments are tricky because they are, almost always significant differences between the two things being compared. If two things differ greatly, the analogy can mislead rather than clarify.

Example: You can't force a kid to become a musician any more than you can force a tulip to become a rose.

4. Either-or reasoning

This fallacy occurs when a complex, multisided issue is reduced to two positions without acknowledging the possibility of other alternatives.

Example: Either you are pro-choice on abortion or you are against the advancement of women in our culture.

5. Ad Hominem ("Against the Person")

When people can't find fault with an argument, they sometimes attack the arguer, substituting irrelevant assertions about that person's character for an analysis of the argument itself.

Example: Don't pay attention to Fulke's views on sexual harassment in the workplace. I just learned he subscribes to Playboy.

6. Appeals to False Authority and Bandwagon Appeals

These fallacies offer as support the fact that a famous person or "many people" already support it. Unless the supporters are themselves authorities in the field, their support is irrelevant.

Example: Buy Freeble oil because Joe Quarterback always uses it in his fleet of cars.

Example: How can abortion be wrong if millions of people support a woman's right to choose?

7. Non Sequitur ("It Does Not Follow")

This fallacy occurs when there is no evident connection between a claim and its reason. Sometimes a non sequitur can be repaired by filling in gaps in the reasoning; at other times, the reasoning is simply fallacious.

Example: I don't deserve a B for this course because I am a straight A student.

8. Circular Reasoning

This fallacy occurs when you state your claim and then usually after rewording it, you state it again as your reason.

Example: Marijuana is injurious to your health because it harms your body.

9. Red Herring

This fallacy refers to the practice of raising an unrelated or irrelevant point deliberately to throw an audience off track. Politicians often employ this fallacy when they field questions from the public or press.

Example: You raise a good question about my support for sending ground troops to Afghanistan. Let me tell you about my admiration for the bravery of our soldiers.

10. Slippery Slope

The slippery slope fallacy is based on the fear that one step in a direction we don't like inevitably leads to the next with no stopping place.

Example: We don't dare send weapons to these guerrillas. If we do, we will next send in military advisers, then a Special Forces battalion, and then large numbers of troops. Finally, we will be in all-out war.

Adapted from The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writing by Ramage, Bean and Johnson

One of the more interesting GP exercises I was made to do of late.

We probably hear these fallacies all the time. Some of us can identify it when it is used on us. But for the majority we probably slip into the mushy good feel of a good speaker with flowery language and flowing words.

Anyhow, it is good to recognised these fallacies. Somehow I knowing this makes me feel like a more well-learned man.

2010-08-03T23:25:00.003+08:00

Remember that social experiment with the crying kid?

I was at Lot 1 late at night, going to the bus stop to wait for my father to fetch me. There is this walkway on the side of the mall that I always see various Malays hanging out at. As the taxi stand came into view there was this little Malay boy, couldn't have been more than lower primary school age, couldn't have been more than 8 or 9, sobbing and yelling for his mama.

I got no further than 10 metres away from him before I stopped and looked back. 2 minutes I stood there at the taxi stand, maybe a cab driver or two peering curiously at me, while I thought about what we had talked about during our last meet at Rail Mall. Most people would walk on without a second thought.

Kept going to the bus stop, putting a driveway and a line of decorative shrubs between me and the boy. My father would be picking me up here. I still had plenty of time, though. I could go see what's wrong. Or maybe the child's parents were around, they were just punishing him or something. Peeked through a low point in the shrubbery and saw that none of the Malays were paying the boy any attention. Not the couple by the motorbike. Not the bunch of guys. Not the Chinese woman. A bunch of teenagers my age walked by me, dressed in teenager's clothes. The girl's height and pants were alarmingly short but her hair was long around her bare shoulders. Petite; long hair; pretty. I don't know why I cared.

What looked like a young Malay woman - long, loose hair - was now with the boy. There was also a little Malay girl even younger than he. Oh goody, I thought. The woman reached out to the boy. I saw his mouth contort and he slapped something from her hand. The woman picked up the little girl and left.

Time passed. I could ask my father what to do. Or maybe I would get in the car, close the door, and he would accelerate away even as I mumbled out the words. Maybe the little boy was the brother of one of the big Malay guys. Maybe they would challenge me if I walked up to them. Maybe this would make a good short film. I was just trying to bat away the question of what I should do, and I knew it. My backpack made my shoulders ache.

I could hear the boy screaming again. Screaming for his mother. Mall was closed. Should I bring him to the MRT station? Do they have staff there this late at night? Who the fuck leaves their kid alone in a Malay-infested walkway at 11pm anyway? And how would this make a good short film? Without warning, the lights along the walkway shut off. I could still see the crying boy, on the steps of Lot 1.

My father's Nissan pulled up. I got in but left the door open. What if a bus came up behind us? It took a minute, but my father finally understood my babbling and told me to find out if the boy knew where his house was. I put down my bag in the front seat, jogged around the shrubs -

The young Malay woman with the little girl was back again. I halted in the middle of the taxi driveway and watched her carry him up and walk away in the other direction. She glanced back briefly.

After a few moments thinking, I returned to my father's car and drove home.

another one for the cabinet

2010-08-03T00:34:00.003+08:00

in sheer SA fashion, Saint Andrews' Junior College came from behind to clinch 1st runners up in the annual Raffles' Economics and Current Affairs Challenge. Really proud to have led this team in what may appear to be my last competition flying the school's flag. Over the past two years, I've played waterpolo, went for math competitions and participated in a host of current affairs challenges.

I must say clinching 1st runner up and coming so close to winning the championship is a sweet way to end my long (distinguished) service to the school. Winning an award for top 5 best individual made the icing on the cake. And it's just a sweet way to round up july.

Well guess my playing days are over, lets get back to the books and show those MOFOs all my As.

for country

2010-07-24T00:28:00.002+08:00

Got a letter today summoning me to Hendon camp in Pasir Ris. The SAF is calling me for Vocational Assessment to become a commando. Can't really say I'm interested, but then again I wouldn't mind the higher allowance the commandos are offered.

Well the vocational assessment will be on the 2nd August. And my prelims will start at end august. I now see how everything is suddenly coming very quickly towards me. It's going to be prelims, A levels, and very soon I'll be enlisting (commandos or not).

The future is still there for me to grab and take hold. And there are so many things I still want to accomplish, including getting a commissioning as an officer into the Singapore Armed Forces.

Ok a mere distraction here. Let's get back to the books and work on those As.

Reville

2010-07-06T21:00:00.003+08:00

Block Test 2 ends tomorrow and my has it been the biggest 2 weeks of my JC life so far.

So the countdown to A levels continue - 126 days.

Well I had another girl come up to me and told me I was charming in a good sort of way.
Not really sure if its a good thing.

But I also noted (and pointed out by several friends) that I was sometimes getting too close and snuggly with too many girls.

I blame it on my exodus from Stephy's life. But honestly that's not a real reason is it.

But well, that's not really important now.

Remember I said I will bounce back from BT1 failures? Guess I did just that in BT2. Of course the improvement is not ideal, but I'm pretty satisfied so far with my papers. Apart from physics.

But good stead indeed! And moving on closer to hitting form in couple of months time.

Sometimes I think I'm too much of a Type A, perfectionist person for my own good... haha who cares I love it this way.

How far we've come

2010-06-30T21:00:00.002+08:00

I'm graduating from JC in 3 and a half months.

It's just really quick... And my A levels are in 4 months.

I know I don't have much time left...

Now everyday I go to school knowing it is my last term in school. The last time I will be standing at the track, singing the national anthem, last time in the CC singing the school hymm, last time standing and perspiring under the sun listening to scripture being read out.. It's these little things that you'll no doubt take for granted in school.

Now that it's coming to an end, I guess I'm somewhat relieved, somewhat sad. The thought of not doing any more of these childish high school stuff, doesn't really bother me, but maybe just made me ponder for a while:

that truly, time is the master of destiny.

Internet literature

2010-06-21T01:23:00.002+08:00

Murphy's law: 99% of everything is shit.

Today: Found some 1%.

I had actually heard about the LP for Animal Crossing for some time, but had never bothered to read it, assuming that it was just another black parody of a children's game. I started on Part 1 just now and then read it all the way through. "Let's Plays" are usually just some guy snarking his way through a video game, sometimes you get good laugh material, but this... this is beyond parody. This is nightmare fuel. Well-written, riveting nightmare fuel based off a children's game about cute animals. Link below.

The Terrible Secret of Animal Crossing.

------------------------------------------------------------

Second story I found (a month or two ago) is a bit different. It's a trader-turned-scammer's account of how he did his first big scam in EVE Online. EVE's one of those mega-MMOs, so the virtual game money actually has some significant real-life value. The story's basically a crime action film, brought down to reality - I suppose that's why it got my heart pounding when the virtual spaceships start shooting. It's an alternately exciting and disgustingly fascinating look into the EVE metagame.

It's called Nightfreeze. It was written as some sort of memoir, but it's a bit cloudy as to how much of it's actually true. It's got some teeth-biting parts, but the ending's kind of lame. I'm actually toying around with writing a feature-length script for it someday (no srsly!).

Metagaming is the term we use to describe real-life actions that support virtual holdings and investments. For example, cutting the power to a guy's house so that your internet buddies can fly in with spaceships and blow up his expensive Titan. (that's an EVE Online ancedote, too!)

High School (Musical)

2010-05-27T17:58:00.001+08:00

As I look around and realize just how wrong all this is, I'm glad I took the less wild path.

All the parties and stuff. Girls and guys got themselves horribly drunk and how did they end up in the hotel room?

Lets stop messing up our lives and concentrate on the A levels ahead ok?

Latin

2010-05-24T20:40:00.002+08:00

I heard some programme on the BBC World Service Radio today about latin phrases.

The narrator identified how latin phrases were so commonly used as mottos around the world by institutions and organisations.

She pointed out a few and commented that making it latin makes it sound more profound, more impactful and make an otherwise cliche phrase sound majestic.

Take the motto of Tottenham Hotspur F.C. for example. Audere est Facere. Now that sounds really awesome. But what it really means is "To Dare is To Do". Something closer to Singapore, nothing without labour (Victoria School's motto) sounds kinda boring and cliche. But nil sine labore sounds like something you'd find on some nobleman's coat of arms. Well I've been experimenting with latin phrases for my email signatures and I finally settled on Semper Fidelis. Which means yours faithfully and it also happens to be the US Marines motto.

Not that I want to sound sophisticated or anything, but I do believe there is truth when the journalist who wrote that radio entry said that Latin phrases just brings out a lot more omph and meaning to an otherwise ordinary phrase. It shows a deeper truth and it some respect a warmer tone.

Hmm. Some real good food for thought.

Dreams - An old essay

2010-05-22T22:07:00.005+08:00

Here's what I dug out over the weekend while cleaning out my desk, an essay I wrote back in Sec 4 (2008) that was nicely printed out. I read it and thought it to be one of my better ones, so I've decided to reproduce it here.

============================================================================

Dreams

Dreams are an integral part of our daily life. When we sleep, our minds process our aspirations, our hopes, our experiences, and then them into dreams. Dreams are the fictional state of reality, where our unconsciousness takes over. The same can be said for reality, and the people in it. When attending boring seminars or meetings, we daydream, thinking of what we would do, what we would rather do, or where we would rather be. In the journey of life, we often dream to be better, dream to have better things, dream to be somewhere else, and dream to be someone else.

I have had many dreams. Once, I remember finding myself limbless, in another, had sprouted wings and was on my way to visit the Moon. Of course, we all know that such dreams are mere imaginations, and impossible. Yet, we all find ourselves dreaming unconsciously, and more often than not, uncontrollably.

Scientists, the very people we turn to shed light on the darkness and the unknown in this world we live in. Scientists, despite decades of existence, still have yet to turn out concrete results as to why we dream. Some say these dreams are the result of an active mind spewing out random ideas and memories while we sleep, and consequently, a dream is formed. Others allege that dreams are actually visions of the future, while to others dreams are their connections to the supernatural. Another common conception of dreams is that these dreams are the opposite of what is going to happen to our lives. Of course, we have no way of knowing who is right, and who is wrong.

While we have no idea as to what dreams are, dreams might not necessarily be detrimental to us. Dreams are goals, goals which we impose upon ourselves. A target, which we force ourselves to reach, and it is thought such determination of humans, that dreams are able to enter reality. It is thought such determination of humans, that dreams are able to enter reality. It is through the dreams of men such as Bill Gates, the Wright Brothers, and Nelson Mandela. It is because such men, who had a simple dream, and had the desire to carry it out, that made our world the world it is now.

Dreams have also affected our past, as well as our present. Soothsayers and oracles in ancient days would use drug-induced dreams to foretell the events which would dictate the course of history. This is apparent in Ancient Greece, where kings and generals frequently consulted their oracles in hopes that the gods would advice them well through the oracles' dreams.

Therefore, while we do not know the exact origins of dreams, we owe much of our lives to these strange and mysterious dreams of ours.

12 May 2008

===========================================================================

I also note that penciled at the top of the paper was "Draft", so what the final looked like I have no idea.

Yesterday

2010-05-17T15:21:00.002+08:00

Someone asked me, what was the things I struggled most in life.

Without I gave him two things.

1. Being Excellent

2. Too reliant on the opinions of other people

Well life's been difficult lately. And it will continue to be. Can't wait for this to be over. Life has really been very very stressful, I cannot stress enough.

And btw, Goh Keng Swee passed away last Friday. He is one of the politicians in Singapore I have great admiration for. A multi-faceted man, he led the country on various fronts, serving as minister for finance, defence and education. and also helped boost the arts and cultural scene in Singapore by raising the Singapore Symphony Orchestra. His list of achievements go on. Respects to him. And hopefully the newer generation of Singaporeans will be able to rise up to be like this man.

Got into a little facebook tussle + rant

2010-05-10T02:20:00.007+08:00

Pretty common for me to pick fights on the internet =(

Protip: don't fight on facebook. It can be nearly as bad as having sex with the other guy in public.

I don't really have anything against the YOG, honest. I don't have too much interest in the politics at the moment, because my own life is a sinking ship. But once in a while I can't resist playing devil's advocate. The perverseness of going against the flow... it gets me hard!

So anyway I don't know either of these people, or indeed many people at all on FB, so I decide what the hell I'll just go bomb something off the top of my head. I thought the miss Tan up was just making a throwaway comment like me, but nooooo, she starts naming names. Everybody in Singapore knows that one person is just a dangerous detractor, but two people is a mob and you should call the police so they can bring in the riot vans and tear gas.

Anyway yeah, small beans, wouldn't even call it mudslinging (though I probably sound harsh for a Singaporean). The surprise is when I realize that Estell IS ON MY FRIENDS LIST LOL WAT. I keep a fairly tight friends list and never add anyone I don't know, and I have never known anyone by this name. I check the profile, and it's my junior in Mass Communication. She changed her name to this weird thing.

*headslap* Of course. It's the goddamn internet.

I guess it looks like I've lost another of my precious few media contacts, not to mention one of links back to my old life in secondary school and the Drama Club. I shall strive to be less snide on Facebook. *sigh* Miss Tan there added me as a friend though, lol. She appears to be a 20+ politically-minded girl, judging from her profile. I was hoping she'd be younger, hehehe.

Rant time. Why are Singaporeans so adverse to passionate debate and argument? It gets on my tits how many people keep interjecting variations of "OMG I HAZ MY OWN OPINION OKEY" and "agree 2 disagree can???" Those phrases have nothing inherently wrong about them - when an argument persists as a stalemate, you can talk about common ground and difference of opinion to bring things back to earth. But it has been feeling to me for a very long time that too many Singaporeans spam these lines at the first sign of tension, throwing a blanket on the debate the moment things get interesting.

Singaporeans like us loooooove the status quo. It terrifies us that our opinions may be OMG WRONG, it terrifies us that because Person A has different values from Person B, a fight might break out OMG! Or they won't be friends anymore. No, we just want everyone to keep quiet except when they're agreeing with each other. After all, we wouldn't want a repeat of the racial riots from 1962 now would we?

We're so fucking pampered, not just in the material sense, but in the social sense. In May last year or the year before, a Singaporean teacher went to lecture at New York. There, she taught that homosexuality was bad, which made the liberals there flare up and start up a little campaign against her. Did she stand up for what she believed in? Fuck no. She turned tail and ran for home. I'm pro-gay marriage myself, but that's not the point. The point is that Singaporeans shit their pants at the first sign of conflict, they either run away spouting "BUT IT JUZ MAI OPINON", or they get really defensive (see LKY's lawsuits).

It's probably the reason Singaporeans venture little into the international stage beyond business. One of the few reasons I would not migrate west is because I'm pretty sure I'm mollycoddled too. Wouldn't fit in.

Security guard laments to me about life

2010-05-07T09:50:00.004+08:00

The security guard was at the table just outside the lifts. I walked up and sat on the opposite end. She was Malay and obese.

"How do you buy that?" she asked suddenly, pointing a finger at the ice blended coffee I had set down. Apparently she wasn't so sure what the black pearls in it were called. The conversation turned into a rant about her job pretty quickly though, so I'm fairly sure she had wanted to talk about that all along.

She works pretty much fulltime. In a single day she has to stand around at different places, usually traffic control. She opened her notebook and indicated a bunch of organized scribbling. It all adds up a nine hours a day of standing. Not all at once, but I think it was mentioned that the breaks were short. It's hard on the legs. Right now she was taking an unsanctioned rest; the pain became a bit too much for her this time. She has to ration a medicine to keep on her feet.

I wasn't participating much in the conversation at this point. The woman obviously had a lot she wanted to get out. She was an immigrant, and she couldn't use her Johor work experience here (I think it had something to do with production lines). The paycheck is eaten up quickly - with products like clothes and shampoo priced for the middle-class, saving money is a challenge.

I honestly can't remember very much. I'm a pretty bad listener, but I didn't want to break her flow. It's a bit like a dream - I had long grown used to the convention that adults would only ever bother to talk to teenagers for work, or for dispensing advice. As a listening ear, even, but never the other way around. Most of what I know about my own parents' lifestyle at work is stuff I overhear.

As I said goodbye to the security guard, feeling some pity for her pretty shitty existence, I wondered why she had bothered to talk to me. I definitely don't have that kind, approachable face. Would she have said anything if it was in my twenties, thirties, or preteen years? Teenagerhood is a magic period of time where most people hover between childishness and adulthood. Perhaps it's a mix of the youth responsibility to listen to elders and the ability to understand things on an adult level. This could be a quality that teenagers could utilize for the betterment of society and all that, but sadly, due to widespread apathy and image of teenagers as immature suicidal nymphomaniacs, the generation gap stays, and woe betide anyone who tries to take that away form Singapore.

Anon, you're a real bro

2010-04-24T01:28:00.005+08:00

Kicking around 4chan one day when I chanced upon someone putting up a torrent full of ebooks. And I mean like, 1 GB+ of mostly text. A lot of ebooks.

Some people predict that in a few decades, ISPs and corporations will clamp down on what sort of information flows through the internet, destroying our free little anarchy forever. Thankfully, that day isn't here yet.

Hundreds of books in here... 200+ alone are various survival type books, ranging from the general sort to ones specializing on plants, specific disasters like floods, woodland survival, disaster cookbooks. Also two handbooks from the SAS and the US Army.

Also some general cookbooks... blueprints for solar paneling... sleeping guide... sex guide... organic chem... general chem... how to train your dog to get beer from fridge.

"DIY folder" is a another juggernaut, full of one-word pdf files. Lots of household stuff, but its probably written for western architecture.

Don't know whether it's wise to say this (couldn't find a list of banned books for Singapore, typical of MDA to want the flexibility), but there are also many guides to growing certain substances. Stuff that can make you see stars, you get my drift? Yep, a lot of these. Considering deleting these after I finish seeding.

Even that might not be the worst of it. There's a CIA tome here on interrogation (the foreword advises against torture, though). How to construct hidey-holes. Driving techniques for escape and evasion. The most chilling one has to be the anarchist's cookbook. Cursory examination reveals that its not even a PRINTED book like the others - it's an underground compilation of things you can NEVER admit to knowing about in polite society, to put it lightly.

Needless to say, I'm going to be doing a lot of deleting.

Update: Anarchist's cookbook found to be mostly full of crap, lol.

Lean Times

2010-03-31T23:33:00.003+08:00

The month of march has just been really horrible.

I've met with setbacks after setbacks in repeated succession.

Almost every area of my life received a blow and a spit in the face.

Triple whammy sounds like it...

Got.to.bounce.back.

Hello Term 6

2010-03-25T22:52:00.002+08:00

Really not much to be happy about the past week or so...

BTs were one of the if not the worst exams of my life...

My team got thrashed by HC in our first fixture.

And I'm behind schedule with my tutorials.

And so the list goes on...

And compounding to the agony is a whole list of to dos...

Well can't complain I signed up for this shit...

Recess Week

2010-03-17T10:59:00.003+08:00

This one week of study break has been proving fruitful (sure it will).

Been training like a mad dog with the season round the corner...

Have also been putting some of my mind power on the NUS chancellor's shield semi finals.

Guess sometimes I'm so caught up with the chase that I tend to forget the important things.

Like in this case, studying for my upcoming Block Tests..

To me, everything worth doing is worth doing well. And I hope this is reflected in my results, whatever I'm currently pursuing.

Recently I've been fretting over my pursuit of perfection. It's the season where being capable and perfect would make up for my shortcomings. But if that's not going to happen maybe I'll just have to pay up by other means.

Going to swing into over drive soon...

And lets hope we win a couple of medals here and there.

TOFU out

Movie Review: 4.30

2010-03-15T01:13:00.004+08:00

The core details first. Local film, independent/low-budget, directed by Royston Tan. Running time 90+ minutes. Quiet Singaporean drama revolving around a boy and a very foreign Korean man's weird relationship in a very empty house.

Depending on how impatient you are regarding films, you might either be frustrated by the film's slow pacing or you might tolerate it. One of the first shots of the film is a long take featuring our lead character, a pre-teen Chinese Singaporean boy named Xiao Wu, scrabbling around in the dark looking for something in a guy's room in the dead of night. That's practically all that happens for what feels like minutes afterwards, and we don't learn anything about what he was doing before we finally get to the next shot, which begs the question of why they held the bloody shot for so long.

Long takes, slow cutting, and generally serene pacing are the signatures of this film (I'm told it's a departure from Royston Tan's usual style). I think it's probably an experiment on Royston's part, because there are plenty of points where I found my attention wandering for lack of something happening. Music is used sparingly and not too much diegetic sound, so an audience is many a time left twiddling their thumbs waiting. That said, there are also scenes that use the long take well; for instance, it is used to communicate effectively the trappings of a classroom scene and that agonizingly empty and slow lonely feeling. As long as you're invested in the characters of the movie, the slow pacing should be an overall plus to your appreciation of it.

There are only two "real" characters, they hardly interact with each other, don't even speak the same language, and yet, they both bring something to the situation. Xiao Wu provides humour, mischief, and innocence as a counterpoint to the sordid themes, as the child character often does, but at the same time he is at the centre of much of the pain in the movie, being abandoned by his mother to live with a stranger that doesn't even speak the same language. The "Korean uncle" Jung, unhappy and distant guardian, although he does very little guarding, is the vague and fuzzy dream that us and Xiao Wu are feeling around for. In a hazy, timeless landscape where Xiao Wu has virtually no one and nothing, we are tantalized with few but intimate little details about this man who is just in the next room, but just can't talk to.

The movie focuses on Xiao Wu's numerous attempts to reach him, and Jung's ambiguous reactions, despite all the differences between them. Most of these attempts to connect are disguised as pranks, courtesy - but since these are the only times Xiao Wu's life brushes another, they feel sincere, treasured. As I grew depressed about Xiao Wu's empty, empty existence, Jung also became my little fixation, as he was pretty much the only person either of us saw - extended, contemplative shots were now filled with a bit of longing to become somehow closer, to make some real contact, to get some real conversation. 4.30 was quiet and dark. It took a while, but it got me.

Some credit has to go the the acting, too. Xiao Li Yuan (the boy) and Young-jun Kim (the Korean) do fine jobs, finer still when you take into account how difficult long takes are, in getting everything right. Sound, voices, are conspicuous in their sparseness, which only helps add to the impact of certain scenes when they are present. Overall it's a minimalist approach that eschews the usual heated dialogue and overly snaky plot that is common in local productions. At no point do Jung or Xiao Wu talk plainly about how they feel, and yet you manage to understand their isolation, their desperation.

Some may think 4.30 is mostly just a lot of tedious shots and an overly long short film (and they would have ample reason), but I could stand to defend it as an artistic triumph, an example of Singaporean cinema that doesn't rely on the easy tricks (horror, hot actresses, guns, tired slapstick, name actors, etc.). Not a movie designed for casual audiences, but I'm glad Tan stuck with it and didn't try to shoehorn anything in.

Also of note: To enhance the awkward relations between Jung and Xiao Wu, director Royston Tan forbid them from talking to each other. The one time this rule was broken, Royston canceled the shoot. Nice to see he's learning enforced method acting.

2010-03-15T00:21:00.001+08:00

most of the time, we take things for granted. and we always want something else other than what we don't have. but maybe life is just like this and the grass is always greener on the other side.

i mean school's really killing me but perhaps the feeling of progression fits me better than stagnation.

because we all like to progress

Of school and pride

2010-03-07T19:57:00.002+08:00

Just thought I wanted to share some school mottos that I felt are really powerful stuff...

In no order,

The Best Is Yet To Be - Anglo-Chinese School

Nil Sine Labore (Nothing Without Labour) - Victoria School

Ora et Labora (Pray and Work) - Saint Joseph's Institution

Auspicium Melioris Aevi (Hope of A Better Age) - Raffles Institution

Up and On (Upward and Onward) - Saint Andrew's School

Naimatma Balheenien Labhya (Perfection Cannot Be Acheived By The Weak) - Modern School Delhi

I really like all these mottos as I think they all epitomize the strive and desire for excellence.

Of worth mention is the Victoria School's motto. "Nothing Without Labour" really is something I hope to live by.

In fact I think all these mottos are pretty good principles.

Here's to good mottos.

derp derp

2010-03-05T00:09:00.002+08:00

I just heard that one of the teachers who accompanied us to India was fired last June for slapping a student. Guess who, hurr hurr.

registar

2010-02-18T20:18:00.002+08:00

Last night, I turned in my personal particulars, family particulars, bank account numbers, and a whole list of everything the army needs for my enlistment. I had to chose the initials I wanted on my nametag, the sizes of my attire and a whole list of interests and whatnot.

I guess it's becoming increasingly apparent that the day to my manhood (kinda) is drawing closer. I've booked my appointment for my pre-NS check up. Guess it won't be long before I'll be entering. Kinda scary, because I do realise that once I get in, I'll have a whole lot more personal and social responsibilities to live up to.

Time really passes fast...

Guess the army is coming, real soon, to make a man out of me.

Poly, tougher than JC since 1954

2010-02-16T14:08:00.003+08:00

So there is a facebook group and a bunch of stalwarts out there who think they got it tough in poly.

Ignorant brats. They should just go home and suck thumb.

There's a reason why we take 95% of all scholarships.

Dictorgraphic Demographics

2010-02-02T22:42:00.002+08:00

Well if you don't already know by now, Barack Obama is the first black US President in history. Surprise to many I must say. With his oratorical prowess, many attribute his victory at the polls due to his strong ability to communicate and link the hearts of the people with his ideas.

Is it really a surprise then that probably the most racist country in the world has finally elected a black president? Well not so. 40 or so years ago, when Martin Luther King Jr's 'Let Freedom Reign' speech was delivered, many would have said of civil rights and racial equality being put in the right direction. Well racial equality was destined for the American land.

According to a BBC report in 2010, 70% of Americans over the age of 65 are white. And well, over 55% of Americans today under 5 are not white. This represents a huge shift in American demographics. (Which I guess kinda explains the sudden influx of crappy black musicians in the 21st century.) Music aside, this is an important note. Because the America we know in 30 years time will be different from the America we knew in the 90s.

I guess things are not that lopsided for the moment. For most Americans living in poverty (or extreme poverty) are not whites. This leaves power and influence still squarely settled on the shoulders of the white man.

Who knows what this will bring to this new world. Only time will tell.

This Road is a Bloody Trail

2010-01-30T14:27:00.003+08:00

I just witnessed a car accident.

Today, 30th Jan 2010, approx 1320pm, at the Shell Station bus-stop near NP, as I was chatting with 2 classmates of mine, we head a loud Bang.

Its a Saturday, yet traffic was strangely heavy today. There we were, at the bus-stop, and I spotted 2 Secondary School girls from YI, crossing the road. Indeed, they were jay-walking, but so have 4 of us PForters on that very same stretch of road.

Alas, I didn't see the whole thing. But what I saw was substantial. I saw the white Mercedes Limo-cab brake hard; and I saw her legs in the air. She flew, and she landed hard. When traffic cleared a little, I saw a small group of people, cab-driver included, crowding around her. A Caucasian woman popped her head up with the student's bag, and checked her pulse. A bottle of water was passed around till it reached the Caucasian woman, and she used to it clean off some blood. I wasn't able to really see, but I did see her bloodied face and arms. She was alive, and the police and eventually the ambulance came, and then off they went.

I thank my lucky stars I'm alive to type this, because I too came close to being run-over by a car while jaywalking last Wednesday night. Had I been rooted to that spot for a second more, the consequences unthinkable.

Indeed, she was lucky to survive, and I too hope she survives. Still, I cannot imagine the pain a parent would feel to know that all their sacrifice and investment has come to an abrupt end when their child dies.

smell then reach out

2010-01-28T21:06:00.002+08:00

I just filled up my pilot application form a few minutes ago.

Well, what I want to see down the line, is MinDef calling me up, I go for their checks, and I get in before I take my A level examinations. Of course that's ideal, and the chances of this happening is not 100%.

Well, hopefully I'll be shipped into enlistment in January 2011 and continue that charge from there.

I just checked up my CCA and extracurricular records and I must say it is particularly dazzling. And all that I'm searching for now is the straight As to finish up the cherry on the bowl of cream I've been preparing for the past year or so.

So now, study hard, really I have to. Straight As aren't easy, but reach out and touch the sky; when in the end I make it, I'll look back and think I laboured not in vain. And I will reap the fruits of my labour.

I am closer than I have ever been.

I am here for a higher purpose

College and the world

2010-01-26T22:05:00.002+08:00

Today I attended a lecture on genetics composition in NTU. It was part of my friend's module in her biomedical sciences degree and I decided to just take a look since I was free today. I sat in like a drop in the deep blue sea.

And shit, as I sat there, I realised all of a sudden with so much overwhelming conviction that I got to study hard if not I'll end up doing something that sucks and something I don't want for my degree...

Test of Time

2010-01-24T22:01:00.004+08:00

Completed second draft of a five minute screenplay that I'm not terribly ashamed of, though this could change depending on what people say. It's partially based on the little roy incident, though the incident isn't really the point. Here is an excerpt:

JULIAN
Listen. I may be new to this school
but I’m not new to your type. Do we
understand each other, little Roy?
Stay away from my students.

Download link clicky clicky

May or may not use for final project.

2010-01-24T02:23:00.003+08:00

I solemnly swear to preface most of my blogposts with an excuse about why I haven't posted. This time it's a bout of apathy. I KNOW I can just shake my schedule clean of gaming and become one of the top FSV students in terms of results, but I just won't. FSV may have been one of the best choices for me personally, but "one of the best" doesn't necessarily mean "good".

Me and a bunch of friends went to Canteen 4 yesterday. Campus is large and varied enough such that it's like a microcosm of a city, each part of the city having distinctive bits of culture. Canteen 4 was filled with people from engineering, or so I was told. Unlike the air-conditioned, shiny canteen the media students frequented, there were drab textures, and ceiling fans everywhere. And the general feel of the place... felt like secondary school.

When I was queuing for food I was wearing the hood of my jacket, but the rest of it was hanging down over my back like a cape. I probably looked weird. Apparently, this was reason enough for a couple of unknown guys behind me to react in the usual pseudo-cheena-bum fashion. They tugged a few times on my jacket, discussed me in loud whispers, and pushed one of their buddies into me. So cheena. I wouldn't have gotten this treatment in the usual canteen, where bald people, pseudo-assertive girls and western accents were common. I was a bit nervous, but when they finally outright began speaking to me as if I was some sort of deformed talking alien, they just made small talk about what school I was from, etc. I'm not even sure why talking to these types make me feel nervous.

Serve

2010-01-21T22:07:00.002+08:00

Today's chapel service was really great. As usual, since it was the first chapel of the term, we sang the college hymn.

There is a line in the college hymn that goes

They reaped not where they laboured, we reaped what they have sown

This line really spoke to me about how we're always receiving and harvesting from those who went before us. And we owe it to them for our today.

The chapel message was great too. It talked about the mark of a saint. The college's vision is "Every Saint a servant leader". And the pastor talked about what it meant to be a servant leader, and what it meant when we are set apart and recognised by our society by our alumnus and being a servant leader. The qualities, and the fine line we walk. Really spoke to me and aligned me with this vision.

There are just so many things that I can take out of the college before I leave. And I want to make this whole year count.

"The most difficult thing of JC2 is turning 18"

2010-01-19T19:20:00.004+08:00

As my examinations reaches its climax and begin to wrap up, let me just say I messed it up horribly.

The JC2 syndrome has already hit me. Well I'm going out less, people say I look depressed on certain days, and I just can't help but think of academics every single (insert expletive) minute of the day. There are the other many tell-tale signs too yes, but shit, I'm going down such a lonesome and antagonizing path.

What I've always found really really difficult is trying to live up to the expectations people have for me. I want my straight As for the A level examinations, but what really scares the crap out of me is how people take it for granted that I'll exit the examination hall with something decent despite me telling them I'm going to screw it up. Just scanning through my brain now, I can think of more than 5 people who would be really really sad if I messed up because they think "he'll surely make it".

I can't deny then, that to a certain extend, I feed on this pressure. Knowing people believe and have such faith in me stirs me a little to working harder and to fighting stronger. But there's a limit to everything, and now I feel like I've run into a brick wall, unable to handle all these undeniable influence all these people have of me.

I admit, that I've not been the best student of late, and my MSAs will probably see my grades free fall. I'm going to come back stronger for BT1 in March I promise.

The perfectionist in me still scorns and mocks the ignorant who crumble to pressure and a little stress from the endeavour, but I do see now that people have limits.

Tomorrow is my math paper. And I know all these have nothing to do with the calculus of integration and the applications of advance differentiation, but 10 minutes ago, I remembered again that I am 1 of 6 billion.

Giving a shit

2010-01-19T08:09:00.002+08:00

I really envy religious people (this must be the 22nd time I'm saying this). To always have a big guy in the sky look out for you (or just believing that he is), it's not only reassuring, it gives one purpose - false purpose or not, it's still purpose. I'm backed up against the wall and there's no obvious discernible reason. My relationships with people remain fairly balanced, I'm not top-tier but not average in academics either, I'm finally studying something I chose, etc. etc.

I feel like I just don't care anymore. It is like I've lost faith in everyone and everything around me. Yesterday Zeph messaged me while I was playing Fallout 3 (like a drug addict), and I'm not sure I cared. This is frightening. I'm sleeping late again. Sliding down a slippery slope to apathy about everything. What if all I want to do, ever, is wander around in video game wastelands? Homework's been piling up, never mind if it's actually fairly interesting and relevant stuff, I've just ignored it. I know I can't do this to myself yet I'm letting it happen. Do I even care anymore? Will quitting video games help or will I just switch to a different drug?

Fuck it, no more Fallout 3 on weekdays, back to movies. Saccharine romantic comedies fuck yeah.

2009 - a year in a flash

2010-01-16T11:01:00.005+08:00

Here's a quick look at 2009

Big shit that happened in 2009 : The end of the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam
Well good riddance finally to the death of that son-of-bitch leader of the tamil tigers. For years, they have been trying to kill this guy; with commando raids, air assaults, guerrilla warfare and all that. And for so many years, they have failed. A lot of people have said over the past 2 and a half decades that if they manage to kill this guy, they can put an end to the war. And alas, finally this shit is all over. It really shows how one man can make all the difference to a country and indeed the world. Probably the biggest headliner of the year, I'm genuinely encouraged that 25 years of pseudo civil war has come to and end.

We want our tigers for breakfast

Big surprise of 2009: Barack Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize
No kidding, I flipped in my underpants when I heard about this. Firstly, very few politicians ever win the Nobel Peace Prize as a politician in office. Thats because politicians and peace don't go together. But that said, the Nobel Peace Prize to me is just one massive staged show for fun. Think of past awardees like Ang Sang Su Kyii and the Dalai Lama. Like how the hell did they ever contributed to peace in our time?
Well all my cynicism aside, I do believe the award is also very pre-mature. The last US president to get the award: Jimmy Carter didn't even get the award for his term in office. He hasn't done much in terms of deserving a peace prize, but then again, only time and history will tell.

Finally I'll be able to play with aircraft carriers!

The ass holes of 2009: Bernie Madoff rapes all his investors in a Ponzi Scheme
Now honestly, majority of the blame for the recent financial crisis can fall squarely on his shoulders (or people like him for that matter). Powerful, influential, rich and greedy bankers. He started a Ponzi Scheme to scam investors by giving out returns made by other investors. All this made him very, very wealthy. And as a result, Volkswagen buys Porsche and every hedge fund in the world has gone bust. So this financial crisis is because of greedy ass holes like Bernie boy.

It was fun while it lasted you son-of-a-bitch.

Well that was our year. Another normal one in the 21st century. Where no news is news.

Finding new words for old desires

2010-01-10T12:46:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow marks the release of the 2009 O level results. Which makes me think and ponder. It's been a year since I got my results. I made it into a decent Junior College and I'm still trying to work hard.

2009 was a flash year. Seems almost like yesterday when I collected my O level results. And now I'm facing the biggest exam in my 12 years of education. Sounds the same old same old. In fact I would like to think it isn't.

Anyway I do have a little buzz in me that makes me excited for school to start. The prospect of seeing new faces and the new kids in school do excite me.
I remember how I always see my seniors in the corridors studying and having consultations. Finally it's my turn.

I'm still searching for that perfect result card.
I'm still searching for my peak physical performance.
I'm still searching for stronger relationships.
I'm still searching for that career path.
I'm still searching for love.
I'm finding new words for old desires.

Veritas

2010-01-06T18:44:00.002+08:00

2010 will undoubtedly be the year for a lot of us.

I can't believe that my classmates have already begun studying their balls off for the new year. Then again, the A levels at the end of the year would be really big for a lot of us.
Surprisingly, I'm still feeling rather cold and numb towards the big exam feel.

Friends have already started setting their crosshairs: Columbia, Oxford, Cambridge, MIT and the likes.

Well for the not so bright of us, the humble NUS and NTU remains.

Secretly don't we all want to be foreign educated. Especially in oxbridge and the ivy league. There is a sense of social elitism that these schools exude.
So that is why they study so hard.

On another note, the new school semester begins next Monday on the 11th.
And then it would be another struggle. For those who expect so much from me...

2010-01-04T14:10:00.001+08:00

I think there is something artistic about the absolution cover art.

12am forever

2010-01-04T00:11:00.003+08:00

To be truthfully honest, I do feel a little constricted and a little bit naked without my personal blog. There's always the question on whether I should go back to reopening it, but I never did went back. Partly because it's unhealthy, partly because I know bad people read it (I kid).

I have so many things on my incomprehensible mind that I just need to put it down and paper doesn't seem like a nice option.

I feel effing dispossessed in the past few weeks.

My relationship with steph have been on a steep declined ever since I started giving cynical comments about her life. But that's not the real reason. I think what it really is, is that I'm afraid of continuing deeper into a committed relationship with her. Partly because I think she's not mature enough, and partly because our values (maybe principles would be a better word) are a little off alignment.

Regardless, you do sometimes get that morose feel when you look back and wished you would have done something.

For now I really am giving her a lot of serious thought and attention. But to be honest in a few days time my priorities would shift and I'll downgrade her down a few notches on the list.

Needless to say then, it's still a mighty big issue I have to tackle in a matter of time.

Merry New Year

2010-01-04T00:03:00.003+08:00

So many things have changed. Like how I realised how i vehemently dislike punk rock now.

And also, my relationship with my mum has been particularly straining of late. Might be all that teenage rebelliousness, but really right now I can't really talk to her properly and lets leave it that way for now.

I want your (love).

2009-12-24T09:53:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, I went out to celebrate a friend's birthday at Sentosa with a bunch of other friends, all from Secondary school. Pretty normal, until one of them asked me and another guy, "Hey, when will you have a girlfriend?". Of course, I should have known. The other guys there are all attached, and I suddenly have this fear that I will end up having to import a wife. Its scary, really. I found it so hard to answer, but damn, I secretly so jealous of them.

2009-11-30T23:15:00.003+08:00

This morning Citizen, the owner of GunZFactor finally came in. He called the possibly-suicidal's internet service provider, who in turn contacted the mother. Despite what some people say about the right to die, I'm not buying into that, especially not for someone who's only lived 17 years. Expecting my ego to fluctuate any time now.

Meanwhile I just finished my first short film and submitted it. Pulled off a decent job despite my team members consisting of an overly quiet guy and a bitch. Back to secondary school days again. Zephyre suggested I go nazi, and I'm glad I did. Nothing against the overweight, but she really did piss me off for all her dated competence and snide remarks. She edited a 30 second video when the target was 90, and took advice from a person who was sleeping throughout class. Just tried to leave her out of the loop and bulldoze through.

Apparently, the director is one of the last few truly dictatorial roles left in modern society. Great.

2009-11-29T23:37:00.002+08:00

During all my time idly surfing across the internet, I've come across many stories: real world marriages sparking over craigslist, a guy on 4chan abusing a cat and posting pictures before having the cops called on him; the thief of an Xbox 360 being tracked down and forced to return the console, a virtual mob acquiring 16500 USD through an elaborate scam within the boundaries of an MMO... you see, the thing about many internet events is that it's often not that difficult to participate in the action, to actually be there and have some sort of small influence on the outcome.

Someone on my home forums (Gunzfactor) posted a thread a few days ago announcing his intention to commit suicide. He gave a date, and a short letter he was going to leave. The details in the note checked out when I did some research; I also found that he had weight difficulties and recently got busted for doing drugs. He's 17, and lives in Texas.

I think the reason why so many people in Singapore (from looking at my generation) rarely connect with outsiders is that the outside world has never been properly defined to them. It's always a vague fairytale; when people refer to them it's always in the context of tourism or basic history. Not to mention that too many of us have never had a proper conversation with a "real" foreigner that isn't trying to assimilate into our society. People don't feel real on the net.

According to the rough date and time he's given, the letter will be in his pocket for the last time on Monday morning/early afternoon SGT. It looks likely that he's not joking about being really depressed - what's uncertain is whether he has the will to carry out the final act. He COULD just be high, but yesterday he posted a second time, with the same intentions saying he "just wants out".

Sure, a couple of people on my forums have talked about really depressing things before. Falling in love with cousins, drunk father leaving the family stranded on a highway and driving off, etc. They've considered suicide out loud. But this guy says he's decided. He's given a date.

I noticed the thread on Friday afternoon, and alerted my fellow staff members at Gunzfactor. A debate on the appropriate way to help, and whether to help at all sprung up. It's at times like these when your mind gets forcibly expanded; suicide is nowhere near as black-and-white in the west as it is in Singapore.

We can't violate our privacy policy by giving his IP address away for the cops to trace. We're not even sure who to report this to. There aren't a whole lot of guidelines out there, despite that millions use the internet to vent their frustrations. Worst of all, the site owner hasn't checked in, so we're limited in what we can do.

The thread where the guy announced his suicide are 4 pages full of replies. Half of them ridicule him and egg him on; one of them sent him a nasty private message, then became afraid and asked the moderators to delete it somehow. We couldn't.

Remember what I said in the beginning about easy participation? I'm not just a guy halfway around the world any more. The internet places me seconds between me and him, me and the Texas police. If he dies, and I could have influenced the outcome somehow, I am partially responsible, no matter what our ignorant, backwards Singaporean morality says.

And even then I don't really feel urgency in me. Is it alright if I ignore a dangerously depressed person as long as I don't look him in the eye and don't know him? What do I do, dammit?

District 9 (2009) Review

2009-11-21T19:08:00.002+08:00

Standards are getting lower, I guess.

District 9 is another one of those films with a premise so irresistibly provocative that you can't help but instantly generate lofty expectations in your head after you come away from the trailer. Scifi fare that combines fantasy with just enough gritty realism to make it real is my favourite kind of Scifi. Some works deliver with aplomb; Children of Men, Firefly/Serenity, and Karen Traviss's SF novels. Neill Blomkamp comes close.

District 9's plot stays pretty fresh for most of the movie - alien refugees appear in South Africa, the government takes control, and the aliens become the center of discrimination, xenophobia, exploitation, experiments, and lots of death. The themes recall apartheid and stories I heard of Aryan attitudes towards the Jewish. All very morally-provoking stuff - unfortunately it's serious themes fall apart after the second third of the movie, pulling District 9 into a decline that it never bounces back from.

It looks like the filmmakers just went through the motions of creating a group for humanity to bully just so we can feel shameful and then after that say it's a profound experience. Much of the originality I hoped for never showed up; cookie cutter lines and characters galore. Once you ignore the gore (gore is cheap these days) it goes into it's "serious issues" about as far as a half-hour cartoon would go - which makes sense, because the director chose to spend a third of the film on explosions and action scenes.

What Blomkamp has done, boys and girls, is to poke your sympathy with a stick by abusing a bunch of "those poor guys", and before you realize that the themes are about as shallow as a tin of cat food, dazzles you with a massive, gratuitous action sequence and hope that you don't notice. District 9 is half promising/disturbing movie, half pointless explosive wankfest. The only truly good thing about this movie is that it raises awareness about xenophobia and forced resettlement (albeit dumbing them down significantly).

These threads of glass

2009-11-03T21:03:00.001+08:00

I feel really angsty.

I thought the past year or so have been a fairly bad year. I felt I de-matured, I felt I’ve grown weaker; in every sense of the word. I can’t run as fast now, I’m not as fit as I was before during my heydays and I’m not as emotionally stable as I was. Right now, more than ever I feel so mediocre.

I can’t take mediocrity. I desire excellence. But I really can’t seem to find the energy to squeeze that out of me. I’m not as driven as I used to be. In fact I feel old, tired, weary and supremely weak. I’m more accepting of defeat now, and more accepting of imperfections in my life. Some say I have mellowed. I just feel like I messed up some big part along the way that messed up the other parts of me.

our december sun is coming

2009-10-21T18:35:00.002+08:00

I played truant again today.

Not that I don't enjoy school. School is really fun and stuff. But after a while it just gets really tiring and on somedays I feel the need to run away from 12 hour schedules.

Now that exams are over, it's back to the board. For most of us, it's back to covering the syllabus and we got about 1 to 2 topics left to cover for all subjects before term's out on the last week of November. For others, there's the mugging to do for the level up papers. And for the even smaller minority, there's no need for them in school until next year to start with the retainee's J1 year.

Ahaha. Felt really recharged and refreshed today as I slept in for most of the day with my ipod snuggled in my ears. Listening to all the old songs.

O levels start next week. I miss O levels haha.

Movie reviews

2009-10-20T16:42:00.003+08:00

So after TOFU told me about how some people in JC join CCAs aiming directly for a leadership position, then quit and find another CCA if they don't get high up enough into the hierarchy, I began to think about my CCA. It's interesting.

I'm in something of a film club that publishes reviews and organizes movie screenings now and then. It's like my old drama club in that most of the members who have had significant passion for the CCA have all passed out long ago. For starters, I'm going to get publishing a shitload of movie reviews and get a shitload of credit to compete with those weeaboos who organize camps for points.

The school organizes advance screenings of upcoming movies. What I'm going to do is to attend these screenings, which will allow me to put out a review before anyone else. I've already done this with my previous review (first page on Google search!). Next I should be covering Royston Tan's Little Note. Oh yeah.

Besides that I'm going to tackle a list of movies I want to get attention for:
Speak (one of my favourite movies ever, though for personal reasons)
Sita Sings The Blues
Singapore Rebel (if they'll let me, which I doubt they will)
Local productions (will probably avoid mainstream offerings though)
Anime movies (so I can burn them and get over 9000 angry pageviews)
Films about the internet and internet culture
Machinima films

With every review I"ll include linkbacks to the fort - so we might we getting some extra visitors in the future. Don't write illegal stuff or anything, lol.

2009-10-19T16:40:00.002+08:00

Well remember all those reports on increasing teenage pregnancies and all those rocketing trends... I wondered before, if I'm not having sex, and so are most of my peers, then who the hell is creating all these babies?

Ah well. Couldn't understand before how big sex was in a life of an eighteen year old. Now probably I do understand it a bit more. So I decided to do a little fishing around the net,

and I found that it was the yalams who were having most of these teenage pregnancy problems. Not really sure how reliable these information are. And given my inactivity with the yalam community its really hard to verify.

Irony of ironies. ahahaha.

sounds kinda like a big joke, but really kids; next time, use the condom because I don't want an overcrowded nation.

Ah this is a big joke. Singapore's social systems is getting really "too-big-at-the-bottom-of-the-pyramid" kinda thing for me.

Glad I'm at the point and I want to stay at the tip thank you very much.

I don't know what to do with my life

2009-10-19T02:21:00.002+08:00

I've thought up a lot of big projects before. Intended to do them, too. Thing is, I never do.

I have a large, personal film project. I'm beginning to do some research for it. Set up a development blog that's being updated. Can't shake the feeling that in a month I'm going to drop it entirely and just play RPGs during all my free time.

If I succeed, this movie will completely change my life. Maybe then I'll know what to do with it.

You are always on my mind

2009-10-18T10:21:00.001+08:00

Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could have,
Maybe I didn't treat you quite as good as I should have,
If I made you feel second best,
I'm so sorry I was blind...

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times,
And I guess I never told you I'm so happy that you're mine,
Little things I should have said and done,
I just never took the time...

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died,
Baby, give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied,
Because you're always on my mind...

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

2009-10-15T07:23:00.002+08:00

So far, things have been a little bit shaky.

And the way things are looking out to be, its looking increasingly bad in my favour.

Most of the time, the same thing happens: life kicks in.

half life

2009-10-13T06:40:00.003+08:00

Life would have been very different if I haven't step foot into SAJC.

But the question is would I have been happier or would I have to rely on induced happiness to get me through my day. I definitely will find it a struggle to smile in the next year or so with exams looming and coming quickly.

So many options that I've picked in life have so far brought about much to self debate on.

Considering most people say they go through their mid life crisis at late thirties and in their forties, I'm currently probably going through a quarter life crisis.

So many things I've been doing has all been much about trying to induce myself with happiness after tough times I've been (still going) through... After a while, it gets hard and it gets tiring.

Last night I counted sheep trying to get to bed with some big number to remember and smile myself to sleep. But obviously that didn't quite worked out right.

My december sun is setting

Women are from Venus. Men are from Mars

2009-10-04T08:30:00.002+08:00

A lot of things are going to change.

I mean it.

Review - Darah (2009)

2009-10-03T01:16:00.006+08:00

Type: Feature film
Genre: Horror, slasher
Release date: Oct 8

Perhaps I shouldn't be in an utterly apathetic mood when writing a review, but after over nine thousand years of dawdling on what to say about Darah, I decided that there's not a whole lot, really.

I attended a special advance director's cut screening at Ngee Ann's movie theatre about two weeks before it was due to open in Singaporean cinemas. Darah is an Indonesian and Singaporean co-production, as well as the first film produced by Gorylah Pictures, a new production company.

The producer Gary Goh was there to talk about the making of the film. A lot of it was about budget and marketing and the nitty-gritty behind-the-scenes stuff that only manly filmmakers like myself would be interested in, but he did mention that Darah is essentially a feature-length remake of a short film that the producers spotted. The movie was completed in a fairly short time, and meant to put the production company on the map and grab some numbers. Therefore, don't expect anything revolutionary about this film.

I overheard the overall plot summary before the show even began: A bunch of friends finds a young girl stranded on the road. They send her home, but she persuades them to stay for dinner. Not long after, the house's inhabitants break out the chainsaw, led by a creepy woman(Darah). Bloodfest ensues.

The original short film that this movie was adapted from had an evil woman juggling several visitors around her house while she tried to kill them all without the rest noticing. Apparently this made for some interesting pacing and comedy. In Darah, they threw out the comedy, but kept the tension of simultaneous situations occuring all over the house. We even venture outside of the house a few times, and the plot pulls off just enough little twists to keep you attentive even after the blood starts splashing.

hai i likes red meet

The titular Darah is quite striking and eerie at the same time, despite the actress having her background in comedy(yep). She, along with the rest of her creepy chainsaw children are tanks. I can't quite say they're very badass, but they're definitely tanks. Every time the poor group of friends enter a fight with one of the bad guys, it's like watching a bunch of little people scurrying around throwing rocks at a tank while it leisurely drives around and shoots pain at them. Other than for Darah though, the acting doesn't stand out, and neither does the characterization or the script.

Like I said, nothing very new. I was told the movie has strong female characters, but I'm not the sort to be particularly impressed by feminism in art. The action-y bits are okay, plenty to go around and many different weapons of pain, including a crossbow and a sword (not together in the same scene though). Also, the little leaps of logic may or may not bother you; there is a scene where a policeman fires multiple shots at a target that's moving directly towards him and somehow manages to miss all of them.

I guess it's an alright film, but there are better things to watch. Only see if you're interested in what Indonesia/Singapore has to offer, or if you just need something to pass the time with some friends.

Tomorrow

2009-09-22T20:01:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow is my promotional exams. I've been MIA from this place or the net for that matter.

Not feeling particularly good about it. Just want to finish this damn pain in the ass. And after all my papers next tuesday, first thing I'd do is head to a cinema to watch a romance drama/comedy alone.

lights out kid.

Letter from the Past

2009-09-21T21:03:00.005+08:00

Last emo post on Pfort. After this everything I post on the fort will be something I will try to be proud of.

For storytelling class once I had to write a "Letter to the Past". Something that we had wanted to tell someone really badly at some point of our lives. Probably supposed to smooth the connection between a writer's emotions and his words.

I wrote a letter to Geia, as completely honest as I could possibly make it. I left it on my module's wordpress account, not caring how many marks I got for that assignment. I actually felt better after getting it out. Then today, I found out that Geia discovered the letter and that she has written a letter back.

I didn't read the rest of her letter. Not that I couldn't. I could have.

You know what I do most weekend sun-ups? I sleep in as much as I can. It's not just because of the lost sleep during morning school. Know why I'm so blur even when I'm awake? I'm taking every single opportunity I have to zone out from reality.

But when I was trying to play TF2 today, I couldn't get away from that sick, SICK feeling in my stomach. I even had some really nice kills but I was all burned up inside, full of dead worms. I really wish I was religious right now. I would repent and believe that I've been forgiven and maybe half of this will go away but I know now that I'm going to have to live with this all my life and that one day I will have to look at what Geia wrote me.

Events in the Endoscope

2009-08-17T16:41:00.002+08:00

My semester just ended. I don't want to spend seven weeks doing nothing but playing TF2 and Civilization IV, so today I went to school alone and picked up some leaflets. One thing I like about my school's media division is that they spam all these festivals and events at you through email and on the bulletin boards.

22 and 23 August - Screening of Singaporean short films
Bunch of filmmakers and films I've never heard of before, but admission is free. I'm going to the National Museum for tickets tomorrow and see how our arts scene is doing.

25 and 29 August - Japanese film festival. Brochure capitalizes a lot of names, but no Kurosawa. Some of the films shown will be free, and others are worth 10 bucks, but the paid-admission ones are all R21 so we can forget those. Only two films I can legally see, both horror. Yay?

28 and 29 August there are free film screenings too, but they are both old Hollywood musicals and those are like ham sandwiches so I'm gonna skip those. The big gimmick is the open air cinema.

4 September - Talk on casting the right actors in school

25 and 26 September - free screenings of Little Shop of Horrors and Beetlejuice.

There is a class chalet organized, but I've been conspicuously left out of the loop.

I'm also thinking about seeing District 9 and going back to swimming. Anyone interested in any of the above, give me a shout.

09/08/09

2009-08-10T14:08:00.001+08:00

Yea. It is that time of the Year again. Or was, since it is now the 10th of August. National Day, a time of near communist/socialist festivities, where the nation gets together to celebrate our 44th year of Independence this year, or Inter-dependence if you really think about it.
To me, this year's National Day Parade (NDP) is exceptionally special. Besides the stronger emphasis on the National Pledge this year, written by the late S. Rajaratnam (25 February 1915 – 22 February 2006), I also like how the planned the Parade, such as having the Ministers walking in past the audience, instead of having them always entering on a red carpet from their little enclosure, as well as having the MM, SM and PM come in. They deserve some spotlight, yea? Of course, this year's NDP also saw quite a departure from previous years', making it probably the best so far, and possibly the most "modern" too.
Truth be told, I can tell you so much about the Parade because I'm catching the encore telecast now. I spent yesterday with my family and grandmother at East Coast Park, cycling all the way to the Park Connector connecting ECP to Changi Beach and back, and then having my grandmother recount how my late grandfather and her used to come to ECP and how then the horizon was clear of all those ships and stuff, and how my grandfather would walk all the way to Bedok Jetty, and my grandmother became very worried because she couldn't see him. Of course, I admit I missed the Pledge moment, but I was eating, and it would be so darned awkward to be the only one doing it in a restaurant, right?
Well, to make up for my missing the Pledge moment yesterday, here goes:

We, the citizens of Singapore
pledge ourselves as one united people,
regardless of race, language or religion,
to build a democratic society,
based on justice and equality,
so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and
progress for our nation.

Yes, it really is that time of the year, whereby I truly feel most proud to be a Singaporean

Back

2009-08-05T21:13:00.000+08:00

Hello guys, I'm back.

Life's been one heck of a roller coaster ride lately.
School's really fun but really mentally draining.
Home's been quite a bad place too these past few months.
And a lot of other things have also been taking it's toll on me.
说出来谁明白？

Now the only thing I really enjoy is training. Where I can just leave behind all my shit problems on land and just jump in and let the water, cool and clensing wash away all those dirty tainted spots in my life.

Life's an ass.

And I'm also at a crossroad of making perhaps one of the bigger decisions in my life. And it concerns someone special.

So basically, life's a bitch with lots of problems.

Shit.

2009-07-29T22:15:00.001+08:00

I'm doing fine currently, but thats the problem, its just fine. Its not fantastic,it has to be fantastic, its the only way. Anything short of that at any point of the way in the 3 years would mean I'm screwed. Maybe I already am screwed. If so, shit.

Oh yea apparently my cousin is coming over for the holidays and I've just realized...dammit Singapore is boring.

Busy but not dead

2009-07-13T01:32:00.004+08:00

Not in denial either! Heh heh.

By all accounts, me and Giant and TOFU are struggling with schoolwork, and settling down with varying degrees of success. Though I haven't heard so much from Panzer and Lime I assume they're more or less the same. Though there's been plenty of time to do so, I haven't been finishing any posts for the fort lately - though I frequently have urges. One reason is that I know every post will take ages (perfectionism can suck as a character trait). The other is the oft-used excuse - too busy.

I'm trying to commit myself to four separate sites on a regular basis:
Pebble Fort
Npone
GZF
SGNewWave. My second CCA is devoted to movies and films. They have forums and a main site, which publishes reviews and articles, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to get some recognition through some miracle.

If I could use one word to describe where I am right now, it would be "peaking" (or maybe "melancholic laziness" but that'd be cheating). I missed NS reg, missed this year's 24h playwriting comp, struggling to keep by grades at a B, and generally have a shitload of things to do but can't.

Enough excuses. Over the next few weeks I'll be polishing movie reviews, both new and old, to post on both SGNewWave and PFort. If I can make my load of undone crap smaller you'll see some original articles from me.

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (2006 - current) Review

2009-06-16T00:32:00.004+08:00

Everyone's been busy lately. Here's some filler. I debated between putting this on PFort or Npone, but PFort should attract hipper visitors. So.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I think I try to break out of my comfort zones of viewing material... so in another bid to convince myself, I decided last night to not watch Carrier (which I'm halfway through) and seize some hopefully worthwhile anime.

I gotta admit my list of anime isn't much. The recent ones were Shakugan no Shana and Elfen Lied, which was terribly disappointing and terribly shit respectively. I do my best not to be biased against genres, but the truth is that anime does have specific characteristics that define and guide it, and those characteristics make anime like the Danger Zone to me. You have the fan following, showering abject praise upon their chosen worship, baiting you into the series only to ambush you from behind with a bucket of FAIL and retarded excuses for why the show is so RETARDED and formulaic 90% of the time.

The other thing is just what I've said: formulaic. Since anime and its associated conventions still sell, a lot of animes just copy off their predecessors and use the same techniques, the same cock teases, same boob fanservice, same stock characters, same general plot lines, and sometimes like in Shakugan no Shana, when the creators actually hit something interesting/original/awesomely profound, they go NOWHERE with it and fill it up with all that stock nonsense to reel in the safe, usual, ferociously dedicated enthusiasts.

Pictured: God.

And this is where the anime-bashing ends (for today) because I liked The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Being popular, they raised alarm bells in my head. Also the fact that they broadcast episodes out of chronological order, even separating two-part stories, sounded like a gimmick that would crash and burn. In the end I liked it for being able to keep me off-balance, staying in with the show's tune of "weird stuff happens, lol". And they still manage to give the show some sort of conclusion.

The story's there. It's about a bunch of exceedingly out-of-this-world high school students who are all supernaturally special in their own way, except for the narrator. Many character archetypes are used here though surprisingly things are continually kept interesting by little twists and turns here and there, and praise also goes to the pacing of the unhurried exposition of the SciFi/Fantasy lore(which you don't have to be a fan to jump in and "get"). They weave all these bits of interesting stuff in alongside all these mundane real world events. A commonly quoted example is the fate of the world teetering over the outcome of a baseball match - and yes, they pull it off.

Romance is handled pretty well, which surprised me (fanservice isn't dovetailed into romance, thank god). The action/fight scenes are good too; but most episodes focus on the school-based crazy capers of the group of friends and how they try to get Haruhi to be entertained so she won't destroy the world. It's executed better than it sounds, honest.

Speaking of fanservice, Melancholy definitely has it's bits, but a fair amount of these sequences are either just humourous or interesting enough so for the most part it isn't an issue. I get the feeling they are partially parodying anime and general storytelling conventions, and the nice thing is that they go just far enough with it to amuse, but don't abuse it too much.

Characterization is balanced. The lead is Haruhi, hyperactive, slightly sociopathic, ambitious, and loud. She also shows an underlying despair with being normal, though this and other character traits of not just her but other characters are hinted at subtly enough to keep things interesting. I do however have frustrations for Koizumi and Kyon's mostly one-sided personalities - they stay too passive sometimes and rub off on the viewer with lackluster results. Otherwise, Kyon, as the normal, uninterested guy, is a fitting and entertaining counterpoint to Haruhi's explosive madness.

Animation is beautiful. The art division for Haruhi's world definitely had a vision when they went and drew life into the script. Certain sequences, like Haruhi's monologue about her past, echo with feeling. Plenty of scenery porn too; plenty of very pretty shots of the landscape. The only real downer in this department was the gay CG at times - low-quality and at odds with the anime background.

Overall, this feels more like a genuine work of art and less a cash cow or entertainment cow. A nice arty example is the episode "Someday in the Rain", melancholic slice-of-life. Regardless of wacky subject matter, there are cerebral things to reflect on, and keeps you fairly well entertained to boot (an average of a couple of laughs per episode). It does fall a bit short at some bits, when you wish a line of thought had gone just a bit further, but in the end, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is well balanced, well played, well done. Not particularly deep but worthwhile. yeahhh!!

I come from an older breed of anime. I remember when anime series did not have to be marketable. I remember when anime series could develop characters I could relate to even though I could not change into some black pig when splashed with cold water. I remember when anime could bring up philosophical topics like reality and identity amid the worldwide plague known as the Internet. I remember when anime did not have to be cute and could feature a guy who turned into a gelatinous blob that inadvertently crushed his girlfriend into red goo...

- KValentine

cross the Cross; or x the +

2009-05-28T22:12:00.004+08:00

On the morning bus to school, roughly halfway through my journey this lady boarded the bus, dressed in very chic clothing, nice round face, all in all rather attractive. Attractive, that is, till she pulled out a book titled "Leading Kids to Jesus". That's right. Leading Kids to Jesus. Whatever happened to teaching kids about Jesus? Lead them to him, like how you lead a dog for a walk to the park, or how you lead cows and pigs to the slaughterhouse. Pisses me off.
I shall make this very clear, I do not hate Christianity, I have countless friends who are Christians or Catholics, and I did in fact believe in Christ when I was young. What I dislike, almost to the point of hate, is how other Christians go about spreading their faith. Especially them Evangelists, who are totally doing it wrong.
Yesterday, as I was flipping through The New Paper, 2 particular pieces of news came to my attention.
The first, is regarding the practice of members of a church that hang around outside school gates and harass random students for their handphone numbers and repeatedly pester them to attend cell group meetings in their church, as well as handing out bibles for days!
This is not the first time it has happened, but this, I believe, is the first time such a story ever got published. Why do these adults continue to pester students obviously uninterested in their religion. What do they gain? Well, from their religious point of view, they believe they are doing a service by introducing them to Christ, as well as effecting eternal salvation. Bravo. How selfish.
The second, is concerning this this 17 year-old who managed to escape from a shelter home. Whats so strange about that? Well, the conditions he was made to live in was no better than prison, trust me. Read the article and you will sympathize with him too.
But what really got me motivated to write about this is not just because the pastor got angry at the boy's mother for lodging a report to the police, no! Its because, they REQUIRE the people who take stay in the shelter to stay for two bloody years! And in addition to that, they are required to attend Bible studies and pray when they are "interned" in the shelter. Please note that they are actually paying to stay in the shelter. Its like paying to stay in prison, with daily brainwashing sessions made compulsory!
Now, you might say this might simply be isolated incidents. But no, I can assure you, such abuse of the Christian faith has been going on for ages. And just to drive home a point, when I was young, I was put into daycare centres run by Christians, and guess what, we were made to say grace, sing Christian songs, and were even given a damned bible!
So excuse me for having a natural bias against Christianity, but for all the damage it has done, I think some major restructuring has to be done, or at least learn from a nicer and much gentler faith, like Buddhism. Of course, I'm not saying Buddhism is the best, or that it is good, but thats for another post for another time.

I'm an arrogant elitist

2009-05-20T22:40:00.001+08:00

Even my lecturer agreed. Out loud. I actually wrote a little reflection (compulsory) and I made it all about how pissed I was with how we were still walking through the basics that every writer should know (like where to get inspiration from and all that). I think I was subconsciously trying to bait her into saying it. I'm not just elitist, I'm also a troll looking for trouble.

Current homework assignments include:
A review on Vertigo
14 high-quality pictures of "Nature & Man-made" for film photography
Having to get a professional or famous interwiewee, a tolerable host, and direct an episode of a talkshow with them in it. In a million-dollar studio.
I also have to write a letter to someone I've severed ties with and say all the things I want to say. I was going to write at first to Mikana, apologize for the voyeurism, explain the desperation. But two weeks ago Geia tried to talk to me again (Mikana hasn't). Doesn't seem to have changed, and I'm afraid I might be partially guilty for that.

One of the lines I rehearsed in my head for the scholarship interview involved a promise to become one of the top students, if not THE student for my course by graduation time.

Eng-gripe

2009-05-19T20:35:00.005+08:00

You know, I realized at the end of O Levels last year that all my English I picked up over the last 10+ years are going to have to take a step back. Well, i take that back. Its not that I'm too used to having a lingual supremacy or advantage over my peers. The current issue is that I completely cannot seem to grasp what my classmates are speaking or typing sometimes. ABSOLUTELY UNABLE TO CATCH THEIR MEANING! And before the arrows are returned to me, I can assure you, its not my language skills, sure they are rusty but they are still good, no its the simple fact that they are unable to read and repeat or speak complex words, and when they type, its chock-full of errors and warrants immediate editing from yours truly.
Well, I guess that is what to be expected from being in such a "De-Anglicized" majority demographic.

turning the page

2009-05-19T06:54:00.004+08:00

hi guys. pebblefort won't include TOFU for the next few months or so. I gotta move. maybe someday i'll come back.

events that have unfolded around me are causing me to rethink a lot about what is going to happen.

one day i'll return again. cya guys.

Testing

2009-05-17T20:58:00.000+08:00

Neat feature..

Sent from my Nokia phone

An interesting dialogue

2009-05-14T22:17:00.002+08:00

Well, I just had a very very interesting and enriching dialogue session with Senior Parliamentary Secretary of the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports & Ministry of Transport (MCYS), Mr Teo Ser Luck. About thirty Student Councillors were called up and tasked with engaging Mr Teo in a dialogue in which we were expected to raise questions, issues and our concerns on the topics under his jurisdiction, mainly sports, family and transport.

However, the dialogue session turned into discussion where Mr Teo provided his personal experiences on sports, his life before being in the parliament, his take on family issues and other anecdotes. A dialogue that started off with sportsmanship within Junior Colleges ended off with Mr Teo having a genuine experience-sharing about how he met his wife and their courtship of ten years. Truly, he is a renaissance man, having completed four Ironman triathlons, having been a very very successful business man and now being an office holder.

But perhaps my greatest take-away from the session was how we have a very capable, honest and very down-to-earth man in a governmental position. Kinda makes me secure, knowing that he's there guiding the youth in Singapore. But what made him open up so much to us? Aren't we just mere students from a neighborhood JC? Doesn't he come from Victoria School and Nanyang Junior College, way better schools than mine? What was it? I wonder.